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Urinating In All The Wrong Places

Question

My son is peeing in corners …on his lounge chair …on his Frisbee (toys). He suffers from ASD, ODD, ADD, ADHD, SPD, ANXIETY NOS. Does anyone else’s child do this?? If so, how have you got them to stop?????? We need help ASAP!!

Answer

In summary, children who pee in all the wrong places do so because (a) they can, (b) it brings them a sense of pleasure, and (c) it gives them a sense of control …let me explain:

About 25% of kids can be strong-willed, and they can find unique ways to "express their will" – and peeing on toys might be an expression of dominance, anger, or mastery (e.g., “look what I can do”). Your son’s emotional state when he pees on toys will help lead you to the underlying issue, (e.g., anger, dominance, mastery).

Usually this kind of behavior is seen when an ASD youngster is feeling stressed, unfairly disciplined, overlooked, or over-controlled. It seems to be a kind of secretive rebellion, a way of "marking territory." Regardless, you obviously want to redirect this behavior immediately so he doesn't start falling back on it whenever he's angry, stressed, or seeking some form of control over his environment.

What can you do? Here are some tips:

1. Use a “praise and rewards” system. You want your statement, ''You remembered to use the potty every time today! Great Job!'' to feel so good to hear that he'll want to hear it again every day. Also, you will get better cooperation if you use positive discipline in general, which is even more important for your child, in case he is rebelling against your discipline practices.

2. Do the “clean-up” together. Say, "Oops, did you pee here? Come on, let's get this cleaned up." Stay calm, hand him the paper towels, and have him help.

3. Consider play therapy. You may want to initiate a play session with his stuffed animals, and have one of them pee all over the house. Make it funny. If you get him laughing, you'll know you're on the right track. You might even have one stuffed animal you're holding ask the one your child is holding, "Why is he doing that?!" You might be surprised at the answer. Your son’s answer will give you some clue as to his motivation for pursuing this bad habit.

4. Consider a reward chart. Some therapists do not recommend reward charts in general, because they get children focused on the external reward, rather than on the rewarding feelings of "doing the right thing." More importantly, if you don't get to the feelings underneath that are causing your child to pee in all the wrong places, it won't work! However, if you do give him help with those feelings, a reward chart could be helpful as an additional incentive to help him break this habit. To try this, every time your child pees in the toilet, he gets a star, and a certain number of stars get him something he really wants – within a few days. Make sure the stars seem really valuable to him. In fact, you might want to launch this by giving him a small reward that he values (e.g., a snack, a small piece of candy) every single time he pees in the toilet. This may seem like overkill, but you need to make the toilet MUCH more rewarding than the lounge chair.

5. Give your child permission to pee outside if he wants. Tell him the rule is that people are allowed to pee outside sometimes, but only over there behind the shed where no one can see and it won't hurt any flowers. That way he will be able to have the satisfaction he's getting from this behavior, but in a more appropriate way.

6. Help your child with whatever feelings are driving him. Your child won’t be able to explain what feelings are driving him. Your job is to help him vent any feelings of fear or anger that are causing him to act-out. The best way to do that is to notice when he is close to a meltdown, and then to "love" him through it.

7. Be patient as he learns to restrain his “impulsivity” (“Hey, peeing right here - right now - sounds like fun”). Aspergers kids can be very impulsive, and it takes a little practice to overcome this “not-so-good” trait.

8. Increase his visits to the bathroom to make it less likely that he'll find himself with a full bladder and feel tempted. Make rules about bathroom habits: "The rule is that we use the bathroom before we go to bed, before and after a snack, after dinner, etc." When he doesn't like the rule, empathize: "I know, you don't want to go right now, but that's the rule. We all go right after meals." Externalizing the rule reduces the chance of a power-struggle between the two of you. Many Aspergers kids are very attached to rules and will follow them as long as they don't feel bossed around.

9. Just in case he's rebelling against what feels like too much control, give him fairly constant choices. Don't overwhelm him with ten choices at a time, just let him choose, whenever it would be ok for him to decide between two things.

