18.2.19

Kids on the Autism Spectrum Who Steal Other People's Belongings

Question

I am the dubiously proud mother of a 7-year-old girl with HFA. As with many autistics, she likes a certain sense of order in her surroundings, and will rearrange other people's belongings to accommodate her own preferences. We have spoken to her time and time again about not touching other people's things... all to no avail. Now her teacher reports she is taking things from others. This has been happening in our home rather regularly, and we have tried everything we can think of to stop or prevent the behavior, but it seems to be getting worse not better. Any help you can give me would be MUCH appreciated!

Answer

I don’t see this as an high-functioning autistic trait per say. The desire for forbidden objects overwhelms many kids, making the temptation to take them too much to resist. Your daughter probably just can't control her “desire” to have other’s belongings – but it is possible for her to control her “behavior.”

Often times, kids take things because they lack impulse control and haven't developed a strong sense of right and wrong just yet. But you should also ask yourself if there is another reason your daughter is taking things that don't belong to her (e.g., lack of attention at home, not enough friends in school, etc.).

Whatever the reason for your daughter’s behavior, it does infringe on the rights of the other kids.

As one mother stated, "My son is 13 and is still grabbing and touching other people's belongings. His hands are as busy as a toddler's only now the things that interest him are not grandma's shiny breakables, but someone else's cell phone or ipod. He will pick them up and start pushing buttons, etc. His world is "all about me" and he doesn't notice how appalled or annoyed people are with him. In a few years, I'm afraid someone will really take him to task over this. The cute factor is long gone. He also has stolen other people's belongings, if they are related to his special interest. His reasoning? 'I wanted it!' " 

Your first goal should be to stop this undesirable behavior and help your daughter to respect the belongings of others. Here are a few ideas:

1. Acknowledge her desires. It's important to validate your daughter’s feelings while also maintaining leadership and stopping the behavior. You might say, "I know you want that toy, but it's Michelle’s. You need to ask her if you can play with it." Or you might say, "You really want that doll, don't you? But it belongs here in school so the other kids can use it."

2. Anticipate and remove temptations. Make a box where kids can keep the toys they bring in, and place it out of reach.

3. Give two choices; this helps children learn decision-making skills.

4. Realize you must teach your child boundaries; children are not born with them.

5. Recognize and respect the child’s boundaries. For example, knock on their closed bedroom door instead of just walking in.

6. Review the rules. Make sure that your daughter knows that "don't take things that do not belong to you" is a school rule. Have her return the object or classroom material, but do not force her to apologize.

7. Set your own boundaries as the parent, and have consequences for crossing them.

8. Share your opinions with your child. Allow your child her opinions. Opinions are not right or wrong. This will help her think for herself.

9. Teach impulses control. Help your daughter learn to stop and think before she takes other’s stuff. Explain to her that she needs to ask herself, "Who does this belong to, and can I play with it?" Point out to her that if the item in question belongs to another youngster, she should ask the owner whether she can use it and accept the response. If she uses the object, she needs to return it when she's done.

10. When you recognize that boundaries need to be set, do it clearly, do it without anger, and use as few words as possible.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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17.2.19

Dealing with Self-Stimulation Behaviors in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"What can be done about  an autistic child (high functioning) who does things repeatedly like rocking back and forth, spinning and flipping objects, making strange vocal noises over and over again? This constant non-stop behavior can be so annoying (and embarrassing) at times."

Most of our "leisure activities" are nothing more than self-stimulation behaviors that have become highly ritualized over time and made socially acceptable. There is nothing intrinsically valuable or reasonable about leisure pursuits such as bungee jumping, playing cards, dancing, playing video games, listening to music, smoking, etc.

People participate in these different activities because they find them to be pleasurable and because the activities alter their physical state. Each activity provides us with a particular type of sensory input.

There is not necessarily a great difference in so-called self-stimulation behaviors in children with autism spectrum disorders and some of these activities, beyond the fact that some are more socially acceptable and "normal" in appearance than others. 
 

