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Showing posts sorted by date for query adolescence. Sort by relevance Show all posts

Reducing Hostility in Children on the Autism Spectrum

"When dealing with my autistic child (high functioning), I'm so often kept busy 'reacting' to his bad behavior - and it's hard to find the time to be proactive. I need a reminder about the necessity of this...just wish the schools would get on board and actually 'teach' our special needs kids what they 'should' be doing! In any event, my question is: how can I deal with my son's anger and rage?"

Hostility for many kids and teens with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) stems from the difficulty they have in communicating their needs to their educators, moms and dads, and peers. Aggressive behaviors are one way they have for conveying their needs and emotions to others. As their communication skills grow, continued violence may be the result of never having learned appropriate, non-aggressive ways of communicating when they were faced with a difficult situation. 

The cause of hostility may be due to any or all of the following:
  • Being placed in a stressful situation
  • Exhaustion
  • Extreme frustration
  • Inadequate speech development
  • Lack of adult supervision
  • Lack of routine
  • Mirroring the aggressive behaviors of other kids around them
  • Over-stimulation
  • Self-defense



The first step in managing hostility and aggression in kids with Aspergers and HFA is to understand what is causing it. Understanding the antecedents of a behavior (i.e., what happened before the behavior) will allow parents and teachers to better anticipate the likelihood a behavior problem will occur.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
 
Here are some questions that need to be answered:
  • How is the aggression expressed? Is it through words or behaviors? Does the child become verbally aggressive first, and then physically aggressive, or is the first response to strike out?
  • What seems to cause the aggressive behavior? Is it triggered by frustration, anger, or excitement? Are there patterns? Does the child act this way when toys are involved, and when he or she is frustrated about sharing? Or does the child become aggressive when there is too much going on and he or she is over-stimulated?
  • Where and when is the youngster most aggressive? A youngster on the autism spectrum may have difficulty coping with stress in unfamiliar or noisy locations, or when he is tired or overheated. Understanding where and when he becomes aggressive can provide important clues as to why the aggression is occurring.
  • Who does the youngster act aggressively towards? Is the target of her aggression one person in particular, or will she act aggressively to anyone who is around her? If it’s one person in particular, try to find out if there’s a reason why she’s attacking that person. Is there anything that the person does when he or she is around the youngster that causes the aggression to occur (e.g., overly-aggressive play, poor match of personalities, lack of clear-cut rules, loud voice, etc.)?

Collecting and analyzing data by getting answers to these questions is essential in developing a plan for coping with – and eliminating – aggressive behaviors in kids on the spectrum. Understanding the “function” of a particular behavior is the first step to (a) helping the youngster to be more aware of his angry feelings, (b) teaching him to calm himself down, and (c) finding alternative ways to solve his problems. Once parents and/or teachers have figured out why the youngster is behaving violently, it’s time to intervene.

Here are some concrete tips for dealing with hostility in children and teens with High-Functioning Autism:

1. At the first sign that a youngster is about to become hostile, immediately step-in and remove him from the situation. Be careful not to give too much attention to the youngster so that you do not give any negative reinforcement for the unwanted behavior. It can be useful to make a point of consoling the victim and ignoring the aggressor. If the youngster can’t calm down, remove him or her from the situation without getting angry yourself.

2. As grown-ups dealing with a hostile youngster, we need to demonstrate how to respond appropriately in stressful situations. Raising your voice tends to add stress to a difficult situation and will frequently result in an escalation of the behavior you are trying to stop.



3. Build the child’s language. If you can't get the HFA individual to be verbal, he should learn some sort of signs or picture system to give him some control over his life to communicate with people. That alone should help with a lot of behavioral issues. A variety of alternative communication devices, like the picture exchange communication system and other assistive technologies, enable an autistic youngster to express needs and desires.

4. Find out if the youngster has a comorbid condition influencing the aggressive behavior. A psychological or associated condition could be the root of the aggressive behavior. If that's the case, the youngster's behavior may need to be sorted out with a medical professional. In addition to seeking help from medical professionals, moms and dads should seek support from their own peers. It is important for parents of autistic children to get support from other parents of such children.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

5. Just because you have taught a youngster to cope with some stressful situations does not mean you should continuously place the youngster in situations you know causes him difficulties. This means knowing when to leave a potentially volatile situation or choosing to engage the youngster in a different activity to avoid angry confrontations. Also, if the aggressive behavior always happens during a certain activity, such as when it's time to go, then have the youngster bring a preferred item with him to make the transition easier. Look at the situation in which the behavior is occurring and see if there is a way to change the dynamic in a way that will be less stressful for the youngster.

6. Moms and dads should look at the reason why their youngster is being aggressive. Is it to get attention, or to get out of something he doesn't want to do, or to obtain something he wants? Look at the function of why he is expressing aggression in order to address the behavior. Also, remember that any sort of reaction you give to the youngster could also be making the situation worse.

7. There are a number of anger-control practices you can work on before, during and after hostile episodes. It can be useful to: (a) count to ten to provide the youngster time to calm down; (b) recognize the emotions behind the anger (e.g., “I know you’re angry, but we don’t kick”); (c) encourage the youngster to use his words by making statements like “I am really mad right now!”; and (d) teach the youngster how to do deep breathing in order to calm down.

8. There is no “one-size-fits-all” treatment to address aggression in kids with an autism spectrum disorder . Treatments should be carefully developed and based on each particular youngster's unique situation. Treatment should be implemented by a qualified professional. Many times, aggression can be worsened by a well-intentioned, but inexperienced therapist.

9. When you catch your youngster being good, be sure to praise her hard work and efforts. Look for and continue to praise good behavior as a way to motivate her to do better next time.

