The Difference Between Asperger's and Autism

"What is the real difference between Asperger's Syndrome and Autism? When I tell people that my daughter has Asperger's, they usually ask me, 'What is Asperger's exactly?' And I say, 'It's a form of Autism.' But that doesn't really help them to understand Asperger's since there is supposedly a big difference between the two disorders."

There is a great deal of confusion when it comes to the differences between Aspergers (high functioning autism) and Autistic Disorder. It seems that even medical professionals have difficulty determining a clear line between the two disorders. Often, it boils down to simply categorizing children according to the specific traits they exhibit, such as how they use language. However, there are some professionals who assert that Aspergers and Autism are actually the same disorder and should both fall under the heading of Autism.

Click here for more information on the new criteria for Autism as described in the DSM 5.

It's important to understand Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDDs) when trying to determine the differences (or lack thereof) between Aspergers and Autism. PDDs are neurobiological disorders that include a wide spectrum of conditions, including Aspergers and Autism. PDDS are marked by much delayed or significantly lacking social and language skills. A child with a PDD will usually have problems communicating with others and understanding language. Often, children with these conditions ignore or fail to understand facial expressions, and they may not make eye contact as most people expect in social situations.

Autism is the most well known of the disorders classified as PDDs. Autistic kids look just like everyone else. It is their behavior that is different, and they appear withdrawn and often resist to change. They tend to throw tantrums, shake, flap or move their bodies in odd ways, and laugh or cry for what seems like no reason.

Kids with Autism may play in a way that it considered odd and exhibit obsessive attachments to certain objects. They may act as if they are deaf, ignore verbal cues, repeat certain words over and over again, or be entirely non-verbal. In those who are verbal, a lack of ability to start a conversation is often evident.

Aspergers is often considered within the spectrum of Autism. A child with Aspergers may exhibit odd or abnormal verbal communication skills. He may also avoid peer relationships, lack interest in others, fail to return emotional feelings, form obsessive attachments to subjects of interest, and have repetitive behaviors. He may exhibit repetitive movements, such as flapping or twisting. Interestingly, children with Aspergers generally do not experience delays in language or cognitive development, and they are often very curious about their environment.

It is important to note that not all children with Aspergers and Autism lack the ability to function normally. Some are considered highly-functioning and are capable of caring for themselves and interacting socially. However, these young people are usually seen as odd or eccentric because they still have behaviors that don't mesh with what most people consider normal.

Since Aspergers and Autism are seen as so similar, some people draw a line between the two at language development and social awareness. It seems that those with Aspergers typically have more normal language development, though many still have disordered language and communication skills. Kids and teens with Aspergers also tend to be more interested in - and aware of - social interactions than those with Autism. However, social skills must be taught and even practiced, as they generally don't come naturally to young people with this disorder.

My Aspergers Child: How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums


•    Anonymous said... According to the DSMV, there is no difference. It's now High Functioning Autism at level 1 -2.
•    Anonymous said... Going thru the same situation with my 16 year old son and his school. They wont acknowledge his aspergers diagnisis.
•    Anonymous said... I don't bother getting into a lot of details, I just say "In her case, her main struggles are _______, but others may have different difficulties" With the school, teachers etc I go into more detail.
•    Anonymous said... i think its hard for people to understand autism and talking... they hear autistic and think oh well how cause she can talk and look at me and has friends... i just tell people she has high functioning and still struggles with a lot of the same things as a severe autistic child but in a less severe form... most people tend to understand that.
•    Anonymous said... It is on the Autism spectrum and is high functioning autism.
•    Anonymous said... It's a social delay. The way in which they relate to others. That's what I tell my son about himself. Then I give him examples of his behavior and he understands it. He can't control it yet, but, I'm giving him awareness of it so he can be mindful of his actions.
•    Anonymous said... It's not hfa. Hfa usually involves speech issues, meaning not talking. Not unable to talk just introverted in a way. Aspies generally talk, and quite well. From my experience anyway:)
•    Anonymous said... People seem to get Autism for the most part. I just tell them my son has high functioning Autism and it affects things like his social skills, eye contact and coordination.
•    Anonymous said... That's a good question. I have a 9 year old with Asperger's and go through the same thing. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't understand Autism at all.
•    Anonymous said... The individual is their own unique self, and their needs are their needs, just like anyone else. It really doesn't matter what anyone wants to call it. The only real usefulness for either label is as an indicator that says, "we need to keep looking".
•    Anonymous said... With the dx coding changes I just say he's HFA now. It's easier for most to understand that and the school works with it easier

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Aspergers in Females

From A Woman's Perspective:

A young lady who has participated for several years in a social group for adults with high functioning autism and Asperger’s Syndrome sponsored at our TEACCH Center in Asheville, recently remarked, “There aren’t a heck of a lot of ladies who have Asperger’s Syndrome or autism. The majority are males, and although we get along with the guys, there are some issues that they are never going to understand. I wish there was more information specifically for ladies who have autism.” Her comment prompted the initiation of the first ladies’ group at the Asheville TEACCH Center. 