Most parents find that their child with ASD or High-Functioning Autism is more likely to participate in self-stimulatory behaviors when he or she is idle or stressed. Interacting with your child in some way may break up the self-stimulation. If the behavior appears in response to stress, finding ways to help him relax (e.g., massage, being wrapped up in a quilt, etc.) may reduce the amount of time spent in the behavior you find inappropriate or harmful. If your child is left alone; however, it is likely he/she will re-engage in this activity as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Some behaviors may present problems because they are considered socially inappropriate. These behaviors can be used as a way to explore the child's preferred sensory channels for receiving information from the world. With this information, parents may identify preferred sensory experiences around which they can develop more "mainstream" leisure activities that their children will also come to view as "leisure" (e.g., if the youngster enjoys the visual sensation of lights, find age-appropriate toys that can be motivating to him).

Take time to observe the types of self-stimulation that your child participates in - and when this behavior occurs. Watch him or her and make notes about what you see and when you see it. Then try to see if there is any pattern to these behaviors that would give you insight to the type or types of stimulation he/she prefers and the purpose it serves.

At the same time, note what types of activities your youngster finds aversive. When you have a good understanding about his or her preferences, begin to brainstorm ways that you can offer other stimulatory activities, modify or expand on the preferred self-stimulation.

Look at children of the same age, and try to find toys or activities that may make the self-stimulatory behavior appear more "normal." Sometimes your child's favorite self-stimulation activity can be modified or expanded in a way that will make it more socially acceptable.

As one mother with Asperger's herself states, "I totally agree, it can be annoying, even embarrassing at times, but they cant help themselves. Its part of the acceptance we as parents have to do. Ive even had to go to counseling myself. My child's father was so ashamed that he left. If u really love ur child, u have to just deal with it minute by minute & second by second. I personally am blessed to have 2 adult children that are always willing to watch my son for a few hours to give me a break. Ill be praying for all the other aspergers parents out there cuz we understand all too well what that missing puzzle piece means."
 
 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
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15.2.19

Can Autism Spectrum Disorders Be Inherited?

"Can high functioning autism be inherited? Our son was recently diagnosed, and now I am wondering if my husband has it too ...their behaviors are very similar."

There is strong evidence that ASD Level 1 or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) is, at least in part, an inherited condition. If one twin develops the disorder, there is a 60% likelihood that the other will develop it as well. 
 
Younger kids born into families with an older child on the autism spectrum have a 5-6% likelihood of also having the disorder.

Even though the incidence of HFA is higher among related family members, no specific gene has been linked to its development. Also, there is currently no way to test for the genetic predisposition towards the disorder.

HFA is a neurobiological disorder in which known areas of the brain are affected in ways scientists do not yet completely understand. The disorder is considered to be inherited in a complex fashion (e.g., more complicated than disorders such as color-blindness or Huntington’s disease).

Researchers are getting closer to finding a genetic basis behind autism spectrum disorders. Rett’s syndrome is an autistic disorder for which the exact genetic cause is believed to have been found. In Aspergers and HFA, studies suggest problems in several chromosomal (genetic) regions, including areas on the chromosomes 2q, 7q and 15q. 
 
While the 7q region is considered the most promising area of study, research studies involving this chromosome in the disorder have failed to observe its linkage to this region.

For reasons doctors do not completely understand, there are far more boys "diagnosed" than girls (although there may be as many girls with the disorder as boys, males get diagnosed with the disorder more often). 
 
Scientists have evaluated whether or not  HFA represents an X-linked genetic disorder (i.e., one passed down generally from a mother to a son). Unfortunately, there have been cases of father to son transmission of the condition, which means that the disease can't be X-linked.




In at least one case, two parents with HFA had a child that also had the disorder, but did not have a severe case of the disorder, nor did the child have autism. In another case, identical twins both had HFA, but this is not always the case.

