How to explain abstract concepts of friendship and love...

Question

How to explain abstract concepts of friendship and love?

Answer

Talking about abstract concepts with a child with Asperger’s Syndrome can be challenging. Typically, children with Asperger’s have a very difficult time understanding abstract concepts, especially those that have to do with social interactions. When you talk to you child with Asperger’s about friendship and love, understand that this will not be something he can grasp overnight.

A great deal of the conversation depends on the age of your child. Young children, especially elementary age children, will likely be talked to about friendship many times. Keep the conversations as concrete as you can, using specific examples. If you son has a good friend, talk to him about what sorts of things he can do to nurture that friendship. He can invite his friend over for play dates. He can share his toys. He can talk to him, especially when his friend wants to talk. He can be a good listener. Using specific examples, you can explain to your son, over time, what friends do for each other, and what friendship means. Helping him understand this will enable him to better create and nurture friendships when he gets older.

When your child is young, you will want to introduce the concept of love to him. Explain that love is a feeling, and talk to him about times when he might feel that feeling. He loves his mother and father. He loves his siblings. He loves his pets. Helping him to identify that feeling will help him understand the emotion. You can also talk to him about how he treats people he loves. Give him concrete examples of ways he can act and things he can do to nurture a loving relationship. This might include holding hands or hugging, or a kiss good night.

As your child gets older, you will need to continue to talk with him about the changing nature of his feelings and the nature of his relationships. He may have feelings for girls that he has trouble identifying. Talk to him about those feelings and help him give them names. You will need to talk about the varying degrees of love, such as the love he might feel for a good friend and the crush he might have on a girl in his class. Discuss appropriate ways to act on those feelings.

It’s important to help your son identify his own feelings and give them names. He will then need to talk about the appropriate ways to act when he has those feelings. A good reference for parents is a book entitled “Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults” by Zosia Zaks.

In this book, the author writes about concrete ways to deal with challenges that come up in daily life, about friendship and love. Ms. Zaks writes for autistic adults and stresses the relationship between self-esteem and independence. This would be a great book to have your older child or adult child with Asperger’s read. This would give you a common language to talk through some of these issues.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.