HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders

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Problems Experienced by Teens with Aspergers

Adolescents that have Aspergers (high functioning autism) often experience difficulty in several areas, one of which is socialization.  

Some Aspergers adolescents are very social, though sometimes they may interact in inappropriate ways. Their peers may not understand their methods of communication and avoid them whenever possible. These very social adolescents who have Aspergers often do not understand the word "tact". They blurt out statements that are offensive, believing them to be funny. They may act in an embarrassing manner to gain attention, and they may be uncomfortably blunt in their opinions about people or subjects.

On the other end of the spectrum are those adolescents who avoid socialization with others. They would rather sit alone, and they may be quite standoffish to the point of appearing rude as well. These adolescents may be extremely smart in specific areas, such as writing, math, or some form of the arts. Their extreme intelligence may make them act superior to those who are less accomplished in these areas, and this can create tension and destroy relationships. These adolescents may actually crave the friendship and peer interaction that the rest of their classmates have, but they don't know how to go about getting it.

Aspergers Symptoms During the Teen Years—

Most symptoms persist through the teenage years. And although teenagers with Aspergers can begin to learn those social skills they lack, communication often remains difficult. They will probably continue to have difficulty "reading" others' behavior.

Your teenager with Aspergers (like other teenagers) will want friends, but may feel shy or intimidated when approaching other teenagers. He may feel "different" from others. Although most teenagers place emphasis on being and looking "cool," teenagers with Aspergers may find it frustrating and emotionally draining to try to fit in. They may be immature for their age and be naive and too trusting, which can lead to teasing and bullying. All of these difficulties can cause teenagers with Aspergers to become withdrawn and socially isolated and to have depression or anxiety.

But some teenagers with Aspergers are able to make and keep a few close friends through the school years. Some of the classic Aspergers traits may also work to the benefit of your teenager. Teenagers with Aspergers are typically uninterested in following social norms, fads, or conventional thinking, allowing creative thinking and the pursuit of original interests and goals. Their preference for rules and honesty may lead them to excel in the classroom and as citizens.

Coping Methods for Aspergers Adolescents--

There are several coping methods that should be considered:

Social Networking: There are many social networking sites available on the Internet for adolescents with Aspergers. A social networking site can be a great coping method for adolescents with Aspergers. Many of these sites offer support groups where adolescents can interact with others who also have Aspergers. There are drawbacks to these sites, however. Adolescents sometimes become so dependent on their virtual friends that they become obsessed with their time on the computer and refuse to interact with those around them. Risks could also include encounters with cyber-bullies and pedophiles, so parents should monitor their youngster's Internet activities carefully.

SPELL: The Structure-Positive-Empathy-Low Arousal-Links method focuses more on intervention methods to help adolescents with Aspergers cope. Structure emphasizes order in an adolescent's world. Using positive reinforcement build's an adolescent's self-esteem, enabling him to cope more easily with changes in his daily schedule and with social encounters as well. Those who come in contact with an Aspergers adolescent must be educated in order to gain empathy for his or her situation. Low arousal refers to controlling the environment around the adolescent as much as possible by limiting undue noise and confusion and using relaxation methods, such as massage and music to calm him. The word "links" refers to the connection between all of those involved in the youngster's life.

TEACCH: The Treatment and Education of Autistic and Related Communication Handicapped Kids/Adults focuses on the visual aspects of communication. This is particularly important for those who have little or no verbal skills. One of the simplest methods associated with this plan is to show photos or pictures of whatever behavior or activity is expected while verbalizing that expectation as well. This method can help calm an adolescent with Aspergers and help him cope with any confusion he might be encountering.

Should an adolescent with Aspergers try to be "normal?"

How do you let your child be who they are while still protecting them so they don't emerge traumatized? I feel what is most important is not to let your child feel ashamed of who they are. If they've got a spark to them, they've got things they're interested in, don't kill it by making them conform. Most people lose that spark naturally when they get older; there's no reason to do it prematurely. Don't take away one of best things your Aspergers teen has going for herself: her passion for living life, even if it's living life on her own terms. If she wants to fit in, she'll ask you how to fit. It'll come, but let it be when she's ready for it rather than force her into a cookie cutter existence.

Some Aspergers teens go through middle school so excited about their passions that they barely notice they're the odd ones out, or if they notice, they don't care (probably not a lot, but some). Others are unfortunately bullied quite a bit. There are a few things you can do to try to either prevent this from happening or minimize the effects if it does. First, use her talents and passions to find her a niche in the school where she can succeed. The drama club is a natural place. Many quirky children find refuge in drama clubs; and if she can succeed in school plays, then she has one place where she belongs and can be accorded respect.

