Search This Site


How to Avoid "Negative Reinforcement": Tips for Parents of Children with ASD

Negative reinforcement requires the child to work for the removal of an in-place, unpleasant consequence. The child's goal is to get rid of something that is unpleasant rather than to earn something that is desirable. In a negative reinforcement model, instead of working to earn a positive consequence, the child works to distance himself from an aversive consequence.

Negative reinforcement is often used by parents to manage problem behaviors in their child with ASD level 1 or High-Functioning Autism. Teachers inadvertently pay attention to the child who may not be complying and withdraw their attention contingent on the child's compliance. Surprisingly, this strengthens rather than weakens the noncompliant behavior.

The next time a similar situation occurs, the child again will not comply until confronted with the aversive consequence (i.e. the parent’s attention). Negative reinforcement is often seductive and coercive for moms and dads. It works in the short run, but in the long run, is likely to strengthen rather than weaken the undesirable behavior.
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Behaviors that in-and-of themselves may not be negative become negative reinforcers when paired with certain events. For example, the parent approaching her child who is not doing his homework becomes a negative reinforcer, even though the action itself (i.e., the parent walking up to the child) does not have a negative connotation.

Researchers found that negative reinforcement was rated by parents as the most frequently used behavior intervention. Kids with autism often experience negative reinforcement because of their temperament, which makes it difficult for them to complete tasks – their consequent learning history reinforces them for beginning, but rarely for finishing.

A number of simple, effective ways exist to deal with this problem. If you, the parent, are using negative reinforcement, pay attention to your child until the homework or chore is completed. Although this too is negative reinforcement, it teaches the child that the only way to get rid of the aversive consequence (i.e., your attention) is not just to start – but to complete the task at hand. As an example, when homework is to be completed, you may move your child's study area to the room you will be in until that particular piece of work is completed.

A second alternative involves the use of differential attention or ignoring. The term differential attention applies when “ignoring” is used as the negative consequence for exhibiting the undesirable behavior and “attention” is used as a positive consequence for exhibiting the competing desirable behavior. This is an active process in which the parent ignores the child engaged in an ‘off-task’ activity, but pays attention immediately when he or she begins working.

Many parents avoid interaction with their youngster when she is ‘on-task’ for fear of interrupting her train of thought. It is important, however, to reinforce the child when working so that a pattern of working to earn positive reinforcement rather than working to avoid negative reinforcement is developed.

Moms and dads need to make a distinction between ‘off-task’ behavior that ‘disrupts’ and ‘off-task’ behavior that ‘does not disrupt’. Differential attention works effectively for the latter. However, when the child is ‘off-task’ and disturbing his sibling, you may find that being a negative reinforcer holds an advantage in stemming the tide of an ‘off-task’ behavior that involves other children as well.

Differential attention alone has been demonstrated to be ineffective in maintaining high rates of ‘on-task’ behavior and work productivity for kids with HFA and AS. Many factors other than parent-attention maintain and influence child behavior.
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Differential attention is a powerful intervention when used appropriately. Once the strategy of ignoring inappropriate behavior is employed, it must be continued despite escalation. If not, the parent runs the risk of intermittently reinforcing the negative behavior, thereby strengthening its occurrence.

For example, if you decide to use differential attention for your child's out-of-seat behavior while at the dinner table, but become sufficiently frustrated after he is out of his seat for 10 minutes and respond by directing attention to him, the behavior will be reinforced rather than extinguished. The 10 minutes of ignoring will quickly be lost in the one incident of negative attention. If the parent shouts, "You need to sit down!" …the child has received the desired attention by persisting in a negative behavior.

Researchers have evaluated rules, praise, and ignoring for inappropriate behavior in kids on the autism spectrum. Inappropriate behavior decreases only after praise is added. These “special needs” kids perform as well as “typical” kids with a continuous schedule of reinforcement, but perform significantly worse with a partial schedule of reinforcement (e.g. reinforcement is provided only sometimes), which is typically found in most homes.

