Question
I need to put drive in my 15 yr old son with Aspergers. When I discipline him with taking things away ... nothing seems to work unless I TOTALLY get frustrated ... then he reacts. I would like him to CARE.
Answer
Most teens with Aspergers struggle with social skills, communication, and a limited diet. The causes of these struggles: social, communication, and behavioral problems, along with sensory issues, can create the desire for isolation and a lack of motivation. Teens with Aspergers easily drop into a lonely state of depression, making the original problems that much worse.
Behavior modification is the most popular area of concentration when treating teens with Aspergers. Social skills therapy and living skills therapy are widely available and do bring about effective progress in most cases. However, you are looking for something new to try.
Motivation is the key to improving your teenager’s circumstances. Actually, motivation is a factor anytime you are seeking to modify any teenager’s unwanted behaviors. Now motivation in itself is definitely an old concept, but using motivation in a new way will create the wanted result for your teenager.
Old Motivation—
As moms and dads, we often use set motivators to achieve the behavior we feel is appropriate. The concentration has been placed on the behavior, which sets a negative tone to the process of change. You can’t blame a teenager for reacting negatively to a negative tone.
• Rewards or bribery- “If you do ______ today, I’ll buy you a ______.” We’re guilty of this one, too. This probably creates more confusion and greed than motivation over time.
• Punishment-“If you don’t do ______, then you will get ______!” We all use this at one time or another and over the course of time, it has proven to be an ineffective motivator.
New Motivation—
Motivators should be positive. It feels good to see your teenager happily learning or cooperating in desired behaviors. Motivators that appeal to the individual teenager should be used for maximum results. Motivation is definitely personal. What motivates one teenager will not work for every teenager.
• Routines-Keeping your teenager’s routines constant will improve his outlook. He’ll know what to expect at any given time, lessening the stress he feels.
• Special Interests-Using your teenager’s special interests both at home and at school can generate positive responses in all situations. For example, your teenager’s love of trains can be used to encourage eating at home. Train themed dinnerware or even themed foods may be used to entice the reluctant eater.
DISCIPLINE FOR DEFIANT ASPERGERS TEENS
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7 comments:
try not taking things away for a short length of time. Take them away for good, and tell him he has to 'earn' his things back (one at a time). Hope that works. If he's like my teen son, he'll get back the video game ... then not worry about the rest. I've heard some parents go as far as removing all furniture too, and have them earn back their bed & tv/radio. But I dont have the room to store all that.
Hi I have a son going through the same At the moment he is nearly 15 and had started swearing in school and at home he says sorry but we know it's not sincere when we ignore him and send him to his room he bangs the floor and screams and cries and says he's sorry...taking games away etc have always worked in the past but now he gets so mad and frustrated he's taller than me now and uses his size to try and dominate the situation he even swore at his dad recently for the first time ever...week days r the worst as it's a school nights with more rules- bed times etc..
My Aspie son is now almost 21 and my husband and I nearly didn't survive his teen years for these reasons. He would rather play his guitar more than anything (including chores and studying). Much to my dismay, he refused to go to college. Well, his band just signed with an agent and he's cutting a demo for a label in a few days. Try to breathe deeply and know that you will come through it. Set your standards but accept that much of the time, he just won't care. But when he does care, it will be magic. Good luck to you.
Negotiation works as well as bribery, you have to show them whats in it for them & it has to be something that motivates them. My son loves gaming, ds, wii etc, he earns money to buy them by doing or trying things that I want him to do, taking away things/privileges ( negative reinforcement) does not work with aspies, offering them things to take part or do things (positive reinforcements) work really well.
The only time taking something away from my 4 year old is when he had to give it up, for GOOD! Positive reinforcements can work too.....have to try different things. No 2 kids with Aspbergers, in my opinion, is the same.
thats good to know. i recently started a sticker chart and when she reaches the goal she will get her fav thing in the world, a large purple bouncy ball.
I have also found that the positive reinforcement is more effective than negative. My son (11) earns points for correct behavior. He still gets things taken away for the more extreme misbehavior, but the more minor issues we just don't give points.The points add up to an activity that he wants to do, like miniature golf. We tier it so that he can wait for something big or use the points sooner for something smaller.
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