HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders

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Famous People with Aspergers and Their Achievements

Having the diagnosis of Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism can be devastating for the parents of children who wonder what will happen to their child as he or she grows. In fact, there have been many known or speculated individuals with Aspergers that have made positive achievements in several areas of society.

Vernon L. Smith was a professor and researcher in Economics who had Aspergers. He eventually went on to collect the Nobel Prize in economics in 2002. He authored or co-authored several books related to economic theory.

Tajiri Satoshi is a Japanese game designer with Aspergers. He developed a passion for video games as a young person and eventually became the creator of the Pokeman characters and game despite his diagnosis.

Several authors in the world have known Aspergers. Sometimes writing becomes an outlet for those with Aspergers because verbal communication is more difficult for them. They tend to be more solitary and then learn to express themselves in the written word.

Music is another way some Aspergers individuals express themselves. Craig Nichols is a musician and front man for the garage band “The Vines”. Other Aspergers sufferers go on to become accomplished concert musicians or pianists.

It has been speculated that Sir Isaac Newton, Hans Christian Anderson and Thomas Jefferson all suffered from the syndrome. Each took their disability and found ways to shine through and express themselves in social and other situations that led to their success in several fields.

Having Aspergers doesn’t mean that a child is doomed to be “disabled.” Often, a bit of encouragement and playing to their strengths on the part of parents and teachers can give Aspergers children the self-esteem it takes to succeed in whatever area intrigues them.

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Asperger's sufferers can be so successful mainly because they are more focused and persistent, they do not get distracted and they are not interested in outside society.

Anonymous said...

Einstein did not speak until he was about 4 years old. Quite often, autistic children go on to have normal lives with the help of proper early schooling and proper supportive parenting.

Anonymous said...

Why use the term disability in this article at all? (i.e. "eventually became the creator of the Pokeman characters and game despite his disability.")
This doesn't seem like a disability but a profound ability.
It makes it seem like; "despite this terrible disease he still pulled through" rather than; "like all of us he has distinct skills and gaps in his skills. The gap might just be more profound."

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 3 is right. Asperger's doesn't seem like a disability at all compared to more severe forms of autism. I realize that most people with Asperger's may not have the intellect that the examples possessed, but it would appear that they have a better chance of dealing with their situations than others.

Anonymous said...

Believe me, it is a disability. My child has it and it is a virtual nightmare to deal with. Those who have become successful adults have learned to use their obsessive behavior to focus and excel. It is not a walk in the park to deal with.

Anonymous said...

The last person who commented that it is definitely a disability is absolutly correct. My son is 14, has a very high IQ, is in honors classes, and is very gifted in art and music. The problem is he is diabled with low executive function, working memory, and poor social skills. If his head wasn't attached, he would lose it like everything else. He is so smart, and looks "normal", so the educators expect him to function like all the other kids. He lacks any sense of organization, forgets to turn in his homework, and is misunderstood by his peers and teachers. He is frustrated and filled with anxiety over being "different" and the fact that he spends hours on homework, but frequestly loses it or turns it in without his name on it. He will be a freshman next year, and the educators in this town think that you can turn off the "Aspergers Switch" in High School. All he needs is prompts and reminders to go home with the right homework and turn it in the next day. How hard is that? He's got a 4.0 or higher brain, but will probably graduate with a GPA of 1.5 because he has a neurological disorder. Aspergers does not magically get cured when you enter High School. He is expected to learn the same way everyone else does, but he can't. If he gets the highest grade on the test, isn't he proving that he knows the material? No, lets just burn him for every assignment that he forgets so that no college will ever look at him! My son also has the gift of love and compassion for others, but I guess it's just not a two way street. Wake up people, ASPERGERS IS REAL AND IT IS A DISABILITY!!!!!

Eileen Z. Wolter said...

My 6 YO son has Aspergers. As he gets older and I learn more, I'm trying not to see it as a disability but rather as a difference. Yes, he's classified but that's so he gets what he needs in school. And I fight to get him everything. And we've seen massive results. Which is not to say its a walk in the park now But while he may not grow up to be famous I know that when he does hit on his "thing" his higher function fully engages and he achieves like no child I've ever experienced. So it's others who see him as disabled which right now is mostly a social problem which in time will work itself out.

