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Literal Thinking in Children on the Autism Spectrum

“My son with high functioning autism takes everything literally. I have to be careful to say exactly what I mean. For example, recently I was in a hurry and told him to ‘Step on it!’ – which utterly confused him. If I don’t keep conversations focused and simple, he’s lost. Plus, he only wants to talk about the 1 thing he is really interested in at the time.”

Literal thinking in a child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) goes far beyond the concrete thinking that is associated with young kids or learning disabled children. It results from the underlying communication disorder, which makes them unable to understand the shifting meaning of words in changing situations. In addition, they tend to persevere in their first impression rather than discarding it to test other meanings.

Many times, a youngster on the autism spectrum will have a difficult time understanding that some words have different meanings. For example, my grandson's face was red from playing outside, and I said, "Your face is beet red." He couldn't understand how his face could be like a vegetable.

A good example of a homonym is to use the word "bow." You could mean a violin bow, a ribbon tied into a bow, a bow and arrow. Same spelling, but a different pronunciation is the bow of the ship or bowing from the waist. Same pronunciations, but different spellings are a bough from a tree or a beau. Confusing, isn't it? Imagine how confusing it is to a youngster with special needs!
 

Kids on the spectrum have a very difficult time understanding when it's polite to say something. When the child sees an obese person, he thinks nothing of informing that lady that she's fat. He also doesn't understand why his statement would cause such a negative reaction. To him, he was simply telling the truth.

These young people don't understand "white lies" or why we tell them. For example, why would I tell my mother-in-law that I love the tie she got me for Christmas, and then turn around and donate it to Goodwill? So I don’t hurt her feelings. A youngster with HFA will be brutally honest upon receiving an undesirable gift, and to say otherwise would be lying.

Since it is impossible to teach your son every innuendo of speech as well as nonverbal cues and multiple meanings, he may eventually compensate in such ways as the following:
  • By reading extensively for information rather than pleasure, preferring fact to fiction
  • By developing any nonverbal talents he may have to the point where he can earn the social approval he craves
  • By concentrating on subjects in which he can be exceedingly well-informed
  • By becoming precise in language, seeking words which have a definite concrete meaning

As a result of their literal thinking, HFA children are easy victims of the unkind peer who likes to make fun at their expense. If they react with anger to trickery, their problem is compounded. Even if they are philosophical about being teased, literal thinking is a decided handicap in school and on the job, because most people communicate with a kind of shorthand speech, which is not to be taken literally.


Everyone has a "blind spot" in learning and understanding things. Many of us don't understand algebra or chemistry. And how many of us just ‘laugh off’ the fact they can't even program our VCR? These are deficiencies we can usually work our life around or completely avoid. In your HFA son, the "blind spot" happens to be reading social and non-verbal cues – something he can't work around or avoid.

Learning to say what we mean - and mean what we say - is often easier said than done. You can't just tell your son, "If you don't do your homework - you're in deep trouble." Otherwise, he envisions himself in a hole - or worse. If you mean "it's raining hard," then don't say "it's raining cats and dogs."

It is important to think about how we, as parents, word things to the literal youngster. If you have one of these literal kids, know that he is not doing this purposefully. Be patient and try to learn to think how he thinks. Some of the best minds in the world are very literal. Looking at life through the eyes of a child on the autism spectrum can give you a whole new outlook on life.
 
 
As one mother of a child with autism stated: "ASD kids have a hard time reorienting and recalibrating their perceptions and understanding of meanings to adjust for new info and scenarios. This is linked strongly to generalisation and abstract thought and understanding. They are often 'lost' hence the feeling of being on the 'wrong planet'. In fact it's their map that is poor. Try and help them update the map by sharing yours to make theirs more high definition."




Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

------------------------------------------------------------

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
------------------------------------------------------------
 
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...
By

Eliminating Thinking Errors in Children on the Autism Spectrum

Philosophers have long known that your thoughts can be your own worst enemy. As Shakespeare once said, "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism are especially vulnerable to such “thinking errors” due to a phenomenon called “mind-blindness."

In this video, we will look at some examples of popular thinking errors used by kids on the autism spectrum, and how parents can help these children view their situation more accurately. 




Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 


BEST COMMENT:

Mark, I must tell you - just based on the first and only video of yours that we watched, we have had an amazing breakthrough. The combination of information and clear delivery just turned a light on. What struck us in particular was that because of his Aspergers, we need to 'teach him how the world works'  - and in our case, to do this appropriate to his 8 or 9 year old emotional maturity level. In the background we also see how his OCD combines with those factors to create extreme stress for him and everyone else.We believe the paranoia just resulted from the years of his escalating stress, etc.

Back to the breakthrough: with great effort to pay attention, we were able to apply our new understanding to interacting with him last night and it was amazing! In a matter of hours he was a completely different kid - like he was years ago in terms of the way he talked, engaged, and he even got excited about being engaged in his passion for music. Our new behavior really, probably for the first time, made him feel understood and more safe (I expect that was subconscious).

This is a kid who walked in one day at about 10 years old and informed us he had learned Pi - he could recite 383 digits off the top of his head. By 12-13 yrs he had become an incredible musician, playing in bands w kids 17 & 18. He did the same thing with cooking and was working in a professional kitchen at 13.... all of his own doing. Then of course everything fell apart. It's a combination of amazing gifts and childlike innocence & naivety - not understanding how the world works as you said.

By

Helping Your Asperger’s Teen to Eliminate Thinking Errors

Many children and teens with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) experience “thinking errors,” largely due to a phenomenon called “mind-blindness.” Mind-blindness can be described as a cognitive disorder where the child is unable to attribute mental states (e.g., emotions, beliefs, desires, motives) to himself or others. This ability to develop a mental awareness of what is in the mind of another person is known as the “Theory of Mind.”

Thinking errors are irrational patterns of cognition that can cause your AS or HFA teen to feel bad and sometimes act in self-defeating ways. If she becomes more upset the more she thinks about a troubling circumstance, she may want to consider the possibility of thinking in a different way. And you, as the parent, can help with this.

Click here for the full article...



By

Helping Kids on the Autism Spectrum Who Get Frustrated Easily

Question

When my 15y/o son with autism (high functioning) meets with disappointment, and when things don't go just as he wants them to, he has his meltdown …then it is so difficult to get him redirected back to doing what he should be doing. Are there any tips you can give me about how to try to get him back on track, to help him accept that something didn't work out or that he can't do or have something he really wanted?

Answer

What you’re referring to here is low frustration tolerance (i.e., needing immediate pleasure or needing to avoid pain at the cost of long-term stress and defeatism). Low frustration-tolerance originates from the youngster’s dysfunctional and irrational beliefs. Behaviors are then the result of avoiding frustrating events which, paradoxically, lead to increased frustration and even greater mental stress.

Low frustration tolerance occurs when the youngster gets very frustrated and has an unwillingness or inability to tolerate the necessary short-term discomfort that is sometimes required for long-term gain. 
 
The opposite of this would be HIGH frustration tolerance. High frustration tolerance is simply the ability to tolerate or cope with discomfort and hard work in the short-term in order to achieve one's long term goals. Kids and teens with high frustration tolerance tend to be much more flexible, logical, rational and calmer in their thinking, behavior and general approach to life – and they are far less likely to suffer mental health problems as a result.
 

Here is what I would say to your son if I were meeting with him one-on-one…

Low frustration tolerance is just what it sounds like. You do not tolerate even the most minor frustrations well. You are easily irritated. You have a short fuse. Now …here is how you can increase your ability to deal with stressors, irritations and frustration without blowing your cool:

When the irritation happens and before you lose your cool, you have a thought or some belief which either lowers or increases your frustration. Consider some of the situations that irritate or annoy you. Look at some of the thinking which may be causing you to be more irritated or frustrated than you need to be. Here are some examples:
  • "I can't stand being frustrated, so I must avoid it at all costs."
  • "I can't take this."
  • "I can't wait that long."
  • "I should always be happy and content."
  • "It shouldn't be this difficult."
  • "It shouldn't be this way."
  • "My mom should stop doing things which annoy me."
  • "Things must go my way, and I can’t stand it when they don't."
  • "This is too much."

It is important to listen to what you are thinking, because then you can change what you are thinking. If you change your view of what is happening, you can change how you feel about it. If you can tune-in to what is going on in your head, you can rewrite the script. A large part of feeling frustrated comes from feeling helpless. Realize that you aren't completely helpless.