10. While it is easy to think that a 5-year-old will outgrow aggression – or there is time to deal with it later – moms and dads need to imagine their youngster as a 15-year-old engaging in the same type of behavior. When you are at this point, there will be a lot fewer options, and if your youngster were to hurt somebody, even fewer options will be available.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism


Tips for therapists who deal with hostility in children and teens with High-Functioning Autism:

Addressing hostile behaviors in kids and teens with High-Functioning Autism can be a frustrating and demanding process for therapists. The challenge is to teach parents to “respond” to the unwanted behavior in a systematic manner (i.e., using approaches specifically tailored to children and teens on the spectrum) instead of “reacting” to it.

When these kids exhibit aggressive behaviors, they may not be receiving adequate support in mastering their environments (e.g., home, school). Aggressiveness does not necessarily reflect willfulness. Often the youngster simply lacks the social skills needed to get his or her needs met in a non-aggressive manner.

HFA children with earlier ages of onset of aggressiveness are more likely to meet diagnostic criteria for ADHD during childhood than children with later ages of onset of aggressiveness. Anxiety disorders have also been found to co-occur with aggressiveness at ‘higher than chance rates’ in childhood and adolescence.

Aggressive children need help in altering the way they process social information so that they do not interpret violence as justified or useful. The development of “voice” is an important component so that the child’s emotions can be put into words leading to social skill development, identifying feelings, fostering cooperation, emphasis on empathy, conflict resolution, and assertive communication. If an autistic youngster or teenager is not behaving in a positive manner, it is irrational to assume that they know more favorable alternatives.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Cognitive problem solving is useful in addressing aggression in kids on the spectrum. This method focuses on each youngster’s unique outlook to discover possible social skill deficits resulting in violence. 

The steps in cognitive problem solving are:
  1. encoding
  2. interpretation
  3. goal formulation
  4. response search and formulation
  5. response decision
  6. enactment

Each step requires different approaches to discovering and linking the missing skills in social situations. Developmental deficits in cognitive processes are often associated with early aggression, and normal social development requires mastery of cognitive and behavioral skills for assessing social circumstances, communicating with others, and resolving conflicts without aggressive behaviors. These skills empower HFA kids to make friends, succeed academically, and excel in the social world.

1. Encoding: Attending to social cues that are often missed or misinterpreted by aggressive kids.

Therapeutic Activities:
  • Kids make videos of their own cues and then explain their feelings on the basis of cues demonstrated in the video including facial expressions, voice intonation, hand gestures, and other indicators of social intent
  • Help kids identify their own feeling states through self-report and observation
  • Enhance sensitivity to verbal and nonverbal social cues through games and role-play, teaching kids to identify social cues in body language and pitch of voice

2. Interpretation: Assign meaning to social cues.

HFA kids commonly interpret neutral interactions as threatening – and then respond aggressively. These young people are not born knowing socially acceptable behaviors, and the level of their required assistance depends on the social supports they receive and their ability to absorb information.

Therapeutic Activities:
  • With the help of videos of playground activities, kids should be taught to identify the sources of the problems with emphasis on correctly identifying friendly, as well as antagonistic, intent on the part of peers
  • Kids should learn to identify and classify social cues by friendly, neutral, and antagonistic categories of intent. Younger kids might practice this through puppet play, and older kids might practice by assuming the roles of other kids in disputes



3. Goal Formulation: Define goals that enhance social relationships with an awareness of the consequences of behavior.

Therapeutic Activities:
  • Kids are rewarded for having ideas about goals for various situations (goals might be rated as to whether they are likely to augment or harm interpersonal relationships with peers)
  • Kids should be given opportunities to practice identifying and attaching pro-social goals to various situations

 ==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook


4. Response Search and Formulation: Kids develop ideas about how to respond to each social circumstance they encounter.

Compared to neurotypical kids, HFA kids identify fewer alternatives and seem unaware of the various options that may be open to them when invited to participate in play or when confronted by a social problem. Remind parents that constantly telling kids on the spectrum what they are doing wrong is not beneficial, nor is it likely to improve future performance. Instead, these kids need help identifying their options and possible outcomes.

Therapeutic Activities:
  • Develop skills to control kid’s arousal and to create behavioral patterns in which aggression is only one of many responses
  • Increase a youngster’s skill in identifying alternatives to the use of aggression to solve social problems

5. Response Decision: Assess likely outcomes of aggressive behavior and select a response that can be characterized as assertive rather than violent.

Compared to neurotypical children, HFA kids tend to view pro-social responses less favorably. Thus, these young people are not behaving a certain way to annoy or harm others; rather, they are simply making decisions based on their limited of social skills.

Therapeutic Activities:
  • Evaluate the potential negative outcomes of each alternative
  • Evaluate the potential benefits of each alternative
  • Kids should be given opportunities to discuss likely gains and losses associated with each identified alternative in specific situations

6. Enactment: Apply a response.

This is where an aggressive youngster joins a group, offers and receives positive feedback, and learns to negotiate. Practicing these skills can be intimidating and challenging. Any attempts – successful or not – should be rewarded and reviewed to identify areas of strength, as well as areas for improvement.
By

Obsessions in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"Why is my 6-year-old son (high functioning autistic) so engrossed in Minecraft, and how can I tell if it is an unhealthy obsession rather than just a fun time activity for him?"

The intensity and duration of the child’s interest in a particular topic, object or collection is what determines whether or not it has become an “obsession.” Children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) will often learn a lot about a thing they are obsessed with, be intensely interested in it for a long time, and feel strongly about it. There are several reasons why these kids may develop obsessions, including:
  • they can get a lot of enjoyment from learning about a particular subject or gathering together items of interest
  • those who find social interaction difficult might use their special interests as a way to start conversations and feel more self-assured in social situations
  • obsessions may help children cope with the uncertainties of daily life
  • obsessions may help children to relax and feel happy
  • obsessions may provide order and predictability
  • obsessions may provide structure
 
Many children with Aspergers and HFA have sensory sensitivity and may be over- or under-sensitive to sights, sounds, smells, taste and touch. This sensitivity can also affect children’s balance ('vestibular' system) and body awareness ('proprioception' or knowing where our bodies are and how they are moving). Obsessions and repetitive behavior can be a way to deal with sensory sensitivity.



