Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders


Managing “Fixations” in Kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

"How much should we allow our AS daughter to play video games? She would spend most of her time doing this if we let her. My husband and I are divided on this issue, which has caused a riff between us."

If you are the mom or dad of a youngster with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you may have heard your youngster exclaim, "But I can't live without it!" on more than one occasion. You may also notice that the book bag you just saw him pack is suddenly filled with a few more Harry Potter books. Or perhaps that suitcase for the trip to grandma's house has a Gameboy in it, when he promised he would leave it at home this time.

Fixations or perseverations with certain topics or objects, ranging from books, video games, or trains to history, movies, or any number of other subjects, are a classic symptom of Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism. In addition to impairments in social functioning, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual lists as a characteristic of the disorder restricted, repetitive, and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:
  • apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
  • encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
  • persistent preoccupation with parts of objects
  • stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)

What's the harm? Well... while these fixations must be understood and accepted as part of the disorder, they are also coping mechanisms that kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism use to escape social anxiety. For example, video games are a very common interest among children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism. Although the virtual world and these games can be a great place for kids to practice social skills, make friends, and have fun, the interest in video games can quickly become an unhealthy and even dangerous obsession.

For kids who get bullied all day at school or feel ostracized and out of place in their everyday lives, it's soothing to come home and play video games for hours. In the safe haven of online gaming, children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism can isolate themselves from real-life people and the complexities of face-to-face interactions. However, the social setting in online gaming or chat rooms is unrealistic and far more predictable than real-life social situations. While social conversations in real life are highly complex and unpredictable, online gamers share a common and simple language for communicating.

Since most online interaction occurs through typing, there is time to think about a response, and the response can be given in symbols and phrases without regard for facial expressions or nonverbal cues. In addition, curse words, rude remarks, and hurtful jokes may be considered socially acceptable online, but they will not be welcome responses in the real world. This disjunction between socially acceptable interactions in the virtual world and the real world can be terribly confusing to kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism who already struggle to understand basic social conventions.

Moms and dads of a youngster with Aspergers are thus faced with a dilemma: Do we limit our youngster's time spent doing the activities that interest her most and run the risk that she will withdraw even more, or do we allow her unfettered access to things like video games and science fiction/fantasy books and movies despite the obvious social repercussions?

According to many experts, it's important for moms and dads to find the balance between accepting their youngster's unique interests, and encouraging their youngster to develop social skills and additional interests that might take him outside of his comfort zone. By granting unlimited access to video games and other fixations, moms and dads offer their kids nothing more than a quick fix. The perseveration may be a convenient coping skill for facing the hardship of a long, difficult day at school, but it will not be the healthiest path into adulthood. Kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism need to be challenged to explore other interests and find healthier coping skills. It's easy to use video games and other antisocial outlets to cope, but easier isn't usually better.

If young people with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism aren't encouraged and helped to develop social skills and independent living skills, there will be a direct impact on how many friends they have, and how successful they are in school and on the job later in life. They may be soothed in the short term, but that deep underlying desire to make friends will remain a source of constant dissatisfaction and further isolation.

Addressing fixations is difficult for moms and dads. On one hand, video games and other interests encourage more social interaction than kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism would ordinarily have. On the other hand, it's NOT the kind of social interaction that prepares them for life. Moms and dads should encourage their youngster to develop interpersonal skills “off” of the computer, and set limits around how often their youngster with Aspergers uses or talks about his or her fixations. Moms and dads should offer incentives to their youngster to balance his or her time spent focused on the fixation and time spent doing social activities. For example, if a youngster is passionate about video games, the mother could agree to allow the youngster a certain amount of time to play each week in exchange for the youngster's participation in an after-school activity.

Parents need to learn how to negotiate their youngster's fixations and find the appropriate balance. For example, if a youngster wants to take the entire series of Harry Potter books on an experiential learning trip, parents can explain that the books are too heavy and the youngster will be permitted to choose only one favorite book. In this way, the parent acknowledges how important the particular interest is to the youngster and offers him a choice in the process, while setting clear and fair limits and ensuring the child will still get the social interaction he needs out of the program. Similarly, if a youngster insists on taking his portable video game or DVD player to summer camp, moms and dads can reach a compromise (e.g., “You can take it and use it on your way to the campsite, but when you arrive, the camp director will hold onto it for you).

When children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism have a clear structure around when they can engage in their particular interest, they are more willing to accept rules limiting its use. At some of the schools that specialize in “special needs” students, the kids are allowed to read their favorite book at designated times, but they are not permitted to bring the book to meals. In this way, the children learn that their interests are perfectly acceptable when explored in socially appropriate ways, places, and times.