Now here is what I have to say to you, the parent...

There are nine distinct dimensions reflecting differences in temperament that influence how kids on the autism spectrum respond to the world around them. Understanding these may better help you to understand your son and figure out strategies for coping better with his temperament:

1. ACTIVITY measures the amount of physical energy a youngster puts into behavior and daily activities. An active child moves around a lot, even when sleeping. These kids prefer more active kinds of play over quiet activities such as reading. Many resist sleeping and fall asleep only when they're exhausted. Moms and dads need to notice what works when they are trying to calm an active youngster at bedtime.

2. ADAPTABILITY measures a youngster's adjustment to changes and transitions. Highly adaptable kids can be taken anywhere, anytime. They can sleep anywhere. As they get older, they are easy going. Kids low in adaptability react negatively to changes and need a lot of time before settling into situations. Unexpected situations can arouse strong reactions. Kids low in adaptability resist change, and often insist that every detail of daily routines be followed. They frequently are clingy. You can help them feel more in control by giving them simple choices to make (e.g., “Would you prefer doing your homework before or after dinner?”).

3. APPROACH/WITHDRAWAL measures a child’s initial reaction to a new activity, person, or situation. “Approaching” children tend to have a positive first reaction. These kids are often also very active and may go barreling into new situations, sometimes frightening other kids nearby. Helping them to slow down a little is very useful. “Withdrawing” kids have a negative reaction to the first time they experience something new. Sometimes they slowly warm-up to a situation, so it's important not to rush them into things. Let them set the pace at which they assimilate into what is going on.
 

4. DISTRACTIBILITY measures a youngster's tendency to be diverted by noise, interruptions, and other things going on around them. Highly distractible kids are acutely aware of everything that's going on around them. Simply explaining to a youngster, "You're getting distracted" can help him become more aware and regain his focus. Kids low in distractibility focus well, even in challenging environments, such as school.

5. INTENSITY refers to the level of energy a youngster puts into self-expression (i.e., the amount of volume and drama in the youngster's life). Intense kids express themselves with great vigor and gusto. Older kids speak in extremes (e.g., “Today was THE BEST or THE WORST day ever”). When they are in a good mood, they can be delightfully enthusiastic about something. When they are in a bad mood, a negative reaction from a parent can unleash a major tantrum or meltdown, abusive back-talk, threats of violence, or threats of running away. Moms and dads of intense kids need to learn how to not escalate with them. You should speak in a matter-of-fact tone of voice with them. After an eruption is over, try to help them learn more appropriate ways of expressing themselves that will be less offensive to others around them.

6. MOOD is a measure of a youngster's disposition. Some kids complain a lot. Others smile a lot and are always content. Some tend toward optimistic, others pessimistic. Kids who are more serious may have an analytical way of looking at things. If they tend toward pessimism or negativity, you can use their analytical perspective to your advantage. Speaking in a measured tone, help them understand what is upsetting them; help them broaden their perspective. Help them see things in new, more adaptive, ways.

7. PERSISTENCE/FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE measures a youngster's ability to complete a task in the face of obstacles. Kids with low frustration tolerance tend to give up easily when something doesn't go easily. Children and teens with low frustration tolerance do not like to be left alone. Kids who are low in frustration tolerance can be helped to increase their persistence by gradually stretching out the “adult response-time” to their kid's demands for help. Try breaking tasks down into smaller and easier pieces. Encourage them to do something until they can complete it. Kids with high frustration tolerance can persist in the face of difficulties and are more comfortable entertaining themselves. They sometimes find it difficult to walk away from something unfinished. You can help by giving them advance warnings (e.g., “Dinner is in five minutes”).

8. REGULARITY measures how predictable or unpredictable a youngster's biological functions are (e.g., hunger, fatigue, bowel movements, etc.). “Irregular” kids will rarely do anything with any predictability. Moms and dads should resist nagging a youngster about eating with everyone else. Instead, try making healthy snacks and food available for when they ask for it. Kids who are more irregular may handle chaos and spontaneity better than kids who are very “regular” and who do better in predictable and structured environments.

