How Parents Can Help Their Aspergers and HFA Teens

Parents with Aspergers and high-functioning autism face many problems that other parents don’t – and never will. But, take a deep breath and relax for a moment. There are some ways that parents can deal effectively with some common, everyday issues.

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Comments

Anonymous said…
Eliza Edwards These are good things to keep in mind. I worry about what the future holds for our 8 year old.
14 hours ago · Like
Mary Alice McGinn Vickers we taught each hygine such deodorant three years ahead of time instead of fighting when it is critical. My sons sister took pictures of his clothes and made matching outfits and put them on his I phone aslo and app on how to tie a tie!
13 hours ago · Like · 1 person
Caroline Edwards Oh agreed. Totally x
4 hours ago · Like
June 14, 2011 at 7:16 AM
B said…
Very informative post and blog. However, I wish that when discusing furture prospects of the Aspergers child, it would be done so in the context of reaching their full potential. I hate that it is often assumed that they will not do well in college and may very well end up in vocational school. If that is what my son chooses, he will have my full support, however, I am operating under the expectation that he will attend college. Why lower our expectations? Lowered expectation lead to lower achievement.
June 15, 2011 at 7:28 AM
Dawn W. said…
I have tears streaming down my face right now. For the first time in a very long time I don't feel completely alone. The comments about indifference and hostility really ring true and I just feel like I failed somewhere in the last year. I realize the intersection of adolescence and aspergers is a perilous one. I just don't know quite where to go to find "my kind."
June 16, 2011 at 6:50 PM
Dawn W. said…
I have tears streaming down my face. For the first time in a long time I don't feel completely alone. I just wish I knew what to do next to help my son.
June 16, 2011 at 6:54 PM
B said…
@Dawn W - Don't be so hard on yourself. Many parents of teenagers who do not have Aspergers face similar problems or worse. I know of some whose kids are into drugs, etc. Keep it in perspective :)
June 17, 2011 at 6:21 AM
Anonymous said…
To Dawn: There are local social skills groups, local meetup groups, and national online parent support groups that you can access. I have felt like a failure many times over the last 2 years since the dx, but I do see overall growth. Sometimes I've had to pay professionals to help get us through some difficult issues, but other times I've applied what I've learned here and elsewhere, and have seen it start to make a difference.
June 19, 2011 at 8:51 PM
Anonymous said…
I have a 14 year old daughter who has been diagnosed last year with aspergers.Should we tell her? were afraid it might make things worse i feel it might break her. she is very lonely and finds it hard to make freinds.
August 2, 2011 at 10:54 AM
Memento Mori said…
I so needed to read this today! After a particularly bad week, it's reassuring to know that I am not alone in facing the very unique challenges that come with having an AS/HFA teenager!
May 25, 2014 at 8:53 AM
Memento Mori said…
I so needed to read this today! After a particularly bad week, it's reassuring to know that I am not alone in facing the very unique challenges that come with having an AS/HFA teenager! It's comforting to know there are other parents out there who can relate to my struggles.
May 25, 2014 at 8:56 AM
Unknown said…
We found out about our son when he was 11. We tried to make it a positive 'reveal' that explained why he was feeling so different and found things hard that others didn't. This went well.
At 14 he is in complete denial and won't talk about it. I have a book ready for him to read when he's ready, that's all I can do for the moment.
May 25, 2014 at 9:34 AM
sw said…
Maggie Petts - I'm sorry to hear that he is in denial. Maybe talking to other Aspies might help him? My son is 13 and also diagnosed at 11. He has adjusted well and would probably send your son a note if you think that would help? Of course it would take my prompting and I would have to scribe it for him most likely. Let me know.
JB
May 29, 2014 at 2:18 PM
sw said…
This article helped me feel like I can chill out a bit in my son. He is exactly everything described here. Helps me to know he is where he should be in his maturity etc. thanks.
May 29, 2014 at 2:21 PM
mainedream said…
My son is 15 and he IS an Aspie. He does not HAVE a disease. Aspergers is a way of life, it is who they are. It is much easier to work through this and help them grow once you realize it's not something that can be cured, but something you embrace and learn about and teach to others. Also I want it known that anger issues is not Aspergers. Its a totally separate diagnosis. It's an added diagnosis. I feel blessed that my son is pretty well laid back. I know others deal with outbursts and anger issues. Frustration is part of that. Being accepted is part of that. Don't treat As pies like they are idiots, dumb. They are quite the opposite. Once you see them as unique individuals, not broken individuals they will grow so much more. Accept them for who they are. You can't fix what is not broken. They are who they are. You must be patient, repetitive in helping them learn. Do your research it helps. I prefer to help my son with different issues holistically. One is sleep. He falls asleep in class constantly and is starting to effect his grades. I am hoping to find a holistic product to keep him awake. I am against prescriptions. Throughout my years, the one thing that was consistent on the boards was they wish they had never been medicated. They never learned to deal with being Aspergers on their own.. They were right, my son has learned to keep working through problems on his own or if he needs help he asks for it. Anyhow, if anyone has any suggestions please do tell. Sorry for long story, but hope it helps another Aspie:)
January 8, 2015 at 8:45 AM
mainedream said…