Although repetitive behavior varies from child to child, the reasons behind it may be the same:
  •  a source of enjoyment and occupation
  • a way to deal with stress and anxiety and to block out uncertainty
  • an attempt to gain sensory input (e.g., rocking may be a way to stimulate the balance or vestibular system; hand-flapping may provide visual stimulation)
  • an attempt to reduce sensory input (e.g., focusing on one particular sound may reduce the impact of a loud, distressing environment; this may particularly be seen in social situations)
  • some adolescents may revert to old repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand-flapping, rocking if anxious or stressed)

Reality to a child on the autism spectrum is a confusing, interacting mass of events, people, places, sounds and sights. Set routines, times, particular routes and rituals all help to get order into an unbearably chaotic life. Trying to keep everything the same reduces some of the terrible fear.

Many children with the disorder have a strong preference for routines and sameness. Routines often serve an important function. For example, they introduce order, structure and predictability and help to manage anxiety. Because of this, it can be very distressing if the child’s routine is disrupted.
 
==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
 
Sometimes minor changes (e.g., moving between two activities) can be distressing. For others, big events (e.g., holidays, birthdays, Christmas, etc.), which create change and upheaval, can cause anxiety. Unexpected changes are often most difficult to deal with. 

Some children on the spectrum have daily timetables so that they know what is going to happen, when. However, the need for routine and sameness can extend beyond this. You might see:
  •  a need for routine around daily activities such as meals or bedtime
  • changes to the physical environment (e.g., the layout of furniture in a room), or the presence of new people or absence of familiar ones, being difficult to manage
  • compulsive behavior (e.g., the child might be constantly washing his hands or checking locks)
  • rigid preferences about things like food (e.g., only eating food of a certain color), clothing (e.g., only wearing clothes made from specific fabrics), or everyday objects (e.g., only using particular types of soap or brands of toilet paper)
  • routines can become almost ritualistic in nature, having to be followed precisely with attention paid to the tiniest details
  • verbal rituals, with a child repeatedly asking the same questions and needing a specific answer

Children's dependence on routines can increase during times of change, stress or illness and may even become more dominant or elaborate at these times. Dependence on routines may increase or re-emerge during adolescence. Routines can have a profound effect on the lives of children with Aspergers and HFA, their family and care-takers, but it is possible to make a child less reliant on them.

Obsessions versus Hobbies—

Most of us have hobbies, interests and a preference for routine. Here are five questions that can help us distinguish between hobbies/interests versus obsessive behavior:
  1. Can the child stop the behavior independently?
  2. Does the child appear distressed when engaging in the behavior or does the child give signs that he is trying to resist the behavior (e.g., someone who flaps their hands may try to sit on their hands to prevent the behavior)?
  3. Is the behavior causing significant disruption to others (e.g., moms and dads, care-takers, peers, siblings)?
  4. Is the behavior impacting on the child’s learning?
  5. Is the behavior limiting the child’s social opportunities?

If your answer to any of the questions above is 'yes', it may be appropriate to look at ways of helping your youngster to reduce obsessive or repetitive behavior. Think about whether, by setting limits around a particular behavior, you are really helping your youngster. Is the behavior actually a real issue for him, for you, or for other people in his life?

Focus on developing skills that your youngster can use instead of repetitive or obsessive behavior. Try to understand the function of the behavior, then make small, gradual changes and be consistent. Here are some ideas to help you:

1.     Coping with change: If unexpected changes occur, and your youngster is finding it hard to cope, try re-directing them to a calming activity, or encourage them to use simple relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises. You could use praise or other rewards for coping with change. In the long term, this may help make your youngster more tolerant of change.

2.     Explore alternative activities: One way to interrupt repetitive behavior is for a youngster to do another enjoyable activity that has the same function (e.g., a youngster who flicks their fingers for visual stimulation could play with a kaleidoscope or a bubble gun;  a youngster who puts inedible objects in their mouth could have a bag with edible alternatives that provide similar sensory experiences such as raw pasta or spaghetti, or seeds and nuts; a youngster who rocks to get sensory input could go on a swing; a youngster who smears their poop could have a bag with play dough in it to use instead).

3.     Intervene early: Repetitive behaviors, obsessions and routines are generally harder to change the longer they continue.  A behavior that is perhaps acceptable in a young child may not be appropriate as they get older and may, by this time, be very difficult to change. For example, a youngster who is obsessed with shoes and tries to touch people's feet might not present too much of a problem, but a teenager doing the same thing - especially to strangers - will obviously be problematic. It will help if you can set limits around repetitive behaviors from an early age and look out for any new behavior that emerges as your youngster gets older. Making your youngster's environment and surroundings more structured can help them to feel more in control and may reduce anxiety. If anxiety is reduced, the need to engage in repetitive behavior and adhere strictly to routines may also, in time, be reduced.

4.     Pre-planning: You may be able to help your youngster to cope with change, or activities and events that could be stressful, by planning for them in advance.  Change is unavoidable, but it can be really difficult for many children with the disorder. You may not always be able to prepare for change a long time in advance, but try to give your youngster as much warning as possible. Gradually introducing the idea of a new person, place, object or circumstance can help them cope with the change. Try to talk about the event or activity when everyone is fairly relaxed and happy.  Presenting information visually can be a good idea, as your youngster can refer to it as often as they need to. You could try using calendars so that your youngster knows how many days it is before an event (e.g., Christmas) happens. This can help them feel prepared. 
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
 
Your youngster might also like to see photos of places or objects in advance so they know what to expect (e.g., a picture of their Christmas present) or a photo of the building they are going to for an appointment. Using social stories could also be helpful. These are short stories, often with pictures, that describe different situations and activities so that children with Aspergers and HFA know what to expect.  Pre-planning can also involve structuring the environment. 
 