The fixations and perseverations of kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism fulfill a need in their lives that will likely never disappear completely. However, their usefulness in real life is extremely limited. Everyone needs an occasional break from the rigors of daily life, but kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism depend on their mother and father to set limits around these fixations and offer guidance in navigating the complex social world around them. By making a plan and following through with it, you accept your youngster for the unique being he or she is, while providing the child with the tools needed to live up to his or her full potential.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook


•    Anonymous said... Funny because I had this conversation with my 8 year old son's psychologist recently. He said as a clinician he knows his answer should be "yes" to limit the video games, but he also said that because my son doesn't just play video games, he researches videos about how to defeat levels and finds parody videos about video games (also his biggest game he loves is Minecraft) that the game he plays most and all his research are somewhat educational. He pointed out that if it wasn't that, it would most likely be something else. We do take time away for the rest of a day if he is acting up horribly or not getting schoolwork done. If we don't have anything going on, we let him play. If there are things, he is limited and given several warnings in advance so he can prepare himself to change gears and not have a meltdown over it.
•    Anonymous said... Garek loves Midievil 2......but since he is way ahead in his schoolwork, pulling down As and Bs, and researching .....ok....obsessing about world history......meh.....not a concern
•    Anonymous said... It causes a big riff between the two of us too....but I would limit her playing time for an hour or take the game away for an hour or so if she shows anger, frustration or just being aggressive to it.
•    Anonymous said... My AS son is 13 and gets roughly one hour of video game time each day during the week, right after school. This gives him a break between school and homework which he desperately needs. During the weekend, he may get more time, depending on what's going on in general. My son has a few really good friends in our neighborhood and he loves to be outdoors so as the weather gets better, he spends more and more time outside, which is great. Hope you guys can find a happy medium.
•    Anonymous said... My son loves history as well. Especially about the different wars. We limit video games a lot in our house. If we don't they become an obsession. He has chores around the house that earn his game times.
•    Anonymous said... My son plays video games more than he should. However, living in a small place with no known kids his age in the neighborhood it makes it hard to do much else. Our son does do some reading as well as schoolwork so we feel that some time is ok.
•    Anonymous said... we have same problem

•    Anonymous said... I agree once my lil guy is off the darn thing he becomes so creative and interested in other things
•    Anonymous said... I don't always agree with the 2 hour a day rule when it comes to Aspie kids. It also can help them with social issues, and helps them in reacting to challenging situations without melting down. My son does get more then the generic two hour a day rule suggested by All doctors. That two hours isn't just video game time, they also mean screen time period.
•    Anonymous said... We allow 1.5 hours per day using a timer. Breaks in between. The visual red yellow green light timer from Amazon is what works best for us. We enforce it religiously.
•    Anonymous said... We are in the same boat. During the summer ours plays a lot more but we have him In activities like springboard diving whi h he loves. I use the tablet to help enforce rules. We take computer and tablet time away when he acts out.
•    Anonymous said... We have set a two hour time period where our lad is allowed to play. It turns off when the time is up. He likes having a specific time and often finds himself having so much fun doing other things that he doesn't bother anymore.
•    Anonymous said... We saw a specialist yesterday with our 8 year old. She said to limit to no more than 2 hours a day.
•    Anonymous said... We use an egg timer......and take one, two, three hour breaks.......not while eating, finish priorities first, etc

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Anonymous said...

Lissa Bean
Oh I know! My 6 yo daughter cannot leave the house with out bringing her favorite things in a bag. I have to tell her at least 10 mins before we leave because she gets nervous and packs all her stuff like shes going on vacation! she does the same thing in the bathroom. She always has to have something with her. And when we asked her not to bring things in she would get very upset and say how "she needs it so bad and cannot live without it" we don't give on always but we tell her it'll be ok and that it will be right here when your done. That usually makes her very anxious but we're working on it ;-)
25 minutes ago · Like

Anonymous said...

Great article! It addresses something I have had to work through with my child. I have to limit time with Star Wars book, Legos, and his tendency to fall back on playing with nerf guns and play swords EVERY time company (with kids) comes over. I have to set limits and nudge him in other directions or he will do NOTHING else!

Anonymous said...

Yara Victória Pereira my son has gone to school with his psp on his underwear because he knew he wasn't allowed to take it... :)
43 minutes ago · Like

johnnieR said...

Once when I brought the topic up of playing too many video games my then 10 year old daughter looked at me and said, "But that's the only time I feel like a hero." It broke my heart because I knew how stressful her days at school were. We still struggle to find a balance even though we've eliminated a lot of the stressors by changing schools.

hidstro said...

I feel like there is one important aspect this article leaves out about (specifically) video games and Asperger syndrome. Video games are such a popular topic in tween boys' social conversations. If you go into any middle school cafeteria you would hear lots of boys discussing the latest video game level they are on. When I completely restricted all video games for my AS son("he's addicted! He cant think about anything else!") , he started to fixate on origami instead (a 'not-socially-acceptable' topic of conversation). My husband and I decided that this medium (video games) allows him to interact, socially, with boys his age and gives him something to chat about. It also builds his confidence since he's feels like he's quite good at playing them and the other boys make a big deal about whatever level he's accomplished. That said, we do limit time he can play. We also limit the types of games he plays. I am more on the liberal end of time he spends gaming and my husband tends to be more conservative. Bit I've learned a lesson about taking something completely away. It will be replaced with something else...possibly something that stigmatized a child even further.

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually. Thus, the best treatment for Aspergers children and teens is, without a doubt, “social skills training.”

Click here to read the full article…

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Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

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Online Parent Coaching for Parents of Asperger's Children

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing: obsessive routines; problems coping in social situations; intense tantrums and meltdowns; over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights; preoccupation with one subject of interest; and being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes. The hardest part is you feel like you’ll never actually get to know your child and how he/she views the world.

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