HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders

Search MyAspergersChild.com

Aspergers Children and Sexual Curiosity

Question

At this moment in time, I feel like my heart is broken. A good friend of ours contacted my husband today and said that on New Year’s Eve our son K___, 14, said sexual things and showed dirty pictures. We asked K___ and he said nothing was said or done. When our friend came over with his 10 year old son, we all sat down and K___ just sat there as the 10 year old told how K___ put on a DVD where there were women kissing and two people having sex though they didn’t see anything. Along with the 10 year old was his 7 year old sister. K___ has a human body book and he showed the 7 y/o where the penis goes into the vagina. K___ also asked the 10 y/o if he knew that a man’s penis can go into another’s bum and did he want him to try it out on him. Needless to say, I felt nauseous and in shock. Our son has sex and puberty books, and as a rule, asks if he wants to know anything. I am totally gob smacked. I have read discussions on other Aspergers sites and I know we are not alone. Other parents have young teens with Aspergers who are sexually obsessed and confused. I really don’t know what to do. Please have you any advice you could give us.

Answer

I understand your confusion and embarrassment over your Aspergers (high functioning autism) child's behavior with his friend. Sexual acting out and behavior is almost always tough for moms and dads to deal with, even when they understand that, at least to some degree, it's "normal."

Kids who demonstrate an unusual interest in sexual matters often have been introduced to it by other grown-ups, kids, or by viewing sexual material. Kids rarely express their questions about these matters openly; they "know" that sexual stuff is taboo and sometimes makes grown-ups uncomfortable. It's also possible that having intercourse explained to him when he was young has created some confusion for your child that he is "acting out" in his behavior.

Our Aspergers child was inadvertently shown a sexually explicit cartoon when he was five, and we went through several months of heightened sexual interest and questions – which gradually disappeared when he realized that he wasn't shocking us and that we would calmly answer any of his questions. Do some thinking about what you want your child to believe about sex and intimacy, and then find ways to calmly teach and share those concepts with him.

Your Aspergers child needs teaching about appropriate boundaries and behavior, not punishment. By showing gentle curiosity and asking "what" and "how" questions, you can open the door to talking about sex, rather than having him act it out. You may want to get one of the many excellent books explaining sexuality for young kids and read it together, openly reminding him that this subject has come up before and you're wondering if he has questions. The phrase, "I've noticed that. . ." is often a good beginning. You can let him know, without anger, that “showing dirty pictures” to other kids is not acceptable, but it is okay to have questions and be curious, and that he can ask you anything. Your own attitude (kind and firm) will let him know that you mean what you say. If you are calm, open, and approachable, he may be able to relax enough to explore the subject with you.

If your child continues to be intensely interested in sexual matters or behaves inappropriately, you may want to find a therapist who is skilled in working with Aspergers kids to help you and your child work through these issues.

Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are lucky that you caught it early. My Aspergers son was sexually abused by a family member that began early in his life and it never came to light until he was in his teens. He trusted and loved this person. And he never said a word about it to either me or his father. We are a very close family , so there was no reason for us to suspect anything. It came all came to light one day when he acted out. The heartbreak and devestation in our family was
unbelievable. And the saga goes on.
It has not come to an end and it is a very long story , which I will not go into here. One problem is this - at the time this was going on , we did not know our son was Aspergers. That came much later - so his dad and I have much work ahead - and we are not young parents. One thing I can tell you is to be vigilant. You know that your young man has A.S.! We didn't.
Talk to him. Even if he doesn't seem to be listening - do it anyway. They hear more than you think. Don't let up til you get a response from him (not as a nag - do it gently day by day)
it's kind of like a " break the ice" thing , so he will understand that this situation needs to be talked about. Do it before he gets in bad trouble. God bless.

Anonymous said...

I have a 19 year old girl with Aspergers, severe dyscalculia and a cognitive development impairment which makes her be more like an age 13-14 emotionally, extremely naive.
She has a laptop that was given to her to do college work. The past few months we've had a struggle with her use of it. We agreed that on week days she had to close it at 9pm, subsequently found out that she takes it under the covers and stays up until 3 o'clock in the morning! I have takein it away from her several tmes and has been returned to her with promises to comply but she lies all the time so I cannot trust her.
She is obsessed with Justin Bieber and she goes on a chat website where she claims she talks to him, this has taken over her life. To cut a long story short, last week we discovered that this person who pretends to be JB has been manipulating her to make her take her clothes off in front of the camera... and that she has done it before for other boys because "they ask me to" (she has never had sex yet). I have taken the laptop away indefinitely, she threw a huge tantrum saying she would leave, kill herself etc. She doesn't have friends and she says the laptop is her way to contact friends and that she won't go on that website again. she has ZERO will power when it comes to chosing the right thing. We wanted to go to report the case to the police about poeple in this website taking advantage of vulnerable children, but she refused to go. I told her she had been taken advantage of etc but it was important to learn te lesson.
The following day she said a boy had rang her (got her name from a website where she said she wanted to meet people) and he was very nice and liked her, she said that when she told him what had happened to her on line (!!!) he had been very understanding and although he had asked her to do that on line for him, she wouldn't do it. She was planning to invite him around when my husband and I were away for 2 days, we cancelled the outing. She said the boy was nice and cared for her(has spoken to him 4 times on the phone).

My questions are, how do I make her understand that she is making the same error of judgement with this boy that she made with the one who posed as JB? That it's not appropriate to take off your clothes on line even if you are asked (I assume she likes the attention) and under which rules/circumstances do I give her back the laptop?

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually. Thus, the best treatment for Aspergers children and teens is, without a doubt, “social skills training.”

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

Click here to read the full article…

Online Parent Coaching for Parents of Asperger's Children

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing: obsessive routines; problems coping in social situations; intense tantrums and meltdowns; over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights; preoccupation with one subject of interest; and being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes. The hardest part is you feel like you’ll never actually get to know your child and how he/she views the world.

Click here to read the full article...

My Aspergers Child - Syndicated Content