How to teach a younger sibling not to pick up unwanted behaviours:

"I would like some tips on how to teach a younger sibling (age 3, not in school yet due to rural location) not to pick up unwanted behaviours from his Aspie brother."

You might be concerned that your 3-year-old will pick up unwanted behaviours because he might have Asperger’s Syndrome, also. Asperger’s does, indeed, have a genetic component.

New research in the area of Asperger’s has shown that toddler siblings of autistic children are more likely to exhibit the same atypical behaviours as their brothers and sisters with autism, even when they don’t eventually develop the disorder. Andy Shih, PhD, of the Baby Sibling Research Consortium, states that this increases the importance of careful monitoring of high-risk siblings of children with autism (or Asperger’s) for any signs of a disorder. If one should occur, you are well-situated for early intervention. If atypical behaviours occur, but there is no Asperger’s, you will feel relief at knowing that your second child does not have it.

If you have a child with Asperger’s, the odds are 50 to 100 times greater that your second child will be diagnosed with Asperger’s. At the age of three, it might be difficult to tell if the child has Asperger’s. Ask yourself the following:

• Does your younger son have age-appropriate communication skills?
• Does he follow his brother’s exact behaviours?
• Is he overreacting to sensory stimuli (e.g., actions, lights, sounds)? 
• Does he cover his eyes or ears to avoid sensory stimuli?

If you answered “No” to these questions, your son is probably just imitating his older brother, and that is very common with siblings. He might see his older brother as a role model, or he sees his brother getting a lot of attention for these behaviours, and he is imitating him to get some of the attention.

If you answered “Yes” to the above questions, consider having a professional, such as an Intervention Specialist or special education teacher, observe your three-year- old when he interacts with his brother, and when he is alone. You might be thinking of waiting to see if your son outgrows these behaviours; however, if he does have Asperger’s Syndrome, you should begin early intervention. Make sure that the professional you consult is experienced in assessing autism spectrum disorders, and that his experience specifically includes Asperger’s Syndrome.

Your awareness of the sibling relationship, along with the help of a professional, and the book mentioned above will give you information and assistance to help with your three-year-old, if he, too, is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Stay in touch with the professional involved and re-read the book so that you can provide a comprehensive level of care for both your children.

Aspergers/HFA Children and Inflexibility

"How can I break through the rigid thinking that prevents my child from making a connection between his misbehavior and negative consequences? Once he gets an idea in his head, no amount of evidence to the contrary will persuade him."

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Understanding the Mind of an Aspergers Child

"My 7-year-old daughter was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism. This is all so new to me. How can I understand the way she thinks? We are definitely not on the same page much of the time!"

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Aspergers & Picky Eating

"My son was diagnosed with Asperger’s in January. His eating habits are not that great. He will only eat about 3 specific foods which are not at all healthy. How can I introduce something new to him if he doesn’t like to try anything new? Unless he has eaten it before, he will not try it."

This is a common problem with people with Asperger’s. Some AS adults will eat only three or four foods for months at a time. For AS kids, many foods taste terrible to them (but not to others) or have disgusting textures or smells. They can’t help these reactions; they are a part of Asperger’s. Unfortunately your son’s three choices are not healthy ones, so he isn’t getting a balanced diet. For that reason, his diet must change.

Your son’s diet should include protein from eggs, milk, cheese, fish, beef, and chicken, pork, even hot dogs. He needs grains, which provide B vitamins, from breads, hamburger and hot dog buns, corn, and cereals. He needs vitamins and minerals, including vitamin C, from juices, fruits, and vegetables. He requires calcium and vitamin D from milk and cheese. Getting him to eat these foods is the challenge.

You will have to eliminate the three items he will eat from your home and offer him a variety of other healthy foods, letting him choose what he will eat from them. Prepare for a battle royal when you do this! He may scream, cry, and have “meltdowns” at every meal. But, when he gets hungry, he will try at least some of the new foods. Whatever you do, don’t give him any of his preferred three foods, or they are all that he will eat and he will never try any of the new foods. Needless to say, the rest of the family must not eat his preferred foods, either.

Perhaps he would try some whole grain cereals. Many children like Life cereal or Cheerios (with or without milk). If he’ll eat the cereal, see if he likes a sliced banana on it. Use Splenda to sweeten cereal, fruits, and baked items. Try popcorn (a whole grain). Don’t load it up with butter. 

Fruit juices may appeal to him. There are new ones on the market that are delicious and have a serving of fruit and one of vegetables in each glass. Try hot dogs and hamburgers. He may like scrambled eggs. If he will drink milk (even chocolate milk or a milkshake), it will give him protein and calcium.

Try mixing rice or noodles into a cheese and chicken casserole. Most children like macaroni and cheese. See if he does. Try tacos made with whole grain tortillas, hamburger, and cheese. Will he eat fried chicken or chicken nuggets? How about fish and chips?

Many fruits may taste sour to him. Canned peaches and pears are sweet and may appeal to him. Cut fruits into bite sized pieces so they are easy to eat. Don’t chastise him if he doesn’t eat them; maybe in the future he will. Make small apple or blueberry muffins. Yoghurt with fruit is an option you could try.

As far as vegetables are concerned, it may be an uphill road! But, sometimes vegetables can be hidden in other foods, for example, in those juices mentioned above. How about putting some onion in his hamburger? Potatoes are vegetables and he might eat oven-fried French fries. Blend some cooked cauliflower into mashed potatoes. He may not notice the difference. He may like sweet potatoes. He might like creamed corn or cornbread. Does he eat any soups? You could try tomato soup made with milk; he might like it or chicken noodle soup. 

It’s very important not to make “a big deal” about what he doesn’t eat. If you do, eating will become an even worse power struggle than it’s going to be. Offer various new foods at each meal. If he doesn’t like them, don’t make an issue of it. He’ll eat something when he gets hungry! Avoid serving soda pop and sweets so he doesn’t fixate on them. When he finally accepts a new, healthy food, offer it often, but not at every meal, so he has to keep trying new foods.

My last suggestion is to make sure he has a multivitamin each day. Get one that is chewable, tastes good, and has a cute shape. Also, drinking Ensure or Pediasure is a good way to supplement his diet with vitamins and minerals.