10. Make it clear that "all people pee in the toilet" – but don't get into a struggle with your child about this. You can't win it, because he can always continue the behavior, and it will just require that you “up the ante” to a level of punishment that would be clearly inappropriate. The truth is that improving your relationship with him will have more impact on eradicating this behavior than any kind of punishment you could devise, and punishment always undermines your relationship.

11. Most young kids are feeling their testosterone. They need opportunities to wrestle, play superhero, and demonstrate their prowess in any way they can. This is totally age-appropriate, including when he brags to you that he is stronger than Superman. (Your response to that? "Wow!") Make sure he has plenty of opportunities to feel powerful, so he doesn't need to use his territory-marking strategy.

12. Shower him with unrequested love, appreciation and attention. Setting aside a regular daily time just to spend with your child can be challenging, but that may be the most important action you can take. You want him to feel so connected to you that he just can't bring himself to do something that he knows displeases you.

==> My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Aspergers Children

57 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, we have delt with this like you would not believe. My 5 year old son has been very difficult to completely potty train and goes through periods where he will pee on floors, walls, his dresser, etc. I believe it is a total control thing with him and most often happens once we are having lots of trouble in other areas and the punishments and time outs are frequent. This article show many suggestions for praise and rewards, etc. Though rewards motivate my son praise does nothing for him. He shys away from it in fact. Oh, and after much diligence on my part, we just recently received a diagnosis for ADHD and possible (lol) Autism (Asperger) spectrum. Further testing recommended for once he turns 6.

Anonymous said...

OH MY our 5 yr old son who is under eval for asd has yet to be completely potty trained.he pees his pants all the time and on the floor too. He does not care. HE doesnt even case to stay wet. IDK what to do with him. NOTHING we have tried has helped

Anonymous said...

My son is 6 and was diagnosed wiyh aspergers wen he was 3. We had a very hard time potty trainning him. He knew that he was supposed to pee in the potty but refused to do it. He would pee in his pants, on floors, one time he peed on his father. Finally after about a yeat and a half of consistent trainning and taking him to potty ever 30 minutes, he finally started using the potty. My advice is hang in there, stay consistent, and be patient and he will start using the potty.

Anonymous said...

We have tried everything we could think of. We've tried talking to him about why he did it and why it was wrong. We've gotten angry. We've taken things away. We've tried making him take responsibility for his actions and help clean up the mess. Nothing worked for more than a day or two. Then one day it stopped as quickly as it had started, until these past few weeks. It had probably been a couple of months since he had last done it. Now when you ask him why he did it he says "I guess I didn't make it to the potty in time."

Anonymous said...

Please don't respond harshly to your son in response to this. He is not peeing all over just to be ornery.Something clearly is not right inside him, and he is reacting to that.Just stay calm and say "Oops, you had an accident. Let's clean this up together. Here's a towel for you to clean the floor." Some patience, having him help clean up, and some detective work on what could be upsetting him should get him back to normal. I promise that a child who mastered potty training so early is not likely to have accidents for long.

Anonymous said...

My son keeps peeing and pooping all over the house too! ...he absolutely refuses to use the little potty or the big potty, even if i put pants on him he takes them off and then rips off his diaper and goes where he stands. sometimes he goes on the couch or the bed and then tries to play in it. I'm getting so fed up.

Anonymous said...

Our son is potty trained just after we got his gut healed. His is gluten and dairy free and low sugar which prevents yeast flare ups in his GI track. Look into yeast and gut healing. Alot of his ADHD symptoms got much better, good luck!

Anonymous said...

My 9 year old son has Aspergers. This urinating thing was never an issue w/ him. He potty trained normally... i guess it could go either way.

Anonymous said...

My son did this too. Peed in my crocks, in corner in playroom, in toy box....on and on. Just had to keep pointing it out, and showing my frustration to him and expain how dirty it was. Seemed like it was a fase he went thru. He is now 11, this was several years ago, he was prob age 4 or so. He even got ahold of a purple pill of mine that looked like a skittle, (for Bladder infect) peed bright orange/yellow on the carpet, stained it. He still pees outside....all the time.
40 minutes ago · Like

Anonymous said...

