Inappropriate Responses from Aspies

The trouble is this: Aspies (i.e., people with Aspergers) can't lie if asked a direct question – they suffer from complete honesty. In addition, they often take other’s statements very literally. It's often remarked by neurotypicals or NTs (i.e., people without Aspergers) that Aspies respond in an inappropriate manner, but what does that actually look like? Here are some examples of “social mistakes” made by Aspies:

NT: Look, here’s a picture of my baby.
Aspie: Woo, he looks like Orville the Duck, doesn’t he?

NT: Does my butt look big in this dress?
Aspie: Yes it does, but no more than usual.

NT: So, how would you like your eggs?
Aspie: Unfertilized.

NT: Did you notice how I've kept my youthful complexion?
Aspie: Yeah, so I see ...all spotty.

NT: I've changed my mind...
Aspie: Excellent, so does the new one work better?

NT: Say, haven't we met before?
Aspie: Yes, I'm a nurse at the VD clinic.

NT: Sweetheart, do you think I'll lose my looks as I get older.
Aspie: With luck, yea.

NT: How many people work in your office?
Aspie: About half of them.

NT: Isn't my baby beautiful?
Aspie: That's a baby?!

NT: (Waiter) Table for how many?
Aspie: Yes.

NT: (Store Clerk) Will there be anything else?
Aspie: Why? Wasn't this enough?

NT: (Teacher) Why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Aspie: You told me to do it without using tables.

NT: (Teacher) George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Aspie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?

NT: Are you chewing gum?
Aspie: No, I’m Michael Smith.

NT: (Customer) I want to buy a dress to put on around the house.
Aspie: Yes, Madam. How large is your house?

NT: I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for dinner.
Aspie: Who wants to eat friends?

NT: (Girlfriend) May I hold your hand?
Aspie: No, thanks. It isn't heavy.

NT: Do these stairs take you to the second floor?
Aspie: No, you'll have to walk.

NT: How are you?
Aspie: How am I what?

* All in the name of fun - don't be offended :)

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