My ASD Child: Search results for inflexibility

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Top 50 Traits of ASD (Level One) in Children

Does my child have ASD? Here are some traits that may indicate Autism Spectrum Disorder - Level One:

1. **Difficulty in Social Interactions**: Children may struggle to engage in typical social exchanges, often appearing withdrawn or disconnected from their peers during group activities.

2. **Challenges in Understanding Nonverbal Cues**: They may find it hard to interpret facial expressions, body language, and other nonverbal signals that often convey underlying emotions in social contexts.

3. **Limited Eye Contact**: Many children will avoid making direct eye contact, which can hinder their ability to connect with others and engage meaningfully in conversations.

4. **Struggles with Initiating or Sustaining Conversations**: They might find it daunting to start conversations or keep them going, often relying on familiar topics to guide their discussions, which can lead to one-sided interactions.

5. **Strong Preference for Routine and Predictability**: A desire for structured routines can manifest in daily life, with children becoming anxious or upset when faced with unexpected changes or disruptions to their plans.

6. **Difficulty Expressing Emotions**: Expressing feelings verbally can be a challenge, leading to misunderstandings or frustration, both for the child and those around them.

7. **Problems Understanding Sarcasm or Jokes**: They might take statements literally, missing out on playfulness or humor in social conversations that rely on nuanced language.

8. **Enhanced Focus on Specific Interests or Topics**: Children may develop intense passions for particular subjects (like dinosaurs or space), often leading discussions back to their interests with great enthusiasm.

9. **Literal Interpretation of Language**: They may struggle with idioms, metaphors, or expressions, interpreting language strictly at face value, which can lead to confusion in conversations.

10. **Sensitivity to Sensory Inputs**: Many children may experience heightened sensitivity to stimuli such as sounds, lights, or textures, which can lead to sensory overload in noisy or brightly lit environments.

11. **Difficulty in Sharing Imaginative Play**: Engaging in cooperative pretend play with peers might be challenging, as imaginative scenarios may be difficult for them to navigate or participate in.

12. **Challenges with Peer Relationships**: They often find it hard to form and maintain friendships, as social cues and shared interests might not align with those of their peers.

13. **Insistence on Sameness in Daily Activities**: A strong resistance to variation in routines, rituals, or familiar patterns, often resulting in anxiety when confronted with frustrating changes.

14. **Trouble Adapting to Changes in Routine**: Adjustments to daily schedules—like a switch in classes or family plans—can lead to noticeable distress or meltdowns.

15. **Difficulty Understanding Social Norms**: They may be unaware of unspoken rules of interaction, such as personal space, leading them to stand too close or interrupt others at inappropriate times.

16. **Limited Use of Gestures or Body Language**: Expressiveness can be minimal, with fewer hand movements, nods, or facial expressions to emphasize their points during conversations.

17. **Trouble Making Friends**: Forming lasting connections can be difficult due to challenges in reading social signals and initiating meaningful interactions with peers.

18. **Focus on Details Rather Than the Bigger Picture**: An inclination towards concentrating on minutiae may result in missing the overarching themes or implications of discussions or activities.

19. **Difficulty Empathizing with Others' Feelings**: Recognizing and responding appropriately to the emotions of others can pose significant challenges, leading to potential misunderstandings.

20. **Repetitive Behaviors or Movements**: They may engage in behavior such as rocking, hand-flapping, or repeating certain phrases, particularly when feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

21. **Limited Participation in Group Activities**: A preference for solitary play can lead to minimal involvement in team activities or collaborative projects, impacting social development.

22. **Issues with Turn-Taking in Conversations**: They may struggle with the back-and-forth nature of dialogue, often interrupting or not waiting for their turn to speak.

23. **Strong Adherence to Rules and Guidelines**: A rigid understanding of rules can lead to inflexibility and frustration if peers do not comply with the established norms during play.

24. **Difficulty with Transitions Between Activities**: Switching from one task to another may provoke anxiety or distress, necessitating advance warning and gradual transitions.