We caught our son after he peed in his brothers closet after he was angry about the way he played a game.
Today we found he peed in the craft room on paper. He just turned 9 and this currently taking 3 Prozac daily. I will bring this up to his Dr. to see what we can do.

Unknown said...

I THINK SOME. SORT OF CORPORAL PUNISHMENT IS IN ORDER FOR A SIX YEAR OLD. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING. MAKE IT ROUGH FOR THEM TO COVER IT UP. SPIT SHINE HOUSE

Unknown said...

My son is 9 and we have recently caught him peeing in various corners of our house (his closet, next to his bed,the playroom, behind our sofa, etc.) Very frustrating and confusing considering he has never displayed this type of behavior until this year. He is ADHD, is very impulsive, has to be corrected often and the start to his school year has been difficult to say the least. At first he blamed peeing in his closet & bedroom floor on being afraid of the dark & monsters, but now we've caught him doing it in the light of day and in other areas of our home. We started out being sympathetic and understanding, moved onto making him clean it up & explaining that this behavior will not be tolerated and have now given punishments as well... It's not working! Although he clearly feels bad afterwards, I think the urinating is connected to underlying anger and frustration and a need for control of his world. I think he views himself as a "bad child" because he is in trouble so often and this is almost his way of solidifying that label. I also believe it is his way of challenging authority and seeing how far he'll be allowed to go with it as he seems to be taking greater risks in where he chooses to urinate. For our parts, I think he needs more positive reinforcement and less negative reactions to his poor and impulsive choices, but that is very tough to do at times. I also think he needs a positive way of releasing his frustrations both verbally and physically and he could also use a few hard core chores around the house to instill a little pride in the roof over his head and the walls around him that keep his safe, warm and dry.

QUEENIED said...

i agree
, i just got a phone call from the gym teacher at school and apparently my 11yr old has been urinating in the corner in the bathrooms. He has just started jr high, and has an IA with him all day.ughs im embarrased for him....calling him square....ughs poor kid has no social skills as it is,im feeling lil helpless and so sad for him...he just came home and tried to exlplain how sorry but that he was mad at kids touching a square on his back and calling him a square...ughs he did apologise to custodian and said he Never do again

Pirate Mickey said...

I'm so glad that I'm not the only parent out there dealing with this issue. My step son is 6 and has ADHD. He is on two medications. My husband and I have no control over his medications (long story). I'm unsure if he is doing this behavior at his mom's house. We have had lots of behavioral issues with him. He rips new clothes and breaks toys. So frustrating! I am at a loss on how to discipline or deal with these issues. I have tried everything. Now today I found a clothes under his bed that smelled of pee. This isn't the first time. He has peed on his sisters blankets. The answer we get is because I was mad at her. I feel so lost about this issue.

Josh said...

I can't believe how pampering and weak all this is. That's why they are such brats, because of people like this telling you to be loving to them when they are peeing all over your house!! Every child HAS to be taught right and wrong and inappropriate behaviour should have consequences. No wonder they are all out of control domineering violent sneaky brats.

Unknown said...

I was not diagnosed ASD untill adulthood but remember haveing this problem as well.
I however was doing it not in anger or retaliation but I was to envolved and concentrated on an activity "putting together a model car for instance" rather than takeing the time to go to the restroom I simply wized it out in a corner. I had already worked it out in my head that I would blame it on the dog if caught. I just didnt want to take the time to go to the restroom and leave my activity.

rebeccaalderman2011 said...

To Roger Jackson and Josh --

Corporal punishment for "normal" kids in this instance may be a better means of dealing with that, but with autism-spectrum children things are different. Depending on the degree, they will do whatever it is that is negative to spite you or react to stressful situations. In short, with too much strict discipline, you may as well be shooting yourself in the foot. I know this for a fact because I was really strict with my son until a year or so ago, thinking this worked better than being "soft" but with Autism-spectrum kids, this can be a negative effect. Honey does get more flies than vinegar in this case and positive reinforcement does get better response for Autistic kids than spankings, shaming, and other forms of corporal punishment.

