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Aspergers and Family-Stress

Being a member of a family in which one or more members have Aspergers can be extremely stressful at times. Sometimes it seems as if the entire family focus is on the Aspergers child and on the various tantrums and behaviors that come with it. Family members, and especially parents, can feel a low level of anxiety in anticipation of what could happen next.

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•    Anonymous said... I expect it is common. My husband is not diagnosed, but I have certainly come to understand him better since our son's diagnosis. I just wish I knew better what to do about our problems.
•    Anonymous said... I feel the same way most of the time.
•    Anonymous said... i too have aspergers hubby and 2 a/s grown kids,yes i too felt the same,now all grrown up,just me and hubby now and life not so hard,i had councelling[for aspergers family]and got a career,but its still very hard,
•    Anonymous said... not to be funny here, but my two pdd kids are aged 5 and 6 and i have a typical 21 y.o. and a typical husband BUT I feel I am always parenting the husband... That is commen in many families! I also play mediator!!! men are men!

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Anonymous said...

Hi Mark,
Does Aspergers come and go? I have a 5 year old tentatively diagnosed with Aspergers but whilst he's always special there are weeks when it's like a switched is turned on and everything turns 'bad' - these are the times when we struggle to enjoy him as a person. His resilence becomes very low, he argues everything we say, he refuses to play at all with others nicely ...well you know the sort of symtoms. But then after a week or so, the switch goes again and he's back to loveable with a few quirks!
is this normal?

Mark said...

It's normal -- and related to his stress-level.


Anonymous said...

Although i haven't got a diagnosis i can see that my husband has aspergers as well as our son from reading up on it. there are some excellent books on amazon about living with men with aspergers which i found has given me strength to detach the behaviour from the person which is not easy. the thing i find most upsetting is if i cry my son laughs and my husband ignores me like i don't exist

Anonymous said...

Argh... I think my hub has it too...

Anonymous said...

My husband has little patience and our son gets his Asperger's traits from me even though I was never diagnosed, so someone is constantly mediating in our house between the other two. We all have a pretty good sense of humor though, so that helps a lot.

Anonymous said...

Trying to figure that out myself. I started going out once a week with friends and taking a couple days a month to myself and just going away to re-group. Its helping, but its still stressful at home :( I've read everything imaginable and that is just not helping. I can honestly say its HARD to handle!

Anonymous said...

I thought maybe I posted this in my sleep as it's my life now too. It's very hard and trying, especially when the adult Aspie and child Aspie argue with each other and you have to be the mediator between 2 kids. Another question to this is, how do build a parent/child relationship when both of them have Aspergers? My son has become very resentful to my husband because of their fighting and his low tolerance of my son's stressful times. They have good days when they get along but overall it's a contentious relationship. Any advice?

Anonymous said...

Excellent advice on handling stress, but you forgot one thing: meds! In addition to counseling, I had to go to my doctor for my own anxiety and depression before I could get healthy enough to handle our very tumultuous situation. I'm glad I did, as I was beginning to get physical symptoms from the stress.

Anonymous said...

Read "Enzymes for Autism." I have 3 aspies, on of which is my hubby. The dynamics in our home have improved so much!

Anonymous said...

My hubby has it and 15 year old son ongoin hard work have 13 year old daughter too.we have months of everything goin well and then 1 day of sheer awfulness hard work and ongoin .the love I have for my son daughtr an hubby keeps megoin sad but TRUE xxx

Anonymous said...

New to this site but this sounds just like my household i have 3 aspies and more times than not i am deflecting a row mediating a row or waiting for 1 to start :( xx

Anonymous said...

yes sounds like my family,now my 2 a/s daughters are grown and left ,only me and aspergers husband left at home,but still not easy,quieter yes,more peacefull yes,but still hard coping with my hubbys arguing and his o,c,d,yes its so hard,

Anonymous said...

My husband and I recognized a lot of traits like ADD and some OCD in ourselves when researching it for my son who has ADHD and Aspergers. My husband and my son also go at it over sometimes the stupidest of things. I always thought it was inherent pig-headedness meets testosterone, but after reading this I'm not so sure, lol.
Yesterday at 1:02am · Like

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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to read the full article...

Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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My Aspergers Child - Syndicated Content