25. **Preference for Solitary Activities**: They might gravitate towards individual interests and hobbies, often choosing to play alone rather than engaging in group play with peers.

26. **Unique or Unusual Approaches to Problem-Solving**: Their distinctive ways of thinking can lead to creative solutions, even though these methods may not align with conventional strategies.

27. **Trouble Articulating Needs or Desires**: Expressing wants or feelings can be difficult, leading to frustration or misunderstanding between the child and caregivers.

28. **Challenges with Joint Attention**: Difficulty in sharing focus on an object or activity with another person can hinder collaborative play or shared experiences.

29. **Limited Awareness of Personal Space**: They may stand too close to others or invade personal boundaries, leading to discomfort in social situations.

30. **Verbal or Physical Outbursts When Overwhelmed**: Emotional responses can manifest as meltdowns or outbursts, especially in overwhelming sensory environments or stressful situations.

31. **Difficulty Recognizing or Interpreting Facial Expressions**: Understanding others' emotional states through physical cues may be challenging, resulting in social misinterpretations.

32. **Preference for Visual Aids Over Verbal Instructions**: Utilizing pictures, charts, or other visual tools can help in understanding tasks better than through verbal explanations alone.

33. **Difficulty Understanding the Concept of Time**: Abstract concepts like deadlines or future events might be hard to grasp, making planning and organization difficult.

34. **Tendency to Overanalyze Situations**: They may meticulously weigh various scenarios or emotions, which can lead to excessive worry or indecision.

35. **Limited Interest in Peer Activities**: Common interests among peers may not resonate with them, leading to social isolation or a feeling of disconnection.

36. **Resistance to New People or Environments**: New interactions or settings can provoke anxiety or discomfort, making social settings difficult to navigate.

37. **Strong Reactions to Changes in Sensory Environments**: Changes in sensory stimuli, such as loud noises or bright lights, can provoke intense emotional responses or irritability.

38. **Intense Reactions to Minor Frustrations**: Minor setbacks might elicit strong emotional outbursts, which may seem disproportionate to the situation at hand.

39. **Difficulty Following Multi-Step Directions**: Understanding and acting on complex instructions with multiple steps can be challenging without explicit guidance.

40. **Limited Use of Humor in Social Settings**: Their appreciation for humor may differ, leading to difficulty connecting with peers who engage in playful banter.

41. **Challenges with Maintaining Friendships Over Time**: Relationships may fluctuate, as difficulties in social understanding can lead to disruptions or misunderstandings with friends.

42. **Indifference to Social Interactions**: A lack of interest in socializing with peers can create situations where the child appears aloof or uninterested in forming connections.

43. **Difficulty Understanding Others’ Perspectives**: Taking someone else’s viewpoint into account can be complicated, making it hard to engage in empathetic conversations.

44. **Detail-Oriented in Tasks or Projects**: A strong focus on specifics means they might excel in tasks that require precision, even if they lose sight of broader objectives.

45. **Stress from Disrupting Established Routines**: Any deviation from established practices can lead to significant anxiety or distress, emphasizing the need for consistency.

46. **Challenges with Multi-Tasking**: They may prefer focusing on singular tasks, and attempting to juggle multiple responsibilities can lead to overwhelm.

47. **Often Requires Support in Social Settings**: Many children benefit from guidance in navigating social dynamics and may need encouragement to engage with peers.

48. **Intense Interests in Specific Subjects**: They might showcase exceptional knowledge or talent in niche areas, leading to deep conversations about their passion projects.

49. **Demonstrated Exceptional Skills in Certain Areas**: Some children exhibit advanced abilities in fields like mathematics, music, or art, showcasing talents that can be nurtured.

50. **May Engage in Unconventional Play**: Their play style might be distinct, preferring to engage with toys or activities in unique ways that differ from typical norms.

These traits can manifest differently in each child, and it's essential to recognize the individuality of their experiences and challenges.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...

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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...

Dealing with Children on the Autism Spectrum Who Refuse to Go to School

Has your ASD (high functioning autistic) child given you some indication that he is nervous about starting back to school? He may have even said, “I’m not going!!!”