While talking with this lady, who is in her 20’s, I was reminded of my own early adulthood. I remember the strong support of “ladies’ consciousness-raising groups” that sprouted up on college campuses and in living rooms in the 60’s and 70’s. While struggling for and demanding equality between the sexes in the society at large, we discovered that there were important distinctions that needed to be honored. Together we explored and defined what “being a lady” was about, in the company of other young ladies searching for self-awareness. Being a member of a ladies’ “CR” (Consciousness-Raising) group was educational, exciting, exhilarating, emotional, relevant…and never boring.

According to Tony Attwood and other professionals in the field, ladies with high functioning autism and Asperger’s Syndrome may be an under diagnosed population. If this is true, some of the reasons may be attributed to gender differences.

Are there behaviors that are seen in females with Asperger’s Syndrome, but not in males, that we haven’t yet identified as part of the profile… or certain gender-related behavior that might fool us into ruling out the diagnosis? What about the “pretend play” that has been observed in many young females at our center, which on the surface appears to be quite creative and imaginative? There seem to be many females (on the spectrum) who are enamored with princesses, fantasy kingdoms, unicorns, and animals¬¬. How many diagnosticians observe these interests and skills as imagination, and rule out a diagnosis based on these behaviors? Might this interest in imaginary kingdoms and talking animals be more common among females than males, yet still exist alongside other autistic/Aspergers traits?

And what about one typical response to confusion or frustration--hitting or other such outward expressions of frustration? Does this type of acting out occur more often in males with autism than in females? Is confusion or frustration simply easier to identify in males than females because we already look for it? Among the general population, it is commonly thought that males do “act out” more than females. (You sometimes hear teachers complain there are too many males in his or her class, and its impact on the class’ personality!) Is it easier to identify males as having autism because these behaviors are more obvious, than females who may experience inward or passive signs of aggression?

Professionals whose task it is to diagnose individuals with autism or Asperger’s Syndrome need to learn more about the full range of qualities and personality differences unique to females and ladies on the spectrum.

And what about the females’ and ladies’ route to self-understanding? Indeed, several ladies I have worked with who have Asperger’s Syndrome have talked about the unique challenges they experience because they constitute a “minority” within this special group of society.

I believe that in order to gain self understanding, each person with - or without - autism needs to see his or her own reflection in the world. I call this ‘seeing one’s place.’ For people with autism or AS, who already are challenged in this area, it becomes imperative that they meet, listen to, talk with, read about, and learn from others with autism. What happens as a result of this coming together is that they are able to see their ‘reflection’ and better understand their own unique styles of thinking and being. Ladies with autism, although benefiting greatly from getting to know other people with autism, often find that they might be the only female (or one of a very few ladies) in the group.

When I asked the ladies we see at our center if they would be interested in being in a ladies’ group, I had hoped that the group could fill a gap in our services. I also hoped that I would learn more about what it means to be a lady with autism. The more I meet with these ladies, the more I realize we have far to go in understanding the unique challenges that ladies with autism or Aspergers face.

One lady explained that, from her perspective there is subtle interaction between two sets of issues. “Problems related to the [autism] spectrum are combined with problems of society’s expectations of ladies. How one looks, what one wears, how one is supposed to relate socially, that a lady is supposed to have a natural empathy towards others, expectations about dating and marriage…” Ladies are affected by autism in the same ways as are their male counterparts; however, they are doubly challenged by the added assumptions that society places on the female gender.

At the risk of stereotyping, any man who is a rational thinker, and not emotionally in tune with others, is often thought of as having “typical male behavior” (think of the TV show “Tool Time”). A female exhibiting these same personality traits might be regarded as odd, annoying, cold, or depending on the situation, even mean-spirited. Autism, with its particular effects on personality, causes one to appear more rational and less emotionally responsive or empathetic to others. Ladies with autism note that these expectations indeed may weigh more heavily on them, just because they are ladies.

