"I have two boys, one of which has Aspergers. My husband has been diagnosed as well. I often feel like I'm in a constant state of playing mediator (and sometimes feel like I'm parenting 3 children, rather than 2 children and one adult). Is this common for Aspergers families, and what can I do to reduce our stress?"
Being a member of a family in which one or more members have Aspergers (High-Functioning Autism) can be extremely stressful at times. Sometimes it seems as if the entire family focus is on the Aspergers child and on the various tantrums and behaviors that come with it. Family members, and especially parents, can feel a low level of anxiety in anticipation of what could happen next.
It’s vital to take steps as a parent or sibling to take time for yourself away from the situation when things feel overwhelming. Take turns with the other parent so you each have peaceful times away from the situation. If possible, spend one on one time with other children in the home. This will reduce their stress level as well.
Get plenty of sleep. If your Aspergers child has difficulty sleeping, speak with his/her doctor to find ways to help your child sleep better so you can get your sleep, too. Don’t be afraid to take naps so you have enough rest to cope with whatever comes.
Don’t skip meals and eat as healthy as you can. If your child is on a special diet, make sure that the rest of the family and you get the type of nourishment that suits you best and revives your energy levels.
Consider exercising with or without your child. Take walks or bicycle rides to calm your nerves and increase your body’s endorphin levels. Stress levels automatically decrease with exercising just a few times per week.
Some herbal supplements like kava kava, valerian root and St. John’s Wort have relaxation and calming properties. In serious situations, these herbs can come in handy when you just can seem to stem the anxiety on your own.
If the family appears to be in crisis over the stress and anxiety of some of its members, family therapy can be very helpful. Individual therapy is also an option for those family members needing extra help. Often the therapist can coach you in the coping skills necessary to stay healthy and to raise your Aspergers child as best as is possible.
13 comments:
Hi Mark,
Does Aspergers come and go? I have a 5 year old tentatively diagnosed with Aspergers but whilst he's always special there are weeks when it's like a switched is turned on and everything turns 'bad' - these are the times when we struggle to enjoy him as a person. His resilence becomes very low, he argues everything we say, he refuses to play at all with others nicely ...well you know the sort of symtoms. But then after a week or so, the switch goes again and he's back to loveable with a few quirks!
is this normal?
It's normal -- and related to his stress-level.
Mark
Although i haven't got a diagnosis i can see that my husband has aspergers as well as our son from reading up on it. there are some excellent books on amazon about living with men with aspergers which i found has given me strength to detach the behaviour from the person which is not easy. the thing i find most upsetting is if i cry my son laughs and my husband ignores me like i don't exist
Argh... I think my hub has it too...
My husband has little patience and our son gets his Asperger's traits from me even though I was never diagnosed, so someone is constantly mediating in our house between the other two. We all have a pretty good sense of humor though, so that helps a lot.
Trying to figure that out myself. I started going out once a week with friends and taking a couple days a month to myself and just going away to re-group. Its helping, but its still stressful at home :( I've read everything imaginable and that is just not helping. I can honestly say its HARD to handle!
I thought maybe I posted this in my sleep as it's my life now too. It's very hard and trying, especially when the adult Aspie and child Aspie argue with each other and you have to be the mediator between 2 kids. Another question to this is, how do build a parent/child relationship when both of them have Aspergers? My son has become very resentful to my husband because of their fighting and his low tolerance of my son's stressful times. They have good days when they get along but overall it's a contentious relationship. Any advice?
Excellent advice on handling stress, but you forgot one thing: meds! In addition to counseling, I had to go to my doctor for my own anxiety and depression before I could get healthy enough to handle our very tumultuous situation. I'm glad I did, as I was beginning to get physical symptoms from the stress.
Read "Enzymes for Autism." I have 3 aspies, on of which is my hubby. The dynamics in our home have improved so much!
My hubby has it and 15 year old son ongoin hard work have 13 year old daughter too.we have months of everything goin well and then 1 day of sheer awfulness hard work and ongoin .the love I have for my son daughtr an hubby keeps megoin sad but TRUE xxx
New to this site but this sounds just like my household i have 3 aspies and more times than not i am deflecting a row mediating a row or waiting for 1 to start :( xx
yes sounds like my family,now my 2 a/s daughters are grown and left ,only me and aspergers husband left at home,but still not easy,quieter yes,more peacefull yes,but still hard coping with my hubbys arguing and his o,c,d,yes its so hard,
My husband and I recognized a lot of traits like ADD and some OCD in ourselves when researching it for my son who has ADHD and Aspergers. My husband and my son also go at it over sometimes the stupidest of things. I always thought it was inherent pig-headedness meets testosterone, but after reading this I'm not so sure, lol.
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