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How to Diffuse Meltdowns in a Child on the Autism Spectrum

Question

I'm looking for some ways to diffuse a meltdown, and what I should do after its over …my daughter screams, cries, swears at me …tells me she hates me and I’m the worst mum. I am getting better at not getting angry back, but it seems to enrage her more when I don't react... It leaves me mental drained... I feel the more this happens the more I don't feel the mother daughter connection (it sounds so awful). I love her, but I just want my little girl back.

Answer

The visible symptoms of meltdowns are as varied as the high-functioning autistic kids themselves, but every parent is able to describe their youngster’s meltdowns behavior in intricate detail.

Meltdowns can be short lived, or last as long as two hours. They can be as infrequent as once a month (often coinciding with the lunar cycle/full moon) or occur as frequently as 4-6 times a day.

Whatever the frequency and duration, an autistic youngster having meltdowns is difficult for parents/care-givers/teachers to deal with.

Meltdowns in autistic kids are triggered by a response to their environment. These responses can be caused by avoidance desire, anxiety or sensory overload. Triggers need to be recognized and identified.
 

So how do we deal with meltdowns? What should you do when meltdowns occurs?

An adults’ (parents/care-givers/teachers) behavior can influence a meltdown’s duration, so always check your response first.

1. Calm down
2. Quiet down
3. Slow down
4. Prioritize safety
5. Re-establish self-control in the youngster, then deal with the issue

1. Take 3 slow, deep breaths, and rather than dreading the meltdowns that’s about to take place, assure yourself that you’ve survived meltdowns 1000 times before and will do so this time too.

2. Keep your speaking voice quiet and your tone neutrally pleasant. Don’t speak unnecessarily. Less is best. Don’t be “baited” into an argument. (Often autistic kids seem to “want” to fight. They know how to “push your buttons”, so don’t be side-tracked from the meltdowns issue).

3. Slow down. Meltdowns often occur at the most inconvenient time e.g. rushing out the door to school. The extra pressure the fear of being late creates, adds to the stress of the situation. (Autistic kids respond to referred mood and will pick up on your stress. This stress is then added to their own.) So forget the clock and focus on the situation. Make sure the significant people in your life know your priorities here. Let your boss know that your youngster has meltdowns that have the capacity to bring life to a standstill, and you may be late. Let your youngster’s teacher know that if your youngster is late due to meltdowns that it’s unavoidable, and your youngster shouldn’t be reprimanded for it.

4. Prioritize safety when your youngster is having meltdowns. Understand that they can be extremely impulsive and irrational at this time. Don’t presume that the safety rules they know will be utilized while they’re melting down. Just because your youngster knows not to go near the street when they are calm doesn’t mean they won’t run straight into 4 lanes of traffic when they are having a meltdowns. If your child starts melting down when you’re driving in the car, pull over and stop. If your youngster tends to “flee” when melting down, don’t chase them. This just adds more danger to the situation. Tail them at a safe distance (maintain visual contact) if necessary.

5. When your kiddo is calm and has regained self-control, he will often be exhausted. Keep that in mind as you work through the meltdowns issue. Reinforce to your youngster the appropriate way to express their needs/requests.
 

Remember that all behavior is a form of communication, so try to work out the ‘message’ your youngster is trying to convey with their meltdowns, rather than responding and reacting to the behavior displayed.

Ways to help your autistic youngster calm down:

1. Another effective mediation method is to have the youngster sit or lay down with eyes closed and visualize a scenario that the youngster chooses. It should be something that is comforting to the youngster such as a fun vacation or a day at the park. Talk the youngster through the meditation and tell the youngster to feel as if the scenario is actually happening. Have the youngster picture him or herself interacting with other kids in a positive manner. This will plant the idea into the subconscious and can help with the youngster's actual peer relationships.

2. Establish a certain time as quiet time. This can be after dinner a little before bed time. Kids with autism like routines and this is a good way to help him or her to get used to settling down for the evening. The youngster can read or draw or write his or her thoughts during this time. Writing can be very effective in helping the youngster learn self expression.

3. Have the youngster listen to classical or soft music. Just having this type of music playing in the background at home can create a sense of calm.

4. Have the youngster meditate. There are two ways to do this. One way is to have the youngster sit or lie down with eyes closed and take long slow deep breaths in through the nose and hold his or her breath for four seconds and then slowly exhale through the mouth. You can guide your youngster through this by saying, "Take a long, slow deep breath in through your nose, hold, hold, hold, hold your breath. Now slowly breathe out through your mouth." Try this for ten minutes either right before bed time or first time in the morning.

