My Aspergers Child: Aspergers Children and Manipulative Behavior

28.10.10

Aspergers Children and Manipulative Behavior

All folks manipulate others in some way. While this may seem like a character flaw, individuals use manipulation because it works. In fact, moms and dads and educators use manipulation to change behaviors in kids on a daily basis.

Manipulative behaviors can be a positive sign that the youngster is learning how to navigate the social world. At the same time, in some cases, manipulation is misunderstood or confused with frustration. Is a youngster with Aspergers screaming because he is in pain - or because he wants to do something? Misunderstanding manipulation and frustrations is easy to do with Aspergers.

Manipulation is commonly used by the Aspergers youngster to get what he wants or needs. Every instance of manipulation leads to an underlying legitimate request by the youngster. Yet, it is important to see that manipulation can also lead to behavior that is aggressive or otherwise extreme.

Various forms of manipulation can be seen in Aspergers kids as follows:

• Confusion Promotion: To manipulate the mother or father, the youngster brings up topics that are related, but not important for the discussion. In this form of manipulation, the goal is to confuse the mother or father to get what they want in a roundabout manner. Moms and dads often learn to ask direct questions to reduce the confusion level and not to give in to frustration over being confused.

• Playing Individuals against Each Other: Aspergers kids are very smart and this leads to more complex forms of manipulation, such as playing individuals against each other. This situation may result in confusion and frustration. The youngster may end up with what they want simply because of the lack of understanding in the group. This type of situation often happens between siblings or within a group home setting.

• Temper Tantrums: The standard temper tantrum is an example of a type of manipulation found in kids with Aspergers. In this situation, the youngster makes a request calmly. It may be unreasonable. When the youngster does not get his way, he may meet this negative response with yelling, destroying things, banging, stomping and even rolling on the floor. Moms and dads who are struggling with kids using temper tantrums learn to ignore them completely, except where the youngster may be injured.

Moms and dads and caregivers end up frustrated when it comes to Aspergers children and manipulation. You may be unsure of how to stop the poor behavior and get back to having a truthful and open relationship. Solutions often require patience and the ability to see what the underlying, unmet need is.

Here are some suggestions:

• Create an open environment as much as possible. Encourage your youngster to state what they want as directly as possible. Some Aspergers kids may not be able to communicate effectively.

• Disengage from the behavior occurring, but not the individual. If you feel powerless or unable to manage the situation, direct the individual to someone else.

• In manipulation, moms and dads and teachers may end up feeling powerless. In this situation, overcompensation may occur. A mother or father may become more controlling, for example, which pushes the manipulation farther. When you spot that powerless feeling, stop and assess the underlying circumstances first.

• Remember that the need is not the problem. The problem is the bad behavior and that should be the issue dealt with by the mother or father.

• Simply detach from the power struggle. Stop the process. If it continues, the manipulation will worsen, effectively causing the mother or father to become more controlling. This ends up leading to punishment.

For moms and dads in intense situations where manipulation is occurring readily, it may be helpful to find an Aspergers parent support group, either online or locally. Meet with the group and learn strategies for tackling your youngster's particular needs. Some Aspergers experts can also offer information and guidance on handling specific situations.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But...

Don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

If your child suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome, expect him to experience both minor and major meltdowns over incidents that are part of daily life. He may have a major meltdown over a very small incident, or may experience a minor meltdown over something that is major. There is no way of telling how he is going to react about certain situations. However, there are many ways to help your child learn to control his emotions.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing a child with a neurological disorder. Violent rages, self-injury, isolation-seeking tendencies and communication problems that arise due to auditory and sensory issues are just some of the behaviors that parents of teens with Aspergers will have to learn to control.

Parents need to come up with a consistent disciplinary plan ahead of time, and then present a united front and continually review their strategies for potential changes and improvements as the Aspergers teen develops and matures.

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Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

Although they may vary slightly from person to person, children with Aspergers tend to have similar symptoms, the main ones being:

=> A need to know when everything is happening in order not to feel completely overwhelmed
=> A rigid insistence on routine (where any change can cause an emotional and physiological meltdown)
=> Difficulties with social functioning, particularly in the rough and tumble of a school environment
=> Obsessive interests, with a focus on one subject to the exclusion of all others
=> Sensory issues, where they are oversensitive to bright light, loud sounds and unpleasant smells
=> Social isolation and struggles to make friends due to a lack of empathy, and an inability to pick up on or understand social graces and cues (such as stopping talking and allowing others to speak)

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Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships.

People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

A person with Aspergers may have trouble understanding the emotions of their partner, and the subtle messages that are sent by facial expression, eye contact and body language are often missed. Because of this, a person with Aspergers might be seen as egotistical, selfish or uncaring.

These are unfair labels, because the affected individuals are neurologically unable to understand other people's emotional states, and they are usually shocked, upset and remorseful when told their actions were hurtful or inappropriate!

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