Anonymous said...

MY son is 8 yrs old with Asperger's we have come up with Super Aspi. Super Aspi is the one who can do it all he can fly, jump over buildings, save people he can do everything but let my eight year go.It is a DISABILITY my son's IQ is very high and so far we are on point in school. BUT, when Super Aspi show up his hold is unbelievably sometimes he is stronger then me. I speak of Asperger's in this manner as it is not who my 8 yr old is it is WHAT he has. In my mind it's like someone with Lupus or any other disorder which can and does alter the way you may do things.True, Asperger's is life long with no cure coming. Instead of teaching him what he isn't in all of this i spend a lot of time teaching him what he is. He is a very smart person whom can be the best HE can be whatever that is or isn't. Teaching him to love who he is and what AUTISM brings to his/our table. HE my son is a child a person with thoughts and feelings even opinion, sometimes Super Aspi gets in his way. Autism/Asperger's is hard, hard because people have a hard time with what they can't see. (I say to people should i put him a wheelchair for you to see he does have a DISABILITY.)

Anonymous said...

to the woman with the 14 yo. Yes, I know. My son gets A's but also suffers. His temper is what I worry about him learning to control. I do, and you must also, check in with him for all homework, and remind him over and over like everything else. It's my belief and hope that mother's who are able can be the life line for these kids to succeed, in ways that nobody else including the sons will never notice, but hopefully make a help for them. Ask and remind.

Anonymous said...

My son has Asperger and he now is an adult. Emotional outburst due to sensory overloads, unexpected changes in routine and needs to unload pressure mounting can easily provoke his outburst. Yet, he quickly returns to say sorry and though he can be self centered and be in his little world he said "I don't understand why you don't understand what I understand I have the same problems with other people what I am going to do to help me not to get angry is to accept that you are different than me and that way I will not get upset from you being different than me". My concerns is that often communication between him and anyone can cause misunderstanding besides emotional outburst and honest but sort of brutal communication and black or white or concrete understanding of everything you say or don't say can create on going battles. I admit I have burnout but hope for a cure and knowing that inside his soul my son is the most tender creature on this earth like his father who also has been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome keeps me going and of course with the help of the one above.

Anonymous said...

I didn't identify my Aspergers until last year; I am 37 years old. I've masqueraded as a neurotypical all my life and suffered greatly. Like so many of you have said about your children I do have some special gifts and I have achieved some impressive things, but I'm so empty. I am completely misunderstood by NT's and do not see the universe at all like anyone I know. I am completely alone when surrounded by people I love.... If I could trade my "gifts" for a "normal" life I would do it without hesitation.

revive said...

I was diagnosed with Aspergers 9.5 years ago at the age of 18. I lived a life of being misunderstood by others, being over protected by my parents, and basically gaining almost no living skills. I am 27 now and have made many leaps and strides, and I continue to grow all the time. I have my own apartment, work two jobs, and I'm in school. However, it hasn't been easy. Like the lady's 14 year old son, people look at me and see that I "look" normal, so I must be normal. Then when I mess up on something or have an off day, I get judged harshly. I have some interesting gifts, specifically perfect pitch, and color/pitch synesthesia. However, getting people to understand what I see/feel/hear is almost impossible. I also have problems in romantic relationships. Though I am a woman, I think a lot like a guy and have trouble achieving emotional connectiveness with a man. The rules about relationships do not fit me. I am starting to like myself and appreciate what God has given me, but honestly, if I could trade it all and just be normal I would.

Anonymous said...

That was an interesting post by revive, she sounds similar to my 30 year old son. What is it in relationships that she thinks would not suit her.

Anonymous said...