9. SENSITIVITY is a measure of a youngster's sensory threshold. A youngster low in sensitivity is better equipped to handle a stimulating situation (e.g., crowds or shopping). A youngster high in sensitivity has a low tolerance for exciting or stimulating situations, and will be prone to meltdowns. He over-reacts to physical stimuli (e.g., sights, sounds, taste, smell, and touch). Sensible accommodations to help sensitive kids can make coping easier for the youngster (e.g., learning when to turn down the volume).

Understanding your son's temperament will go a long way toward helping him fit into a society that is quick to judge harshly behaviors and emotions that are "different." To the extent that a mother or father can learn to accept a youngster for who he is, it greatly helps that child or teen to learn to feel good about being himself.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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By

Cognitive Issues in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"Can you help me understand how my child thinks? His rationale is quite confusing at times, and I find we are rarely on the same page with simple day-to-day issues." 

In looking at the cognitive aspects of the child with ASD level 1 or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), there are four main areas to consider: (1) mindblindness, (2) cognitive inflexibility, (3) impaired imaginative play, and (4) visual learning strength. We'll look at each of these in turn:

1. Mindblindness (theory of mind): This refers to the child’s ability to predict relationships between external and internal states. It is the ability to make inferences about what another person is thinking. More specifically, the HFA child:
  • Is unaware that others have thoughts, beliefs, and desires that influence their behavior.
  • Views the world in black and white (e.g., admits to breaking a rule even when there is no chance of getting caught).
  • Is unaware that others have intentions or viewpoints different from his own; when engaging in off-topic conversation, does not realize the listener is having great difficulty following the conversation.
  • Displays a lack of empathy for others and their emotions (e.g., takes another person’s belongings).
  • Is unaware he can say something that will hurt someone's feelings or that an apology would make the person "feel better" (e.g., tells another person their story is boring).
  • Prefers factual reading materials rather than fiction.
  • Has impaired reading comprehension; word recognition is more advanced (e.g., difficulty understanding characters in stories, why they do or do not do something).
  • Displays difficulty with inferential thinking and problem solving (e.g., completing a multi-step task that is novel).

2. Lack of cognitive flexibility: This refers to the child’s ability to problem solve, to engage in and maintain mental planning, to exert impulse control, to be flexible in thoughts and actions, and to stay focused on a goal until its completion. More specifically, the HFA child:

A. Is distractable and has difficulty sustaining attention.
  • Has difficulty with organizational skills (e.g., What do I need to do, and how do I go about implementing it?).
  • Has difficulty with sequencing (e.g., What is the order used to complete a particular task?).
  • Has difficulty with task initiation.
  • Has difficulty with task completion.
  • Has difficulty with direction following.
  • Has difficulty when novel material is presented without visual support.
  • Engages in competing behaviors (e.g., vocalizations, noises, plays with an object, sits incorrectly, looks in wrong direction).

B. Has poor impulse control, displays difficulty monitoring own behavior, and is not aware of the consequences of his behavior.
  • Displays rigidity in thoughts and actions.
  • Shows a strong desire to control the environment.
  • Has difficulty with transitions.
  • Has difficulty incorporating new information with previously acquired information (i.e., information processing, concept formation, analyzing/ synthesizing information), is unable to generalize learning from one situation to another, may behave quite differently in different settings and with different individuals.
  • Engages in repetitive/stereotypical behaviors.
  • Displays a strong need for perfection, wants to complete activities/assignments perfectly (e.g., his standards are very high and noncompliance may stem from avoidance of a task he feels he can't complete perfectly).

C. Displays inflexible thinking, not learning from past mistakes (note: this is why consequences often appear ineffective).

D. Can only focus on one way to solve a problem, though this solution may be ineffective.
  • Does not ask for help with a problem.
  • Does not ask a peer or adult for needed materials.
  • Continues to engage in an ineffective behavior rather than thinking of alternatives.
  • Is able to name all the presidents, but not sure what a president does.
  • Is unable to focus on group goals when he is a member of the group.

