How to Teach Social Skills to Your Child on the Autism Spectrum

"I would like to know how to advise my son with ASD [level 1] on social skills, such as relating to friends without being insulting to others and driving them away."

One of the behavioral traits seen in kids with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a lack of "demonstrated" empathy (i.e., they can empathize, but may not show it). They don’t realize that other people have thoughts and interests that are different from theirs.

They’ll interrupt a conversation and start churning out facts about their pet interest (e.g., medieval history, Star Wars’ trivia, Math, etc.) even if it has nothing to do with what the other kids are talking about.

This and their lack of other social skills (e.g., looking others in the eyes when conversing, responding appropriately to greetings and questions, understanding fads and the interests of peers, etc.) makes making friends very difficult for ASD kids.

With some of these children, social abilities remain intact or aren’t really noticed until around age eight. It is around this time that their peers begin perceiving them as “different.” The autistic is singled out for teasing. In addition, he may be seen as oppositional because kids with ASD take words and gestures very literally. Communication with ASD kids must be “concrete” (i.e., brief and easily understood).
 
==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism

Your son can be taught most of the same social skills that youngsters without ASD learn on their own. You can work with your son’s school to produce cards or posters with facial expressions that define feelings. Also, full-length mirrors can be used to make these kids aware of their facial expressions and overall body language. You and his teachers can role play social situations with him to help him learn appropriate responses and actions.

On a related note, it is critical that schools become fully equipped to help children with ASD. The number of schools with diagnostically appropriate services will increase when parents, doctors, and social service practitioners lobby educational institutions for assistance in teaching these students.

Until the school provides more assistance with your son, there are a number of things that you can do at home. For example, surround your son with friends and family so he will have familiar people around on a consistent basis. If your son is intimidated by a large number of people, just have one friend over at a time.

In addition to friends, you can train your son in appropriate social and perceptual skills. He can learn to perceive and interpret nonverbal behaviors, process visual and auditory information, and become aware of social/behavioral conventions.

To help you help your son, go on the internet and look for ASD support groups. Also, look for a group in your area. If there is none available, there are people who stay in touch via the internet. Whether in person or over the internet, they can give you advice and support which will help you help your son.
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with High-Functioning Autism

When attempting to share information with schools about ASD, help teachers and other staff to understand the following. ASD is not:
  • mental retardation. Some autistic people may be very intelligent — there is a lot of evidence that Albert Einstein may have been autistic
  • "savant" syndrome. Some autistic people are "savants," (e.g., instant calculator, etc.) but most are not. Other autistic people are "gifted," however, and have high "general" intelligence. Many autistic people have normal intelligence, and some may be retarded
  • an emotional problem. ASD is a neurological condition which people are usually born with. Psychological trauma doesn't cause it
  • a psychosis or lack of reality contact
  • "a fate worse than death." Autistic people have some disadvantages, but some live very happy and rewarding lives. Many autistic people wouldn't want to be "cured," as this would be like erasing them and replacing them with different people
More resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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How to Promote Self-Confidence in Your Child on the Autism Spectrum

Early on, the youngster with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger’s (AS) begins to notice that his peers can do certain tasks easily that are very difficult for him. As a result, he may begin to feel bad about himself. He may receive frequent criticism, or at best, luck warm praise. For example:
  • “You are making progress” (with what exactly?).
  • “You are doing fine” (how fine?).
  • “You are doing better” (better than what?).

Criticism damages self-confidence, and general (i.e., non-specific) praise is often too abstract to be meaningful to concrete thinkers.

By making a regular habit of commenting on the positives, and by offering specific comments on what their HFA youngster is doing well, moms and dads will promote desired behaviors and boost his or her self-confidence. Specific praise includes phrases such as: 
  • “You are listening carefully. I’m proud of you.”
  • “You are sitting properly and looking at me.”
  • “You cleaned the table after dinner.”
  • “You finished the assignment.”
  • “You picked up the bag the lady dropped. Thank you.”
  • “You remembered to bring home the work you have do.”

With specific praise, the “special needs” youngster can be very clear on what behaviors are expected and liked.




==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
 
Visual, specific “proof of progress” helps the youngster with HFA to notice - and feel confident - about her accomplishments and progress. Charts, check lists with lots of checks, gold stars, home-made certificates, and stickers can be used when the child works hard on tasks:
  • (a) at home (e.g., making her bed, putting the toilet paper into the holder when the last piece is gone, remembering to take out the garbage, setting the table correctly, helping her mom with the shopping, etc.),
  • (b) at school (e.g., keeping her desktop organized, standing quietly in line for lunch, waiting for her turn to talk, etc.).


Moms and dads - and educators - boost the HFA youngster’s self-confidence by seeking-out what he can do well and supporting these strengths to the fullest extent. Whether it is telling stories, selling things, science, photography, nature, inventing, computer work, or art, the “special needs” youngster needs ongoing and frequent support to become the best in his “areas of strength.” This extra support will help the child to value the educational process, and it will help him feel better about himself.

Teaching the HFA child that many people have overcome difficulties to become successful is another valuable way to boost confidence. For example, adventures where the characters got lost or had to fight sharks or other beasts, read or play videos of biographies in which kids or grown-ups have had to struggle to achieve their goals, stories of achieving despite illness or disability, stories of fighting prejudice or unfairness, etc. Kids on the autism spectrum enjoy and benefit from discussing these kinds of challenges.

In addition, when moms and dads can introduce their youngster to highly effective members of society who struggle with various disorders, particularly an autism spectrum disorder, the child can hold her head higher. All members of society who are functioning well with HFA (e.g., athletes, business executives, celebrities, firemen, policemen, etc.) can serve as role models and inspiration for the “special needs” youngster.

When parents and teachers learn to cherish and model diversity, the HFA youngster learns that there are many different ways to think, learn, work, raise kids, and so on. He feels better about himself when he understands that doing things differently, learning differently, and being different is perfectly acceptable – and that differences can enrich our lives. True self-confidence manifests itself when the child is able to do what he wants to do – even if he doesn’t do it the way everybody else does.
 

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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