I have a 28 year old son who majored in Computer Science and won every award the school had to offer and was told he was the most talented grad ever. It took him seven years to earn a degree. He had great grades in classes that interested him and flunked those that did not. He went to a liberal arts honors college and being well rounded was stressed. If it was not computers than he wanted nothing to do with it. He left school and moved home with us until I finally said you have to get on your own and can't expect us to shelter and feed you. His dad and I are not going to live forever. He returned to Washington and has been in and out of so many jobs it is sureal. He also changes apartments more than we can count. He decided to take jobs below his skill level and seems to think that if he just concentrates on his work that "HE" feels is important than he will be the next Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. His employers have expectations but my son always wants to do it his way or no way so as talented as he is is always in temp work and never permanent. At 28 and living a distance from him we have no idea if he is dead or alive, homeless or working. He never calls or will e-mail once in a blue moon but never tells us a thing. I think it is a lost cause at this point. He is an adult and there is not much parents can do at a certain point. I think you accept it and move on. The stats are about 80% chance of divorce so we are hoping that he does not head there unless he seeks counseling which he refuses do to. After many years of marriage I am sure his father also has some characteristics and that leaves me to be the rational one and deal with reality since his father is parked in front of the TV and is not really concerned. It is like flying with no landing gear. As heartbreaking as it is for a parent I think you just have to let go at a point. I am terminally ill and he also refuses contact with his brothers. As much as I wish this was not happening it is. It will suck the life out of you if you let it. You have to let go and just hope for the best. I would love to see him one more time but it is not going to happen. I wonder if he will even be able to express emotions like loss of what the future will hold but it is clearly out of my hands.

C4Y said...

Some people may want to shoot me on this one, but with the authority given to me by having Aspergers I feel able to say it isn't a DISABILITY, but I as are the majority of people with Aspergers are DISABLED.

Think of it this way; If society were to accept that everybody is different, if everybody in society said what they meant, If society was willing to structured, if clothes were not made with stupid tags in, if there wasn't nausiating wallpaper etc. we would all be fine. In fact if everbody had Aspergers how much better would the world be. Children are not disabled by there Aspergers, but by societys inability to accept and deviate from their societal structure and routine.

Grant

philthevole said...

dear grant i am 18 i also have aspergers so does my father and i think you are absolutely right and it brings to mind something by steve jobs called here's to the crazy ones it hits the nail on the head, but i think by 18 an aspergers person will have seen the disability or not things to read and will know that school can be hell but what i really want to know is when i blank insert whatever you want here others see blank who am i to someone without asperger's and how do i tell a girl or a person who i want to understand me how do i explain it and it makes sense to them without having to live with them for three to five years

herpetologist to be with aspergers
phillip taylor cockrell

post script dear reader feel free to find me on facebook or in public i won't mind even if i've never seen you in my life im in minnesota wabasha my cell is on facebook and i have a blog it's public too thanks for reading

feeling helpless said...

my 27 yr old son hasn't been 'officially' diagnosed as an aspie. One of my questions is, should he get the 'official' diagnosis and be labeled with that forever? I've been told by some psychologists that he should, and others that he shouldn't. He doesn't see himself as different, but as a victim of an unkind world. His only friends seem to use him only for rides around town. His loneliness is causing depression, and breaks my heart. He too was in the gifted program from 1st - 12th grade, even though he lost many assignments (same way in college). After 7 yrs of college he has graduated, and recently quit a food service job. He wants to 'get on with life' and use his degree, but seems to have no idea how to apply for a job (way out of the comfort zone). The only support I've found for aspies in my community is for young children - nothing for adults. I have not idea how this kid is going to survive without our support. I hesitate getting the diagnosis for the purpose of financial and medical aid, but what else can be done? Ideas???

Anonymous said...

To the heartless mother named Anonymous with the 28 year old son, I think he is better off without you. I honestly don't know how God can allow parents like you to exist. The ironic part of it is that you are probably the one who has Aspergers, not your husband. Maybe it is you who is making him depressed, because he can see that you just don't give a damn about your own flesh and blood.

C4Y said...

@philthevole

Sorry for my late response it has been a busy Christmas and is still busy now if Im honest. I was not entirely sure what you meant as I was unsure how to fill the gaps knowing so little about you. I will attempt to answer however the question I think was asked.

When you find the right person who you want to be with, dont 'try to act normal', because there is no such thing as normal. Be you and you can always drop it into convo later. If she likes you for who you are, chances are she won't care about a diagnosis.

Anonymous said...