For example, a student with HFA might go to use a computer in the library at lunchtime if they find being in the playground too stressful – or if a youngster has sensory sensitivity, minimizing the impact of things like noises (e.g., school bells) or smells (e.g., perfumes or soaps) can help them to cope better.  It is possible that more structured environments may reduce boredom, which is sometimes a reason for repetitive behavior. You might prepare a range of enjoyable or calming activities to re-direct your youngster to if they seem bored or stressed.

5.     Self-regulation skills: Self-regulation skills are any activities that help your youngster to manage their own behavior and emotions.  If you can help your youngster to identify when they are feeling stressed or anxious and use an alternative response (e.g., relaxation techniques or asking for help), you may, in time, see less repetitive or ritualistic behavior.  Research has also shown that increasing a child’s insight into an obsession or repetitive behavior can significantly reduce it. This includes children with quite severe learning disabilities.

6.     Set limits: Setting limits around repetitive behavior, routines and obsessions is an important and often essential way to minimize their impact on your youngster's life. You could set limits in a number of ways depending which behavior concerns you. For example, you can ration objects (e.g., can only carry five pebbles in pocket), ration places (e.g., spinning only allowed at home), and ration times (e.g., can watch his favorite DVD for 20 minutes twice a day). Everyone involved with your youngster should take the same consistent approach to setting limits. Have clear rules about where, when, with whom and for how long a behavior is allowed. You could present this information visually, with a focus on when your youngster can engage in the behavior. This may help if they feel anxious about restricted access to an obsession or activity.

7.     Social skills training: Teaching social skills (e.g.,  how to start and end a conversation, appropriate things to talk about, how to read other people's 'cues') may mean someone with Aspergers or HFA feels more confident and doesn't need to rely on talking about particular subjects (e.g., a special interest). 

8.     Understand the function of the behavior: Obsessions, repetitive behavior and routines are frequently important and meaningful to children on the  spectrum, helping them to manage anxiety and have some measure of control over a confusing and chaotic world. For others, the behavior may help with sensory issues. Take a careful look at what you think might be causing the behavior and what purpose it might serve.  For example, does your youngster always seem to find a particular environment (e.g., a classroom) hard to cope with? Is it too bright? Could you turn off strip lighting and rely on natural daylight instead?

9.     Visual supports: Visual supports (e.g., photos, symbols, written lists or physical objects) can really help children with Aspergers and HFA.  A visual timetable could help your youngster to see what is going to happen next. This makes things more predictable and helps them to feel prepared. It may lessen their reliance on strict routines of their own making. 
 
==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
 
Visual supports like egg timers or 'time timers' can help some children with an autism spectrum disorder to understand abstract concepts like time, plan what they need to do, when in order to complete a task, and understand the concept of waiting.  Visual supports can also be useful if your youngster asks the same question repeatedly. One parent wrote down the answer to a question, put it on the fridge and, whenever her son asked the question, told him to go to the fridge and find the answer. For kids who can't read, you could use pictures instead of words.

10.   Make use of obsessions: Obsessions can be used to increase your youngster's skills and areas of interest, promote self-esteem, and encourage socializing. You may find you can look at a particular obsession and think of ways to develop it into something more functional. Here are some examples:
  • A child with a special interest in historical dates could join a history group and meet others with similar interests.
  • A child with knowledge of sport or music would be a valuable member of a pub quiz team.
  • A strong preference for ordering or lining up objects could be developed into housework skills.
  • An interest in particular sounds could be channeled into learning a musical instrument.
  • An obsession with rubbish could be used to develop an interest in recycling, and the youngster given the job of sorting items for recycling.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

 ==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

 ==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 

COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… Mine is 17 and still obsessed. I think we have every game, plus the cards, and watch the cartoon. HELP!
•    Anonymous said… My 14 year old- obsessed with Pokemon. Sets him noticeably apart from his peers, and is definitely an issue. frown emoticon
•    Anonymous said… my 25 year old son with ASPERGERS is obsessed with stunt riding.. he is getting good at it. came 12th in the british stunt championships last year. wink emoticon
•    Anonymous said… My Aspie son was too at that age. Rest assured, he will move on to other things but with just as much obsession! Whatever makes them happy.....
•    Anonymous said… My lad of 21 now he has aspergers.was mad on pokemon and digimon.
•    Anonymous said… My son is obsessed with this too!
•    Anonymous said… My teenager( Aspergers) at age 6 was obessed with Spongebob. We would turn the Television and he could repeat the episode without pictures or words. I think that they just love different things and have a likeable interest. My normal 6 year old is obsessed with Sonic. He is at the top of his class and this is the 2nd 9weeks weeks of report cards. He wants every character. At least it is a good thing and not something bad.
•    Anonymous said… Pokemon was created by an autistic man, so I can see why they can become an interest.
•    Anonymous said… Sounds familiar our 12 year old loves pokemon magic the gathering mine craft and Spider-Man
•    Anonymous said… This is an excellent article! Our 7-year-old grandson is obsessed with Minecraft. We have to curb his enthusiasm for discussing Minecraft every single minute of the day, or we would go completely batty! We tell him that although he loves Minecraft, not everyone shares his interest, and it's important to find out what other people's interests are, and not to monopolize conversations talking about his interests only.
•    Anonymous said… When our Aspergers son got into Pokemon it was actually a HUGE help for him socially. Since all the kids were into it, he actually had common interests and they could all talk Pokemon. We saw a lot of social growth during this phase so the obsession was actually very healthy for him.
*    Anonymous said...I have a 9 year old son. He was assessed two years ago by a Dr. at Stanford University. I went in there thinking he would come out with a diagnosis for ADHD Inattentive at the bare minimum, but instead we walked out an hour later being told he was only dyslexic. I still don’t understand how that one was the official diagnosis because I really don’t see a connection with him. He doesn’t have troubles reading, and he never complains about the letters looking different. Fast forward to today. At 9 years old his mannerisms are starting to really stick out from other kids his age. You can’t really play it off as him being a “little” boy because he is acting sort of immaturely for a 9 year old. He is also very in tune with remembering dates to when certain people were born. When certain musicians first played a rock and roll song and when movies we’re first released. He then compares that to something like when he was born. “Mom you know that movie, (movie title) came out on November five, 1987”. (He says “five” rather than saying “fifth). Then he says, “that means it came out 27 years before I was born!” Mind you, no one inquired about the song or asked him anything about it but he’s correct on the dates and feels the need to tell you about it. He’s also obsessed with space and Roblox right now and loves informing you on all things associated with them. With all his knowledge of dates and times in history, he absolutely struggles in school. He’s in speech because he has a little trouble speaking and pronouncing sounds. He’s also in “Learning Lab” getting extra one-on-one help with school work with a school resource teacher. Ask him to write an essay about a certain topic and he can’t form thoughts and write them down. The teacher wants a intro. paragraph, main body and a conclusion. He writes random sentences that are not cohesive and go way off track. Have him read a one page, age appropriate news article written for kids and he can’t answer a 5 question quiz afterwards of what they just read. It’s very interesting how he can be so correct with recalling dates off the top of his head but his short term memory is so much different. I just feel like something is going on with this wonderful child of mine. He’s so quirky and ridiculously sweet, I love him to bits but I’m concerned about him. :-/