What youngster hasn't dreaded September, the end of summer and the return to school – but for many ASD students, the prospect of school produces a level of fear so intense that it is immobilizing, resulting in what's known as school-refusal behavior. Some children with autism spectrum disorder have been known to be absent for weeks or months.

Some may cry or scream for hours every morning in an effort to resist leaving home. Others may hide out in the nurse's office. Some children who miss school are simply truant (i.e., they'd just rather be doing something else), but sometimes there are genuine reasons to fear school (e.g., bullying, teasing).

Anywhere from 5% to 28% of kids will exhibit some degree of school-refusal behavior at some point, including truancy. For children with anxiety-fueled school refusal, the fear is real and can take time to overcome. Families may struggle for months to help an autistic youngster get back into the classroom. Ignoring the problem or failing to deal with it completely can lead to more-serious problems later on. Individuals who experience school-refusal behavior and anxiety disorders in childhood may face serious ramifications in adulthood.

Psychologists say and studies show the following:

Alcohol, drug use: A study of kids ages 9 to 13 with an anxiety disorder showed that those who still had the disorder seven years after treatment drank alcohol more often and were more likely to use marijuana than those whose disorders had resolved.
Depression: Teens and young adults ages 14 to 24 that had social anxiety were almost three times as likely to develop depression later on than those without the anxiety disorder.
Different life choices: Psychologists say they've seen young people with persistent anxiety make fear-fueled choices that can have long term effects, such as selecting a less-rigorous college or a less challenging career.
Psychiatric treatment: A study of school-refusing kids showed that about 20 to 29 years later they received more psychiatric treatment than the general population.

School refusal affects the entire family. If a child doesn't go to school, it may be hard for a parent to keep her job. Children are at heightened risk when starting a new school, and especially when entering middle school. It is the perfect storm with the onset of puberty, a huge transition and a chaotic academic environment.

Well-meaning moms and dads can make things worse by allowing an anxious youngster to miss school. Such an accommodation sends the message that school is too scary for the youngster to handle and the fear is justified. Overprotective moms and dads rush in way too quickly to shield their Aspie from any experience that creates distress.

Untreated, a youngster on the spectrum with school-refusal behavior is likely to fall behind academically, which can then lead to more anxiety. And there may be longer-term consequences. A 1997 study followed 35 students (ages 7-12) treated for school refusal. Twenty years later they were found to have had more psychiatric treatment and to have lived with their parents more often than a comparison group.

Some ASD teens with unresolved anxiety may go on to self-medicate with alcohol and drugs. A 2004 study followed 9- to 13-year-olds who were treated for an anxiety disorder. Seven years after treatment, those who still had the disorder drank alcohol more days per month and were more likely to use marijuana than those whose disorder had resolved.

Children with school-refusal behavior may have (a) separation anxiety (i.e., a fear of being away from their moms and dads), (b) a social phobia (i.e., an inordinate fear of being judged), or (c) a fear of being called-on in class or being teased. A specific phobia (e.g., riding the bus, walking past a dog, being out in a storm, etc.) may be present as well. Other kids are depressed, in some cases unable to get out of bed.

Because many children complain of headaches, stomachaches or other physical symptoms, it can be difficult to tell whether anxiety, or a physical illness, is to blame. (Note: Anxiety-fueled ailments tend to disappear magically on weekends.)

Autistic kids with school refusal may complain of physical symptoms shortly before it is time to leave for school or repeatedly ask to visit the school nurse. If the youngster is allowed to stay home, the symptoms quickly disappear, only to reappear the next morning. In some cases, the child may refuse to leave the house. Common physical symptoms include headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or diarrhea. Tantrums, inflexibility, separation anxiety, avoidance, and defiance may show up, too.