To the anonymous mother of the 28 year old:
How dare you speak of your son that way, pointing out his every flaw, making it sound like he's worthless. The reason why he probably doesn't stay in contact you and in Washington is probably because of two things:
1. He's sick and tired of you not supporting him and putting him down all the time.
2. He has his own life, just like you do. You can't expect to stay in contact with him every minute of the d*** day.
Parents like you make me absolutely livid, those whom think just because their child/adult has a diagnosed disability, you think you have the right to overprotect them, be all nice to them to their face, talk nasty about them behind their back, whom never supports them in anything they do, even though most claim they do, they don't,etc. And your son's a lost cause, HE'S NOT A LOST CAUSE! All he is doing is working his butt off at every job he can get just to make a living, But most importantly all he really wants to do is live his life and make his own mistakes and learn from them like everyone else with out living in the fear of being judged and without being critized for every decision he makes. I think the best thing for you to do is accept what is and start truly loving and supporting your son, not try to control him and make him feel like he's walking on eggshells! Reading your comment gave me the impression that if you were not controlling your every son's aspect in life, if he did not live his life according to you, you can care less about him. Maybe if you got off your soapbox and realize how crappy you treat your son, maybe you'll see why he wants limited contact with you! He may have Aspergers, a disability, but he's not worthless and a lost cause! Start loving your son, support him, praise every accomplishment he makes big and small, focus on the positive qualities about your son, not his flaws! It's parents like you who should not be parents to disabled kids and adults! LAY OFF YOUR SON, LET HIM LIVE HIS LIFE! Yeah, he's gonna struggle, but we all do due to the status of our economy!

Anonymous said...

How dare everyone who uses this place as a place to complain about their children! It's not a joke. Oh so what if my child is not "normal" compared to my other child. Their more unique then anyone including you!

Anonymous said...

Thats is sickening to hear what the mother of the 28 year old said. I have met some guy with asperger and find him to be quite interesting. Yes it may be hard to deal with at times but I'm pretty sure everyone disabled or not are difficult to deal with at some point or another. For you to talk badly about your child as to say he is a lost cause, you should be ashamed of yourself. Being able to have a child is a gift and you should appreciate that you were blessed with one. Shame shame on you!!! Some people can't have and would love to and would make great parents and you have the nerve to abuse and take the privilage for granted.

April said...

To the folks going after the anonymous mom of the 28 year old:

I'm not sure you are seeing her point of view here, please hear me out.

She wasn't putting him down. She was stating the truth. She wanted him to stand on his own two feet and couldn't support him anymore. He is 28, not 5. She stated to you he had trouble with school. She stated to you how he is living his life. She stated to you that he has cut off contact from his family, and in order to save her sanity and her pain, she has accepted that he is doing so. She didn't showcase his faults. She stated what his life is like.

I can relate to this completely. My brother is Aspi and a couple of other things aside. Our life was extremely difficult growing up. We loved him. We supported him. We recognized his limitations and honored and encouraged his strenghts. We built our family around him and we did our best. But in addition to that: he was a brat. An old fashioned, typical youngest child who knew how to run our family. And that he did.

Did you ever think that maybe she really did try her best as a parent the whole way and now is just heartbroken that her child is gone despite her efforts? Or that Aspi's aside, this son might just be a selfish man who cut himself off from his family? More importantly, aren't the point of these support forums and informational sites the place where we can come together and VENT and share stories? Does she not have a rite as a human being to accept things as they are and try to move on with their life the best way they know how?

As for the remark about her being an aspi and not her husband: what you are saying then, is that she is horrible for being harsh about her Aspi son, but calling her an aspi for saying it? So the son can do whatever he wants because he is Aspi, and but she can't?

I don't mean to undermine anyone's opinions, negate anyone's frustrations, or argue anyone's point here. I'm just feeling a bit sad for this woman because she thought this was a safe place to post her true feelings and obviously, it wasn't. I came to this page for some insight. I've got it now.

I wish all of you nothing but strength, compassion, and support with your families and your future. Be well. -April

April said...

To the folks going after the anonymous mom of the 28 year old:

I'm not sure you are seeing her point of view here, please hear me out.

She wasn't putting him down. She was stating the truth. She wanted him to stand on his own two feet and couldn't support him anymore. He is 28, not 5. She stated to you he had trouble with school. She stated to you how he is living his life. She stated to you that he has cut off contact from his family, and in order to save her sanity and her pain, she has accepted that he is doing so. She didn't showcase his faults. She stated what his life is like.