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By

How to Discuss Puberty with Your Preteen on the Autism Spectrum

"Our son with high-functioning autism (age 12) has never really had the 'official' discussion about what to expect in puberty. We may have waited too long at this point, but in any case, how can we approach this topic in a way that a person with his challenges can understand (he takes most things very literally by the way - and is a bit immature for his age)?"

The teenage years can be trying for kids and their moms and dads. An autism diagnosis compounds the journey and makes it more complex. Thinking about a future of surging hormones can be very scary for moms and dads. We, as parents, feel a part of ourselves back in that intense and sometimes scary world of our own adolescence. Try not to let your own fears about your youngster’s changing hormones scare him or make him feel that the change he is going through is scary or bad.

A youngster with ASD level 1 or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can learn to cope with the trials and tribulations of puberty and the teenage years. Your son or daughter may have many questions, and it is important for parents to be tuned-in to what the teenager might be asking for. There are plenty of teachable moments in everyday life. For the conscious and aware mother or father, more often than not, kids teach us as much or more than we teach them. There is no shame in educating (or re-educating) ourselves to be equal to the task. 
 

Many changes happen around puberty, and these changes can certainly affect behavior, including in areas where your teen has already made so many strides. As with all teens, your adolescent may regress in some areas even while he continues to move forward in others. Furthermore, these changes can be unexpected and unpredictable.

HFA teens need information that matches their level of understanding. Your child needs to learn about puberty and the physical and emotional changes he may go through so that he can take some responsibility to piece together what will be happening to him.

Don't wait for your youngster to come to you with questions about his or her changing body — that day may never arrive, especially if your youngster doesn't know it is acceptable to talk to you about this sensitive topic. Ideally, as a mother or father, you've already started talking to your youngster about the changes our bodies go through as we grow.

It's important to answer questions about puberty honestly and openly — but don't always wait for your youngster to initiate a discussion. By the time children are 8 years old, they should know what physical and emotional changes are associated with puberty. That may seem young, but consider this: some females are wearing training bras by then and some males' voices begin to change just a few years later.

With females, it's vital that moms and dads talk about menstruation before they actually get their periods. If they are unaware of what's happening, females can be frightened by the sight and location of blood. Most females get their first period when they're 12 or 13 years old, which is about two or two and a half years after they begin puberty. But some get their periods as early as age 9 -- and others get it as late as age 16.
 

On average, males begin going through puberty a little later than females, usually around age 11 or 12. But they may begin to develop sexually or have their first ejaculation without looking older or developing facial hair first.

Just as it helps adults to know what to expect with changes such as moving to a new home or working for a new company, children should know about puberty beforehand.

Many children receive some sex education at school. Often, though, the lessons are segregated, and the females hear primarily about menstruation and training bras while the males hear about erections and changing voices. It's important that females learn about the changes males go through and males learn about those affecting females, so check with teachers about their lesson plans so you know what gaps need to be filled. It's a good idea to review the lessons with your youngster, because children often still have questions about certain topics.

When talking to children about puberty, it's important to offer reassurance that these changes are normal. Puberty brings about so many changes. It's easy for a youngster to feel insecure, and as if he or she is the only one experiencing these changes.

Many times, adolescents will express insecurity about their appearance as they go through puberty, but it can help them to know that everyone goes through the same things and that there's a huge amount of normal variation in their timing. Acne, mood changes, growth spurts, and hormonal changes — it's all part of growing up and everyone goes through it, but not always at the same pace.

Females may begin puberty as early as second or third grade, and it can be upsetting if your daughter is the first one to get a training bra, for example. She may feel alone and awkward or like all eyes are on her in the school locker room.

With males, observable changes include the cracking and then deepening of the voice, and the growth of facial hair. And just as with females, if your son is an early bloomer, he may feel awkward or like he's the subject of stares from his classmates.
 

Children should know the following about puberty:
  • A girl's period may last 3 days to a week, and she can use sanitary napkins (pads) or tampons to absorb the blood.
  • Both females and males have a growth spurt.
  • Both females and males often get acne and start to sweat more.
  • Males grow facial hair and their muscles get bigger.
  • Males' penises and testicles grow larger.
  • Males sometimes have wet dreams (i.e., they ejaculate in their sleep).
  • Males' voices change and become deeper.
  • Females and males get pubic hair and underarm hair, and their leg hair becomes thicker and darker.
  • Females become more rounded, especially in the hips and legs.
  • Females' breasts begin to swell and then grow, sometimes one faster than the other.
  • When a girl begins menstruating, once a month, her uterine lining fills with blood in preparation for a fertilized egg. If the egg isn't fertilized, she will have a period. If it is fertilized, she will become pregnant.

Not surprisingly, children usually have lots of questions as they learn about puberty. For you, it's important to make sure you give your youngster the time and opportunity to ask questions — and answer them as honestly and thoroughly as possible.

