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Parenting Aspergers Teens: Double Trouble?

Most experts do a great job of presenting the problems children with Aspergers (High Functioning Autism) face during their adolescent years, yet they offer few solutions. The years from twelve to seventeen may be the saddest and most difficult time for young people with Aspergers. This is not true of every adolescent with Aspergers. Some do extremely well. Their indifference to what others think makes them indifferent to the intense peer pressure of adolescence. They can flourish within their specialty, and become accomplished musicians, historians, mathematicians, etc.

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7 comments:

Unknown said...

OK...while all this information is helpful what do parents do when they've already gone through all those avenues? Residential homes are expensive...getting my 18 year old son to do anything is extremely challenging...he is definitely with the wrong crowd but am grateful he is not on drugs or alcohol as far ad I've seen and am able to tell....but it frightens me how he speaks with such obscene language and wishes me dead always...I don't want to throw a disabled teen in the street but I have an eight year old who also needs me...there's no help anywhere for me...

Anonymous said...

O.K. You don't want to kick him out - but you don't want to send him to residential. What DO you want?

Try "Launching Adult Children with Aspergers" ...an ebook by Mark Hutten. It helped in my situation, which wasn't much different than yours. I stopped complaining about my circumstances and did something about it.

Anonymous said...

My daughter doesn't think she has aspergers even when told by four docters,and a team of therapist. She read books on asperger and says this is not me. She has outbursts and tamper tamtrums as a teen and getting her out of it takes alot she screams why can I be like her sister who doesnt have aspie. what do we do when she gets out of control now? she is bigger and when she is in a level of no reasoning.

Unknown said...

I have a 16 year old boy diagnosed with asbergers when he was 5 . My issue is that he is so angry . Any thing you ask of him becomes a complete battle . He is only happy when no one bothers him and he can do what ever he wants . Lately he has been lying , telling tall tales in school and completely obsessed with Mario cart . We had to take the wii system out of the house it was so bad . Then today I found out he has had a wii system he borrowed from a friend for over a month . He cares nothing for brushing his teeth or wearing clean clothes or even wanted to get out of bed for school . I'm completely physically and mental exhausted from this child I have no idea what to do anymore he has a therapist and has been on different medications with no help latley . I have 2 other children at home and it is so not fair for them . If anyone has some suggestions I would really appreciate it .

Anonymous said...

So I have a son who so wants to fit in with his peers but struggles with conversation that they are interested in. He sits on the sidelines mostly which makes me feel very sad. He has to be prompted for most aspects of his life, from taking a shower to changing his clothes etc. All he seems to want to do is play on his x-box or his laptop or mobile phone which he is obsessed with all these items. He loves films so he watches alot of tv, I try and encourage him to play outside so he just kicks a ball about in front of our house,he wont go to the local park with it. My boy is 15 half and I am very worried about his accademic levels. He is not accademic or hands on, he writes like a 6 year old, how am I suppose to get him ready for the big wide world when he doesnt take anything seriously, he just says as long as he's trying his best he cant do no more. He wants to go to college but he most likely will be ungraded and not be able to go. Then Im faced with stopping him from becoming inward as he doesnt go out with any friends as I said he struggles with social interaction. Would I be wasting my time getting him some extra tuition to get him ready for the exams next year before he leaves school? The school seem to think it would be a waste of time but I am desperate to help my son any way possible to help him develope and find his niche in life. Any suggestions anyone please?

Anonymous said...

As a teen with Aspergers, I can relate to this article. That's me alright; the adolescent that refuses to be your typical adolescent; no makeup, no hair styling, and no interest in fashion. Just routine and the few passions I'm trying to pursue and succeed in.

As for the "Sexual Issues": I think mainly the reason why a lot of us are so naive about sex, dating, and relationships is because...well, no one even bothers to try to talk about it with us. They just assume we can quickly learn it like your typical teenager. A lot of us don't, though, so we need our parent(s')/guardian(s') help.

I'm one of the more fortunate ones that learned about sex, STD's, and pregnancy by myself before I even tried it. I'm also lucky I learned about it vaguely in grades 5-8. Emphasis on the vaguely, mind you. I still wish that my mother could have sat me down and talked to me about relationships, sex and the rest, the second I had hit puberty. It would have helped me a lot :(

Anonymous said...

We are finding support for our 14 year old daughter limited. We respect how hard it is for her at school with all the pressures school brings by itself without adding Aspergers. She is so disrespectful, mean aggressive with us...we are so tired of the foul mouth and physical tantrums when we ask her to shower, go to school, etc. We admitted her to an impatient facility for 5 days and she was a model teen there but the same night she came home she exploded when we tried to incorporate the rules we all agreed to before her discharge. Things are now worse...our hearts are breaking as we love her so much but feel so lost and hopeless. The help for teens with Aspergers is limited where we live...but we are open to anything to help our family. Ideas?

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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