3. Impaired imaginative play: This refers to the ability to create and act out novel play scenarios. While the autistic child may seem to engage in imaginative play, a closer look reveals play that appears to have an imaginary theme (in terms of characters and topics), but is actually very rigid and repetitive. It is important to observe free-play/free-time choices. Is the play really novel, or is it a retelling of a TV show or video? If the play is novel, can it be changed, can playmates alter it, or is the same play repeated over and over? The child:
  • Uses limited play themes and/or toys.
  • Uses toys in an unusual manner.
  • Attempts to control all aspects of the play activity; any attempts by others to vary the play are met with firm resistance.
  • Follows a predetermined script in play.
  • Engages in play that, although it may seem imaginary in nature, is often a retelling of a favorite movie/TV show/book (note: this maintains rigidity in thoughts, language, and actions).
  • Focuses on special interests such that he dominates play and activity choices.

4. Visual learning strength: This refers to being able to learn most successfully through visual modes. This is especially true for the Asperger child. Visual information remains stable over time, allowing the child to process, respond, and remember the information (e.g., I don’t have to worry about forgetting, I can take my time, the information is still there). Not only is this child a visual learner, but he is also a visual thinker. Visual learning compensates for many of the child’s areas of need. The child:

A. Benefits from schedules, signs, cue cards.
  • Uses visual information to help focus attention (e.g., I know what to look at).
  • Uses visual information as a “backup” (e.g., I have something to look at when I forget), especially when new information is presented.
  • Uses visual information to provide external organization and structure, replacing the child’s lack of internal structure (e.g., I know how it is done, I know the sequence).
  • Uses visual information to make concepts more concrete.
  • Uses visual information as a prompt.

B. Has specific strengths in cognitive areas.
  • Displays average or above average intellectual ability.
  • Displays average or above average receptive and expressive language skills
  • Has an extensive fund of factual information.
  • Has an excellent rote memory.
  • Displays high moral standard (e.g., does not know how to lie).
  • Displays strong letter recognition skills.
  • Displays strong number recognition skills.
  • Displays strong word recognition skills.
  • Displays strong oral reading skills, though expression and comprehension are limited.
  • Displays strong spelling skills.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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By

ASD and Impaired Humor Comprehension

Research has shown that people with ASD (high functioning autism) are impaired in humor appreciation, although anecdotal and parental reports provide some evidence to the contrary.

Flexible thinking is vital in comprehending jokes. Punch-lines in jokes are funny mostly because they are unexpected. In addition, big picture thinking is needed in understanding jokes, as it allows the listener to discern how the surprising punch line fits together with the joke body. 

As people on the spectrum often demonstrate rigid thinking, a desire for the preservation of sameness, and difficulties with big picture thinking, it seems that they have trouble perceiving and producing “normal” humor.

Research suggests that they produce and perceive humor in ways that are different from their same-age peers. They tended to prefer jokes with straightforward endings more than did peers in the control group, and their humor production was often less organized. However, research also suggests that boys with ASD both want to laugh – and to make others laugh. Thus, rather than calling this finding “impaired humor appreciation,” a better term might be “humor nonconformity.”

The ability to engage in social interaction is not one skill, but a set of skills that includes facility with language, interpreting nuances, reading facial expressions, regulating emotions, and understanding the possible motives and wishes of others. While people on the spectrum typically have average to well above average verbal cognitive abilities, they often have difficulty using language in ways that connect them to others.

Research asserts the importance of humor in developing and maintaining relationships. It has been shown to reduce social uncertainty and anxiety, increase intimacy, and allow for the safe expression of delicate issues (e.g., sexual interest).

Since “normal” humor (i.e., humor that facilitates relationships) plays such a vital role in relationships, the possibility of humor-related “abnormalities” would help explain some of the social difficulties seen with Aspies.

The difficulty of a person with ASD having an “abnormal” sense of humor is that he is less likely to draw others to himself through this “social tool.” This is especially true during adolescence, when peers ostracize those who are different. Difficulties understanding humor can create a feeling of isolation in Aspies when they are surrounded by laughing peers who got the joke. 

Also, they may become ideal targets for “emotional bullying’ (e.g., without understanding the sarcasm in a put-down, people with ASD are not likely to fight back). With decreased ability to make others laugh, autistic teens have less access to a powerful medium for facilitating relationships.