Let your youngster know that you're available any time to talk, but it's also important that you make time to talk. As embarrassing or difficult it may be for you to talk about these sensitive topics, your youngster will likely feel even more uncomfortable. As a parent, it's your job to try to discuss puberty — and the feelings associated with those changes — as openly as possible.

It can be made easier if you're confident that you know the subject matter. First, before you answer your youngster's questions, make sure your own questions have been answered. If you're not entirely comfortable having a conversation about puberty, practice what you want to say first or ask your youngster's doctor for advice. Let your youngster know that it may be a little uncomfortable to discuss, but it's an important talk to have.

If there are questions or concerns about pubertal development that you can't answer, a visit to your youngster's doctor may help provide reassurance.
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Best Comment:

They should also be educated on the social changes. Aspies are socially and emotionally delayed producing an 9yr in an 11 or 12 yr old's body. My son became very confused when girls stopped playing with him and why boys his age didn't want to play with toys.

This is when girls and boys break into groups and say that boys/girls have 'cooties'. Some girls will have monthly mood swings, so explain to boys what's happening to the girl. (My Aspie nephew watches the calendar and stays out of his mother's way one week a month.)

It's also a time when boy have increased testosterone causing some to act as if they were in a primitive society that requires competition between males for their standing in the 'clan' (increase bullying, rule enforcers or 'tattle tales', female protectiveness, and so on.) If your son already has frequent melt downs, he'll have even more during puberty. 

Teach them early to control their anger and frustration. Explain what the bullies will do and act out situations so that your son will know what to do. If not, some Aspies, as a defense mechanism, will, after repeated bullying, become the bully. An example: my son has had to lean to ignore the bullies instead of hitting them; however, if he sees a girl or disabled kid being bullied, he becomes the protector - by hitting the bully. We are currently trying to teach him to either get a teacher or escort the victim away from the situation.

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Teens on the Autism Spectrum Who "Hate Life": Tips for Parents

"My 17 y.o. son with high functioning autism is an emotional mess. He hibernates in his room playing video games, refuses to eat with the family, seems very depressed, doesn't talk to us even when he is out of his bedroom, has no friends that we are aware of. We are worried that he may even be suicidal, as he has mentioned that he 'hates life'. Where do we go from here?"

Teens with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's (AS) often struggle through their teenage years. The years from 12 to 17 are often the saddest and most difficult time for these teens. 

Here are just a few of the challenges faced by these young people:

1. A teen with HFA or AS typically does not care about adolescent fads and clothing styles (concerns that obsess everyone else in their peer group). They may neglect their hygiene and wear the same haircut for years. Males forget to shave; females don't comb their hair or follow fashion.

2. These adolescents are often more immature than their peers and may be naive when it comes to puberty and sexuality. If they have not been taught about sex, they may pick up information from pornographic material. This can lead to inappropriate behavior and touching that could land them in trouble.

3. The disorder is characterized by poor social skills. These include a lack of eye contact during conversation and body language that conveys a lack of interest. The teen years revolve around social interaction and an adolescent on the autism spectrum may be ostracized and mocked by their class mates because of their lack of social skills.
 

4. Young people with HFA and AS are not privy to street knowledge of sex and dating behaviors that other adolescents pick up naturally. This leaves them naive and clueless about sex. Males can become obsessed with Internet pornography and masturbation. They can be overly forward with a girl who is merely being kind, and then later face charges of stalking her. An adolescent on the autism spectrum may have a fully developed female body and no understanding of flirtation and non-verbal sexual cues, making her susceptible to harassment and even date rape.

5. Bullying is a big challenge in the lives of many teens with the disorder. Because of their unusual behavior, they tend to attract bullies and are less likely to report this than their peers. Moms and dads should watch out for physical signs that an adolescent is being bullied. These may include bruising and cuts. In some cases, the teen with HFA or AS may respond with violence and end up in trouble at school.

6. Depression may result from the social issues and bullying that adolescents on the spectrum commonly experience. They may feel worthless and in extreme cases, may consider suicide as an option.

7. Fashion is important to adolescents, and many of these young people have little dress sense. If they do not attempt to conform to their peers' standards, they will often be mocked and left out of social events.

8. In the teen world where everyone feels insecure, adolescents that appear different are voted off the island. Teens on the spectrum often have odd mannerisms. One adolescent talks in a loud un-modulated voice, avoids eye contact, interrupts others, violates their physical space, and steers the conversation to her favorite odd topic. Another appears willful, selfish and aloof, mostly because he is unable to share his thoughts and feelings with others. Isolated and alone, many teens with HFA and AS are too anxious to initiate social contact.

9. Many of these adolescents are stiff and rule-oriented and act like little adults, which is a deadly trait in any teen popularity contest. Friendship and all its nuances of reciprocity can be exhausting for an HFA or AS teenager, even though she wants it more than anything else.

10. Many teens with the disorder with their average to above average IQs can sail through grammar school, and yet hit academic problems in middle and high school. They now have to deal with four to six teachers, instead of just one. The likelihood that at least one teacher will be indifferent or even hostile toward making special accommodations is certain. The "special needs" student now has to face a series of classroom environments with different classmates, odors, distractions and noise levels, and sets of expectations.

11. Pain, loneliness and despair can lead to problems with drugs, sex and alcohol. In their overwhelming need to fit in and make friends, some teens on the spectrum fall into the wrong high school crowds. Adolescents who abuse substances will use the HFA or AS teen’s naivety to get him to buy or carry drugs and liquor for their group.

12. Some teens on the spectrum remain stuck in a grammar school clothes and hobbies instead of moving into adolescent concerns like dating. Males with the disorder often have no motor coordination. This leaves them out of high school sports, typically an essential area of male bonding and friendship.
 

13. Teens with an autism spectrum disorder, with their distractibility and difficulty organizing materials, face similar academic problems as students with ADD. A high school term paper or a science fair project becomes impossible to manage because no one has taught the teenager how to break it up into a series of small steps. Even though the academic stress on an HFA or AS adolescent can be overwhelming, school administrators may be reluctant to enroll him in special education at this late point in his educational career.

