Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders


Helping Resistant Aspergers Children with Transitions

"My child with Aspergers (high functioning) still has trouble with transitions. Social stories don’t work that well for him. To get him to stop doing what he’s doing to get ready for bed (as just one example) is like pulling teeth. Help!"

Here’s a 7-step plan for giving your youngster with Aspergers or High Functioning Autism plenty of warning and helping him make transitions more calmly:

1. 10-minute warning: Tell your youngster, "You’ve got 10 more minutes" (parent’s secret: unless your youngster is watching the clock or is a stickler for accuracy in this area, you can give this warning well before you actually only do have 10 more minutes). Let’s assume that your youngster is ignoring you at this point (e.g., he may be thinking he has plenty of time yet).

2. 5-minute warning: About halfway into the 10-minute warning, say, "You’ve got 5 more minutes" (get at least an acknowledgment that your Aspie has received the message at this point). As Aspergers children often do, let’s assume that your youngster is still ‘dilly dallying’ around (i.e., taking his sweet time).

3. Warnings by the minute: Just as some snooze alarms get louder each time you hit the button, make your warnings more frequent at this point (e.g., give a 4-minute warning …3-minute …2-minute (parent’s secret: the countdown doesn't have to actually correspond to factual time; you can say, for example, that he only has 2-minutes left, but he may actually have 2 ½). In any event, let your youngster know that it's time to get organized for a change.

4. Warnings by the second: At this point, your youngster should be at least reluctantly moving toward change. Count down in 10-second increments at this point (e.g., you’ve got 50 seconds …40 …30 …and so on).

5. An extra 10-count: If your youngster is still goofing off, tell him he has a count of 10 to get with it. Then count up from 1 to 10. And move on.

6. This technique should work with those Aspies who have difficulty with motor planning and change. However, you will want to calibrate the amount of time used to your particular youngster's needs. The countdown described above is merely an example, and one that can be tailored according to the situation – and your child’s temperament.

7. A stopwatch or a timer can sometimes also be effective countdown tools. When choosing a timer, opt for one that will be most appropriate for your Aspie, and make sure that it is something that he will easily understand. While a digital timer may be an appropriate choice for older kids, this may not be well suited for younger ones. For younger kids who still do not have a concept of time, the hourglass timer usually works best – not only because it is more interesting, but also because it is easier to understand. Since younger kids may not know how long 3 minutes is, the hourglass timer gives them a visual of how long 3 minutes actually is.

Before you use the timer, let your youngster know what the timer is for. Let him know that the timer keeps track of when he needs to switch activities (e.g., “When the timer goes off, it is time for you to stop playing your video game and get ready for bed.”). Explain it simply and use words that will make him understand.

When using the timer, it is also important that you provide warning signals (e.g., ringing of a soft bell, gentle snapping of the fingers, etc.) when the time is almost over. This way, your youngster will be ready when the time runs out and will not feel surprised or rushed. The important thing is to be consistent and to always use the same warning signals. This way, it will become part of the routine.

Tips to help you be successful with the “transitioning” method outlined above:

1. Be consistent. Use the same warning time and words every time. This makes it easier for your Aspie to understand and adjust to the transitions. By knowing what the expectations are, he will transition easier.

2. Do as much as possible beforehand. Pick out clothes the night before, make sure his shoes are readily available, etc.

3. Evaluate situations that are difficult. If there is a particular situation that causes major problems during transitions, evaluate the circumstances surrounding the situations. For example, it could be that your Aspie doesn't want to do the next activity due to sensory issues or other problems. It could be that the schedule needs adjustment, or that other accommodations need to be in place.

4. Make sure all of the “extra activities” are taken care of beforehand. It is easier to get out the door when the Aspie can’t pause when it opens and exclaim, “I have to go to the bathroom!” Take care of those needs before you walk out the door. Do the same with food and drink. Better yet, bring a water bottle and a snack (one less excuse for your youngster to dawdle).

5. Make your youngster part of the team. Enlist his help in order to get out the door on time. Have a checklist and allow him to check off what gets done, or have him help load important items into the car if you are leaving.

6. Negotiate transitions when possible. For example, if he’s playing video games and you want him to stop so he can get some homework done, you can say, “Do you want to continue playing your game for another 30 minutes and then do your homework – or do you want to stop for now, do some homework, and then go back to your game for 60 minutes? So, 30 minutes now – or 60 minutes later …what’s your preference?”

7. Never underestimate the power of a good social story. If you’ve tried social stories, but they didn’t work, it may have just been a poorly applied story. Social stories are a wonderful tool for working with Aspergers children. The value of seeing his name in print with clear expectations will be golden for your Aspie. A social story is a simple story naming the youngster along with the story of what you want him to accomplish.