I can relate to this completely. My brother is Aspi and a couple of other things aside. Our life was extremely difficult growing up. We loved him. We supported him. We recognized his limitations and honored and encouraged his strenghts. We built our family around him and we did our best. But in addition to that: he was a brat. An old fashioned, typical youngest child who knew how to run our family. And that he did.

Did you ever think that maybe she really did try her best as a parent the whole way and now is just heartbroken that her child is gone despite her efforts? Or that Aspi's aside, this son might just be a selfish man who cut himself off from his family? More importantly, aren't the point of these support forums and informational sites the place where we can come together and VENT and share stories? Does she not have a rite as a human being to accept things as they are and try to move on with their life the best way they know how?

As for the remark about her being an aspi and not her husband: what you are saying then, is that she is horrible for being harsh about her Aspi son, but calling her an aspi for saying it? So the son can do whatever he wants because he is Aspi, and but she can't?

I don't mean to undermine anyone's opinions, negate anyone's frustrations, or argue anyone's point here. I'm just feeling a bit sad for this woman because she thought this was a safe place to post her true feelings and obviously, it wasn't. I came to this page for some insight. I've got it now.

I wish all of you nothing but strength, compassion, and support with your families and your future. Be well. -April

Dizzy said...

Well quite a debate. I don't want to beat up on that poor mother so I'll just say how negativity affects me. My husband has a habit of identifying all my faults what seems like all of the time. It has chipped away at my self esteem over the years and now I just want to avoid the world. I have never taken to negative people and I can imagine if my parent was this negative I would be a complete mess. I was lucky I have a softly spoken father who would answer my questions esp. about why people do these things. His most common answer was "It's just human nature". I don't understand why people can't respect others right to be themselves, constantly judging. I know this is so because people are usually criticizing, gossipping, putting others down. When you ask them what they think should happen, they don't know, they just want to whinge, it's like people enjoy it. The saying "Each to his own", is so true but if you don't allow someone to be themselves then why should you expect the same in return. I call it my right to be an individual, like it or leave it, I own it and so does everyone else in the peaceful countries, I love people who allow me be myself which are only my family and a few chosen friends. I don't know if I would trade being Aspie for being normal because I don't know what 'normal' is. Overrated I hope. But I do so hate being classified as being disabled. Is there only 2 options? Normal/Disabled. I have only one seeing eye which means I can't judge distance and causes accidents but I don't think of that as a disability either. I just can't play badminton like the person with two eyes and I have to concentrate harder when I drive. My other big hate is the one about not having empathy. I can see that sometimes my brain is tunnel-visioned so that I don't see another person's plight at the time, it does not mean I don't have empathy for them after more thinking about the situation. I am a caregiver and I have yet to meet a person who understands the whole of what that entails unless they have experienced it for themselves. So when we are being direct it is only because that is the thought that is in the tip of our minds at that time. Think about what is actually being said first, respond to that, and then say how it hurts you. You may be surprised to get an apology as the Aspie realises. For that poor mother; for no mother wants to cast off her own son, try empathizing with him and explain how you feel gently, never raising your voice because it freezes our brain and causes painful confusion (Yes I know very hard to do when you're angry). And you are right he needs to stand on his own two feet, however wobbly, he will look for the tools himself now he's on his own,(it is very frustrating for us too always forgetting things; all that double handling, waste of time,forgot the shopping list again!). I do hope he surprises you.

Anonymous said...

To those of you who have been diagnosed with Asperger's, thank you for trying to explain how you experience the world and interact with it. My daughter, who is now 8, was diagnosed last year, and her father and I struggle to understand how her mind works. We know that it is ALWAYS working, inquisitive, brilliant & beautiful, but we rarely know what it is working on or how her mind processes information. She doesn't yet have the ability to explain it to us, so it is very helpful to hear from others who do.

To the mom of the 28 year old, what sounds like anger and judgment to others came through very clearly to me as pain. You structured your life and your family around your son's unique needs and abilities, as good parents do. You did the most difficult thing any parent ever has to do...throwing him out of the nest to learn to fly on his own, as good parents do. Now, the center of your world is gone, and he probably has no idea whatsoever that you're worried about him, wondering if you did the right thing & still fighting your maternal instinct to protect him. It is beyond hard not to take that emotional disconnect personally after the sacrifices made, and now to top it all off, you face a terminal illness wondering if you'll get the chance to make peace with all of it. That is a lot to bear. Stay strong & know that a stranger in Minnesota will have you in her prayers.

