Behavior Problems in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
Parents often have difficulty recognizing the difference between variations in “normal behavior” versus “Aspergers-related behavior.” In reality, the line between ‘normal’ and ‘Aspergers behavior’ is not always clear – usually it is a matter of expectation.
A fine line can often divide normal from Aspergers teen behavior, in part because what is normal depends upon the teen's level of development, which can vary among teens of the same age. Development can be uneven, too, with a teen's social development lagging behind his intellectual growth, or vice versa. In addition, normal teen behavior is in part determined by the particular situation and time, as well as by the teen's own particular family values, expectations, and cultural or social background.
Understanding your Aspergers (high-functioning autistic) teen's developmental progress is necessary in order to interpret, accept or adapt his behavior (as well as your own). Remember, teens have great individual variations of temperament, development and behavior – especially when they have to deal with the Aspergers condition.
Your responses, as a parent, are guided by whether you see the adolescent's behavior as a problem. Frequently, parents over-interpret or over-react to a minor, normal short-term change in the teen’s behavior. At the other extreme, moms and dads may ignore or downplay a serious problem. Also, they may seek quick, simple answers to what are, in fact, complex Aspergers teen problems. All of these responses to teen behavior may create more difficulty or prolong a resolution.
Adolescent behavior that moms and dads tolerate, disregard or consider acceptable differs from one family to another. Some of the differences come from the parent’s unique upbringing. They may have had very strict parents themselves, and the expectations of their kids follow accordingly. Some behavior is considered a problem when parents feel that others are judging them for their teen's behavior. This leads to inconsistent responses from the parent, who may tolerate behavior at home that he/she would not tolerate in public.
Sometimes moms and dads feel so hurt by their Aspergers teen’s behavior that they respond by returning the “disrespect” – which is a mistake. Teens know that they still need their parents even if they can't admit it. The rollercoaster they put the parent on is also the one they're feeling internally. As the parent, you need to stay calm and try to weather this teenage rebellion phase, which usually passes by the time a child is 16 or 17.
But no one's saying your Aspergers teenager should be allowed to be truly nasty or to curse at you, for example. When this happens, you have to enforce basic behavior standards. By letting your teenager know that you're here for him no matter what, you make it more likely that he'll let down his guard and confide in you once in a while.
My Aspergers Teen: Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens
Comments
He has been seeing a pscyhotherapist for a year and a half and is on medication 54mg Concerta (previously Equasym 30mg XL) and a 0.25mcg Risparadone. The past two months particularly have been a nightmare as he has threatened suicide on numerous occassions, minor self harm, aggressiveness, paranoia, threatening other people that he will kill them, running away for hours on end. He has started to taunt me particularly saying he longer wants to live with me, wishing I was dead and pulling strange faces at me and getting right in my face to try to get a reaction. He has also started using really bad language towards me (he has never done this to me before) and will continue acting in a lewd and aggressive manner for up to five hours at a time. It's really impacting our family life and my 3 year old child has become quite scared of him and will often cry.
George has started to do strange things like sell his x-box for small amounts of money, then blame the world because he has carried out this action and it's up to me to ensure it's replaced. (I'm adamant I will not replace it as this was his own decision and he has to understand the consequence of such an action).
I'm at the end of my tether as I've put in to place all the professionals have suggested but George's behaviour is getting so much worse. On the days it gets too much, all I get told is to take him to A&E (hospital) and let them deal with it... but this is just temporarily plastering the problem, not providing us with a long term solution.
I'm guessing that the other replier has never dealt with this sort of thing. Love only keeps you going, it doesn't fix the problems that you're dealing with - if it did things would be so much easier.
I have tried all the usual techniques and failed. It is much harder to motivate this young adult to embrace the next stage of his life. He graduated last year from High school and spent the past year on a course for Health and Fitness. He believed he would make a great personal trainer. However a few months into the course he wasn’t happy about one of the modules about the business of managing a gym and lost interest in it. I insisted he finish this course which he did with merit results on most of the modules except the business one which he declined to take. Now the focus has shifted to music. He recently passed an entrance exam into the Cork School of Music but there is fierce competition for places. Only 30 available for over 200 applicants. We will know late August if he has a place. I feel like I’m living with a lazy young man. He says no when I ask him to do some chore or he’ll say he’ll do it later. He never does. He started drinking a few months ago. He wanted to know what it feels like to be drunk. He can buy alcohol because he is 18. Vodka is the drink of choice. I have had to pick him up when he is drunk and bring him home a couple of times. I have always told him to call me no matter how much trouble he is in and he does. Brendan is a good guy and most of the time he is easy to get along with. But as a single parent I’m ready for him to take responsibility for himself as much as possible. How do I get him there?
Most people who I have spoken with have waved off his behavior as teen behavior (little do they know he has been acting like a “teenager” since 3 years old). Only those who have had to discipline, correct him, or get him to do something realize there is a problem with him. Those people have been teachers, cafeteria personnel, the Nanny for our younger kids, special education teachers, and us. Even the doctors we have gone to don’t seem to think he as anything but mood disorder and ADHD. (BTW, the ADHD medications only made him agitated… didn’t help much with getting him to focus in school).
So, please let me know because our household has been completely stressed and difficult since the day his mother gave us full custody (10 years ago). But, now that he is a teenager things have gotten so much worse.
I want to let you know that most young people with ASP are very very talented in something, but their mental age doesn't relate to their actual years, even when they hit puberty.They're always a couple of years, if not more, less mature than others their age.so that's why they cant engage in things that we think they should for how old they are physically. Most aspies excel in music (both my boys play guitar without even music sheets, just from hearing a song) my youngest is also a brilliant drummer.but attending school, college or a job isn't in their focus for a long time.As my oldest has an esa related part time when he is able, job .my boys had to rely on us to explain to others how they are. And both are on antidepressants to help them stop being so depressed because they cant focus or fit in.and the tablets help enormously. We accept they can't focus very well, concentrate, have anger management problems and are impulsive, and we attend every place with them as they cant meet new people without anxiety. .if you can explain to the dr with your son there, that he has his disability, is diagnosed and is to anxious to work or attend the interviews for a job, the dr will write sick notes for esa (employment n support allowance).you fill in a form and become his appointee then fill in his esa forms and he will get money to live on.I hope this helps.if you want any help . just ask.I will be in touch.