8. Respect your youngster’s need for a warning. When an Aspergers kid is engaged in an activity, it is very difficult for him to move on to the next activity. Teaching him how to transition takes patience and time on your part. By giving a warning, the youngster will have an easier time accepting transitions.

9. Teach your child to tell time. The sooner you do it, the easier it becomes for your Aspie to understand the passage of time and how it works.

10. Use rewards. When an Aspergers kid is engaged in an activity, sometimes it is difficult to get him to transition to a new activity. In order to help him, offer some incentive to change activities (e.g., a preferred food or item, a desired activity later in the day, etc.).

A plan for blatant resistance: “This Tantrum Is Not Solving Your Problem”

If your Aspergers child flat-out refuses to make the transition from the current activity to the next one – or worse yet – throws a temper tantrum, help him understand that “resistance” and “throwing a tantrum” will not help him get what he wants. For example, let’s say he’s watching television …then you come along and want him to get ready for dinner. Your first request for this transition is met with stiff confrontation (e.g., yelling and throwing the remote). You can say, “If your problem is that you want to watch TV, then yelling and throwing the remote is not solving that problem …it’s just prolonging the problem! If you want to solve that problem, then come and eat a few bites, then you watch TV some more.”

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums


•    Anonymous said... for the ideas
•    Anonymous said... Hi my son is 15 and he still has no concept of time I'm finding him very hard work ATM he never wants to do anything he can be snappy towards me has anyone any ideas please or suggestions many thanx x
•    Anonymous said... I have those magnet ones, my iphone app I got works great too. We use them for night time routines usually now. I used to have one in each area of my home.
•    Anonymous said... I've learned that my son needs a "5 minute warning" before a transition (even if it's not a true five minutes). If I spring something on him, he wigs out.
•    Anonymous said... jp always needed a warning 10 min then 5 min and then i had to say time for dinner and lead the way. sometimes we sang a tidy up song before bed and we still have an identical bedtime routine. i find routine and consistency the best for him
•    Anonymous said... Just make sure the timer is a pleasing noise!! My son is now scared of timers because the load noise bothers him! The timer we used had a ringing noise and it actually caused more problem than the transition!
•    Anonymous said... My son is 5-1/2 and we use an hourglass timer. And also a picture to do list. Pictures of the activities in order is something he has really been able to follow and with the timer for each activity it really helps him feel like he can be prepared for what's next.
•    Anonymous said... Thanks for sharing the link to that timer - it is really cool! I usually do a verbal time warning. I used to do 10 minutes then 5 minutes and so on. We can now do a 5 minute warning, then a 2 minute and 1 minute warning before any kind of change - getting off the computer, time to leave, etc...
•    Anonymous said... The tricks depend on the age and what kinda kid. My son does better with "finish the chapter" than time as I think he's a bit OCD and really compulsive about finishing and saving (like in Minecraft--Roblox has been hugely frustrating for the lack of saving "all that work"). For recurring transitions, predictable "transition helpers" work for us. Like (pls don't blast me for the food thing) when we leave McD's after eating and playing, my kids get their dessert (a cookie) in the car. On the computer, we have been using Family Safety in Win8 to regulate time spent. I especially love that I can really customize the curfew settings by adding in 1/2 hr curfews for meals in addition to the whole time limit for the day. Most kids get really wrapped up and forget to eat. Good luck!
•    Anonymous said... There are great visual timer apps for the iPad and smart phones. They have worked well for my 4 -year-old daughter. She also has trouble with transitions.
•    Anonymous said... there are some cool timers used in autistic classrooms that work on the principal of a traffic light, green, yellow, red,this gives the child a warning,, and a visual indicater
•    Anonymous said... This is my son exactly!! Especially at dinner time. But not only is it a challenge to get him to the table, it's also a nightmare to get him to stay there. Or to do anything I ask of him really.
•    Anonymous said... We don't uses timers but I am thinking would be good to show some patience. Any meal time I have our 5 yr old help I incorporated his schooling time with cooking time. Now he is not a big eater so we are working on it. The more we do meal cooking really new stuff he will try a lil bit. That is a huge step.
•    Anonymous said... We set the oven timer and remind him every few minutes of how long he has until whatever it is we want him to do eg, pack his school bag, turn off the Wii, brush his teeth, come to the dinner table. It always works. We can never just spring something onto him...he is very literal and visual.
•    Anonymous said... we use a hand held cooking timer ($6 @ walmart) but try it out before buying because the bell/ringer can be too loud! We let our 5yr old son set it himself so he feels some control over what's going on. before beginning any activity, we let him know how much time is allowed for that event (10 min.) & when it's over, we will move on to the next activity (name it - bath time, dinner, etc.). he likes knowing what the upcoming activity is, but not more than that. At the 5 min. mark, I countdown each minute until the bell rings, he loves it! At 2 min. mark, I explain that he has 2 minutes left, but that the next activity (eating) will be great because (we're having his favorite dish). It helps make the transition smoother when he's down to the last minute. My son really likes a schedule, a time-table of events/activities, but has to be fore-warned when changing from each activity.
•    Anonymous said... Welcome to my life. I find that touching him and speaking directly works well. Calling from downstairs I do not reccommend unless you want to call atleast 10 times. When he is playing lego he is lost in his own world.