To those who lashed out...shame on you. As you preach that she judges her son, you do nothing but judge her because she didn't know how to express her pain in a way that doesn't offend or can be readily understood. I love my daughter more than anything. She has taught me so much and made me a better person. She has a beautiful heart and mind, but it is still very hard. I worry constantly about whether she will be accepted, whether she will accept and love herself, or whether she will someday be wishing she could trade in her amazing gifts to be "normal". To have gone through all of that & then lose her and never hear from her would be an unbearable pain. And you know what, I would have every right to feel that way just like mom of the 28 year old does. When my daughter has a meltdown and hits me, I know in my head that she doesn't do it to hurt me, but it does still hurt people.

My last thought is this...I don't know what it it's like to be an Aspi, but as someone who may fall into the "normal" category, I feel very safe saying it is very much over rated. It would be a mistake to believe that people would understand you if you just didn't have Asperger's. As you can see from people's cruel reactions to Mom of a 28 year old, "normal" people don't understand other "normal" people any better than they understand you. So, I hope you would change your minds and keep those amazing gifts. The world is a better place that way, and we "normal" people need you in it.

Shandrica T. Scott said...

I have two daughters, one is 17 and the other is 4. My 17 year old has Aspergers and it took me a long time to see past the "disability". When my daughter was in the 4th grade, her teachers really noticed her shutting down. It was after they (the school) completed some testing when I was told what was going on with her. From that moment, I saw my daughter with an ability instead of being disabled. She has always been in regular classes. But the down side is, since she was in kindergarden she has struggled with being organized. We have tried many techniques but she still struggles. This year, she has told me that she wants to work this summer and though I worry, I have received some encouraging words from friends and my church in allowing her to try and be independent. Yes this is a disability but what I have learned that as long as I see my daughter with the ability to succeed, I will not worry about what she can't do. I have also noticed that many children and adults with Aspergers have such a passion for art and music. She has already told me which school she will attend for college and her major is Art. I understand both sides of this discussion and I agree with many of you, but from personal experience... it can become trying at times. Children and adults with any form of autism require a lot of patience and strength. To all of you that have children and adults with Aspergers, pat yourself on the back and know that you are doing the very best you can and believe me, your children know it and love you more than they can express. Keep encouraging them and love them for who you know they are... children who are able. God bless all of you.

Anonymous said...

I can only hope my son becomes rich and famous. Maybe then he can reimburse me for all of the things he throws at me and breaks every day. Or for all the times he's kicked me, punched me, spit on me, told me he hated me, told me how stupid I am, threatened to kill me, etc. For the 45 minute screaming matches because he doesn't want to brush his teeth or do his 2 pages of homework. Whoever says this isn't a disability either doesn't have a kid with Asperger's or is on some heavy duty Prozac.

Anonymous said...

To anonymous who posted on April 24 about the hitting, spitting, breaking things, etc ....

I can relate to this completely. For quite awhile, I didn't like my son at all. I am scarred up and down my arm from him scratching me. He would often punch me in the back for no reason. He has major tantrums and has broken many household items. I used to say, "I love him, but I don't like him." It broke my heart to admit this truth. This was before learning how desperately he needs deep pressure to keep himself in control.

Now, when my son is melting down, I restrain him physically. I use by body to hug around him so he can't hit or kick me or throw everything in sight. It's the opposite of what I want to do, because my instinct is to move away from him, but I do it anyway. It calms him down much more quickly. He often ends up sweaty and "spent." And he typically hugs me and needs me to keep holding him for awhile afterward. Perhaps this will work for you, too.

I recently read a quote that said, "Love me when I least deserve it, because it is then that I need it the most."

Best of luck to you.

Anonymous said...

It might be a better strategy in the long run for you to come up with a plan where your son can learn to recover himself from tantrums without needing you or someone else to hug him. I am sure it depends on how old he is.

When my son was 6 and having temper tantrums we worked with a behavioral psychologist for help. One strategy was telling him he had a time limit on his tantrum, that I expected him to recover and rejoin us after several minutes (originally 15 and worked our way down to three). I was surprised when this worked!