14. The teen years are more emotional for everyone. Yet the hormonal changes of adolescence coupled with the problems outlined above might mean that the adolescent becomes emotionally overwhelmed. Childish tantrums reappear. Males often act up by physically attacking a teacher or peer. They may experience "melt down" at home after another day filled with harassment, bullying, pressure to conform, and rejection. Suicide and drug addiction become real concerns, as the adolescent now has access to cars, drugs and alcohol.
 
If moms and dads are aware of potential problems, they can help their teenager by providing solutions that will help him to cope. Many of these can be implemented in pre-adolescent years and will prepare the adolescent to manage better during their adolescent years.




Here are some suggestions:

• Adolescent fashion sense can be improved by taking the adolescent into a store for a makeover. Alternatively, look for a group of females at school that would be willing to teach the adolescent how to dress, groom themselves and mix and match clothing and accessories. Although people should not be judged by what they wear, it helps an adolescent to find acceptance if they have the right clothing and labels in their wardrobes.

• Specialized drama classes can help adolescents with HFA and AS to learn appropriate body language and understand how to listen, speak and act.

• Pets can become a valued companion to these adolescents. Dogs in particular are accepting and loving and are generally relaxed around people with the disorder. While it is important for adolescents to work on human relationships, a pet can be a source of comfort and love.

• Internet friends can be good so long as the situation is monitored by parents. Adolescents on the spectrum are often naive and vulnerable to inappropriate advances. Internet interaction, however, has a number of benefits if it is handled properly. The adolescent is not hampered by their body language and lack of eye contact when chatting online and they can build some strong friendships.

• Alternative friends groups can be of great benefit to these adolescents, and can often be arranged by their school. The basis of this idea is to assemble a group of like-minded adolescents who have a common interest such as computers, astronomy or electronics. These adolescents can function as a club or simply spend time together enjoying their hobby.

If your son shows the following symptoms, it's safe to say he is indeed depressed:
  • Eating or sleeping habits have changed
  • Grades have dropped, or is he finding it difficult to concentrate
  • Has been sad or irritable most of the day, most days in a week for at least two weeks
  • Has had thoughts of suicide
  • Has lost interest in things that he used to really enjoy
  • Has very little energy, very little motivation to do much of anything
  • Is feeling worthless, hopeless about the  future, or guilty about things that aren’t his fault

If this sounds like your son, it’s important you have him evaluated by a mental health professional.

Adolescent years can be trying for parents and teens. This is especially so when adolescents with an autism spectrum disorder are struggling with the extra issues that are part of their condition. While the disorder can't be cured, there are a number of effective ways to improve the life of an adolescent who is suffering at the hands of their peers.

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Teens On the Autism Spectrum Who Have Serious Problems Getting Up In the Morning

Hello Mark,

I recently purchased your eBook "Launching Adult Children w/Aspergers" ...It's nicely laid out/a very useful tool indeed! I do have a question for you:

My son and I had a heart-to-heart conversation last night, as a result of getting into an altercation with him one morning. I'm beginning to understand his thoughts/ways more and more. I realize that 'patience' is a must and as you stated it is important to keep one thing at the fore-front of our minds...."Everyone has good intentions!" These kids do not do things to deliberately send our emotions reeling/upset us. With all of that said, my son has great difficulty getting up on time in the morning and as a result he doesn't get to eat breakfast and prepare his lunch before departing. As a Mom I get upset w/him, concerned about his well-being; he is quite thin to begin with. He told me last night that he doesn't want any help from us that he has to be the one to solve his own problem. I was actually shocked w/what he said, however, my concern is that he will not get up for school or will miss the bus, which would not make for a good morning/I would end up being late for work. I will obviously respect his wishes/not interfere, however, my intuition tells me that he will not wake up on time and actually be missing the bus. What course of action would I then take, assuming his best efforts result in failure? I do not want to get confrontational with my son and do more harm. How can I motivate him to get up if he doesn't wake up with the alarm clock going off...??

Do I take away his IPOD/DS Game/TV privileges for an indefinite period of time...? Appreciate your thoughts on the matter. Thanks! L.

__________

Hi L.

Re: Do I take away his IPOD/DS Game/TV privileges for an indefinite period of time...?

Before we have the conversation about consequences for non-compliance as it relates to waking up, let’s look at some things that may help other than disciplinary strategies. “Having difficulty getting up in the morning” is more of a “life-style” and “biological” issue rather than a “behavioral problem” per say.

Before adolescence, circadian rhythms (i.e., the biological and psychological processes that follow the cycle of a 24-hour internal clock) direct most children to naturally fall asleep around 8 or 9 p.m. But puberty changes a teenager's internal clock, delaying the time he starts feeling sleepy (often until 11 p.m. or later). Staying up late to study or socialize or surf the Internet can disrupt a teenager's internal clock even more.


Most teenagers and young adults need about nine hours of sleep a night — and sometimes more — to maintain optimal daytime alertness. But few teenagers actually get that much sleep due to part-time jobs, homework, extra-curricular activities, social demands, early-morning classes, and so on.

Ask yourself the following questions:
  • What time does his bus/ride come or how long does it take to walk to school?
  • What privilege would he like to earn when he is able to get up on time on his own for the week (e.g., an hour added to curfew on Friday or Saturday night)?
  • What is the last possible moment he can get up and still make it to school on time?
  • What consequence should you impose if you have to wake him up at that last possible moment (e.g., no computer for that day)?
  • How much time does he need to get ready?

The answers to these questions should help the two of you come up with a reasonable “lights out” time.

Other points to consider:

1. Help him avoid “all-nighters”. Don't wait until the night before a big test to study. Cutting back on sleep the night before a test may mean you perform worse than you would if you'd studied less but got more sleep.