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Anonymous said...

We used a reward chart for our son to earn rewards for being able to go to bed and remain in bed. Also, we just got in the habit of giving 20 and 10 minute warnings before we transitioned for any task. We also started bedtime earlier and made it fun by singing a song to brush teeth to and to either play a quiet game or read a book before bed also helped. Bed times are tough, agreed!

Anonymous said...

we discuss what the plan is for the day, reminders of the plan, and then like Teri, we say "IN 20 10 5 minutes___"

Anonymous said...

Checklists work for my son. He is 6 and mornings were awful, so we made up sheets that list in order what he has to do. Since he LOVES video games, if he wakes up and gets out of bed on time he gets 30 min of video games and then he had to get dressed, eat, brush teeth etc. IF he gets to school on time, he gets another 30 min of video game time that evening. We came up with the plan with counselors we work with at an autism center. It works for us and has made mornings much easier.

Anonymous said...

I have similar struggles with my 7 year old son. He tends to throw a HUGE fit whenever transitioning from one task to another. It doesn't seem to matter how much warning I give him, he still yells out a loud, "Hey! You are SOOOO mean!!" to me everytime I switch of the tv or computer. Every once in awhile, I get lucky and he transitions easily but it is not often. I purchased a neat gadget called "Time Timer" from an autistic support site and it shows a big red wedge move as the timer silently counts down in the circle, then there is a little beeping when times up. It is a great way to warn my child without having to constantly nag him (which he hates!) I also find that a 15 minute warm bath helps to calm him down as well as the low dosage of melatonin that I give him about 1 hour prior to bedtime. It is truly a 3-ring circus at bedtime!! But when he is sleeping, it is SO peaceful :) lol Best of luck to you!

Anonymous said...

My son responds pretty well to giving him the choice between doing something now or in _____minutes. For example, do you want to do your homework now or in 20 minutes? Do you want to come inside now or in 5 minutes? Then, he usually cooperates. But bedtime is a whole different ball game! He comes unglued at bedtime most nights. It has been going better lately since we started giving him melatonin about 1 hr before we have to go upstairs to get ready for bed. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

My 7 year old is the same, bedtime is one big battle, we find having a visual routain helps and then having sleep machine app to help carm him. We are waiting to find out about melatonin, would u all recomend it.
Does anyone have any problems with the little ones when they enter or leave somewere. Like comming in from school.

Anonymous said...

Timers - The best way to take the personal out of timekeeping.

Anonymous said...

Have your child set them and then they start to understand the amount of time. When the timer goes off it is time to transition - or turn something off, get ready for bed. Whatever. Good lessons for future time responsibilities. My 12 year old son now uses a timer to make sure he gets off the computer in time to pack up and catch the bus for school.

Anonymous said...

Definately melatonin!!! It saved our marriage, we had our first night sleep in 8 years! Xxxxxx

Anonymous said...

I used a visual timetable that I drew for my son at bed time. He had been sleeping with me for over two years. He picked the cardboard colour and which textas I used for the pictures. I did a column and laminated it so he couldn't tear it. Lol. I drew pjs. Then a toothbrush. A toilet. Then a bed. A book with mum over it, as I read it. A picture of a book with his name over it so he could have 5 minutes quiet time. Then a picture of a light bulb and a cross thru it - lights out. Took about a week, but so far so good. We did take the light bulb off as he goes to sleep with the light on. Hope this helps.

Anonymous said...

But PLEASE. do NOT reward ur child with food. It creates obesity and emotional reliance on food, when it shouldn't.

Anonymous said...

What do you suggest for a 13 year old teenage girl with Aspergers and all of the teen attitude. Lately all of the old stuff just doesn't work any longer. I need a plan for after school that will keep her on task while allowing her some time for TV and some computer time. Keep in mind I'm trying to get her in bed by 9:30-10.

Anonymous said...

Does your son have anxiety? My 7-y-o has anxiety and his sleep issues were party fear-driven. Once we address the fears, the bedtime routine has been much easier. Also, any sensory issues? A quick backrub in bed does our son a world of good!
17 hours ago · Like

Anonymous said...

My son has huge anxiety issues,doesn't sleep,wakes up screaming,how did you get your bedtime routine? Xx

Anonymous said...

Bedtime is fairly easy with my 8 year old son,as we have stuck to a simple routine since he was about 3 years old,but our mornings.!!!..especially school days are a nightmare!! the CHECK LIST for the morning routine sounds like a great gonna give it a try :O)

Anonymous said...

Thumb up!!!

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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