At the first meeting, the group members requested specific topics for discussion, topics that they encounter in daily life or ones which they are currently pondering. These topics included issues that are relevant to ladies at large such as personal safety; dating and sex; or being taken advantage of when your car needs repair. Other issues they raised were felt by group members to possibly be more significant for ladies with autism, but common to all--being pressured to conform by getting married; to “act like a lady”; and issues about one’s appearance--to have to “look a certain way”.

However, there were topics that all agree are a direct result of being a lady with autism, such as common behavioral and social expectations by the society at large. At the top of the list were the expectations of being sensitive to others and displaying empathy.

Ladies with autism have expressed that they feel that more is expected from them than from their male counterparts, simply because of their gender. Members of the group felt these expectations to be sensitive and empathetic, typically attributed to ladies, are unfair and difficult to meet. Discussion centered on how these behaviors require skills like the ability to accurately read and respond to body language, along with the inherent desire to “take care of others, emotionally”. Interestingly, after discussing these issues, the first requested topic to explore was reading body language and how to tell if someone is trying to take advantage of you.

The topic that generated the biggest emotional response from the group was the personal experience of feeling like one was “being treated like a child”. Parents, in general, are often more protective of their daughters than their sons. Daughters with autism talked about feeling overly protected into womanhood. In many cases, this is needed, although without understanding the parent’s perspective, the adult daughter can feel unfairly babied. Some ladies talked about the resentment they felt toward people, who for many years had been trying to teach them “socially appropriate” ways of acting. “Enough already!” was a common response.

The desire to be respected as an individual, and as a lady, was voiced clearly and strongly. Although this desire is probably equally shared among grown men with autism, the ladies voiced these desires clearly, with deep emotion and passion, when talking with other ladies.

What to Do When You Think Your Child May Have an Autism Spectrum Disorder

"What are the first steps parents should begin to take when they believe their child may have autism?"

For many moms and dads, finding out that your youngster has ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), can be a mixed blessing. On one hand, a positive diagnosis gives rise to the prospect of management and greater certainty as to the factors at play in your youngster's life. On the other, most moms and dads are unprepared for the changes having a son or daughter with the disorder invariably brings.

We've compiled a list of the top 10 steps to take if you think your youngster may have an autism spectrum disorder, or if you've had your youngster diagnosed already:

1. Be honest with yourself. At times, rearing a son or daughter with HFA can cause you anger, sadness, anxiety, frustration and depression. Be open to understanding that you will, at times, feel all these feelings, and allow that authenticity to give rise to the possibility that you will take care of your own needs. In doing so, you can more effectively tend to the needs of others. Don't feel the need to explain or justify your actions to others. However you cope with the situation is exactly the way you are supposed to.

2. Contact community services and inquire as to whether you are eligible for some type of family benefit as a parent of a youngster on the autism spectrum. Your doctor should be able to advise you on this.

3. Contact your local Autism Association and ascertain what services are provided through the service. Make use of private and government resourced services.

4. Permit yourself to take stock of your situation from a place of positivity. With diagnosis comes some certainty, as you and your youngster are now dealing with a known quantity. There's nothing wrong with taking each day at a time, and understanding that you can now make a difference to your youngster's life, which you could not in the absence of a diagnosis. You're youngster has always had the disorder. The day your son or daughter receives a diagnosis is the first step in the right direction.

5. If your son or daughter is in school, contact the Principal and advise him or her of the diagnosis. Many schools are aware of – and, in fact, provide information on – autism. School counseling is designed to assist with the condition. In addition, ask your youngster's school whether they are aware of any parent workshops for autistic children.

If your child is older, home study and tutoring may be an option. It is important to be assertive in ensuring that your school can properly advocate for your youngster's needs, and ideally this can be achieved by working within the school protocols. There is no need for you to underestimate your youngster's potential, and certainly this attitude should be reflected in the educational institution. Involve yourself where possible in your youngster's educational and learning environments.

6. Invest in your own education. There is a vast quantity of information on autism spectrum disorders available, both online and in the form of medical literature. Sign up for information seminars, online e-courses, and if you are looking for immediately available information, give consideration to investing in an ebook written by an expert on autism spectrum disorders. Knowledge is power.

7. Involve your family in the process, and do your best to maintain objectivity. Kids on the spectrum have certain special needs; however, they are (for the most part) high-functioning children who can thrive with appropriate and measured care. Try and maintain a balance between focusing on providing that care, and being a spouse and parent to the rest of your family.

