Managing Aspergers Meltdowns: Tips for Parents
Sometimes, little emotions are not so little with Aspergers (high functioning autism) children. All of us struggle with emotions – and all of us "lose it" from time to time; however, it's helpful to understand why Aspergers kids may be susceptible to being “driven along” by emotions, rather than being “in charge” of their emotions.
Possible Causes of Meltdowns—

2. Sensory Overload— Some children with Aspergers are affected by noise, others are affected by smells, textures or lights. It can be any number of things, but too many sensory inputs can lead to meltdowns or shutdowns. It can all happen when the senses get into a major traffic jam.
3. Social Challenges—I was once a tourist in Columbia. The streets did not have signs, and I didn't understand what people were saying. Needless to say, it was stressful. Yet this is what Aspergers kids may go through on a regular basis. Of course, each child is unique, so he may experience more or less of this social confusion, but the stress can take its toll over the course of the day. Too much stress – and the boiling point can be reached.
4. More Stress— If over time an Aspergers child feels that meltdowns are inevitable, random, and uncontrollable, she can feel somewhat stressed out! Imagine not knowing when you will lose it next, or what the consequences may be.
What Can Be Done?
Here are a few suggestions. Some will work, some won’t. Just as the senses can be bombarded, now your child can use them to self-soothe:
Here are a few suggestions. Some will work, some won’t. Just as the senses can be bombarded, now your child can use them to self-soothe:
1. Hearing— Have you Aspergers child listen to some beautiful and soothing music. Consider purchasing some meditation CD's. Consider buying CD's with sounds of nature. He may savor the sounds and let them calm him down.
2. Smell— Buy some potpourri or a scented candle and put it in your child’s room. She may enjoy the smells, savor them, and let them calm her down.
3. Taste— Notice what your child’s favorite foods are. Keep some of his favorite foods on hand in small portions. He may really savor the taste, and let it soothe his restlessness.
4. Touch—Massage your child’s shoulders, or go for a walk with him. Maybe he would enjoy lifting weights, martial arts, a warm bath or soft clothes. He may let the touch soothe him and take away his stress.
5. Vision— Buy a beautiful painting or flower. Design a beautiful space in one of the rooms in your house. Light a candle, and watch it quietly with your Aspergers child. Go out in the middle of the night and watch the stars. Be creative. You know best what sights your child will most enjoy. She might notice them, take them in slowly, and let their beauty calm her down.
Tell your child to think of his emotions as wild horses. Untamed, they can wreak havoc. But, once understood and worked with, they can be of great service and power to your Aspergers child.
My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns
Comments
his lunch box and drink bottle on the desk. I responded with if you yell at me again there will be no music shop. Less than five minutes later he screamed at me about something else so I carried through with my threat of no music shop and he went into full meltdown - screaming, swearing, knocking chairs over, pulled a paint off the wall, callikng me an idiot, saying he wants to die, he hates himnself, why don't I kill him because he wants to be dead. I have got to the point where I don't know how to teach Lucas to stop screaming and calling me an idiot when he gets angry. I know that it is anxiety based because when he is travelling along well he woujldn't dream of acting or speaking that way, but I don't know what to do about it. I have two other children a 9 1/2 and 5 year old girls who find the siutation quite difficult.
He is seeing a Psych (he is not us, not even sure what they are doing.) and we are in the middle of an IEP at his school. He is almost always in a bad mood. When he is not in a bad mood he is so annoying. (Does happy dances, licks me, soft bites me, and wipes his head on me, barks at me...)
Any suggestions? I want to get started on making changes but don't even know where to start.
Thanks!
Sensory issues get better over time so I would not completely give in to them. A little exposure is a good thing and then you can increase it over time. If he still is complaining with headphones, you could do a variety of things such as attaching his headphones to a MP3 player filled with his own music so he can drown out the other music. Or you could say, "Ok, this is bothering you. We will finish singing this song and then stop for now."
At home, when things start bothering him, he should be taught to take himself to his room or to another room to do something else instead of making everyone else stop what they are doing.
You might have better luck finding a behavioral therapist to work with you at home on behaviors.