While some scientists support the idea that at least a portion of the disorder isn’t genetic at all, there have been no specific findings associating it with any environmental conditions (e.g., pregnancy complications).


==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...
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Inaccurate Stereotyping of Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"Is it fair to say that some people unfairly stereotype children and teenagers who have an autism spectrum disorder? It seems to me that society views this population as "trouble-makers" or mentally handicapped - and even dangerous (e.g., they get blamed for some school shootings), which is just plain ignorant in my opinion. What's your opinion please?"

Young people with ASD level 1 or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) are often viewed largely in negative terms by some. And to make matters worse, this inaccurate stereotyping often leads to inappropriate interventions, which can lead to long-term damage.

Here are some examples of stereotyping. A child with ASD:
  • Can't do things that require social interaction, especially with strangers
  • Dislikes establishing eye contact
  • Dislikes using the telephone, preferring email or person-to-person instead
  • In social situations with a lot of noise and conversations, has trouble hearing and easily gets disoriented
  • Is easily depressed
  • Is not very good at small talk, especially intimate bantering
  • Often assumes that any comments or remarks require a response
  • Often does not care what other people think
  • Often fails to read other peoples' standard body language
  • Often feels rejected if an important project or idea gets a mixed or lukewarm response
  • Often makes others very angry because of the way he or she interacts
  • Often responds angrily to frustrating situations
  • Often says things in conversation that are inappropriate, divergent, or tactless
  • Talks forever, without pause, about favorite topics
  • Usually keeps silent and does not interact if faced with a question or topic that is difficult to answer

Do some children and teens with ASD have some of these characteristics to varying degrees from time to time? Yes.

Do all of these young people have all of these characteristics all the time? No.

It has been well documented that those on the autism spectrum are vulnerable individuals who will face certain difficulties. These are often highlighted by people who see only the negatives rather than the positives such differences could represent. This lack of positive awareness, combined with an inconsistency of knowledge, can lead to inaccurate stereotyping and resultant interventions that are far more harmful than helpful.

The reality is that a children with ASD  are  unique individuals who have a lot of skills and abilities. Yet, they are often deemed incapable of learning; thus, an ability to achieve much in life may be overlooked. 
 
All too often, the focus continues to be on forcing them to fit into damaging, inflexible environments, which not only prohibits them from reaching their full potential, but also contributes to long-term mental health problems that could otherwise be avoided.




 
Having an autism spectrum disorder can be worrying and upsetting for all those concerned, but there will be areas in which these "special needs" kids will excel compared to the general population. For example:
  • A sensitivity to sound could lead to working in sound recording or music.
  • With a sensitivity to the taste and texture of food and drink, people with ASD could become great gastronomes and food critics.
  • A sensitivity to visual information can be useful in photography, drawing and visualization used by architects and artists.
  • These individuals are generally free from sexism or racism.
  • They can be very sensitive to the plight of disadvantaged people around the world. 
  • They can use their sensitivity and wider differences to help others who are in the same position as themselves, or act as arbiters and mediators in dispute situations.
  • They have proved themselves to be great innovators and inventors – not only of products, but also of ideas concerning literacy and story-telling.
  • They often speak out frankly and honestly; they are sincere truth-tellers who will tend to follow the rules of the job.
  • Many are intelligent and have high IQs. They may, for example, have an excellent memory for facts and figures, or a good memory for past situations.
  • Many possess powers of deduction that, when coupled with an attention to detail, could be useful in criminal investigations.
  • People with ASD  tend to make very loyal friends.

Little research has been conducted into “gifted” individuals, although those who are described as such often show the same qualities seen in people on the spectrum. Individuals with high IQs question the world which surrounds them. They are usually single-minded and can throw themselves into their work for long, intense periods. These are all aspects associated with the "disorder."

In short, the way these young people think should be regarded as a positive attribute, which the rest of society can learn from. When their differences are embraced, the positives definitely can outweigh the negatives. The goal should not be about “normality,” but encompassing acceptance, love, and communication.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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