Also, not sure how old your child is, but, it helps to keep a record and pay attention to what sets off tantrums, so you can head off tantrums before they begin. For instance, his father wrestling with him, always set him off about ten minutes later.

As to the other poster: screaming matches? are both of you screaming? That is not the answer. You sound angry and in need of some more 'tools in your tool kit.' This site is a great place to get some help. Hang in there-- it does get easier as they get older and learn to self advocate.

Anonymous said...

Right now, my son cannot calm himself without someone getting hurt in the process. I've tried everything other than pressure/restraint (which is mostly a firm bear-hug type hold). When he melts down, he becomes very aggressive. If he cannot attack me, he attacks his sisters. If he is unable to reach anyone, he is self-injurious .. biting and scratching himself or throwing himself against the furniture or walls. He's thrown himself against a brick wall and nearly knocked himself out. If he is able, he will grab the nearest object and hit me with it or throw it and break it. It's for his own safety and the safety of my family that I hold him.

I'm pretty in tune with my boy, so I usually do know what is going to set him off .. but often this is unavoidable. Changes in our schedule are going to happen. We are sometimes going to have to go someplace new to him. I try to ward off tantrums when I am able, and deal with them the best I can when I am not.

I'm so happy to have this forum. I read everything I can. I appreciate the support.

Anonymous said...

My sister is almost 30 and has AS. She too has little independence and life skills. She has been so depressed lately, sleeps all day and worries non-stop about being alone. I don't know what we can do for her anymore. She needs to have a job and keep her mind busy, but she refuses to get one. She wants a relationship but she can't even take care of herself. My family and I just don't know what to do for her anymore.

light said...

This is what helped for me… but first…My daughter since about 1 month, didn’t make eye contact, slept only 2-3 hours TOTAL in every 24 hour period but with no pattern (never the same window of time) for 7 years, had tantrums 21 hours a day particularly for every function I had to perform on her (diapers, handing a cup, car seat, elevator, clothes changing, etc.), had many phobias and obsessive compulsions, would not interact with me, hyperactive, had no boundaries (run out into parking lots, out of the house in the night), would not listen to instructions, seemed to not have empathy, very sharp senses (taste, sound, touch, sight) that caused her to have tantrums and run away from the point of contact, did not like to be held, caressed, kissed, had to touch everything in sight in all locations, had to be kept busy 21 hours a day, was very strong that I could not hold her down even at 3 ½ years old, and a host of other things – I had no life because I couldn’t go anywhere (I loved my daughter, but it is a daunting task and we are also only human and we DO get exhausted with such perpetual hyper-vigilance, which is NOT normal), and no life with my husband, who then just came home to sleep, so as hard as it is for the Asperger, it is also for the caregiver……soo…

…at 5 ½ I began to massage her spine every day in an upward direction as I read somewhere with COLD PRESSED PEANUT OIL, and placed a compress over her abdomen drenched with CASTOR OIL and heated with a heating pad (for 1 ½ hour – for 3 days, then a tablespoon of olive oil, but u can skip this or put it in food), or just rub CASTOR OIL all over the abdomen at bedtime). I also took her to my chiropractor for spinal adjustments when she finally let him after seeing me for years (today the best would be a CHIROPRACTOR NEUROLOGIST look it up – or one with HOLISTIC modalities like “CHIROPRACTOR with APPLIED Kinesiology”). Conventional medicine does not believe in this, but let’s just say that actions speak louder than words….you’ll see what I mean… so don’t let a doctor tell you it is quackery. Adjusting the spine is not just about moving bones, its about how adjusting them relieves impinges on the nerves that in turn are associated with the connecting nerve pathways to specific organs and functions AND the brain. So these are being stimulated to function, That’s a very short explanation.