If there's a particular subject she's interested in, see if she can start a club and find other children interested in the same thing. Or find if you can a group outside of school interested in that kind of thing. Buffer her so if she does encounter some rejection she will already belong to and have found success in enough other activities that it won't really matter so much. Perhaps you could encourage her to take interest in a particular teacher, especially in a subject she enjoys, so she could have an ally at the school. Teachers were always invaluable support people to me when I was in school.

If she does encounter problems, try to find ways around some of the biggest trouble spots. For example, she could eat lunch in a classroom instead of the lunchroom if the lunchroom is problematic. If bullying does occur, hopefully you can work with her and the school to minimize the amount of places that it occurs. Keep reminding her of how great she is, and let her cry to you if she needs to. But the most important thing you can do, it seems, is continue to let her be who she is because it's not worth losing yourself for a bunch of junior high children, and give her outlets where she can succeed so she's not as bothered by the junior high children. Also, if she's into it and they're available, a support group for Aspergers teens may be valuable.

My Aspergers Teen: Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

my 17 year old Aspie is so like this...he us so misunderstood at school and it breaks my heart

Anonymous said...

My son is soon going to middle school. It makes me so sad to think what he might be up against in the future.

Anonymous said...

this is sooo my son! Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

I DON'T KNOW 2 MUCH ABOUT THIS DISEASE, BUT MY LITTLE BALO IS THE SAME, HE WILL B WITH A GROUP OF BOYS TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL, THEN SUDDENLY HE WILL START TLKING ABOUT SPONGEBOB OUT OF NOWHERE! MAYB HE HAS ASPERGERS? I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE HE DOES EXTREMELY WELL N SCHOOL. HE HAS HAD TEST DONE THEY K33P COMING BACK NORMAL, BUT SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY WRONG!

Anonymous said...

My son, age 13, was severely bullied in middle school. We now home school, especially after principal told us "if he would just stop acting the way he does, he wouldn't be bullied." Excuse me?

Anonymous said...


I was reviewing your program and wanted to ask a question before purchasing. We have always had consequences for behaviors at home and have consistently enforced them. So now she does things outside our home leaving us to deal with the consequences, when we can catch her in the act. Otherwise, she lies and leaves us in the position of punishing her for things we cannot prove even though we KNOW them to be true (like when she was stealing our car with keys we had hidden). She has no respect for boundaries or for us. We have literally taken every privilege away from her and have nothing else to "punish" her with. Her behavior has been escalating into even more defiant and dangerous territory and in frequency. Also, I feel it is necessary to disclose that we adopted her when she was 7.5 years old. Will your program help us to get her on the right path??

Mark Hutten said...

RE: Will your program help us to get her on the right path??

Between the text, video instruction, and you consulting me via email, I'm sure the situation can be improved. It's not going to be perfect though.

I would suggest (if you haven't done so already) finding out as much about the parents and grandparents as possible. Was there bipolar in the family? Was the father incarcerated? Was the mother a drug addict? And so on...

Answers to some important questions will determine the best course of action.

David Ortiz said...

I have a 16 year old who is currently struggling with wanting to be normal, rather than "labeled" as an Aspie. He has good days and bad days, which is when it bothers him the most. I really enjoy this site thus far, it is brand new to me and I have already learned new information. I have signed up to the website and look forward to reading all I can....possibly even reading it together with my son. He is a great young man and is really coming into his own. Entering his Junior year of high school, I look forward to watching him continue to grow and succeed, as he plans to join the drama club and the track team.

Meisha Steadwell said...

My son was diagnosed earlier this year at the age of 13, and he is currently in high school. He has his own sense of style and does not care who likes it. He mentioned he will like a girlfriend soon ( scary) and I do not know if any of the kids bother him because he is 5'9. I worry so much about him in high school because I know how kids can be but I write him a letter often to let him know that I love everything about him and i am hear if he needs to talk.

Unknown said...

My 10 yr.old granddaughter, exhibits many signs of asbergers though she hasn't been diagnosed, her parents seem to block me out when I try to talk to them about it, it is next to impossible to make her bathe or even wash up, she practically has a panic attack over cutting her fingernails and toenails, she will only wear very soft clothing and recently refuses to wear underclothes, she is very irritable and doesn't want me to talk to her, her dad and other grandma think she's just acting up but I know there's more to it, it is getting worse, and she is already developing physically, does this sound like signs of asbergers

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

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Online Parent Coaching for Parents of Asperger's Children

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing: obsessive routines; problems coping in social situations; intense tantrums and meltdowns; over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights; preoccupation with one subject of interest; and being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes.

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Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Parents, teachers, and the general public have a lot of misconceptions of Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism. Many myths abound, and the lack of knowledge is both disturbing and harmful to kids and teens who struggle with the disorder.

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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to read the full article...

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