How To Use An Effective Reward System For Aspergers Children
“I have a ten-year-old boy with who is high functioning. We are consistent with making him aware of what is socially unacceptable and why. It seems to go in one ear and out the other though. For instance, at meal time we always tell him to eat with his mouth closed. He will do as we say for 20 seconds and then he’s right back to chewing with his mouth open. We have sent him to eat in the other room, or we take away dessert if he continues after the fourth prompt. We have had no success for the past 2 years! Do you have any ideas or do you think that it’s something he can’t help?”
Comments
To know that I may be at some fantastic restaurant chewing with my mouth open is abhorrent to me, but I still do it even though I have tried to curb the habit for 45 years.
I think it has to do with the texture of the food.
In my opinion because your son's brain is always moving forward, and because life present so many challenges he forgets. Eating is a pleasant but necessary human habit and I think when Aspies are relaxed they tend to forget to alter behavior that comes naturally to others. We always need prompting. Could you introduce an item to a meal that would serve as a prompt. A little figurine that only ever is used at meal time that is placed close to his plate that could be called something related to a closed mouth. eg. A little mouth closed monster.
As a child I was punished continually for bad table manners, as an adult I am no connoisseur of fine food.
As long as everyone is happy and productive in life, how much does it matter of they chew with a mouth open or not? Sure, It may be a 'social faux pas' but who defines what is socially acceptable? You, or those who judge you??
It is true though that to survive and function in 'socitey' we have to conform a bit, but don't let being socially acceptable over rule reality and goals that are too much.
After punishment and rewards all failed, I sat down with him, made sure he was calm and explained carefully why I valued our time eating together so much. I told him that his eating with his mouth open made me feel disgusted reminding him what disgusted meant and that spoiled a special time for me. I made all my feelings very explicit.
He was shocked to hear how I felt but ever since has made a real effort. This has transferred to eating in public as well.
I am starting to realise that with my son, so many things i assume he understands implicitly have not entered his mind at all but that when I explain them, he can learn them.
18 hours ago · Like · 1
My stepson eats with his mouth open and its so disgusting I often cant eat sitting opposite. It has made me physically sick before. Sadly his parents dont believe that it is a fight worth starting and so at 16 it is still not addressed. I would say keep going with the reminders, the lesson is clearly a hard one for him so punishment is not appropriate. But dont give up.