My son is 15 and he IS an Aspie. He does not HAVE a disease. Aspergers is a way of life, it is who they are. It is much easier to work through this and help them grow once you realize it's not something that can be cured, but something you embrace and learn about and teach to others. Also I want it known that anger issues is not Aspergers. Its a totally separate diagnosis. It's an added diagnosis. I feel blessed that my son is pretty well laid back. I know others deal with outbursts and anger issues. Frustration is part of that. Being accepted is part of that. Don't treat As pies like they are idiots, dumb. They are quite the opposite. Once you see them as unique individuals, not broken individuals they will grow so much more. Accept them for who they are. You can't fix what is not broken. They are who they are. You must be patient, repetitive in helping them learn. Do your research it helps. I prefer to help my son with different issues holistically. One is sleep. He falls asleep in class constantly and is starting to effect his grades. I am hoping to find a holistic product to keep him awake. I am against prescriptions. Throughout my years, the one thing that was consistent on the boards was they wish they had never been medicated. They never learned to deal with being Aspergers on their own.. They were right, my son has learned to keep working through problems on his own or if he needs help he asks for it. Anyhow, if anyone has any suggestions please do tell. Sorry for long story, but hope it helps another Aspie:)
January 8, 2015 at 8:47 AM
Unknown said…
my son is 12 and his doctor thinks he has Aspergers and needs to see a counselor. I have an appointment arranged for this Thursday but he says he refuses to talk to anyone and that talking is torture. He says he won't go. Any suggestions on how to get him to go to the appointment?
April 22, 2015 at 7:42 AM
Unknown said…
It just struck me that I will never be able to truly understand.
I cannot share my life learning's in the same manner to him.
As painful as it is to be "normal" sometimes, imagine his day.
September 9, 2015 at 10:06 AM
Unknown said…
Hi, we actually just found out 2 days ago that our 19 yr old son has Aspegers... all I can say is WOW!!!! its like a light when on, suddenly it all make sense! our Son doesn't know yet and we are trying to figure out how to tell him. we've though all this time he had ADD/ADHD, he was dx when he was 11 and we just went with it. it wasn't until recently when I started to notice "missing pieces" in his maturity. He functions everyday like a 15 yr old and I couldn't figure out why? I grew increasingly concerned and had him re-evaled. this article really helped me and gave a good insight as to what our future looks like! Our family is ready to help him and make this very best of this Aspergers Life!
January 14, 2016 at 7:50 AM
Unknown said…
One very important thing to remember is that someone with Asperger's doesn't need to be "taught" to act like everyone else. They only need to be aware that they have a different way of perceiving and experiencing. Pressuring them to act in ways that conflict with the way they are wired will cause depression and more anxiety. Let your Asperger's child teach you how they experience life rather than expecting the to conform to the way you see it. Invite them to share...and just listen. Be present , and allow them to discover themselves naturally as God intended. Also, for activities ...try 4H as an alter native to Sports. Alot of Aspies enjoy hands on interactive work like cooking, gardening, animals, or mechanics and building where there are direct guidelines and they can set a routine with it and see progress. Best wishes and love to all
March 1, 2016 at 10:29 AM
Unknown said…
Hello. My Daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers about 1and a half years ago it's so hard seeing her miss out on all the things that girls her age are doing i mean discos, socialising,hanging around with other people sports etc. My daughter is 17 she's beautiful. She has so low self esteem that it's heart breaking to see her cut herself away from people her own age. Sometimes she is better of this way as she has been let down by so many people that it's unbelievable to tell you the truth.My daughters name is Aoife and she means the world to me.
April 28, 2016 at 5:32 PM
Unknown said…
I am battling with the decision on whether or not to tell my son he has Aspergers. He has SAD and OCD hates talking about it. He gets very upset and defensive. I've slept very little these last couple weeks. I'm so worried for my son. His health has declined because of his anxiety.
May 23, 2016 at 12:44 PM
Unknown said…
Very helpful! I am dragging and pulling with my aspergerss boy who will turn to 11 this Sep. We were both so angry that we used hurting words😔
June 18, 2017 at 10:28 AM
Chris Borg said…
Thank you for your wonderful blog! My 14 yo son was diagnosed with the big A about 1 year ago. I was so happy to finally have the correct diagnosis after years of searching. I think if all the wrong ADHD medications and same myself. I feel so much better now as I know who he is so much better with the proper diagnosis. With that I have been able to see the disability without prejudice and our relationship has gotten better, thanks to me growing up. He has really been a great role model for me. His loving nature and eagerness to be accepted. We will see what the future brings, that what we can say for all of us..Justin will always have our total love and support and Patience and now true Understanding for the first time..good luck to all the readers who read this wonderful post, the fact that you are reading it tells me that you are caring loving individuals that only want the best for your kid and I can relate.
My advise if it means anything, go easy on yourselves, LOVE conquers ALL and try to show love and support Every Moment of Every argument and we will all get they it.. Keep calm and Carry On!!!
July 9, 2017 at 3:57 AM
getting healthy said…
I feel your pain. We have done the same. I often yell when I should walk away. I'm trying to get through to him. It's like he doesn't care. It's so hurtful. I live for this child, and he has no idea. Your post is comforting to me tonight
August 31, 2017 at 7:30 PM
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