Understand?

My son is 12 and has recently begun this behavior. I need to discuss this with his psychiatrist to see what she thinks.

Unknown said...

Do u have children with disabilities?? They are not brats!!

Unknown said...

I love these answers ..... they are perfect.... for healthy children ..... do they know what Aspergers is ?????? Talking, explaining, disciplining, and my personal favorite playing with them is COMPLETELY and UTTERLY USELESS. Do I sound bitter ?? 34 years and counting ... furniture destroyed, carpets destroyed (dont ask about what happens every 28 days), plates and cutlery missing, garbage found in hidden places, loss of every friend we ever knew (over time), countless police visits stemming from park excursions on days when she decides to visit the children naked. We have tried EVERYTHING and I MEAN EVERYTHING to prevent this from happening. To be honest ... if I knew then what I know now and I wasnt pushing 50 .... I would have killed her ... 25 yrs in jail (WORST CASE) would be a cake walk compared to what we've been living through. I know I sound like an uncaring monster but Im not..... im just very very very tired of living like this .... we have tried to get her into a home in the last few years but it turns out the Govt have been closing them down ....gee I wonder why ??? As the years roll by its been getting worse and worse and worse ..... it will NEVER improve ... dont delude yourself. I came here looking for some answers that might help us ..... but not surprisingly didnt find any. My apoligies for sounding so awful but venting to you all is all I can do to maintain my sanity .........

Unknown said...

Obviously you do not have a special needs child. If you do you would probably be in jail for abuse.

Niecey said...

I think it's disgusting the way some people have reacted to people trying to find some help I my self have a son that dose this and it's slowly getting better and every child dose it for different reasons my son has adhd spd autism and asperges I've never found out the reason why he's done it to this day and he still dose it every so often but it's not everyday anymore and he try's to clean it up when he doses all I know is that he had very strong urges to do which he can't control so take this into consideration before judging any child or mother on how they act to this issue my son is 10 years old and is not s brat or spoilt at all

Unknown said...

Ha! My 4 yr old son has been like this since he turned 1! He's strong willed alright! On everything! He yells at us more than we yell at him. Time out never worked unless I sat in the corner with him and kept one hand on his back to make sure he didn't run off before his time was done. We tried removing privlidges (because we made the grave mistake all 1st time parents do: we showered him with everything we could, spoiling the cadoodles out of him), we even resorted to spanking (I dread the very mention of it but alas, we went down the list of methods over the course of a year to no avail!). Still, the little rascal continues to act out even with a red rump from a good thwack well deserved for man handling his baby brother... He has become aggressive, invasive, and has even used language I, myself, have not used (ei. Explicit language such as calling mom a "b" and dad an "a" or a "c" sucker....). I thought it was jealousy since the twins took alot of our time but we continued to treat him the same as we always had and dedicated time just for him... And still he continued. He was caught urinating in the twins' nursery twice when the bathroom was literally 3 feet behind him and free. All he could say was that he was sorry but, he doesn't like the loud noise (of the flush I assume) which is why he never flushes, pees on the floor, toilet, and seat, and doesn't wash his hands (I had to hold him while dad washed his hands because he fought us that hard)... This is every single day for us... Plus 6 month old twins who are teething... Plus grandpa who has Alzheimer's and diabetes.... Fun times... The 4 yr old is still the hardest part of our day...

Unknown said...

Im having the same problem with my 7 year old daughter we are in the process of getting a diagnosis but the wait is fustraiting we have a meeting tripple p we are starting in feb 2017 and hopdully this will help with my daughter as she is weeing on the edge of her bed and on the floor, shes always done it from a young age in toy boxes the lot. Its nice to know im not on my own here as many parents here seem to be in the same boat.

Desert_Celt said...

