He loses his temper frequently...

Question

My son is 10 years old and awaiting an Aspergers diagnosis. He frequently misinterprets the actions of others and becomes quite angry. He loses his temper frequently. How can we help him?

Answer

Your son is experiencing a great deal of stress due to the symptoms of Asperger’s (high-functioning autism).

Some kids react by becoming depressed, some become anxious, and others become angry and experience rage against the frustrating events that occur in their day.

Some kids externalize their feelings and blame others, while some internalize their feelings and have a difficult time controlling their anger.

Their may be no particular event to his anger – just an aggressive mood or reaction to a frustrating experience.

Encourage self-control and teach your child to consider alternative behaviors.

Self-control can be strengthened by teaching your child to stop and count to ten, taking a deep breath and reminding themselves to keep calm.

Or for some children it is helpful that they have an agreed room or particular space that they take themselves too when they feel that they are getting anxious/angry.

Specific relaxation techniques can be practiced and your child can be taught the cues when they must calm down and relax. Explain the alternative to your child and in specific terms.

There are three stages to help your child when he/she is losing his temper:

1. Make a list of signals – Construct a list of the signals that indicate the person is becoming increasingly stressed (e.g. rocking, reddened face, pacing, shouting etc.).

2. Draw attention to the signals – Once these sign are recognized, the person’s attention must be drawn to their actions and behavior. The angry individual is usually the last to recognize the change in their behavior.

3. Find calming alternatives – Then construct a list of activities which will calm them and encourage them to participate in those behaviors.

Keep in mind that your son will most likely have difficulty expressing what is making him angry.

You will need to assess the situation to determine what may be provoking him.

Another alternative is to keep him engaged in activities that burn off energy and reduce his need to express the anger that he is feeling.

The Six Characteristics of Aspergers

1. Cognitive Issues—

Mindblindness, or the inability to make inferences about what another person is thinking, is a core disability for those with Aspergers. Because of this, they have difficulty empathizing with others, and will often say what they think without considering another's feelings. The youngster will often assume that everyone is thinking the same thing he is. For him, the world exists not in shades of gray, but only in black and white. This rigidity in thought (lack of cognitive flexibility) interferes with problem solving, mental planning, impulse control, flexibility in thoughts and actions, and the ability to stay focused on a task until completion. The rigidity also makes it difficult for an Asperger youngster to engage in imaginative play. His interest in play materials, themes, and choices will be narrow, and he will attempt to control the play situation.

2. Difficulty with Reciprocal Social Interactions—

Those with Aspergers display varying difficulties when interacting with others. Some kids and adolescents have no desire to interact, while others simply do not know how. More specifically, they do not comprehend the give-and-take nature of social interactions. They may want to lecture you about the Titanic or they may leave the room in the midst of playing with another youngster. They do not comprehend the verbal and nonverbal cues used to further our understanding in typical social interactions. These include eye contact, facial expressions, body language, conversational turn-taking, perspective taking, and matching conversational and nonverbal responses to the interaction.

3. Impairments in Language Skills—

Those with Aspergers have very specific problems with language, especially with pragmatic use of language, which is the social aspect. That is, they see language as a way to share facts and information (especially about special interests), not as a way to share thoughts, feelings, and emotions. The youngster will display difficulty in many areas of a conversation processing verbal information, initiation, maintenance, ending, topic appropriateness, sustaining attention, and turn taking. The youngster's prosody (pitch, stress, rhythm, or melody of speech) can also be impaired. Conversations may often appear scripted or ritualistic. That is, it may be dialogue from a TV show or a movie. They may also have difficulty problem solving, analyzing or synthesizing information, and understanding language beyond the literal level.

4. Motor Clumsiness—

Many children with Aspergers have difficulty with both gross and fine motor skills. The difficulty is often not just the task itself, but the motor planning involved in completing the task. Typical difficulties include handwriting, riding a bike, and ball skills.

5. Narrow Range of Interests and Insistence on Set Routines—

Due to the Asperger youngster's anxiety, his interactions will be ruled by rigidity, obsessions, and perseverations (repetitious behaviors or language) transitions and changes can cause. Generally, he will have few interests, but those interests will often dominate. The need for structure and routine will be most important. He may develop his own rules to live by that barely coincide with the rest of society.

6. Sensory Sensitivities—

Many Asperger kids have sensory issues. These can occur in one or all of the senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, or taste). The degree of difficulty varies from one individual to another. Most frequently, the youngster will perceive ordinary sensations as quite intense or may even be under-reactive to a sensation. Often, the challenge in this area will be to determine if the youngster's response to a sensation is actually a sensory reaction or if it is a learned behavior, driven mainly by rigidity and anxiety.

Quiz: Does your child have Aspergers?

1. Does your youngster tend to focus on one subject, to the exclusion of all others?

Yes - she latches onto one topic of interest and learns everything there is to know about it. She won't even think about something else!
No - she has some favorite topics, but displays a wide range of interests.

2. Does your youngster have difficulty interacting socially, particularly when it comes to nonverbal communication?

Yes - she seems unable to pick up cues in people's body language and vocal inflection.
No - she seems to be able to read the mood of a room pretty well, and understands what is and isn't appropriate in a conversation.

3. Does your youngster vary her vocal inflections, volume, or pitch?

No - she speaks in a monotone, regardless of the subject or the environment.
Yes - she shouts, whispers, laughs, whimpers, and more.

4. Does your youngster adhere to rigid, repetitive routines when it comes to everyday tasks?

Yes - everything has to be just so, from where we sit for breakfast to her bedtime routines.
No - she's pretty free and easy with her daily routine.

5. How are your youngster's motor skills developing?

A. She's a little behind other kids her age.
B. She's right where she should be.

6. Does your youngster understand idiomatic expressions, such as slang terms and figures of speech?

No - she takes everything literally.
Yes - if she doesn't know them right away, she easily learns their meanings.

7. Does your youngster show an interest in playing with others?

Yes - she's always engaging with other kids.
No - sometimes it's as though she doesn't realize there are other kids present.

8. How does your youngster's IQ compare to those of her peers?

A. She exhibits median intelligence, or is even smarter than her peers.
B. She has a lower IQ than most of her peers.

9. How old was your youngster when you first suspected she might have Aspergers?

A. Three years old or younger.
B. Older than three years.

10. Are there any cases of Aspergers in your family history?

Yes.
No.

Scoring—

If at least 6 of your answers coincide with the answers below, your youngster may have Aspergers:

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. No
4. Yes
5. A.
6. No
7. No
8. A.
9. A.
10. Yes