8. Make inquiries with your doctor for a referral to someone who has experience with autism spectrum disorders. Having professional assistance can make an enormous difference to how effectively you can help your youngster cope with the disorder. Permit those professionals you consult to guide you through the process and make the most of their advice.

9. Make inquiries within your local community as to the support groups available for those with HFA and for moms and dads of these children. Sharing your situation with others who are in a position to fully appreciate it can make an enormous difference.

10. Remember to smile. You have a special child. One day, he or she just might be the one looking after you.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

Changing Unwanted Behavior in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

“It is very frustrating not being able to change or modify the rigid behaviors that my child exhibits, for example, picky eating, rudeness to others, lack of motivation …just to name a few. Is there anything that can be done to help him be more open to change and flexibility?”

CLICK HERE for the answer...

Dealing with Difficult Aspergers-related Behavior

"I need some advice on how to handle behavior problems in my child with Asperger syndrome, such as how to use the right discipline, dealing with his obsessions, sibling issues, sleep problems, school-related problems, and acting-out behavior in public. Thanks!"

Click here for the answer...


Anonymous said... Yes, I found that my son used to really freak out when young if he got in trouble, he didn't really know what was up or what he did wrong - he has very little understanding of some of his behaviors and why they are not OK at times. When he was a toddler, I discovered the strong connection between dairy products (even Goldfish crackers) and his wild behaviors, so a dietary change did a lot of good. Then as a teen, when he became extremely aggressive when his testosterone surged with puberty, and they tried many meds to help him calm down a bit. Finally Trileptal (Oxcarbazepine) and a small dose (don't use larger ones, they can cause obsessions) of Abilify, plus Clonidine .1mg at night to sleep was the perfect combo. He has been able to reduce some of these as he got older, but if we take him off the Trileptal he gets really frustrated and explosive, so he may be on it for life, but it's not a really bad drug - it's an antiseizure med that they use to help bipolar patients also. And the cool thing when he took it is the meltdowns cut WAY back and his mind changed where he could actually form expressions about what he liked, didn't like, talk about his day, tell stories, make jokes, laugh, etc. His counselor was thrilled because he usually never said more than a few words during sessions, and suddenly they were having conversations. I also find this interesting because I read a story last year about some children diagnosed with Autism being found to be having small seizures on a constant basis, and when they were given antiseizure meds they were suddenly able to come out of it and begin to function neurologically - amazing. He still is very much an Aspie and quite a handful and has many challenges, but at least we don't have to call the police to try to get him to stop wrecking the house and attacking people and yelling - that was awful. My poor child, I really do try to see what he goes through, too. And as a foot note - the greatest challenge in dealing with the changes and improvements these meds brought about was when he moved on to new teachers, counselors, etc, for whatever reason, and they would get confused about his diagnosis at first because he didn't "appear" as an Aspie nearly as much as he did without the meds, and could make eye contact, talk, etc. - I kept trying to explain to them that it's like someone with say, schizophrenia - they can take their meds and appear quite normal, but take them away and then you can see their diagnosis. Sometimes I wondered if they even had a clue - but I guess they didn't see very many Aspies at all on this treatment my son is on and it was not something they were used to being presented with.

Anonymous said... My son either laughs at us if we try to discipline him or he screams at the top of his lungs at us. Ugh. We've started a reward sticker chart which is working right now, but with everything else, he loses interest in things over time and then we have to come up with a new system.

More comments below...

Dealing with Aspergers Employees: What Employers Need to Know

Your new Aspergers employee has the skills you were looking for and is dedicated to doing the job well. The challenging part for a person with Aspergers or High Functioning Autism is the less structured, more social aspects of office culture. Small talk, picking up what others are thinking, and being imaginative about solving problems are challenging for these individuals.

