HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

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How To Date An Aspie

Question

I've been courting a man for a little over a month now, and he recently explained that he has Aspergers. The very first week we met we were constantly chatting, either online or on the telephone. Then the 2nd week he was silent, and I believed he had lost interest or found another person. Then in the 3rd week he was back to speaking with me. I figured maybe he was busy with work and that's why he had essentially dropped off the face of the earth. We have become a little closer, but then he explained that he has Aspergers, so when I asked him what it was, he sent me a link to Wikipedia.

After I told my girlfriends about Aspergers, one of them told me the story of her former mate, who was also an Aspie. She had met him on an online dating site and they hit it off nicely after which she discovered he was unfaithful to her.

I am a bit concerned of the identical thing happening. I am certainly a NT, and just learning about Aspergers. Is cheating a typical thing with Aspergers? Or was he just a butt who happened to have Aspergers and make a bad name for the affliction?

I have spoken to my guy about this, and he stays away from the subject, I am not sure if this is simply because he is guilty or possibly not understanding the way in which I am bringing it up. I am filled with the typical worries that come with beginning a brand new romantic relationship. In addition, I am researching Aspergers as I go along. Have you got any kind of advice?

Answer

Aspergers is a permanent dysfunction, but Aspies are people too – and most of the same things hold true. If you just started dating this guy, give the relationship time to develop. As an Aspie, he needs his time to himself.

Aspies are likely to not take hints well because their brains are blind to this form of communication. They need to be told directly what you want them to do because they will never guess.

Gathering knowledge is deeply satisfying to a person with Aspergers, and sharing it is also a lot of fun. Thus, you may end up learning more than you ever wanted to know about that person's interests. Yet if you are intellectually curious, you will never become bored hanging out with an Aspie.

If you are serious about this guy, learn about Aspergers and how they are different interpersonally. You can't expect a relationship along normal lines. Whether you can get a suitable relationship going depends on a lot of things, and a lot of this has to do with where you score on adaptability, clear thinking, independence, knowledge, patience, strong self-confidence, and tolerance.

If you want compliments all the time, don't date a person with Aspergers. But if you want honesty at the foundation of your relationship, then Aspies are good candidates.

Respect his nature and choices and don't be demanding. Make sure you have a life going for yourself. It is unreasonable to expect a man to make your life and happiness for you. And a man with Aspergers will sure teach you that lesson.

When you begin to interact with people who have Aspergers, you may find yourself struggling to deal with their social difficulties. But if you stick with it and work on understanding how they put together the world in their minds, and encourage them to try to understand how you put together the world in your mind, you will develop a loyal friend and even romance.

Whether a person cheats depends on a lot of things, and it is just not logical to say that because a person with one characteristic (in this case Aspergers) has done something (in this case cheating), all people with that characteristic might do it. This is stereotyping.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

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