With just these things (for my daughter’s unique set of problems – everyone is unique chemically and structurally) there was a change every 3 months: first was eye contact, then more calmness, then a sleeping pattern, then more sleep, then listening!, then following instructions, then almost no compulsions, etc. etc., she even began to ask for it!! I massaged every day, twice if I could, until she was 15, and the CASTOR OIL once every 2 weeks for 6 months (I should have done more). At 7 I could say that she was most manageable and almost “normal” so to speak. She still had difficulties but they were more sublime, but life was better for both of us, and she was socializing with other children. I’d say from a 50 (because they were so chaotic) she went down to a 20, where she could manage them much more comfortably. Today at 18, she could be an honors student, but she chose not to take those classes to feel less stress, and she is an artist who plans on doing 2d animation for gaming art. No one could tell she has aspergers. And she loves to hug, she comforts me when she sees me struggle (as a result of the extreme constant stress, more with her father, I have my illnesses to overcome now), and she is becoming a social butterfly....con't

Anonymous said...

I have asperg's syndome and it isn't a disblity because if it was than they would be seen differnetly.I know people get mean but if you work with it then they will be fine. :):(

Sue said...

In response to 'light', I have a grandson newly diagnosed with Aspergers. I have been all over the internet for information and have found on several sites that a large percentage of children on the autistic spectrum are lacking in vital nutrients because of poor absorption. Magnesium is one, and the other major one is essential fatty acids - found in castor oil, peanut oil and olive oil! Makes you think.

GoAspieGo! said...

In response to Grant, I couldn't agree with you more! My fiancee has just learned he has AS and although some aspects of life are a challenge for him, he's gifted beyond belief in other areas. I don't consider him to be disabled, just different from me! Sure he was challenging to figure out at first, but I'm very persistent and love a good puzzle. Understanding the differences in how people with AS process information has allowed me to measure his behavior according to what is "normal" for him, instead of what is "normal" for me. I have changed MY expectations. I don't feel disappointed if my cat doesn't like to play fetch like a dog, nor do I feel disappointed that my fiancee doesn't like large crowds of noisey people, cuddling for long periods of time, or talking on the phone. But I am in awe and incredibly proud (not to mention grateful) that he can fix my car, the garbage disposal, AND the washing machine without any instruction manuals and without having to spend money on a repair man. Yes, he has his repetitive routines that I sometimes don't understand, but one of those routines includes watering MY garden and taking out the kitchen trash everyday. Just because he doesn't match the rest of the "herd" doesn't mean he is disabled. The only disability I see is in other people's inability to understand and correctly interpret his behavior as I have done; the only deficit is peopel's inability to appreciate the ways in which we are ALL different.

Michelle Knight said...

I really don't believe that people with Aspergers are "suffering" as said by a previous commenter (Asperger sufferers). It is something that is a part of them that they can use to their advantage. High interests and fixations can be positively used to determine future occupations. They become experts in their fields because they have certain advantages. If we were to all focus only on negative aspects of ourselves what do you think would happen? I am a Mom of a 5 year old boy with the Aspergers Advantages. Stay positive and live happy. :-)

DreamerOfAquaSkies said...

I am 14 (going to be 15 but whatever) and I'm pretty proud to be blessed with aspergers. I was diagnosed at the age of 6 and even though there are many things I suffer from daily, the benefits of an amazing mind and talents can make up for it. As an aspie, there are days you don't want to strive for the things you can achieve because maybe you have anxiety or social phobia, or anything else you may have. But to all the peeps out there with it, keep fighting. You may be different, but it's a wonderful thing. And to all the mothers struggling with their diagnosed child, it will get better.

D BC said...

I'm with you Dreamer, my son is turning 10 and I see so much potential and awesomeness in him! Yes he has his struggles in school and socially but the one thing he has is self confidence! As a parent that is all we could ask for! It is a lot of work being a parent and sometimes I felt like I was the one with the disability because I never felt I was doing enough I was trying to find a "cure" but you know what before we look at how we can change the child maybe we should change ourselves first! Aspergers is not a disease, is not a disability it is a name, a label! My son is a boy living his life the best he can and as a parent I take pride and responsibility in the person he is becoming! PATIENCE IS THE KEY! Exercise and diet is the prescription.

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

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Online Parent Coaching for Parents of Asperger's Children

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing: obsessive routines; problems coping in social situations; intense tantrums and meltdowns; over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights; preoccupation with one subject of interest; and being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes.

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Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Parents, teachers, and the general public have a lot of misconceptions of Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism. Many myths abound, and the lack of knowledge is both disturbing and harmful to kids and teens who struggle with the disorder.

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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My Aspergers Child - Syndicated Content