Aspergers and Anti-Social Behavior

Question

My son is 14 with ADHD and aspergers. My housing association wont recognise this and want an ASBO placed on him, otherwise an Injuction placed on myself to take full responsibility for my sons anti-social behaviour. Surely this cannot be possible and so unfair on my son and myself. What can I do? Any ideas please...

Answer

For many moms and dads of kids with Aspergers, coping with violent and aggressive behavior can be a very difficult challenge indeed. Aggressive behavior in the youngster with Aspergers occurs for a reason, just as it would with any other youngster. No youngster ever really just "acts out" for no apparent reason whatsoever. The key is in the words "apparent reason" - there is ALWAYS a reason but the major challenge for the parent is often working out what that reason is.

Inappropriate behavior, whether mild or severe, generally occurs in order to:

1. Avoid something - for example a youngster may become aggressive and shout before getting the school bus; as they want to avoid going to school.
2. Get something - for example a youngster may lash out at another youngster because they want to get the toy that the other youngster is playing with.
3. Because of pain - for example a youngster may show a range of challenging behaviors to their moms and dads because they feel in physical pain, such as having earache.
4. Fulfill a sensory need - for example a youngster may lash out or shout in the classroom if it is too noisy, too busy, too bright, too hot, or strong in a particular smell.

So the first step in reducing or eliminating this behavior is to determine the need that it fulfills by looking at the four categories above.

The second step is to teach them a replacement behavior, which they can use to communicate what they want or don't want. It may even involve using some of their obsessive or self-stimulating behaviors (like hand-flapping, rocking, pacing) as a replacement behavior.

This is because it would be far less intrusive to others than aggressive behaviors, but still serve the same purpose. It could also be about encouraging the youngster to express their feelings or negotiate verbally. For other kids they may communicate through another method like emotion cards, drawing, using symbols or "talking" through a puppet. You know your youngster best so you need to determine this.

This process takes time and initially, depending on the behavior, you may not have time. If the behavior is severe, then you need to remove the youngster from whatever situation they are in at the time immediately. Simply insisting that they stop the behavior and participate in whatever is occurring will not benefit the youngster or you; unless you remove them from the situation first.

Maintaining your youngster's routine will go a long way towards reducing the need for inappropriate or aggressive behavior in the first place. Because for kids with Asperger's routine is a great source of stability and comfort for them.

So, just to recap, the two critical factors for coping with your youngster's aggressive and violent behaviors are:

• Identify the real cause of the behavior from the four main categories above.
• Teach the youngster to communicate the real cause of the behavior to you in a less harmful manner.

==> My Aspergers Child: How to Parent Anti-Social Aspergers Children