HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

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Transitioning to Adulthood: Help for Older Teens with Aspergers

The greatest challenge you will face as a mother or father of an Aspergers child is supporting him through the transition to adulthood. As protective (or over-protective) as you may be, at some point you will be ready for your Aspie to leave home to venture out on his own into the adult world. Of course your relationship with your adult child will continue long after he leaves the nest, and your loving support can help him with “grown-up” responsibilities.

Is your 18 or 19-year-old Aspie ready for adulthood? Answer yes or no to the following questions:
  1. Can your adolescent drive?
  2. Can your adolescent make meals and snacks for himself?
  3. Do you get frustrated with your adolescent's inability to complete projects?
  4. Do you give your adolescent opportunities to make his own decisions?
  5. Do you give your adolescent positive feedback?
  6. Do you listen to your adolescent's problems, make suggestions and then allow him to choose how to proceed?
  7. Do you still pick up after your adolescent when he leaves things around the house?
  8. Does your adolescent clean her bedroom?
  9. Does your adolescent complain when her friends are busy, therefore “there’s nothing to do”?
  10. Does your adolescent do a weekly chore regularly without more than one reminder?
  11. Does your adolescent do her laundry?
  12. Does your adolescent handle stress well?
  13. Does your adolescent handle your direction without back-talk or sulking?
  14. Does your adolescent have a checking account that he handles on his own?
  15. Does your adolescent have a healthy hygiene routine?
  16. Does your adolescent have a job outside of your home?
  17. Does your adolescent know how to make money-saving goals and then achieve them?
  18. Has your adolescent ever taken a CPR or First Aid class?
  19. Has your adolescent used any of the community's resources?
  20. If your adolescent is facing a problem with a teacher, do you allow her to fix it?
  21. Is your adolescent able to ask other people questions without being too shy?
  22. Is your adolescent able to make her own appointments?
  23. Is your adolescent able to plan a trip successfully?
  24. Is your adolescent able to plan out her week effectively?
  25. Is your adolescent comfortable doing things on his own?

If you answered “no” to three of the questions above – it should be a red flag that “life skills” are lacking. If you answered “no” to five or more – then your child may not be ready for adult responsibilities yet.

If your parenting goes as planned, your young adult Aspie will - at some point - leave home and live independently. Life skills will help your older adolescent to be independent and live on his own, which is the goal of a successful young adult and her parents. But it isn't easy. Older teenagers with Aspergers often feel they can take the big step towards independent living without possessing all of the life skills they will need to succeed “out in the real world.”

You can help your Aspergers teenager be independent by encouraging good habits and helping him learn the life skills it takes to be independent.

Below are 15 life skills your teenager will need to learn in order to be successful at living independently the first time she is on her own:

1. Ability to Find Housing

2. Finding and Keeping a Job— In order to live independently, your adolescent will need to have a job. The job will need to make enough money to cover their living expenses, at minimum. Today's happy young adult has a job that contributes to a high quality of life and not just monetarily.

3. General Housekeeping Skills

4. Goal Setting— Defining what it is you want is called setting a goal. Figuring out and taking the actions you need to get your goal is how you obtain that goal. Both of these are important life skills. Learning how to set and obtain a goal are necessary life skills your adolescent will need to be a happy and successful adult.

5. Health and Hygiene Skills— In order for your adolescent to be happy while they live independently, they will need to be successful at keeping their bodies healthy and clean. These life skills are taught throughout your adolescent's childhood and adolescence by encouraging good hygiene routines and healthy habits.

6. Interpersonal Skills

7. Money Skills

8. Personal Safety Skills

9. Stress Management Skills

10. The Ability to Cope with Loneliness— Coping with loneliness is a very important skill on my list of needed independent living skills for adolescents because every adolescent I've ever known has needed it. Adolescents who know how to recognize loneliness as the temporary feeling it is, use their support system and work through their loneliness do just fine.

11. The Ability to Deal with Emergencies

12. The Ability to Find What You Need in Your Community

13. The Ability to Procure and Cook Food

14. Time Management Skills

15. Transportation Skills— One life skill that adolescents need to learn to become independent but generally leave to their parents or caregivers, is transportation or getting from Point A to Point B.