My daughter is 20 and still does this. She's non-verbal but I think she does it when she's listening to 'doof doof' music (I don't know what it is, heavy beat, rave music maybe? Hard rock I know, this I don't lol) and I think she just enjoys herself so much she forgets. Other times, I think she does it because she's rebelling against something we've said she can or can't do. I do understand she's 20 but there's the safety issue too, you know, so we're kind of between a rock and a hard place at the moment. We can't let her do whatever she wants. I get frustrated because I'm constantly cleaning her carpet, changing her bed. I told her she'd have to pay someone to do it if she kept it up because I'm kind of tired of it after 20 years. She stopped for a while but then started again. I do make her go to the toilet before she starts listening to her doof doof music and that helps but sometimes even that's tough because kicks a hole in the wall because I've dared disturb her. Lol...that's a slightly insane laugh too, I don't think this is funny... but I dont know. I do like the idea of being patient like someone earlier said and saying come on, let's clean this up etc. I think she'd go for that because she does like to help and she does like tickles too. We might have to see if we can get her carpet replaced with lino or something. As for her bed, we got her a bed sock and it goes over the top of her mattress, plastic sheet and cotton sheet. When she has that on she doesn't tend to rip her bedding off and pee on her mattress and is a lot more comfortable for her to have that pressure on her I think. I'm looking on this forum because I'm facing yet another morning of carpet cleaning, bed/mattress washing (and this is supposed to be my respite day lol) But sadly I haven't found any magic fix yet. I suppose we all just gotta keep trying til we find what works and try to keep our frustration down and hopes up, eh?

Foxxy said...

Corporal punishment is never acceptable. It can be illegal at a certain extent. The most should ever be done is a gentle/ mild spanking if what he did is on the border of unforgivable.

Lisa said...

Sounds like you have ALL the answers! If only they were the correct answers!! Every child is different. You can't say that a child isn't being ornery. Why? Because you have not met mine! He is completely ornery about everything! I have had him observed by every professional and by the best in the nation. Nobody has any more answers than I do. Human behavior is extremely complex.

Stacie H said...

I have lived in your world of indecent exposures lack of friends stares comments utter helpless. I can relate to everyone on here. Sheer insanity behaviors....you just want normal. My daughter was violent on ritalin since she 15. Spent 3 years running out house for my safety. Horrible things spoken endlessly to me. She acted different elsewhere. Now she is starting peeing issues. I know when you say serving a jail sentence would be easier because you have had NO LIFE while you watch others live theirs. I sing praise music and turn on M
K love contemp christian to keep from going crazy or feeling suicidal. That play therapy and showing love sound like good tips to me. My heart is with all of you.






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AmEpHySt said...

It's very easy to say to a parent dealing with this on a daily basis, just be calm and get the child to help clean it up. Let me tell you, when you have an autistic child who is defiantly doing this and yes defiance is a possibility as my son is doing it, you don't feel calm. You feel fed up with the nonsense. Pee on the carpet is hard to remove and parents can not be expected to be calm about that! It's disgusting!! I am not calm when I walk into my sons room to smell urine!! He gets a hard word plain and simple. I refuse to tip toe around his emotions just because he has autism. My son has minimal amount and is capable.
He gets treated to my other children. I have reached the point where he will have a blow up air mattress and will sleep in the laundry which is tiled and not cold as my houseis warm with the insulation. Until he gets out of this episode. You can't just say to an autistic child " oops lets clean it up"! You can't expect an autistic child to understand any of that or articulate they just don't have that reasoning. That is why I am finding an alternative place and flooring for him to sleep until he's over this.

princebillysprincess said...

We were so happy when our 5 year old started saying 'peepee' to have a pull up on and then pee. We thought what a good step in the right direction but now she refuses point blank to wear pull up, and doesn't ask for peepee. She pees and poops everywhere, house stinks (not great considering we are trying to sell). At a complete loss

Desert_Celt said...