   

ASD [Level 1]: 15 Simple Strategies for Parents of Newly Diagnosed Kids

There are many things you can do to help your youngster on the autism spectrum better understand the world - and in doing so - make everyone's lives a little easier. Here are the "basics":

  1. Begin early to teach the difference between private and public places and actions, so that they can develop ways of coping with more complex social rules later in life.
  2. Don't always expect them to 'act their age' ...they are usually socially and emotionally immature, and you should make some allowances for this.
  3. Give lots of praise for any achievement - especially when they use a social skill without prompting.
  4. In some kids who appear not to listen, the act of 'singing' your words can have a beneficial effect.
  5. Keep all your speech simple to a level they understand.
  6. Keep instructions simple, and for complicated jobs, use lists or pictures.
  7. Limit any choices to two or three items.
  8. Limit their 'special interest' time to set-amounts of time each day.
  9. Pre-warn them of any changes, and give warning prompts if you want them to finish a task (e.g., 'When you have colored that in, we are going shopping').
  10. Promises and threats you make will have to be kept, so try not to make them too lightly.
  11. Try to build in some flexibility in their routine. If they learn early that things do change and often without warning - it can help.
  12. Try to get confirmation that they understand what you are talking about/or asking. Don't rely on a stock "yes" or "no" that they usually like to answer with.
  13. Try to identify stress triggers - avoid them if possible. Be ready to distract with some alternative 'come and see this...' ...etc.
  14. Use turn taking activities as much as possible - not only in games - but at home too.
  15. Remember, they are kids just like the rest, and they have their own personalities, abilities, likes and dislikes. They just need extra support, patience and understanding from everyone around them.

How to Avoid "Negative Reinforcement": Tips for Parents of Children with ASD


Negative reinforcement requires the child to work for the removal of an in-place, unpleasant consequence. The child's goal is to get rid of something that is unpleasant rather than to earn something that is desirable. In a negative reinforcement model, instead of working to earn a positive consequence, the child works to distance himself from an aversive consequence.

Negative reinforcement is often used by parents to manage problem behaviors in their child with ASD level 1 or High-Functioning Autism. Teachers inadvertently pay attention to the child who may not be complying and withdraw their attention contingent on the child's compliance. Surprisingly, this strengthens rather than weakens the noncompliant behavior.

The next time a similar situation occurs, the child again will not comply until confronted with the aversive consequence (i.e. the parent’s attention). Negative reinforcement is often seductive and coercive for moms and dads. It works in the short run, but in the long run, is likely to strengthen rather than weaken the undesirable behavior.
 
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Behaviors that in-and-of themselves may not be negative become negative reinforcers when paired with certain events. For example, the parent approaching her child who is not doing his homework becomes a negative reinforcer, even though the action itself (i.e., the parent walking up to the child) does not have a negative connotation.

Researchers found that negative reinforcement was rated by parents as the most frequently used behavior intervention. Kids with autism often experience negative reinforcement because of their temperament, which makes it difficult for them to complete tasks – their consequent learning history reinforces them for beginning, but rarely for finishing.

A number of simple, effective ways exist to deal with this problem. If you, the parent, are using negative reinforcement, pay attention to your child until the homework or chore is completed. Although this too is negative reinforcement, it teaches the child that the only way to get rid of the aversive consequence (i.e., your attention) is not just to start – but to complete the task at hand. As an example, when homework is to be completed, you may move your child's study area to the room you will be in until that particular piece of work is completed.

A second alternative involves the use of differential attention or ignoring. The term differential attention applies when “ignoring” is used as the negative consequence for exhibiting the undesirable behavior and “attention” is used as a positive consequence for exhibiting the competing desirable behavior. This is an active process in which the parent ignores the child engaged in an ‘off-task’ activity, but pays attention immediately when he or she begins working.

Many parents avoid interaction with their youngster when she is ‘on-task’ for fear of interrupting her train of thought. It is important, however, to reinforce the child when working so that a pattern of working to earn positive reinforcement rather than working to avoid negative reinforcement is developed.

Moms and dads need to make a distinction between ‘off-task’ behavior that ‘disrupts’ and ‘off-task’ behavior that ‘does not disrupt’. Differential attention works effectively for the latter. However, when the child is ‘off-task’ and disturbing his sibling, you may find that being a negative reinforcer holds an advantage in stemming the tide of an ‘off-task’ behavior that involves other children as well.

Differential attention alone has been demonstrated to be ineffective in maintaining high rates of ‘on-task’ behavior and work productivity for kids with HFA and AS. Many factors other than parent-attention maintain and influence child behavior.
 
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Differential attention is a powerful intervention when used appropriately. Once the strategy of ignoring inappropriate behavior is employed, it must be continued despite escalation. If not, the parent runs the risk of intermittently reinforcing the negative behavior, thereby strengthening its occurrence.

For example, if you decide to use differential attention for your child's out-of-seat behavior while at the dinner table, but become sufficiently frustrated after he is out of his seat for 10 minutes and respond by directing attention to him, the behavior will be reinforced rather than extinguished. The 10 minutes of ignoring will quickly be lost in the one incident of negative attention. If the parent shouts, "You need to sit down!" …the child has received the desired attention by persisting in a negative behavior.

Researchers have evaluated rules, praise, and ignoring for inappropriate behavior in kids on the autism spectrum. Inappropriate behavior decreases only after praise is added. These “special needs” kids perform as well as “typical” kids with a continuous schedule of reinforcement, but perform significantly worse with a partial schedule of reinforcement (e.g. reinforcement is provided only sometimes), which is typically found in most homes.

Praise is important for the development of other attributes (e.g., self-esteem, general attitude, motivation toward academics, etc.). In addition, the opposite is also true: A large amount of punishment can negatively affect emotional development and self-esteem.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...