Starting school, moving, and other stressful life events may trigger the onset of school refusal. Other reasons include the youngster’s fear that something will happen to a parent after he is in school, fear that she won’t do well in school, or fear of another student. Often a symptom of a deeper problem, anxiety-based school refusal affects 2 to 5 percent of school-age kids. It commonly takes place between the ages of five and six and between ten and eleven, and at times of transition, such as entering middle and high school. Kids who suffer from school refusal tend to have average or above-average intelligence. But they may develop serious educational or social problems if their fears and anxiety keep them away from school and friends for any length of time.

What Can Parents Do?

The most important thing a mother or father can do is obtain a comprehensive evaluation from a mental health professional. That evaluation will reveal the reasons behind the school refusal and can help determine what kind of treatment will be best. Your youngster’s pediatrician should be able to recommend a mental health professional in your area who works with kids on the spectrum.

The following tips will help you and your Aspie develop coping strategies for school anxieties and other stressful situations:

Arrange an informal meeting with your youngster’s teacher away from the classroom.
Emphasize the positive aspects of going to school: being with friends, learning a favorite subject, and playing at recess.
Encourage hobbies and interests. Fun is relaxation, and hobbies are good distractions that help build self-confidence.
Expose kids to school in small degrees, increasing exposure slowly over time. Eventually this will help them realize there is nothing to fear and that nothing bad will happen.
Help your Aspie establish a support system. A variety of people should be in your youngster’s life—other kids as well as family members or educators who are willing to talk with your youngster should the occasion arise.
Learn about your Aspie’s anxiety disorder and treatment options. For more information about school refusal and kid’s anxiety disorders, type "anxiety" and/or "school problems" in the search box at the top of this page.
Meet with the school guidance counselor for extra support and direction.
Talk with your Aspie about feelings and fears, which helps reduce them.
Try self-help methods with your Aspie. In addition to a therapist’s recommendations, a good self-help book will provide relaxation techniques. Be open to new ideas so that your youngster is, too.

Treatment—

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), in which clients learn to change negative thoughts and behavior, is the main treatment for school-refusal behavior and the anxiety disorders that often underlie it. The primary technique is exposure therapy, where children gradually face and master their fears.

CBT is very effective. Recent studies have shown that about half to 70% of children with anxiety disorders treated with CBT will have a significant improvement in function and decrease in their symptoms. Some specialized school-refusal clinics have success rates that are even higher.

Antidepressants such as Zoloft (sertraline) or Prozac (fluoxetine) are often prescribed for kids with anxiety disorders, although their use in kids is controversial.

Psychologists stress the importance of seeking treatment quickly—after as little as two weeks of missed school. The longer they've been out of school, the poorer the prognosis.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:

SUPER Important Tips for Parents of Children on the Autism Spectrum

Understanding the implication of ASD (high-functioning autism) can bring a greater level of tolerance and acceptance for those with the condition.

Here are some traits and behavior patterns commonly seen in ASD:

• A youngster can be helped if parents consistently work with him and highlight his strengths and work consistently on his weaknesses.

• ASD is often detected when a youngster starts preschool. He will generally interact better with his teacher than his peers and may display silly, loud, aggressive or socially withdrawn behavior.

• Kids on the autism spectrum express their feelings in unpredictable ways. Sometimes they may seem emotionless and other times they may display extreme emotion that is not appropriate to the situation.

• Kids with ASD prefer routine and structure and can become irritable and distressed if the unexpected happens.

• Eye contact is not understood or made use of.

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

• Gross and fine motor skills are often underdeveloped, causing problems in sports and balance.

• Intense preoccupations often center on certain toys or areas of interest. Common obsessions are dinosaurs and forms of transport and how they work.

• Interrupting conversations is a common problem as the youngster does not understand the social signals that allow conversation to move from one to another.

• It is possible to teach social skills but it is a long slow process and often requires parental intervention to repair social damage when they act inappropriately.

• Many kids are perfectionists and struggle if they fail to produce perfect schoolwork. Encourage them to move on, and create distractions if necessary to get them to continue working.

• Most children with the disorder are of average or above average intelligence.

• Older kids may enjoy a club that is focused on their interest – for example, coin or stamp collecting.

