"My child with Aspergers just revealed to me that he has been bullied by one particular peer since the start of the school year. I guess my son didn't mentioned it before because he didn't realize until recently that this other student was actually doing something "wrong" and hurtful (go figure). Is it too late to address this issue now that there are only a few weeks of school left? What should I do?"
Children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism often exhibit behaviors that are peculiar enough to hold the attention of children who do not have the best interests of the child in mind. Besides simple teasing, bullying of Aspergers children can happen in situations in which they little ability to protect themselves.
Fortunately, if such bullying happens in school, it can be managed more easily (provided your child divulges that it is going on). Most schools are cracking down on bullying and are treating such behavior as assault and punishable by legal means. Parents have every right to speak with the principal, teacher or counselor in order to ask their help in controlling the bullies. Some schools have behavioral support staff whose job it is to get to the bottom of behavior issues and crack down on bullies.
Teach your child to walk away from bullies, preferably before they get started. Help him/her learn to recognize those situations that may lead to bullying (e.g., after school, on the playground, during lunch, etc.), and teach him/her to be more vigilant and stay near adults in such circumstances.
Sometimes, just having another friend around may reduce the incidence of bullying. If your child has problems making friends on his/her own, facilitate friendships with mature, understanding children who can both be a friend to your child and can help out if bullies try to tease or hurt your child. Facilitating friendships may mean inviting a child over for a meal or for some games or television. It may mean taking the two kids to a movie or on a shopping trip.
Bullies are a fact of life for many (if not most) children with Aspergers. The more a parent can do to intervene with the help of other adults (and other children), and the more a parent can teach the Aspergers child mechanisms for self-preservation that don’t include fighting back, the better able the youngster can be in dealing with this difficult situation.
10 comments:
As an adult on the spectrum, I will say the only thing that ever worked was fighting back, physically if necessary. Teachers normally did not intervene when they witnessed bullying. Parent and teacher intervention was not effective, and the teachers didn't really care. Teachers generally did not take insults, kicking, or another stuedent threatening to stab me with a pocket knife seriously. Their responses: "Just ignore them" and (if I was merely being called a "psycho retard nerd" or being told to go to a mental institution) talking about sticks and stones. When I was 9, I did stupid things because I thought my classmates had a right to order me to. When I was 11, bullies made my life a living hell. By the time I was 13, I knew to hit back and the turds found other kids to pick on. I later unlearned this behavior in high school(no longer necessary), and about half the kids who picked on me went on to(found this out by searching public records online) have criminal records. My boyfriend(also on the spectrum) had a similar experience, except that he started fighting back a couple years later and his school life became tolerable a couple years later. If the school is truly interested in intervening that's one thing, but more often they gave it lip service and then turn a blind eye. And the kids know it.
Do not let the bully get away with it, even though there are only a few weeks of school left. That's a few more weeks your child is bullied and a few more weeks the bully gets away with it. And there is always next year, where the bullier may do it again and possibly do it to other children. At my sons school, they do not tolerate bullying and are trying to put a stop to it. Also, the times my son has fought back, he was in just as much trouble as the bullyier for hitting another student. I don't agree with this policy, but it's the school's policy just the same. We have taught my son to tell a trusted adult at school or us. And sometimes "mama bear came out to play" to get something done, but we did get good results.
I don't think it is too late at all to address it, bullying is wrong I hope your son is ok
It's never "too late" to defend your child. Just use appropriate words when addressing the issue with teachers and principals. Be sure they are aware of how long this has been happening, and they should have noticed this behavior LONG before it got to this point! Who will speak up for our Aspies if our childrens teachers don't? They are the ones that spend 80% of the day with our children! My best to you!
one of many reasons I keep my son in karate...not to mention the focus, respect, and other skills that he learns there
I agree- it is never to late. You are your son's only advocate, and unfortunately if it is not taken care of now, it may go on to next year. Especially if your son is in mainstream- and the teachers do not know how or are properly educated in dealing with these kinds of situations. However if it is in his Special Needs class- then this is a serious and dangerous issue. Poor guy. Definitely also address this in your IEP, and get the behavioral counselor involved, Vice Principal, etc.. it is NOT Ok to bully anyone- but you can also get him his social skills to TELL you this sooner- Can anyone tell I have been through this? =) My best to you and your son!!
Bullying in kindergarten?! Unacceptable!! you and your child are in my thoughts... I deal with bullying of my 5th grader, he always says he won't tell an adult b/c he doesn't want to get anyone into trouble...
Our son has had a problem with one of his classmates really since first grade (he's now in third). He's really had a hard time at school over it because he's such a big kid and the kid bullying him is nearly half his size. It's taken all year battling the school over it, but they've told us they won't put them in the same class together next year. Hopefully they follow through on that. However I don't know why the concept that a smaller kid can bully a bigger kid is so hard to get. Especially when they know our son has aspergers.
it's never to late to address it. bullying is wrong and schools are going to start being held accountable for it more and more across the nation so bring it to their attention. If they don't stop it from happening "because the year is almost over" then they are not doing their job to protect your child.
17 hours ago · Like
It is never too late to address bullying.THe other child should be told about his behaviour & why it isn't appropriate. I would meet with teachers/staff to explain why my son has trouble differentiating between friends & bullies/identifying bully behaviour, and how they can help him to manage and respond appropriately. I would look into getting a one-on-one aid or therapist to attend school with him and help him navigate the relationships.
Post a Comment