The awareness of these issues has implications for possible intervention. Parents can coach their  child on elements of humor. Humor skills can be explicitly taught with some success. By giving them these skills, they are given a more equal chance with regard to social interaction.
More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

By

"Thinking Errors" in Asperger's and High-Functioning Autistic Children

Philosophers have long known that your thoughts can be your own worst enemy. As Shakespeare once said, "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Children and teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism are especially vulnerable to such “thinking errors” due to a phenomenon called “mind-blindness." 


 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

---------------------------------------------------------------

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

--------------------------------------------------------------

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

------------------------------------------------------------

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
------------------------------------------------------------
 
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...

 


By

“False Dilemma”: A Thinking Error in Children on the Autism Spectrum


Would you, as a parent, say your youngster with Asperger’s (AS) or High Functioning Autism (HFA) does any of the following:
  • Judges himself as strong or weak, smart or stupid?
  • Looks for too much certainty in a world full of uncertainty?
  • Over-monitors his decisions as right or wrong, good or bad?
  • Reacts emotionally when things don't look right?
  • Thinks in terms of extremes (i.e., all or nothing, black or white)?



If so, then your child may be experiencing a “false dilemma." In other words, she believes she is stuck in an awful predicament, when in reality, she is not. When AS and HFA children fall victim to a false dilemma, they have mistakenly reduced an entire spectrum of possibilities down to the two most extreme options, each the polar opposite of the other without any shades of grey in between. Often, those categories are of their own creation, and they are attempting to force the world to conform to their preconceptions about what it should look like.

A false dilemma means seeing the world only in terms of extremes. If things aren't "perfect," then they must be "horrible." If your youngster isn't "brilliant," then he thinks he must be "stupid." In real-life, situations are almost always shades of gray – not black or white. Falling victim to a false dilemma tends to exacerbate depression, anxiety, and a host of other everyday problems.

Unfortunately, under duress, AS and HFA children often regress to a primitive way of thinking. They are most prone to regressing to primitive thinking when they are having a hard time and feel overwhelmed by their own emotions. A “regression” is a backsliding from age-appropriate functioning/thinking to more immature ways of functioning/thinking. For that one moment, when the child starts relying on the words "always" or "never" and views the world in black and white terms, she is slipping back to the way she saw the world as a toddler.

Problems associated with false dilemmas:
  • A false dilemma often creates “artificial needs” in the child’s life that lead to disappointment and depression. This is his tendency to think that he “must” have something, or he “must” do something, or life “must” be a certain way – otherwise it will be unbearable. The false dilemma doesn’t open him up to the possibility that, even if life doesn’t work out exactly the way he thinks it should, he can still be happy.
  • When the child only see things in black and white, she misses out on alternative ways of viewing the world. These other perspectives may be just as good if not better than her current perspective. A false dilemma often creates a false choice between “A” and “B,” when “C” is the more accurate and helpful view. Unfortunately, if the child only thinks in black and white terms, then she is unlikely to even consider “C” a possibility in the first place.
  • A false dilemma makes AS and HFA children less adaptive to their surroundings. This hinders their development. It’s also what keeps them stuck in old habits and thought patterns. 
  • A false dilemma doesn’t just hurt the child, but also the relationships he tries to build with others. When he views the world in strict and over-simplistic terms, he is less likely to compromise and cooperate with others to meet common interests. This is because he doesn’t see the grey areas in life (which is a mind-blindness issue that most kids on the spectrum experience). He believes everything needs to be a specific way, and he isn’t willing to deviate from this narrow view of the world. This makes him stubborn and frustrating to live with.


Most AS and HFA children simply do not have the vocabulary to describe the middle ground. For example, the child either considers someone to be a friend or not. The concept of different levels of friendship and the gradual building of trust may be unknown.

Perhaps worst of all for children on the autism spectrum is the perfectionism pursuant to a false dilemma – and the self-condemnation which may follow. Many AS and HFA children often think they should be doing everything “right,” because if it’s not right (i.e., perfect), it’s certainly wrong. In this way, the false dilemma may underlie some of the “refusals” and “difficulty initiating” that parents and teachers often see in these children. So, learning (which involves, first, not knowing things and gradually learning them while making mistakes along the way) can be an excruciating process. Starting a writing assignment, for example, can be overwhelming to the point of paralysis.




How parents and teachers can help the AS or HFA child who experiences frequent false dilemmas:

AS and HFA children need to be taught two important concepts: (1) gradual change and (2) the vocabulary fitting specific situations.