• On a positive note, this aversion to rule-breaking means the youngster is less likely to experiment with smoking, drinking, drugs, and sex as he matures.

• Rules are very important and a youngster may become angry if a game is not played fairly or his peers break school rules.

• Short stories can be useful in teaching social skills. Use one page visual aids that teach about listening to others and keeping quiet and still while they talk.

• The youngster may appear cold and uncaring but it is not deliberate. He does not think about others and cannot understand the social graces that keep society functioning.

• They find it hard to generalize. If taught that they shouldn’t hit a youngster at school, they do not automatically make the connection that they shouldn’t hit a youngster in the mall.

• They have excellent thinking skills where things are concerned but are extremely poor at interpreting human relationships.

• They will often seek out other people to talk to about their interests. The conversation is usually one-sided – more like a lecture where they talk about their knowledge and aren't interested in feedback.

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

• Things are interpreted very literally, meaning that sarcasm, playful teasing and figures of speech are not understood.

There is hope for kids who have autism, and with training and support from their family and health professionals, they can live meaningful, productive lives.

Here are some important parenting tips to implement ASAP:

1. Although it is not the youngster’s fault, he will still ultimately be the one to take the consequences of his behavior. It will help your youngster if you can explain the consequences clearly and logically when your youngster is able to listen.

2. Celebrate your child’s humor, creativity, and passion.

3. Do you want to understand the child`s actions? Just ask yourself: What behavior would make sense if you only had 4 seconds to live?

4. Don’t argue; nag; or attempt unsolicited and spontaneous transplants of your wisdom to your youngster. Instead, either a) decide that the issue is aggravating but not significant enough to warrant intervention; or b) make an appointment with your youngster to discuss the issue.

5. Especially with teens, negotiate, negotiate, and negotiate. Parents need to model negotiation, not inflexibility. Don’t worry about losing control: the parent always gets to decide when negotiation is over and which compromise is accepted. Remember: negative behaviors usually occur because the child is spinning out of control, not because he is evil. While evil behavior would need to be aggressively squelched, the much more common overwhelmed behavior needs to be calmly defused.

6. Forgive your youngster and yourself nightly. You didn’t ask to live with the effects of ASD any more than did your youngster.

7. Head off big fights before they begin. Seek to diffuse, not to inflame. When tempers flare, allow everyone to cool off. Serious discussion can only occur during times of composure.

8. If it is working, keep doing it. If not, do something else.

9. If your youngster has a meltdown, the most important thing to remember when dealing with these situations is to try to figure out what caused them. Your youngster is not doing this to intentionally annoy you; he is doing it because he has reached his limit of tolerance in whatever he is dealing with. If you feel his meltdown was caused by a change in routine, reassure him of the routine for the rest of the day and that the routine will not change the next day, if that is the case.

10. Imagine your youngster delivering your eulogy. What do you want him to say about you? Keep those bigger goals in mind as you choose your interactions/reactions to your youngster.

11. Instead of punishing wrong behavior, set a reward for the correct behavior you would rather replace it with. Rewards should be immediate, frequent, powerful, clearly defined, and consistent. Also remember that a behavior always gets stronger before it changes.

12. Keep a sense of humor. Seek to enjoy – not to scream.

13. Pick your fights. Is the issue at hand worth chipping away at your relationship with your youngster? Can your youngster really control the offending behavior at this moment?

14. Plan ahead. Give warnings before transitions. Discuss in advance what is expected, and what the results might be. Have the youngster repeat out loud the terms he just agreed to.

15. Recognize that attention issues in the youngster are only the tip of the iceberg that the whole family must address.

16. Remember that a youngster on the spectrum is still a youngster with thoughts and feelings, and that you are the adult this youngster looks to for support and guidance.

17. Remember that these young people have two time frames: Now, and Huh. There is no future. There is only now. The past is non-negotiable.

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

18. Review this text, and others, periodically. You are going to forget this stuff, and different principles will likely be needed at different stages.