Does your Aspergers adolescent need to know all of ins and outs of each skill well? No. Your adolescent may even get by not having to know one particular skill at all. For example, a young man who has no idea how to do laundry may have a girlfriend who does. This young man may be able to get his interpersonal skills to help with his household skills by convincing his girlfriend to help with his laundry. But, do your best at teaching your adolescent each skill as if they will need it. This will give them the greatest chance of being successful at living independently the first time they live on their own.

Other points to consider:

When your teen behaves badly, you may become angry or upset with him, but these feelings are different from not loving your teen. Older teens need grown-ups who are there for them. They need people who connect with them, communicate with them, spend time with them and show a genuine interest in them. This is how they learn to care for and love others as an adult.

Older teens need support as they struggle with problems that may seem unimportant to their parents and families. They need praise when they've done their best. They need encouragement to develop interests and personal characteristics.

Adolescence is a time for exploring many areas and doing new things. Your youngster’s interests will change, in academics and recreation. He may experiment with different forms of art, learn about different cultures and careers and take part in community or religious activities. Within your means, you can open doors for your youngster. You can introduce him to new people and to new worlds. In doing so, you may renew in yourself long-ignored interests and talents, which also can set a good example for your youngster.

Older teens need parents or other adults who consistently provide structure and supervision that is firm and appropriate for age and development. Limits keep all kids, including adolescents, physically and emotionally safe.

It is tempting to label all young teens as difficult and rebellious. But adolescents vary as much as kids in any other age group. Your youngster needs to be treated with respect, which requires you to recognize and appreciate her differences and to treat her as an individual. Respect also requires you to show compassion by trying to see things from your youngster's point of view and to consider her needs and feelings. By treating your young adolescent with respect, you help her to take pleasure in good behavior.

Older teens need strong role models. Follow the values that you hope your youngster will develop. Your actions speak louder than words. If you set high standards for yourself and treat others with kindness and respect, your youngster probably will too. As teens explore possibilities of who they may become, they look to their parents, peers, celebrities and others.

Launching Adult Children With Aspergers: How To Promote Self-Reliance

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

big thanks to the author for new)

Anonymous said...

Hi Mark, not got a definite answer/diagnosis of our eldest son yet but just thought I'd let you know found titles of last 2 emails funny (in a wierd way) (...toddlers' and....older teens') ours is 12 next month (right in middle but is the most horrible (even violent) every morning (just started high school) to everyone around him (younger siblings are 7 and 9) and then spends evening feeling guilty!
Homework is like dragging a horse to water and short of drowning it it won't take water! As a toddler never had a problem (apart from his obsession with number9-could reach phone...female PC officer turned up one day) and making sure he didn't run off with strangers cos he wanted to be EVERY adults best friend! His primary school described him as bit quirky but cos he was 'no problem' they did nothing. Now he starting high school (who checked out year 6's after christmas and helped to get more people involved but he'd already started changing by then too) with the extra pressure of Caf meetings and Ed Psych (5 years after we asked for help) he doesn't seem to cope at all-to point where he even says he feels like passing out! Local Paediatrician (supposedly an expert in this field) said he had 'NO SOCIAL PROBLEMS' Local Ed Psych thinks he highly vulnerable, anxious,stressed and lots of social probs-luckily she plans to stay in touch!
Thank you for your updates and advice-about time these problems were recognised better! A mental health patient on a good day looks good to a medical practitioner so why do they insist on being experts for things they know nothing about?? (Have similar prob with partner and that's even harder to get answers for!)
With regards
Lucy

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

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Online Parent Coaching for Parents of Asperger's Children

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing: obsessive routines; problems coping in social situations; intense tantrums and meltdowns; over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights; preoccupation with one subject of interest; and being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes.

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Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Parents, teachers, and the general public have a lot of misconceptions of Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism. Many myths abound, and the lack of knowledge is both disturbing and harmful to kids and teens who struggle with the disorder.

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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