Asperger’s Syndrome & Meltdowns: Guidelines for Parents & Teachers

Every teacher of young Aspergers kids and every new mom or dad can expect to witness some meltdowns in Aspergers kids from age 1–4 years. On average, meltdowns are equally common in boys and girls, and more than half of young Aspergers kids will have one or more per week.

At home, there are predictable situations that can be expected to trigger meltdowns, such as bedtime, suppertime, getting up, getting dressed, bath time, watching TV, mom or dad talking on the phone, visitors at the house, family visiting another house, car rides, public places, family activities involving siblings, interactions with peers, and playtime. Other settings include transitions between activities, on the school bus, getting ready to work, interactions with other children, directives from the teacher, group activities, answering questions in class, individual seat work, and the playground.

Characteristics of Meltdowns—

All young Aspergers kids from time to time will whine, complain, resist, cling, argue, hit, shout, run, and defy their teachers and moms & dads. Meltdowns, although normal, can become upsetting to teachers and moms & dads because they are embarrassing, challenging, and difficult to manage. On the other hand, meltdowns can become special problems when they occur with greater frequency, intensity, and duration than is typical for the age of the Aspergers kid.

There are nine different types of temperaments in Aspergers kids:

• Distractible temperament predisposes the Aspergers kid to pay more attention to his or her surroundings than to the caregiver.
• High intensity level temperament moves the Aspergers kid to yell, scream, or hit hard when feeling threatened.
• Hyperactive temperament predisposes the Aspergers kid to respond with fine- or gross-motor activity.
• Initial withdrawal temperament is found when Aspergers kids get clingy, shy, and unresponsive in new situations and around unfamiliar people.
• Irregular temperament moves the Aspergers kid to escape the source of stress by needing to eat, drink, sleep, or use the bathroom at irregular times when he or she does not really have the need.
• Low sensory threshold temperament is evident when the Aspergers kid complains about tight clothes and people staring and refuses to be touched by others.
• Negative mood temperament is found when Aspergers kids appear lethargic, sad, and lack the energy to perform a task.
• Negative persistent temperament is seen when the Aspergers kid seems stuck in his or her whining and complaining.
• Poor adaptability temperament shows itself when Aspergers kids resist, shut down, and become passive-aggressive when asked to change activities.

Developmental Issues—

At about age 1 1/2 some Aspergers kids will start throwing meltdowns. These bouts of meltdowns can last until approximately age 4. Some call this stage the terrible twos and others call it first adolescence because the struggle for independence is similar to what is seen during adolescence. Regardless of what the stage is called, there is a normal developmental course for meltdowns.

One-and-a-half through 2 years old. Aspergers kids during this stage will test the limits. They want to see how far they can go before a mom or dad or teacher stops their behavior. At age 2 Aspergers kids are very egocentric and cannot see another person’s point of view. They want independence and self-control to explore their environment. When Aspergers kids cannot reach a goal, they show frustration by crying, arguing, yelling, or hitting. When children’s need for independence collides with the moms & dads’ and teachers’ needs for safety and conformity, the conditions are perfect for a power struggle and a meltdown. The meltdown is designed to get the teacher or mom or dad to desist in their demands or give them whatever they want. Many times Aspergers kids stop the meltdown only when they get what is desired. What is most upsetting to caregivers is that it is virtually impossible to reason with Aspergers kids who are having a meltdown, and arguing and cajoling in response to a meltdown only escalates the problem.

Three-year-olds. By age 3 many Aspergers kids are less impulsive and can use language to express their needs. Meltdowns at this age are often less frequent and less severe. Nevertheless, some preschoolers have learned that a meltdown is a good way to get what they want.

Four-year-olds. Most Aspergers kids have the necessary motor and physical skills to meet many of their own needs without relying so much on an adult. At this age, Aspergers kids also have better language that allows them to express their anger and to problem-solve and compromise. Despite these improved skills, even kindergarten-age and school-age Aspergers kids can still have meltdowns when they are faced with demanding academic tasks and new interpersonal situations in school.

Prevention for Moms & dads and Teachers—

It is much easier to prevent meltdowns than it is to manage them once they have erupted. Here are some tips for preventing meltdowns and some things you can say:

• Avoid boredom. Say, “You have been working for a long time. Let’s take a break and do something fun.”
• Change environments, thus removing the Aspergers kid from the source of the meltdown. Say, “Let’s go for a walk.”
• Choose your battles. Teach Aspergers kids how to make a request without a meltdown and then honor the request. Say, “Try asking for that toy nicely and I’ll get it for you.”
• Create a safe environment that Aspergers kids can explore without getting into trouble. Childproof your home or classroom so Aspergers kids can explore safely.
• Distract Aspergers kids by redirection to another activity when they meltdown over something they should not do or cannot have. Say, “Let’s read a book together.”
• Do not ask Aspergers kids to do something when they must do what you ask. Do not ask, “Would you like to eat now?” Say, “It’s suppertime now.”
• Establish routines and traditions that add structure. For teachers, start class with a sharing time and opportunity for interaction.
• Give Aspergers kids control over little things whenever possible by giving choices. A little bit of power given to the Aspergers kid can stave off the big power struggles later. “Which do you want to do first, brush your teeth or put on your pajamas?”
• Increase your tolerance level. Are you available to meet the Aspergers kid’s reasonable needs? Evaluate how many times you say, “No.” Avoid fighting over minor things.
• Keep a sense of humor to divert the Aspergers kid’s attention and surprise the Aspergers kid out of the meltdown.
• Keep off-limit objects out of sight and therefore out of mind. In an art activity keep the scissors out of reach if Aspergers kids are not ready to use them safely.
• Make sure that Aspergers kids are well rested and fed in situations in which a meltdown is a likely possibility. Say, “Supper is almost ready, here’s a cracker for now.”
• Provide pre-academic, behavioral, and social challenges that are at the Aspergers kid’s developmental level so that the Aspergers kid does not become frustrated.
• Reward Aspergers kids for positive attention rather than negative attention. During situations when they are prone to meltdowns, catch them when they are being good and say such things as, “Nice job sharing with your friend.”
• Signal Aspergers kids before you reach the end of an activity so that they can get prepared for the transition. Say, “When the timer goes off 5 minutes from now it will be time to turn off the TV and go to bed.”
• When visiting new places or unfamiliar people explain to the Aspergers kid beforehand what to expect. Say, “Stay with your assigned buddy in the museum.”

Intervention for Moms & dads and Teachers—

There are a number of ways to handle a meltdown. Strategies include the following:

• Hold the Aspergers kid who is out of control and is going to hurt himself or herself or someone else. Let the Aspergers kid know that you will let him or her go as soon as he or she calms down. Reassure the Aspergers kid that everything will be all right, and help the Aspergers kid calm down. Moms & dads may need to hug their Aspergers kid who is crying, and say they will always love him or her no matter what, but that the behavior has to change. This reassurance can be comforting for a Aspergers kid who may be afraid because he or she lost control.
• If the Aspergers kid has escalated the meltdown to the point where you are not able to intervene in the ways described above, then you may need to direct the Aspergers kid to time-out (see “Resources”). If you are in a public place, carry your Aspergers kid outside or to the car. Tell the Aspergers kid that you will go home unless he or she calms down. In school warn the Aspergers kid up to three times that it is necessary to calm down and give a reminder of the rule. If the Aspergers kid refuses to comply, then place him or her in time-out for no more than 1 minute for each year of age.
• Remain calm and do not argue with the Aspergers kid. Before you manage the Aspergers kid, you must manage your own behavior. Spanking or yelling at the Aspergers kid will make the meltdown worse.
• Talk with the Aspergers kid after the child has calmed down. When the Aspergers kid stops crying, talk about the frustration the Aspergers kid has experienced. Try to help solve the problem if possible. For the future, teach the Aspergers kid new skills to help avoid meltdowns such as how to ask appropriately for help and how to signal a mom or dad or teacher that the he or she knows they need to go to “time away” to “stop, think, and make a plan.” Teach the Aspergers kid how to try a more successful way of interacting with a peer or sibling, how to express his or her feelings with words and recognize the feelings of others without hitting and screaming.
• Think before you act. Count to 10 and then think about the source of the Aspergers kid’s frustration, this child’s characteristic temperamental response to stress (hyperactivity, distractibility, moodiness), and the predictable steps in the escalation of the meltdown.
• Try to intervene before the Aspergers kid is out of control. Get down at the Aspergers kid’s eye level and say, “You are starting to get revved up, slow down.” Now you have several choices of intervention.
• You can ignore the meltdown if it is being thrown to get your attention. Once the Aspergers kid calms down, give the attention that is desired.
• You can place the Aspergers kid in time away. Time away is a quiet place where the Aspergers kid goes to calm down, think about what he or she needs to do, and, with your help, make a plan to change the behavior.
• You can positively distract the Aspergers kid by getting the Aspergers kid focused on something else that is an acceptable activity. For example, you might remove the unsafe item and replace with an age-appropriate toy.

Post-Meltdown Management—

• Do not reward the Aspergers kid after a meltdown for calming down. Some Aspergers kids will learn that a meltdown is a good way to get a treat later.
• Explain to the Aspergers kid that there are better ways to get what he or she wants.
• Never let the meltdown interfere with your otherwise positive relationship with the Aspergers kid.
• Never, under any circumstances, give in to a meltdown. That response will only increase the number and frequency of the meltdowns.
• Teach the Aspergers kid that anger is a feeling that we all have and then teach her ways to express anger constructively.

When to Get Help—

For moms & dads. If, despite the use of these interventions, the meltdowns are increasing in frequency, intensity, or duration, consult your child’s doctor. You should also consult your child’s doctor if the Aspergers kid is self-injurious, hurtful to others, depressed, showing signs of low self-esteem, or is overly dependent on a mom or dad or teacher for support. Your pediatrician or family physician can check for hearing or vision problems, chronic illness, or conditions such as Asperger’s syndrome, language delays, or a learning disability, which may be contributing to your Aspergers kid’s increasing meltdowns. Your physician can also direct you to a mental health professional who can provide assistance for you and your Aspergers kid.

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