Here are some straightforward tips to help them thrive:
  1. Be open to someone who may be a support person in the personal life of your Aspergers employee. Some moms and dads stay involved a little longer in the life of their adult Aspergers child as an advocate in the background. Until your employee initiates the conversation about bringing in his advocate, remember to build trust through messages that convey you value his work. Some young people with Aspergers want to do it on their own, while others would welcome their support person to coach or help them get independent with some of the more interpersonal aspects of being on the job.
  2. Be precise and specific with your instructions. Slang and expressions of speech may not translate to what you want to communicate. Details and examples help (e.g., "This is how it should look when it is done").
  3. Don’t let the "diagnosis" be a defining characteristic of your employee; it is one aspect of who this person is. The diagnosis becomes important for you to know when it helps you to help her shine on the job.
  4. Encourage co-workers to have a collaborative office culture when it comes to helping out each other. Your Aspergers employee will have strengths that will be an asset to your team. Helping others in the office by lending a hand with one’s own talents helps everyone bond socially with fellow employees.
  5. Encourage your Aspergers employee to come up with some process strategies for doing her job. For example, she might work well by recording tasks on a template she creates with visuals, spacing or organization that makes good sense to her.
  6. Help your employee relax about asking for help on the job. "Disability acts" encourage individuals to discuss the modifications they need in the work place. However, there is often hesitation because of the fear that disclosure will be a stigma or put the job in jeopardy. You want to be receptive should your Aspergers employee want to ask for an accommodation that will help her work better.
  7. Try to give a personal "heads up" if there is a schedule or routine change that your employee may not pick up on automatically. An individual with Aspergers will need some extra "signaling" at times. Keep the focus on the person's gifts, which brought him to your work place and motivated you to hire him!
  8. To set up for office place success, you will find it pays off to invest in some training time early on in some of those skills unrelated to the primary job, but fundamentally important to navigating the day at the office.
  9. Be prepared to give your input with some of the smaller steps you may not typically think of stating. Gradually transfer responsibility and accountability to your Aspergers employee, withdrawing your level of involvement as you see him catching on to the rhythm of the office environment.
  10. Be very specific about what you expect in general office matters. Help your employee to know where more and less flexibility is in order and appropriate in the daily flow of the work place. What routines must be done one way only? Observe, make notes and plan for periodic feedback time.
  11. Create a "cheat sheet" for phone coverage. If you want your Aspergers employee to "pinch hit" on the phones, have a few generic phrases that work for your workplace (e.g., “Can I have someone get back to you with that information?”).
  12. Don’t be afraid to be blunt. It will be helpful. There is a distinction between "blunt" and "rude." Your employee will appreciate and understand directness and clarity. If you are finding yourself repeating requests, you can say, “What plan can we come up with to help you establish routines that I have been reminding you about?”
  13. Have a set routine for evaluation and feedback sessions. Start the meeting by talking about the positive qualities you see in your new Aspergers employee (e.g., “Here’s where your work is very well done”). Then move on to the areas that need some re-adjusting. Be sensitive to feelings of past failure with social and organizational issues. Your employee is probably quite familiar with her weaknesses, having heard about them and struggled with them in some other past setting. You can say, “Here’s where we will work together.”
  14. Help your employee become comfortable with the social culture of your workplace. Individuals with Aspergers tend to want to stay focused on tasks they enjoy for extended periods of time. Being specific about when to go for breaks and lunch will be a cue for him to personally connect with co-workers.
  15. As you see a routine or task that requires daily attention, log it on a list. Explaining the purpose behind the task may help it to become automatic. Individuals with Aspergers like to make sense out of things.

Is Your Child a "Level 1" or "Level 3" on the Autism "Spectrum"

"How can parents tell if their child has ASD Level 1 rather than Level 3? Also, what therapies are available for these kids?"

The main difference between ASD level 3 and ASD level 1 is that the youngster dealing with level 1 retains his/her early language skills. If you have a son or daughter that is having a greater degree of social difficulties than other kids, or has diminished communication skills and exhibits a restrictive pattern of thought and behavior, he or she may have ASD1.

The peculiar symptom of level 1 is the youngster’s obsessive interest in a single object or topic to the exclusion of any other ...she wants to know ALL about this one topic.

Sometimes the child's speech patterns and vocabulary may resemble that of a little professor. Other ASD1 symptoms include the inability to interact successfully with peers, clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements, repetitive routines or rituals, socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior, and last but not least, problems with non-verbal communication.

ASD1 kids find difficulty mingling with the general public. Even if they converse with others, they may exhibit inappropriate and eccentric behavior. The child may always want to talk about his singular interest.

Developmental delays in motor skills (e.g., catching a ball, climbing outdoor play equipment, pedaling a bike, etc.) may also appear in the youngster. Kids with ASD1 often show a stilted or bouncy walk, which appears awkward.

Therapy for the level 1 child concentrates mainly on 3 core symptoms: physical clumsiness, obsessive or repetitive routines, and poor communication skills. It is unfortunate that there is no single treatment for these kids, but therapists do agree that the disorder can be treated successfully when the intervention is carried out at the earliest possible time.