I noticed with my daughter that her toileting goes great, then it just stopped so I understand your frustration. Then we figured out that when she was learning something new, her toileting would be put on the back burner and once she'd learned whatever she'd learned (she's non verbal, severely autistic so we couldn't ask her) her good toileting habits returned. What about using pull ups, you hardly notice them under their clothes anymore, until she gets back to where she was? My daughter used to refuse to use them once she could toilet again. She's 21 now and sometimes it still happens but we try to look on the bright side and think she's learning something. Anyway, I sympathise with you. Good luck.

bee's mom said...

reading these comments is the only solution to the daily insanity of having a child with special needs whether it be mental retardation, Autisum, Aspergers ADHD so on and so on. Ignore the people that don't have a clue because there children are blessed to be normal. I have been cleaning piss off of beds and carpets for 23 years. There isn't any one solution. You just figure out a way not to hate your child, yourself or every human being alive. Most days I hate everybody. Everybody that doesn't have a clue what I have been going through for the last 23 years of my life. When I arrive a work after a weekend and people ask me how my weekend was I feel like snapping and asking them how the fuck do you think my weekend was. It was the same as every other weekend cleaning up piss, trying to get rid of the piss smell, washing bedding at a laundry mat. my daughter can sleep in a bed full of crumbs worse than how a pig would live it's unreal. I bitch and bitch the whole time I'm cleaning her room saying nobody and I mean nobody should have to go through this not even your worse enemy. You would think after doing this day after day it would be something you would get use to but this shit nobody could ever get use to . I ask why, why would somebody do this why, why, I blows my mind because I can't understand it or find a solution to it. I'm not a dumb person. I would think after this long I would have figured something out but I haven't and that is what make me close to losing it or going insane. But when the room is clean and I can't smell the piss I calm down and it's just another day. Then I go down stair and crack up again because while I was cleaning her room she has slopped all over the kitchen and dining room wasted food used every cup, bowl, and spoon in house and drank bottle after bottle of diet pepsi. All I do know is this. I couldn't live without her. Gotta love her Bee which is short for Bianca. Reading others is my therapy just knowing I'm not alone in this insanity. Be kind to yourself and your child tomorrow is another day.

Desert_Celt said...

@ bee's mom, you made me laugh so hard! You must have ripped a page or ten from my book, only it's coke that gets targeted here, not pepsi. Thanks for posting that. I'm still giggling lol.

Unknown said...

This made me feel so much better!!! Thank you for sharing. It's a struggle.

A. D. Sweazey said...

Bees mom.... thank you... it is good to know i am not alone.. my son is 13 and looking calmly back over the last week... about 5 stressful changes are happening. I guess this was his way of expressing his distress... I dropped him off for a 5 day field trip to disney that he didnt want to go to and i cant reach him until Monday.... oh and of course Daddy is out of town for next 2 weeks. I am cleaning... i do not know if what i am doing is the right actions but I guess i am cleaning because it is theraputic for me.

Unknown said...

I know this thread is old, but I'm looking for some help with this situation. My son just recently started peeing in the floor. He is 13. It has to stop. My email is rainecloud808@gmail.com

Unknown said...

This thread has been so helpful. My stepson just started peeing in his room (we can’t figure out exactly what he’s doing because it’s wet on the window so he must be doing it in something then trying to throw it out of the window but we can’t figure out what’s he’s using at all). It’s really helpful to hear other people’s experiences, thanks so much for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Thanks a ton for this. It describes our situation so well. Eleven-year-old autistic girl on lockdown due to COVID, peeing everywhere and even pooping and capturing it on video, which is a whole new level of horror. Today she pooped on the deck of the local pool; we will probably get kicked out of the membership. I read this just in time. It is 100% accurate. If we "up the ante" in punishment, she just does it more. She has been controlled like crazy over COVID, having nowhere safe to go, and us watching her 24/7 b/c she has an elopement history. She is extremely strong-willed. She's semi-verbal and definitely can't describe emotional states. Her twin brother, also autistic (we use identity-first language) would never do anything like this. It's particular to the child. Anyway, any battle of wills with her just drives her to keep doing these behavior, but in hidden places. We need to keep totally neutral and work on finding times for loving connection. The only thing that's ever worked for her in the past is positive reinforcement, and now that she's becoming a teenager, it needs to be deeper than just a treat for a reward.

anne said...