2. Create the right sleeping environment. Studies show that teenagers sleep best in a dark room that is slightly on the cool side.

3. Discourage him from drinking caffeinated drinks in the afternoon and evening.

4. Don't let him sleep in for more than a total of two hours over the entire weekend.

5. Don't let him nap too much. Naps of more than 30 minutes during the day may keep you from falling asleep later.

6. Encourage regular exercise. Try not to exercise right before bed, though, as it can rev you up and make it harder to fall asleep. Finish exercising at least three hours before bedtime.

7. Have him turn off all electronic equipment (including phones) at least an hour before bed.

8. Help your son learn relaxation techniques in order to unwind and signal the body that it's time for sleep. Encourage him to practice creative visualization and progressive relaxation techniques. Putting thoughts and worries in a journal often helps to put problems to rest, enabling the child to sleep.

9. If your son gets into the habit of turning his alarm off and going back to sleep, place his alarm clock further away from his bed so that he has to get up to turn it off.

10. Know that morning sunshine can help to reset the internal clock. So when the alarm goes off, consider opening the blinds/curtains. Bright light in the morning signals the body that it's time to get going.


11. Help him to relax his mind. Avoid violent, scary, or action movies or television shows right before bed — anything that might set your mind and heart racing. Reading books with involved or active plots may also keep you from falling or staying asleep.

12. Set a regular bedtime. Going to bed at the same time each night signals to your body that it's time to sleep. Waking up at the same time every day can also help establish sleep patterns. So try to stick as closely as you can to your sleep schedule even on weekends.

13. Simulate the dawn by opening the curtains and turning on the lights an hour before your teen needs to get up.

14. The alarm clock should not double as your son’s radio – and it should not play all night long. This will desensitize him to the noise and make it harder to wake up to an actual ‘alarm’.

15. Help him unwind by keeping the lights low. Light signals the brain that it's time to wake up. Staying away from bright lights (including computer screens), as well as meditating or listening to soothing music, can help your body relax.

16. Encourage him to avoid TV, computer and telephone at least one hour before he goes to bed.

17. Make getting up in the morning something your son ‘wants’ to do – or at least something he doesn’t dread (e.g., a simple ‘good morning’; his favorite breakfast food, preferably something that has a pleasant smell to it that permeates the house like fresh backed cinnamon buns; smiles from you, etc.).

18. Talk with your son about his sleep/awake schedule and level of tiredness. Discuss how much time he spends in extracurricular activities and after-school jobs.

19. Help him make adjustments to his commitments (e.g., homework) so he can get his sleep needs met.

20. Consider a safe supplement to help you son fall asleep (e.g., melatonin).

In some cases, an inability to get up on time for school – or excessive daytime sleepiness during school hours – can be a sign of something more than a problem with your teenager's internal clock. Other problems can include:

1. Depression. Sleeping too much or too little is a common sign of depression.

2. Insomnia or biological clock disturbance. If your son has trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, he is likely to struggle with daytime sleepiness.

3. Medication side effects. Many medications can affect sleep (e.g., over-the-counter cold and allergy medications, prescription medications to treat depression and ADHD).

4. Narcolepsy. Sudden daytime sleep, usually for only short periods of time, can be a sign of narcolepsy. Narcoleptic episodes can occur at any time – even in the middle of a conversation. Sudden attacks of muscle weakness in response to emotions such as laughter, anger or surprise are possible, too.

5. Obstructive sleep apnea. When throat muscles fall slack during sleep, they stop air from moving freely through the nose and windpipe. This can interfere with breathing and disrupt sleep.

6. Restless legs syndrome. This condition causes a "creepy" sensation in the legs and an irresistible urge to move the legs, usually shortly after going to bed. The discomfort and movement can interrupt sleep.

I hope you’ll find a least a couple tips here that will help. Good luck!


==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD


COMMENTS:

 •    Anonymous said… He could make his lunch the night before to save time in the morning.
•    Anonymous said… I asked my son what time he is setting his alarm for and that if he's not up I will wake him. He agreed to that. So far he has been getting himself up though.
•    Anonymous said… I feel like maybe you could make a deal with him, that if he doesn't get up to the alarm, then you can/will wake him up. Leave the alarm running to show him he missed it.
That's what works for me and my son. He wants independence and gets mad at me because he thinks Im nagging him. But I then follow up with showing g why Im reacting the way I am. And because he is confronted and can see Im doing this, because this. He can understand me, and MEET me with understanding. And slowly from there he learns that task of independence. Im his fall back. But he can do it on his own. By the way. He is 5yrs old. Not sure if that's helpful.
•    Anonymous said… I find that once I let go of my fears that he would fail, and wanting to help him since that is my job as his mom, he really surprised me and is very good at being self sufficient. Natural consequences of getting in trouble at school when he is late are best. I do find that I have to be completely hands off though, or he can blame me for anything that does not go to plan.
•    Anonymous said… Just want to say good luck. I didn't see how old your son was, I hope it works for him (and you) I agree with Anna, let him try it and if he has trouble help him. My aspie son is now 27. Graduated college has a job and bought his own home last year. While there are still every day struggles. Your son seems to be wanting to try things on his own. Your story could have been mine all those years ago.
•    Anonymous said… Love all the insight this page has given me!!  ❤
•    Anonymous said… My daughter set her alarm clock on the farthest side of the room from her bed on purpose so she would have to get out of bed and walk a few steps to turn it off. As a result she is super punctual getting up in the mornings. She is 13. Another thing that could help is to get him a fitbit and use the silent alarm function - it will vibrate on his wrist at the selected time and help wake him up gently. I always hated beeping alarms but this gentle vibration on my wrist is just enough to bring me out of sleep and does not assault my ears so I can get up in a much better mood!
•    Anonymous said… My suggestion is to practice getting up (not in the morning - as a trial run). Then video it and play it back to him once you've got it down. He needs a picture in his mind of what getting up in the morning looks like. Once that picture is planted in his head, that will be the way he sees it and acts on it. We did this with my son and it worked.

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