The treatment package involves medication for co-existing conditions, cognitive behavioral therapy, and social skills training. Treatment mainly helps to build on the youngster’s interests, teaches the task as a series of simple steps, and offers a predictable schedule.

Although children living with ASD1 can manage themselves and their deficits, personal relationships and social situations are challenging for them. In order to maintain an independent life, the older teen or young adult on the spectrum requires moral support and encouragement to work successfully in mainstream jobs.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

What is a "meltdown" exactly?

"Mark, You refer to 'meltdowns' quite frequently in your articles. Is it not similar to a tantrum... if not, what can be done to prevent them?"

Click here for the answer...

Aspergers and HFA Meltdowns in Public

"How do you suggest dealing with an autistic (high functioning) child's outbursts in public?"

Emotional outbursts are very common in kids with Aspergers (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA). These episodes can be frightening for the youngster as well as everyone present. They can also be embarrassing to the parent when they happen in public places. 

Kids of all ages – and even adults – with AS and HFA should take precautions to help prevent reaching the state of losing complete control. There are several autism-related characteristics that can cause these emotional outbursts. To help your child control himself or herself (whether they occur in public or at home), you’ll have to discover the reasons behind them. The solution will depend on the cause(s).

Possible causes:
  • Lack of emotional awareness: Kids with the disorder do not always understand their own emotions or feelings about people, things, and situations.
  • Sensory issues: Hyposensitivity and hypersensitivity to light, sound, touch, smell, and visual activities can quickly become overwhelming, sending the youngster spiraling out of control.
  • Social issues: Kids on the autism spectrum have problems with social communication and situations. Being in a social situation can be extremely uncomfortable and can lead to an emotional breakdown.

There are a few things you can try that may help with your child’s problematic behavior:
  1. Start by contacting your doctor to discuss the child's general health.
  2. Your child may need help with anxiety and depression or other emotional issues that can be improved with the appropriate medicines.
  3. Family and individual counseling can help you understand the feelings your child is struggling with and can give you the knowledge you need to develop a “meltdown-prevention plan.” Counseling can help your child understand why he or she loses control, which can lead to better control and prevention.
  4. Help your child pinpoint any stressors that cause the outbursts.
  5. Adopt the use of redirection to avoid an outburst.
  6. Create a "safe zone" that is a calming place to relax and regain control.
  7. Use rewards to encourage self-control.
  8. Look for your child's "silent seizures" (i.e., little indications that he or she is becoming agitated).
  9. Always remember to think in terms of "prevention." Attempting to "intervene" after the child's outburst is well underway is too little - too late. The episode will have to run its course at that point.
  10. There are ebooks available that will increase your understanding on the issues your child experiences on a daily basis. “My Aspergers Child: How to Stop Meltdowns” by Mark Hutten, M.A. is a great resource for you to utilize. You can find it here: My Aspergers Child. This ebook offers solutions and practical advice for home and for school and helps children with AS and HFA, as well as those around them.

Educating yourself on the causes and treatments for these extreme emotions will benefit both you and your child.


o    Anonymous said… Good to hear other stories and experiences! I often feel alone and overwhelmed. Well-meaning advice is often the last thing I need to hear on a bad day/week...
o      Anonymous said… If I can get her to put on her headphones at some point, the meltdown might not last as long.
o    Anonymous said… I'm grateful those days are over ! But boy oh boy do I remember them ! Lol I took it like a man / mommy ... And kept on keeping on and after a while it didn't bother me what anyone thought . In that moment the ONLY thing that matters is YOUR child . He / she needs you to help them ASAP . Pick him up and remove child if possible or get to a quiet place . Don't argue with child or ask why are you doing THIS right now ?!!!!! Gotta diffuse the situation . And later when things are calm and if child can talk ... Go over what happened and teach them ways to signal you or avoid the situation . My son flipped off a deacon in the church at age four . ( ex husband favorite road rage move ) Yea ... Pretty embarrassing . And after that he ran out the church and into the parking lot crying . From that day on I got permission to stay with him in the nursery and I listened to service on the TV in there while my other 3 children attended church . When it's your child . You find a way to do what needs to be done . The public may judge not understanding the " bad behavior" ... I don't blame them at all ... However , I'm the one going home with the child not them so find a friend to vent to . Treat yourself to a Starbucks after an embarrassing trip out the house , and pat yourself on the back ... Your doing a great job and to your child your a hero !
o    Anonymous said… My 6 yo daughter has Aspergers and meltdowns in public are so frequent (at least 3 an hour). I tend to go into denial and think that I will be able to prevent one, but I never can. I just do as the situation demands: if it can't be fixed, I comfort her; if it has to do with not knowing a social rule, I wait until she's calm to explain; if it is that she forgot a rule, I remind her how well she's doing. I try to take her to a calm spot.
o    Anonymous said… My child had a meltdown in Target when 4... We have always been told to remove the child from the situation so my hubby took our screaming child out to the car. well when he got to the doors, he was stopped by a lady and asked for his ID. He said no problem and showed it to her. Well 20 minutes later while sitting in the car, he gets a tap on the window and finds a cop there. He was told that they received a call that there was a discipline problem. My hubby said well yeah there is and I removed the child from the store because of it. The officer looked at my child and asked if my hubby was the dad, my child looked shocked but nodded yes and the officer walked back to his car and left. Needless to say my hubby NEVER took our child out of the store screaming again, it was my job from then on...we eventually learned what triggers to look for and was able to avoid situations like that again..
o    Anonymous said… My son has had meltdowns at Target and once while on vacation when he was younger. I remember a lady scolding my husband because she thought he wasn't helping take care of the situation when I had specifically told him to go back inside where his cousin was having his wedding reception and it was during the toasts. A couple of times at grocery stores, people have threatened to call CPS on me because "a child never screams when they are with their parents". Um yeah.