Hi,

What if your child starts doing this age 14?! He has a variety of diagnosis from mental to physical. Before he started this and lockdown we was on the verge of letting him walk home from school (a huge step for someone so socially vulnerable) giving him his much requested freedom. I anticipate that ots anxiety based but hes unable or unwilling to share his feeling for us to assitain the exact cause. At a loss as to the next step.....

Unknown said...

I am dealing with a 9yr old boy. We adopted at 5 months old. He has been diagnosed with attachment disorder, sensory disorder, ADHD,odd and soon as burgers or something.

Unknown said...

I mentor an autistic teen who did this as a way tonget back at mom every time she was at work. I surprised him one day, caught him in the act, a meltdown ensued. His mom and I agreed, the next way to handle it was an ass beating. He did it the next day again, we kicked his ass, and he hasnt done it since. They are no different than Neuro typical kids and deserve the same severe consequences. They are well aware that what they are doing is wrong.

Unknown said...

My son Autistic son is 25. He likes to pee all over his room, Dirty hamper, And right by the front door. He tends to do this when everyone is sleeping. At his level he only understands so much. Non verbal very little sign wont use pecks. I just cant figure out what to do. I had to tear out his carpet in his room, And put in vinyl flooring so it wont soak in. I make him clean it up now. The other day I found where he took part of the vinyl flooring up and sure enough there was pee. Or he will use out towels to wipe is rear after going potty instead of using toilet paper. Now my son I with him 24/7 always within site.
I am just not sure but what I have been doing. Going with the flow.
Thanks Seattle dad

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but any mentor who beats an autistic child needs to be removed from the immediately. That is sadistic.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your honesty. It is a disgrace the way parents are made to fear the discipline of their children. Manipulation and revenge are totally unacceptable behaviors. Parents need to be able to stop the behavior without shame.

Anonymous said...

My 6 year old son has peed on his bed and his sistets bed so many times I can't get the smell of urine out so I ended up just throwing both mattresses out and both kids are now sleeping on camping cots... they dry within an hour so cleanup is a lot easier( luckily have hardwood floors in all the rooms )

Anonymous said...

Give him a spanking and make him where a diaper over his pants when he wants to go out to play. Maybe if the other kids laugh at him he will stopif not make him sit on the toilet all day till he poops and then make him clean all the poopy pants that he pooped and peed in
What a smelly brat

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding why do all these brats do this ? They are never made accountable. Make him clean it up. Even better have his buddies over and Dave all the poop pants and take them out and tell his friends that they are having a poopy pants clean up party and when it's over dosnk his butt and if he continues have another poop party at his school maybe he will stop. I hope you were exaggerating because if not that is so disgusting. I would make him sit on the toilet bring him his meals but he does not get off the toilet for a weekend. If that doesn't work I don't know but these kids are really unbelievable

Anonymous said...

Anonymous May 3 2022
YOU are so brutal!!! You clearly have NO empathy or understanding of the mental and emotional difficulties that people with ADHD, Autism, Bipolar disorder or PTSD live with everyday. Disfunctional families of so called adults, that treat children like they should know and feel the same as an adult at an early age, make me sick! Helping the child understand social norms, appropriate behaviors etc. is Your responsibility as a parent. It is inconvenient...Yes. It takes the patience of Job...Yes. But it is YOUR job. Stop hoping it will go away if you are rough enough, or mad enough or threatening enough. People screw and have babies....so sweet. But sometimes they are born with issues. Mental and physical. If you can't handle that, put them up for adoption and let the many people who want to help and love any child give them a chance. With a person like you they have NO CHANCE.

Anonymous said...

Just a few comments my grandson is peeing on his bedroom carpet his mum is in tears I’ve told him not acceptable also I make sure he has his tablets you have to be strong and take control img way of punishment is sending him to his room and to come down in his own time working up to now key is don’t let him take control

Anonymous said...

