How to Discipline Children with Aspergers and HFA
Disciplining kids displaying behavior associated with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) will often require an approach that is somewhat unique to that of "typical" kids. Finding the balance between (a) understanding the needs of a youngster on the autism spectrum and (b) discipline that is age appropriate and situationally necessary is achievable when applying some simple but effective strategies.
In this post, we will look at the following:
In this post, we will look at the following:
- General Behavior Problems
- Obsessive or Fixated Behavior
- Sibling Issues
- Sleep Difficulties
- Problems at School
- Problems in Public
- Over-protective Parenting
- The Dignity of Risk
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Answer: Discipline is:
• "Time-outs" that are open-ended and governed by the child's readiness to gain self-control
• Acknowledging or rewarding efforts and good behavior
• Consistent, firm guidance
• Directed at the child's behavior, never the child
• Giving children positive alternatives
• Listening and modeling
• Logical consequences that are directly related to the misbehavior
• Physically and verbally non-violent
• Positive, respectful
• Re-directing and selectively "ignoring" minor misbehavior
• Reflection and verbal give-and-take communication
• Teaching children to internalize self-discipline
• Teaching empathy and healthy remorse by showing it
• Understanding individual abilities, needs, circumstances and developmental stages
• Using mistakes as learning opportunities
• When children follow rules because they are discussed and agreed upon
• When children must make restitution when their behavior negatively affects someone else
Punishment is:
• "Time-outs" that banish a child for a set amount of time governed by the adult
• Being told only what NOT to do
• Children are punished for hurting others, rather than shown how to make restitution
• Consequences that are unrelated and illogical to the misbehavior
• Constantly reprimanding children for minor infractions causing them to tune-out
• Controlling, shaming
• Criticizing the child, rather than the child's behavior
• Forcing children to comply with illogical rules "just because you said so"
• Inappropriate to the child’s developmental stage of life
• Individual circumstances, abilities and needs not taken into consideration
• Negative and disrespectful of the child
• Physically and verbally violent and aggressive
• Reacting to rather than responding to misbehavior
• Sarcastic
• Teaching children to be controlled by a source outside of themselves
• Teaching children to behave only when they will get caught doing otherwise
• When children follow rules because they are threatened or bribed
Discipline is guidance. When we guide children toward positive behavior and learning, we are promoting a healthy attitude. Positive guidance encourages a child to think before he acts. Positive guidance promotes self-control. Different styles of discipline produce results that are different. Discipline requires thought, planning, and patience.
Punishment, on the other hand, is usually hitting, spanking, or any type of control behavior. Basically there are four kinds of punishment:
• Penalizing the child with consequences that do not fit the crime: Example: "Because you told a lie, you can't have your allowance."
• Physical: Slapping, spanking, switching, paddling, using a belt or hair brush, and so on.
• With words: Shaming, ridiculing, or using cruel words.
Punishment is usually used because:
• It vents adult frustration
• It's quick and easy
• Parents don't know other methods
• Punishment asserts adult power
Punishment does not promote self discipline. It only stops misbehavior for that moment. Punishment may fulfill a short-term goal, but it actually interferes with the accomplishment of your long-term goal of self control.
The consequences for children include the following lessons:
• It is okay to hit people who are smaller than you are.
• It is right to hit those you are closest to.
• Those who love you the most are also those who hit you.
• Violence is okay when other things don't work.
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