Praise is important for the development of other attributes (e.g., self-esteem, general attitude, motivation toward academics, etc.). In addition, the opposite is also true: A large amount of punishment can negatively affect emotional development and self-esteem.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

Articles in Alphabetical Order: 2020


Articles in Alphabetical Order: 2020


§  Anger and Depression in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

§  ASD Teen Goes Crazy Over Women’s Feet

§  Bereavement Problems in Children on the Autism Spe...

§  Coaching Group for Couples Affected by Asperger's ...

§  Dealing with "Out-of-Control" Children on the Auti...

§  Dealing with Difficult Behavior in Children and Te...

§  Defiance or Rigidity? Understanding Your Child on ...

§  Disciplinary Tips for Difficult Kids on the Autism...

§  Helping Children on the Autism Spectrum to Control...

§  How CBD Gummies Can Help With Autism

§  How Parents Can Alleviate Fearfulness in Their Chi...

§  How to Change Unwanted Behavior in Young People on...

§  How to Get Your Adult-Child with High-Functioning ...

§  How to Prepare Your Autistic Teenager for Adulthood

§  How to Promote Self-Confidence in Your Child on th...

§  How to Teach Social Skills to Your Child on the Au...

§  Instructional Videos for Parents of Troubled Teena...

§  Lowering the Bar for Children on the Autism Spectr...

§  Managing “Fixations” in Children and Teens on the ...

§  Parenting Kids with Both ADD and ASD

§  Parents' Help with Meltdowns in Kids on the Autism...

§  Parents Who Have Asperger's and High-Functioning A...

§  Poor Concentration in Kids and Teens on the Autism...

§  Should I Treat My High-Functioning Autistic Child ...

§  Taste Aversions in Children on the Autism Spectrum

§  The Best Way to Teach Social Stories

§  Tics in Teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder

§  Tips for Educators and Parents to Teach Children w...

§  When Your Older Teen with ASD is Anxious About Get...

§  Why Children on the Autism Spectrum Self-Injure

§  Why children with High-Functioning Autism have imp...

§  Why You Should Buy CBD Pastes and Concentrates

§  Young People on the Autism Spectrum: Struggling to...

§  10 Healthy Supplements to Consider for Autism

§  10 Reasons for Inflexibility in Kids with High-Fun...

§  5 Online Autism Support Resources For Parents


Mind-Blindness and Alexithymia in Children and Teens on the Autism Spectrum

Two traits often found in children and teens with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) are mind-blindness (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and alexithymia (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in oneself or others), which reduce the ability to be empathetically attuned to others. Let's look at each of these in turn...


Mind-blindness is essentially the opposite of empathy and can be described as “an inability to develop an awareness of what is in the mind of another person.” Generally speaking, children with mind-blindness are delayed in developing a “theory of mind,” which normally allows developing children to “put themselves into someone else's shoes” (i.e., to imagine the thoughts and feelings of others). Thus, kids with HFA often cannot conceptualize, understand, or predict emotional states in other people. 


Alexithymia can be described as a state of deficiency in understanding, processing, or describing emotions, and is defined by:
  1. a stimulus-bound, externally oriented cognitive style
  2. constricted imaginal processes, as evidenced by a scarcity of fantasies
  3. difficulty describing feelings to other people
  4. difficulty identifying feelings and distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal

There may be two kinds of alexithymia:
  1. primary alexithymia: an enduring psychological trait that does not alter over time
  2. secondary alexithymia: is state-dependent and disappears after the evoking stressful situation has changed

Typical deficiencies that result from alexithymia may include:
  • a lack imagination, intuition, empathy, and drive-fulfillment fantasy, especially in relation to objects
  • a lack of understanding of the feelings of others
  • concrete, realistic, logical thinking, often to the exclusion of emotional responses to problems
  • confusion of physical sensations often associated with emotions
  • difficulty distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal
  • few dreams or fantasies due to restricted imagination
  • may treat themselves as robots
  • oriented toward things
  • problems identifying, describing, and working with one's own feelings
  • very logical and realistic dreams (e.g., going to the store or eating a meal)

Alexithymia creates interpersonal problems because these children and teens avoid emotionally close relationships, or if they do form relationships with others, they tend to position themselves as either dependent, dominant, or impersonal (such that the relationship remains superficial).