1. First is to help the child perceive the concept of a graduated scale, levels, steps, processes, etc. There are numerous ways to make the concept concrete and establish a metaphor for reference. For example:
  • a glass filling with water (empty gradually, changing to full)
  • day versus night (view the in-between, dawn or sunset)
  • downstairs versus upstairs (take the stairs, stop partway)
  • speedometer (you can’t go from 1 to 100 in a quantum leap)
  • an actual grayscale in Photoshop could be used for those children who are into graphics or photography

Choose a metaphor to which your youngster may easily relate, and may fit the situation you first want to address. Depending on the age of the child and cognitive level, you can use the real items, drawings, or just conversation to develop the “graduated levels” concept.

2. Never try to “reason with” a child on the autism spectrum. Logic, reasoning, and explanation unfortunately results in the youngster becoming angry and more insistent on his viewpoint. It is better to let him have his viewpoint. When you catch yourself feeling frustrated that he simply won’t listen to reason, you need to recognize that he is stuck in a false dilemma and end the conversation. At a later point in time, when he is calm, you can bring up the topic and together make a list of all the possible ways to view the situation or all the possible solutions.

Write down all possible ideas regardless of how good they are, and do not make negative comments; otherwise, your youngster will become resistant. Write the pros and cons of each one and then discuss which idea looks the best. Through this technique, you are teaching your youngster how to look at situations from another perspective. He may still rigidly hold to his original idea, but at least you are teaching him how to consider other options. Also, you can encourage him to think about what someone else would do if they were in his situation. He may also be responsive to a suggestion that he ask others what they would do.



Comments:

•    Anonymous said... I have Asperger Syndrome, and I also have trouble understanding where grey areas lie. Here are some things you can try that might help your child (or the child you work with) who is on the Autism Spectrum understand more about grey areas. Next time you have your child in the car with you, show him/her a traffic light, and explain what each of the lights mean. The red light means stop, the green light means go/keep going, and the yellow light means slow down and be ready to stop if you need to. If the traffic light has an arrow, this means it's only safe/unsafe to go in this direction. The yellow light and the arrow may be used as grey areas between stop and go. Also, have your child observe the light changing colors. Another thing you can do is while your child (or the child you work with) is waiting for his/her school bus, explain what the school bus lights and other signals mean. When the yellow lights turn on, this means that it's going to be time for your child to get on/off the bus soon, and that all other vehicles on the road should be ready to stop if needed. When the red lights turn on and the stop sign comes out, this means it's time for your child to get on/off the bus, and all other vehicles on the road NEED TO STOP, and may not go again until the stop sign closes and the red lights turn off.
•    Anonymous said... Many thanks for writing this blog. As a 50-something adult on the spectrum, I am giving the tips my energy and will endeavor to continue toward a place of grayer thinking. "My Aspergers Child" stuff often works for we elders, too. Great insight, I truly appreciate and will share (giving you credit, of course). Best! Liane Holliday Willey, EdD
•    Anonymous said... This is a great post, and would be really helpful in a video-type format, as my son's Aspie Dad has real issues with this, and would benefit from this info. Alas, he finds wordy posts like this make him tune out. On the other hand, it is a helpful read for me, so thank you!

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Inflexibility and Rigid Thinking in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"How can I break through the rigid thinking that prevents my child (high functioning) from making a connection between his misbehavior and negative consequences? Once he gets an idea in his head, no amount of evidence to the contrary will persuade him."

One big challenge for kids with ASD Level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), is mind-blindness. Mind-blindness refers to the inability to understand and empathize with the needs, beliefs, and intentions that drive other people’s behavior. Without this ability, these young people can’t make sense of the world.

The world is constantly confusing them, and they go through life making mistakes because nothing makes sense. These children can’t connect their own needs, beliefs, and intentions to experiences and positive or negative consequences. Many kids on the autism spectrum are unaware that they even have this problem, even if they know they have the diagnosis.

In any event, HFA children can learn to compensate for mind-blindness with a lifetime of constant “counseling” by good parents, educators, and therapists. Some grown-ups with the disorder can read books and learn, but HFA kids need others to help them. With good help, they can grow up to lead nearly normal lives. 
 

