HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

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Aspergers Adolescents & Suicide

Email from a father of an Aspergers son:

In Orange County, California a young adolescent killed two neighbors before committing suicide. He had not worked since graduating high school two years earlier. It sounded like a bizarre mystery to me when I first learned of this through the news outlets. I figured the fact that this person did not have a job was a factor in the outcome. It seemed like depression and rage took over.

Today when driving to our social skills therapy appointment, the talk radio station I listen to had an update on the young man who committed the crimes. It was stated that he suffered from Aspergers. On the one hand I was quite surprised to hear this since I do not recall those with Aspergers being violent.

Over the years I have heard that there is a suicide risk among those with Aspergers. Moms & dads, families and teachers need to keep a watchful eye on the emerging adolescent who has Aspergers. Know the warning signs and learn about the three D's = drugs, depression and dangerous activity.

Some refer to Aspergers as the Geek Syndrome, with many referring to themselves as an Aspie. The term NT means neurotypical, another way of saying normal. When having an internet conversation these terms are often utilized. Kids, adolescents and adults get diagnosed with Aspergers. Usually a child will get the diagnosis of autism, where the age varies for AS. I personally have heard of many being diagnosed as a adolescent or young adult.

The major component differentiating autism with Aspergers is the language deficits are in Autism. Both those who are higher functioning with autism and those with Aspergers have socialization difficulties. They lack reading social cues and empathy. They may have fleeting eye contact and perseverate on interests and hobbies. They are also literal and visual thinkers to some degree or another.

The incident that took place here in Southern California is a tragedy all around for the community and families involved. The parents to the boy did not know he had a gun. It was reported that he was crying out on the internet seeking a friend. I know from our personal experience that kids on the Autism Spectrum are often friend-less. My son would love to have a playmate and enjoy a sleepover.

He will use the phrase "best friends" whenever he has finished having a conversation with someone. That is his new best friend, even if he has no clue to the kid’s name. The last day of the autism day camp this past summer he and his friend were having a hard time saying goodbye. I was quite surprised when I saw Robert lean over and give the boy a hug and was happy that he made the gesture.

They publish a directory with the data for the families each year. Robert has already drawn a birthday card for this boy. Each year on the last day of camp they give out framed photos of the child. This past summer the photo for Robert has the two of them walking hand in hand on one of their outings. This does concern me somewhat because they are 10 and 11 and I wonder how others in the community would perceive "tweens" holding hands.

A lot of the gestures, movements and body language my son has developed could be misconstrued by adolescents once he hits middle school and high school. This has me very worried, so I am learning all I can now about the teenage years for kids on the Autism Spectrum.

I believe another issue to be on guard to is Bipolar Disorder. From what I have read this is developed around the same time - teenage years through young adults. My kids also have a 50% chance of becoming Paranoid Schizoprehnic during the same time period due to their Father having the same disorder.

I am in no rush for my kids to mature and get into those years. I think Craig is prime for Bipolar and not sure why I have this feeling. There is also Alzheimer's Disease in my family genes and hope it does not afflict me the same time the boys might be emerging with other issues.

I have no qualms about snooping if it is warranted as Robert gets older. From what I have read the signs to note are:

• clothing styles drastically change
• disinterested in sports/hobbies that were once a major importance
• distracted, aloof
• driving tickets
• eating less or more
• gaining or losing weight
• grades plummeting
• not taking their meds
• outbursts
• personal hygiene has changed
• sleeping in class
• sleeping patterns are out of whack

Kids start experimenting with alcohol, sex and drugs at this phase of their lives. A child on the Autism Spectrum might go with the flow if they are trying to fit in and making new friends without following body language. Their quirkiness might be looked at as something of interest by the Neurotypicals and they could strike up a conversation that seems innocent to the young person with Aspergers or Autism.

Communication and a watchful eye by the moms & dads are necessary at this time. Having a trusted adult around when school gets out, even being at the school to pick them up or watch from afar if they are taking the bus is worth looking into. Attending conferences and discussing anything out of character with teachers, aides, therapists and counselors is a must. Note any change in sleeping and eating to these professionals that work with the young person at school and maintain communication via email.

Bullies are not just boys either, and a child on the Autism Spectrum might miss the fact that a girl is interested in him when she starts picking on him and becomes aggressive. Kids might be experimenting with smoking or inhaling substances. Spend time each day or night with your child and discuss all these issues ahead of time. Prepare them for the locker room drama, role playing with family members.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great info! Thanks for sharing. I will keep this in mind with my 9yo daughter...

Anonymous said...

Great info!!!! I often worry about what the future holds for my son and so I keep reading and researching on how to make things easier...thank you! :)

Anonymous said...

My 13 year old son Avi has a PDD diagnosis, although many of his traits are typically Asperger. We live in Israel where there is a highly-develped special ed program for kids with autism-spectrum disorders. Avi attends a special-ed class within a regular school, he is happy there, is getting fairly good grades, likes his teachers and classmates. He takes music lessons ( recorder and theory), attends a weekly Dungeons and Dragons game ( live,not online), and takes an after-school class in lego engineering, which he loves.
He is generally a fairly happy and helpful kid,but his traits can be very annoying and embarassing to his siblings e.g. constant use of strange metaphors, rattling on endlessly about Pokemon and Digimon characters, relating veratim several episodes of Animaniacs, strange body language.
This evening, one of his brothers ( Avi is the 4th of 7 kids) decided to give Avi a little speech about how he would never get anywhere in life if he didn't change his ways, and Avi just lost it- he began crawling on the floor like an animal, saying his life wasn't worth living and he needed to end it, trying to open a window as if to jump out, threatening to go to the top floor and jump off the roof. He has never spoken like this before.
I talked to him for about half an hour, trying to calm him down, and after a hot bath and food, he seemed to have cheered up and went to bed as usual.

But this is a new and scary phase for us-- can you recommend any program for me, my husband, Avi and our other kids that will help us understand each other better and will hopefully prevent Avi's suicidal thoughts becoming anything more than just thoughts?

Anonymous said...

I am the parent of a 12 year old son with PDD-NOS which in Manitoba is very grey with the school's and other agencies. We recently experienced first hand the difficulties that an autistic/asperger child has. Our son had to be admitted to an Adolescent treatment unit due to being suicidal. He has been bullied for years and never said a word. It finally all came to a head this year as they removed his teachers assistant as they wanted him to be more independent. So between that isolation in the classroom and the bullying on the playground, he was ready to end his life. The one good thing that has come of this is that the school is finally taking note. I taught school for twelve years, and I was so frustrated with the way things were going. They just nodded and did as they pleased. So happy to have our son home. He is not back to school yet, but he is alive.

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually. Thus, the best treatment for Aspergers children and teens is, without a doubt, “social skills training.”

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

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