I recently discovered your website of information on the Aspergers Child. I have a 15 yr. old son who we are suspicious that this is his problem. We have a doctors' appointment next week, May 24th, for testing for this.
I am writing to you because our family is at wits end in trying to help our son, Daniel. I watched your video clip on the meltdowns and felt like I was reliving my son's tantrums as a toddler. He struggles today with depression, anxiety, and add. He takes medicines for all three. I have often felt that we didn't have all the right pieces of the puzzle for a correct diagnosis. It's been a journey and I want my son to have the best life that he can. Today his diagnosis is undetermined mood disorder.
My husband and I have been taking him for treatment since he was in the first grade. We noticed as a toddler he would just have these terrific meltdowns only at home. Raging in his room, tearing sheets off his bed, throwing toys out of his room or throwing them at us. They diagnosed him with depression and anxiety at that time. He also exhibited signs of great aggression. Today he has very few friends. 1 or 2. No one calls hardly or texts him. He seems to be okay with it, but it greatly disturbs me as we are a social family. His 13 yr. old brother has a lot of friends and he hangs with his brother and his friends.
We are experiencing today his moodiness on a daily basis. I live on the edge of playing referee between him and all the kids that come over because he is very argumentative and combative. We constantly live in fear that he will drive all the friends away of our other son. He often cannot see he is the source of contention around the home and feels that we constantly punish him and not his brother. He rarely takes responsiblity for his actions but rather would blame his brother or someone else for the conflicts that arise.
To his credit, he is very remorseful after a blow up and will apologize. He has always been that way. He is a smart kid, does fairly well in school as long as he takes his add med., and doesn't get into trouble. We have tried to create a very structured environment for him because he does better. We've had him in sports his whole life which he loves.
I apologize for writing you a book, but wanted to give a small picture of what we are dealing with. Any help or advice is appreciated. I am really tired of going to doctors who aren't sure and just guess at meds. and treatment. I want my son to have a fulfilling life and be able to learn how to cope without arguing, make a few friends, or whatever he is capaple of.
Thanks so much in advance,
Sincerely,
Susan
I can – and will – help you, but you’re the one who will have to take some action.
The parents I work with have tried very hard to address their Aspergers child’s emotional and behavioral problems on their own, but with little or no success. And it seems the harder they try, the worse it gets.
Every Monday night at Madison Superior Court [Div. 2], I meet with a group of parents who are at a loss on what to do or how to help. We meet for 1 hour each session for 4 Mondays.
During our brief time together, I show the parent how to use some highly effective “unconventional” parenting strategies to use with their out-of-control, “unconventional” Aspergers child.
I follow up with these parents weeks and months after they complete the program to track their success, and 80% - 90% of them report back to me that problems in the home have reduced in frequency and severity, and that the parent-child conflict is finally manageable.
Now I want to show YOU what I show them. I want to teach YOU how to approach your child – in spite of all the emotional and behavioral problems.
There is no need for you to continue living as a frustrated, stressed-out parent. I will help you resolve most of the behavioral problems, but I can’t do it for you!
I have put my entire program online! So it doesn’t matter where you live. If you will read my eBook, listen to my talks, view my videos and power point presentations, and email me with specific questions as you go along – you WILL get the problems turned around. If you will take a step of faith here, you can experience the same success that thousands of other parents are now enjoying.
After years of dealing with defiant Aspergers children, many parents feel so defeated that they believe nothing or nobody will be able to help them – they think it’s simply “too late.” But I promise you – it is NOT too late!!
If you’re tired of disrespect, arguments, tantrums, etc. – and if things are steadily getting worse as time goes by, then you may want to get started with these parenting strategies today.
I'm not a “miracle worker,” but you don't need a miracle to get your child on a good track behaviorally and emotionally – you just need the right combination of strategic parenting strategies that apply specifically to the strong-willed, out-of-control child.
I’m here for you should you decide to Join Online Parent Support…
Mark Hutten, M.A.
Online Parent Support
Madison County Youth Center
3420 Mounds Road
Anderson, Indiana
46017-1873
Cell: (765) 810-3319
Email: mbhutten@gmail.com