Alexithymia frequently co-occurs with other disorders, with a representative prevalence of:

• 34% in panic disorder
• 40% in post-traumatic stress disorder
• 45% in major depressive disorder
• 50% in substance abusers
• 56% in bulimia
• 63% in anorexia nervosa
• 85% in autism spectrum disorders

Alexithymia also occurs in people with traumatic brain injury. 

A second issue related to alexithymia involves the inability to identify and modulate strong emotions (e.g., sadness or anger), which leaves the child prone to sudden affective outbursts such as crying or rage (i.e., meltdowns). The inability to express feelings using words may also predispose the child to use physical acts to articulate the mood and release the emotional energy.

HFA children and teens report a feeling of being unwillingly detached from the world around them. As adults, they may have difficulty finding a life partner or getting married due to poor social skills. The complexity and inconsistency of the social world can pose an extreme challenge for children and teens on the autism spectrum.

It is unclear what causes alexithymia, though several theories have been proposed. There is evidence both for a genetic basis (i.e., some people are predisposed to develop alexithymia), as well as for environmental causes. Although environmental, neurological, and genetic factors are each involved, the role of genetic and environmental factors for developing alexithymia is still unclear.

What Can Be Done?

HFA children and teens can learn to compensate for mindblindness and alexithymia with the parent’s help and a lifetime of constant counseling by therapists who specialize in Aspergers. With good help, these young people can grow up to lead nearly normal lives.

Parents must understand that their "special needs" child must be taught to use logic to make sense of the world and the people in it, one personal situation at a time. Here are some “rules” that may help parents in assisting their youngster (teach these rules to your child):
  1. Every human behavior has a reason behind it, even if I don’t see it.
  2. Most people usually talk about the things they want, and openly say what they believe.
  3. Some people are so messed up that it is just not possible to figure them out. Know when to give up.
  4. When somebody’s behavior flies in the face of logic, concentrate on that person’s feelings.
  5. Women talk more than men and focus on feelings more.

A parent’s strategy should be to:
  • get their child obsessed with the need to make sense of the world and help him/her understand that the mysteries of human behavior disappear when one understands the appropriate states of mind behind them
  • help him/her realize that once the state of mind is understood, people’s future behavior can be anticipated
But, how does a parent do that when their child isn’t motivated to do so because they don’t realize there’s a need?

A parent must:

1. Constantly explain people’s states of mind to the child and what they mean until he learns to figure them out on his own. This means explaining the wants, needs, and beliefs that drive human behavior and the reasons behind all the unwritten rules that are part of human relationships.

2. Convince her child that he can and will make a success of life, as many other people with the disorder have. You must explain the states of mind of these people and why they do what they do – over and over.

3. Explain before punishing. If you punish a child for doing “behavior A,” all that he is going to learn is that if he does “behavior A” again, he is going to be punished again. He will not understand why he should not do “behavior A” in the first place.

4. Explain his challenges and that he is in a state of confusion without being aware of it.

5. Explain his own needs to him. It is only when he understands what he wants himself that he will have a basis for understanding that others also have wants, and that peoples’ wants are what makes them behave the way they do. 

6. Explain how each person feels about the world and about his own life.

7. Explain that every person has a different set of values and that their behavior is driven by these values.

8. Explain that he should ask you questions about things he doesn’t understand.

9. Explain why you explain things to him.

10. Explain your own state of mind and emotions constantly.

11. Protect her child from the cruelty of bullies. Some people are not going to pass up the opportunity to treat him badly. You should explain that this is going to happen, and that he should not feel ashamed to go to you for support.

12. Teach the child to make sense of the world by himself (eventually).

It is this constant explaining by parents – and counseling by therapists – over years and years of living, repeated over and over again, that eventually will help the AS or HFA individual break through the bonds of mindblindness and alexithymia. You child WILL learn to handle life successfully, on his own. Don’t give up – keep trying and get others to help you.  

More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...