My grandson is 4 yrs old. He has an adorable 18 month old brother who is still in diapers. Since so called potty training the four year old has started wetting the bed every night once or even twice a night. He refuses to wear a diaper over night. He also never remembers to pee and we constantly find him naked from the waist down because he takes his pants off when they get wet. Our kids do laundry all day to keep up. He watches TV when his parents are working and pees on our couch and on our rug and usually refuses to pee in the toilet because he "doesn't need to". His parents are extremely understanding and never say anything. They do everything they are supposed to do and praise him whenever he does remember to pee. As grandparents, I had imagined a different scenario. We had two girls and were very busy but this is new and unexpected. Now we just have to be around all the time to babysit, monitor him and protect our stuff from being ruined. It's OK if you are the parents and have just decided to let your kids wreck everything in order to get through it. But we've gone through it once and were just about to start enjoying our freedom. How do we manage this situation? I think we have to tell my daughter to severely limit her visits until we are past this stage. We are in our 70s and we can't take this anymore. We love our family and our grandkids but this isn't our problem and it looks like there is no way to fix it. How do I diplomatically tell my daughter?
.

Anonymous said...

Good Morning. I have a eight yr young mildly Autistic lil girl that started to wet the bed. This morning after cleaning her up she stood in her room N went on the floor like it was NOTHING ‼️ I couldn't believe that she actually did this😔. I don't know what to do or how to handle it anymore.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever heard of Pathalogical Demand Avoidance? I wonder now looking back if that fits his personality.

Anonymous said...

Be honest with your daughter. It's not fair to you. Grandparents don't understand ASD and ADHD, too complicated. But at the same time, your daughter needs to be firm with the child. As long as you're not honest, you'll never have a peace of mind. This is your time to relax and enjoy. Once you tell your daughter the truth and see that she has to take care of her child or send the child to daycare, she will change her tune and try and fix the problem. Good luck

Anonymous said...

My 14 year old has recently started doing this! Never done it before. . .even as a toddler
Just recently diagnosed with ASD.

Anonymous said...

As much as you love your child, with respect, you didn't ask for a disabled child and the daily grind of caring for one tries the patience of the greatest of saints. I gave up my job to homeschool my son and spend every morning scrubbing his carpet and he's in his teens. We have received no help or offer of help from the government. There are no places in special schools because he is not disabled enough. He is slightly behind academically and several years emotionally. I have no friends and no hobbies. I have no life. Put them up for adoption? Which saint would have them? Our families won't help. His grandparents can't manage even a few hours. My youngest son started making the problem worse by bullying and manipulating his brother. He said he did it because he hated him for being the way he was. He does embarrass him terribly in public. He has a habit of ripping holes in his trousers and underpants and going around with his butt on display. I keep trying to frame things positively, "God uses these things to teach us how to love people". I believe myself sometimes and sometimes I just want it to be all over.

Desert_Celt said...

Oh man, I just want to give you a hug. Hang in there. I believe God uses difficulties to draw us closer to Him, to learn to really lean into Him. There have been times where I've just had enough, where I can't even get up, and I've said to Him, "God, if you want me to do this, you have to give me the grace to get up, because it's just too hard. I just don't think I can take much more." He has never let me down. Its rarely pretty but I've learned that we aren't meant to do this alone, without God. Lean into Him. He won't let you down.

Anonymous said...

I’d definitely try and check there’s not something untoward that’s prompted it, I had a period of peeing in my room and trying to hide it as a tween because of inappropriate behaviour (can’t think of a less upsetting way of putting that but I’m sure you all get what I mean) towards me by someone living with us and I was scared to leave my room to go to the bathroom at night or when my parents were in other parts of the house. The shaming and telling off I got, both from my parents finding out what I was doing, and when I tried to tell them a while later about the unwanted attention, also gave me deep shame about bodily functions, which is really upsetting now I’m older and incontinent from physical disability and need help with it from carers.

Anonymous said...

I’m an adult and I also had this problem when I was younger. I’m trying to find out why. I used to pee on the floor while my mom was around. I didn’t do it to be bad. It made me feel guilty and I knew it was wrong and I felt bad and sad for doing it. Something was happening in my life that was causing severe issues over the bathroom and toilet. Kids experience things in strange ways and they don’t always have the skills and the words to convey what they are experiencing to you.

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Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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