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Asperger’s and HFA Students: Crucial Tips for Teachers

Tips for Teachers with Students on the Autism Spectrum

In this post, we will explore the following categories, and how teachers can effectively guide and instruct the child with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

1. Social Aspects

2. Communication Difficulties

3. Clumsiness

4. Stress and the Environment

5. Intellectual Functioning

6. Obsessional Interests

7. Special Arrangements for Examinations
  • The examination room
  • Extra time
  • Presentation of examination papers
  • Use of language in question papers
  • Prompting of the student when it is time to move on to the next question
  • Word-processing and handwriting
  • Oral tests

==> Click here for the full article...

Asperger’s Syndrome & Meltdowns: Guidelines for Parents & Teachers

Children on the Autism Spectrum and "Out-of-Control" Tantrums

In this post, we’re going to look at temper tantrums in children with ASD Level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA). Tantrums should not be confused with meltdowns. There does seem to be a fine line between tantrums and meltdowns, so if you’re not sure which is which, view this video first: What is the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum?

Temper tantrums range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding. HFA temperaments vary dramatically — so some kids may experience regular temper tantrums, whereas others have them rarely. They're a normal part of development and don't have to be seen as something negative. However, unlike “typical” children, HFA kids don't have the same inhibitions or control.

Imagine how it feels when you're determined to program your DVD player and aren't able to do it no matter how hard you try, because you can't understand how. It's very frustrating! Do you swear, throw the manual, walk away and slam the door on your way out? That's the grown-up version of a temper tantrum. Children on the spectrum are also trying to master their world, and when they aren't able to accomplish a task, they turn to one of the only tools at their disposal for venting frustration — a temper tantrum.
Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

Several basic causes of temper tantrums are familiar to mothers and fathers everywhere: The youngster is seeking attention or is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. In addition, temper tantrums are often the result of frustration with the world. They can't get something (e.g., an object or a parent) to do what they want. Frustration is an unavoidable part of their lives as they learn how people, objects, and their own bodies work.

Temper tantrums are common during the second year of life for all kids. This is a time when kids are acquiring language. However, kids on the autism spectrum generally understand more than they can express. Imagine not being able to communicate your needs to someone. That would be a frustrating experience that may precipitate a temper tantrum. As language skills improve, temper tantrums tend to decrease.

Another task that all kids are faced with is an increasing need for autonomy. However, even though HFA kids want a sense of independence and control over the environment, this may be more than they may be capable of handling. This creates the perfect condition for power struggles as a youngster on the spectrum thinks "I can do it myself" or "I want it, give it to me." When these kids discover that they can't do it or can't have everything they want, the stage is set for a temper tantrum.

Avoiding Temper Tantrums—

The best way to deal with temper tantrums is to avoid them in the first place, whenever possible. Here are some strategies that may help:

1. Autistic children are more likely to use temper tantrums to get their way if they've learned that this behavior works. Once the young people are school age, it's appropriate to send them to their rooms to cool off. Rather than setting a specific time limit, mothers and fathers can tell them to stay in the room “until they've regained control.” This option is empowering, because these kids can affect the outcome by their own actions, thereby gaining a sense of control that was lost during the temper tantrum.

2. Children on the Autism Spectrum have fairly rudimentary reasoning skills, so you aren't likely to get very far with explanations. If the temper tantrum poses no threat to your youngster or others, then ignoring the outburst may be the best way to handle it.  Continue your activities, and pay no attention to your youngster – but remain within sight. Don't leave him or her alone, otherwise he or she may feel abandoned on top of all of the other uncontrollable emotions.

3. These kids may be especially vulnerable AFTER a temper tantrum when they know they've been less than adorable. Now is the time for a hug and reassurance that your youngster is loved, no matter what.

4. HFA children  who are in danger of hurting themselves or others during a temper tantrum should be taken to a quiet, safe place to calm down. This also applies to temper tantrums in public places.

5. Consider the request carefully when your youngster wants something. Is it outrageous? Maybe it isn't. Choose your battles carefully, and accommodate when you can.

6. Distract your youngster. Take advantage of your child's short attention span by offering a replacement for the coveted object or beginning a new activity to replace the frustrating or forbidden one. Also, you can simply change the environment. Take your youngster outside or inside or move to a different room.
How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

7. If a safety issue is involved, and the youngster repeats the forbidden behavior after being told to stop, use a time-out or hold the youngster firmly for several minutes. Be consistent. Young people on the spectrum must understand that you are inflexible on safety issues.

8. Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach to make struggles less likely to develop over them. Obviously, this isn't always possible, especially outside of the home where the environment can't be controlled.

9. Know your youngster's limits. If you know he or she is tired, it's not the best time to go grocery shopping or try to squeeze in one more errand.

10. Make sure your youngster isn't acting-out simply because he or she isn't getting enough attention. To a youngster on the spectrum, negative attention (a parent's response to a temper tantrum) is better than no attention at all. Try to establish a habit of catching your youngster being good ("time in"), which means rewarding him or her with attention for positive behavior.

11. Occasionally your "special needs" youngster will have a hard time stopping a temper tantrum. In these cases, it might help to say to say, "I'll help you settle down now." But, do not reward your youngster after a temper tantrum by giving in. This will only prove to him or her that the temper tantrum was effective. Instead, verbally praise the youngster for regaining control.

12. Set the stage for success when your son or daughter is playing or trying to master a new task. Offer age-appropriate toys and games. Also, start with something simple before moving on to more challenging tasks.

13. Temper tantrums should be handled differently depending on the cause. Try to understand where your youngster is coming from. For example, if he or she has just had a great disappointment, you may need to provide comfort. If he or she is simply a sore loser at games and hits a playmate, then you may to provide a consequence.

14. The most important thing to keep in mind when you're faced with a boy or girl in the throes of a temper tantrum – no matter what the cause – is simple yet very important: Keep your cool. Don't complicate the problem with your own frustration. Even kids on the spectrum can sense when mothers and fathers are becoming frustrated. This can just make their frustration worse, and you may have a more exaggerated temper tantrum on your hands. Instead, take deep breaths and try to think clearly.

15. Try to give your "special needs" child some control over little things. This may fulfill the need for independence and ward off temper tantrums. Offer minor choices, for example, "Do you want orange juice or apple juice?" or "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after taking a bath?" This way, you aren't asking "Do you want to brush your teeth now?" …which inevitably will be answered "no."

16. Your youngster relies on you to be the example. Smacking and spanking don't help. Physical tactics send the message that using force and physical punishment is acceptable. Instead, have enough self-control for both of you.

17. You should consult your child’s pediatrician if any of the following occur:
  • tantrums arouse a lot of bad feelings
  • tantrums increase in frequency, intensity, or duration
  • you keep giving into your child’s demands
  • your youngster displays mood issues (e.g., negativity, low self-esteem, extreme dependence)
  • your youngster frequently hurts himself/herself or others
  • your youngster is destructive
  • you're uncomfortable with your responses to the child's tantrums

Your doctor can also check for any physical problems that may be contributing to the tantrums (e.g., hearing or vision problems, chronic illness, language delays, learning disability, etc.).

Remember, temper tantrums usually aren't cause for concern and generally diminish on their own. As these young people mature developmentally, and their grasp of themselves and the world increases, their frustration levels decrease. Less frustration and more control mean fewer temper tantrums — and happier mothers and fathers.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

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Raising Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Parents' Grief and Guilt

Some parents grieve for the loss of the youngster they   imagined  they had. Moms and dads have their own particular way of dealing with the...