19. The kids who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways.

20. The most important thing is to be consistent. Kids with ASD thrive on routine. Everything needs to be done at the same time, in the same way, every day, as much as possible, to give the youngster a sense of safety and security. When there will be a change in your youngster's routine, tell them as far in advance and explain what will happen. When you talk to your child, you should use a calm and even tone of voice, and use explicit language that says exactly what you mean. Do not make requests too complicated or ask a youngster to do things with too many steps at once. Try to keep your language as literal as possible. Try to be very verbal. If your youngster does something right, praise them for it.

21. The patient in ASD is the whole family.

22. This is hard work. It is also hard work for your youngster.

23. This is not a contest with your youngster. The winner is not the one with more points. The winner is the one whose youngster still loves them when they graduate from high school.

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

24. You do not have a standard youngster. You can view the issue as a disability. Or, you can view it as wonderful uniqueness. Or, you can view it as both. This "disability outlook" will help because it eliminates blame; sets reasonable expectations thereby minimizing anger; and points the way for parents/teachers to see themselves as "therapists" not victims.

25. You will make it through this; you have no choice.

Kids on the spectrum are for the most part bright, happy and loving kids. If we can help break through to their 'own little world' we can help them to cope a little better in society. They have a need to finish tasks they have started. Strategies can be developed to reduce the stress they experience at such times. Warnings that an activity is to finish in x minutes can help with older kids. With younger kids attempts to 'save' the task help - videoing a program, mark in a book, etc.

As the kids mature some problems will get easier, but like all other kids new problems will emerge. Some teenagers can feel the lack of friendships difficult to cope with as they try hard to make friends in their own way but find it hard to keep them. This is not always the case. Many have friends who act as 'buddies' for long periods of time. Social skills will have to be taught in an effort for them to find a place in the world ... so take all opportunities to explain situations time and time again ..... and one day.......it may work!

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:

Can my son with ASD truly understand love?

"My son is 8 yrs old. He is fairly high functioning. Here's the problem. I don't feel like he loves me. Can he truly understand love at all. He does not hug, kiss or cuddle. He never has. He likes to have his back scratched at night, but that's it. He struggles emotionally at school- a lot of anger. But at home you would notice anything out of the ordinary, until supper. Same meal every single night. He has no problems sharing emotions every once in a while with his father (who lives outside of the home). How can I help him to open up to me?!"

Many emotional concepts are difficult for kids with ASD. Love is probably one of the most complicated emotions of all. The lack of empathy and inflexibility that many kids on the spectrum live with will definitely make understanding the concept of love difficult – difficult, but not impossible.

It is sometimes hard to separate the idea of a person with autism loving someone from the true source of difficulty, which is the concept of theory of mind. People with autism feel a full range of emotions: anger, sadness, joy, and yes, love.

However, the problem lies in connecting these feelings to the feelings of others. Theory of mind is understanding that another person's thoughts and feelings are their own and how they can coincide with ours, even though they are not reliant on what we are feeling.

The possibilities are there for your son with high-functioning autism. Love is an emotion that he can come to understand. Here are some things you can do to make sure that happens:

Behavioral therapists can use play therapy to enhance your son's theory of mind. Pretend play can be difficult for kids with ASD due to the close connection with understanding other's feelings. Play skills are important for developing relationships on many levels.
Social skills therapy can help him work on social cues, facial expressions, and basic communication, which in turn, will enhance his theory of mind abilities.
Practice facial expression and recognition with pictures in books or family photographs. Explain the emotion and the cause. Using the ‘say, see, hear' approach to enhance his understanding.
Social stories and comic strips can also be used to show situations that cause different emotional responses. Use these to explain why other people may react in various situations.

The process of developing theory of mind is ongoing in kids on the autism spectrum. Love is only a small part of this very complex equation. While love may be a tricky emotional concept for kids with ASD, the basic idea of love is very real.

Balancing the feelings of love within a relationship is what will bring on a variety of experiences, both positive and negative. With straight forward discussion about feelings and emotions, your son should be able to understand love, and be successful at it.

More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum: