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HFA and Asperger’s Kids Who Show No Remorse for Bad Behavior

“My 10 y.o. has been diagnosed recently with high functioning autism. The problem we're having is that he takes no responsibility for his behavior and shows no remorse when he does something wrong. Any ideas?”

It's important for children with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), to be raised in a home environment where parents have demanded personal accountability for their actions from a very young age. Yes, these children have “special needs,” and parents will need to make “accommodations” accordingly – but not “allowances”!



Sometimes a child on the autism spectrum gets "let off the hook" because mom or dad has the attitude that "he just can't help it -- it's his disorder." Some kids hear this so often that they come to believe it. No doubt, HFA is a factor that contributes to inappropriate behavior at times, but it should never be used as an excuse for it. Unless parents demand accountability – consistently and fairly – then a youngster on the spectrum may not develop this trait naturally. So, just like social skills, “taking personal responsibility” needs to be taught.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Social skills groups for “special needs” kids can be very helpful in situations such as this. Analyzing the behavior of peers, interpreting the behavior or the consequences of certain behaviors portrayed in movies, reading stories of kids who take responsibility for their actions, and doing role-reversals and role-plays can help develop the trait of taking responsibility. This is a skill that needs to be practiced – it’s not an automatic ability that children with developmental disorders possess naturally.

Other ideas to instill a sense of accountability and responsibility include the following:
  • “Survival" simulations or group problem-solving activities help kids consider the impact of their actions on others.
  • Having to care for plants or animals can teach valuable life-lessons.
  • Involvement in sports activities that focus on cooperative rather than competitive efforts can help.
  • Religious education and scouting programs offer fertile ground for growing moral and ethical character.
  • Working on community service projects, especially in the lower grades when the youngster is impressionable, is a great way to instill character.

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Some kids on the spectrum will pretend to be indifferent or avoid responsibility as a way to sidestep having to face up to the rather chronic impulsive acts they commit. Saying "I don't care" is often an attempt to devalue the negative act they have committed. If a child truly cares about his behavior, that carries with it the implication that he will do something about it if he misbehaves. But if he misbehaves a lot, doing something about it seems like an impossible and overwhelming task. Thus, sometimes kids have racked-up such a long list of complaints from parents that they see no way to fix it.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

This is a cycle that can be broken when parents respond like this: "You say (or act) like you don't care, but that's unacceptable in this home. You need to DO something to make amends for what you’ve done (or said) – and saying a shallow "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it. The key is a change in your behavior.”

Parents of kids on the autism spectrum often worry about their child who does hurtful things TO other people (or who doesn't do helpful things FOR other people) without caring about it. These kids do have difficulty empathizing with others (more on that topic here), although this deficit is not an excuse for irresponsibility either. The longer this behavior persists, the less likely it is that it will improve. Utilizing the tips above will help most “special needs” kids become more caring and thoughtful.

Lack of Demonstrated Empathy in Kids on the Autism Spectrum 


 

==> Tips on how to handle your child's fixations and obsessions? You'll find more than you'll need right here...


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...