Moms and dads must understand that their "special needs" kids must be taught to use logic to make sense of the world and the people in it, one personal situation at a time. Here are some “rules” that can help parents assist their youngster in making sense of things:
  1. Every human behavior has a reason behind it, even if I don’t see it.
  2. I will not give up my rigid thinking until I find the reason for a behavior or until I am satisfied that I do not have enough information to find it.
  3. When I find the reason, all the pieces will fall into place and not a single one will be left that doesn’t fit.
  4. After I find it, I will dig further to try to disprove it.
  5. If I find a single piece that doesn’t fit, then I still have a problem. I’ll go back to step 2 with the problem.
  6. I will force myself to accept what I have in front of me as the truth, even if I find it hard to believe
  7. Most people usually talk about the things they want, and openly say what they believe. Women tend to talk more than men and focus on feelings more.
  8. When somebody’s behavior flies in the face of logic, I will concentrate on his or her feelings.
  9. Some people are so messed up that it is just not possible to figure them out. I must know when to give up.
  10. I must be patient when trying to make sense of things, because my first assumption will probably be faulty.

Put the concepts above in words that your child will understand. Also, you can make up additional rules that may be more applicable to your specific situation.

A parent’s strategy should be to get their HFA children obsessed with the need to make sense of the world and help them understand that the mysteries of human behavior disappear when one understands the appropriate states of mind behind them. Also, to help them realize that once the state of mind is understood, people’s future behavior can be anticipated. But, how does a mother or father do that when their child isn’t motivated to do so because they don’t realize there’s a need?
 

Parents should do the following:
  1. Teach the child to make sense of the world by himself (eventually).
  2. Constantly explain people’s states of mind to him and what they mean until he learns to figure them out on his own. This means explaining the wants, needs, and beliefs that drive human behavior and the reasons behind all the unwritten rules that are part of human relationships.
  3. Give the child books to read. Explain his challenges and that he is in a state of confusion without being aware of it. Explain how each person feels about the world and about his own life. Explain that every person has a different set of values and that their behavior is driven by these values. Explain also your own state of mind and emotions constantly. Explain why you explain things to him. Explain that he should ask you questions about things he doesn’t understand. Do these things over and over and over.
  4. Explain his needs to him. It is only when he understands what he wants himself that he will have a basis for understanding that others also have wants, and that peoples’ wants are what makes them behave the way they do. If you explain something over and over, and he never ‘gets it’, the reason could be that there is more basic knowledge that he doesn’t have in order to understand.
  5. Protect your HFA kids from the cruelty of others. Some people are not going to pass up the opportunity to treat them badly. You should explain that this is going to happen, and that they should not feel ashamed to go to you for support. They are going to meet people that will try to convince them they are worthless. You must convince them that they can and will make a success of life, as many individuals on the spectrum have. Explain the states of mind of these people and why they do what they do – over and over.
  6. Explain before punishing. If you punish a child for doing behavior “A,” all that he is going to learn is that if he does behavior “A” again, he is going to be punished again. He will not understand why he should not do behavior “A” in the first place.

It is this constant explaining and counseling by parents, educators, and therapists over years and years of living, repeated over and over again, that eventually will help the child break through the bonds of mind-blindness and learn to handle life successfully – on his or her own. Don’t give up, and get others to help you.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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What other parents have had to say on this matter:

•    Anonymous said... I have Aspergers and a son, who is now twelve, has Aspergers. My wife isn't diagnosed but I'm fairly sure that she has ODD. My mother in law lives with us and she has OCD to an extent I've only seen in television. It has taken me four years since I was diagnosed to work at getting to the point where I don't have meltdowns. The constant struggle over trying to be a parent to an Asperger's child, maintaining the household financials and maintenance, and learning to understand how the chemical and neurological aspects fit into almost all environments we are a part. It has taken me some time but I have worked at watching an listening to my son to understand where and when I have reached a barrier. With the filmographic memory that many people with Aspergers have, I can remember all the struggles with no one to help and always being yelled at to fit in. I am being patient and working with him to understand that this neurological difference is just that a difference. It has it days as I have neared meltdowns due to the stress because no one will believe that an adult with Asperger's can maintain a normal life by watching an mimicking normal behavior. I with his mother are working with him so that he understands he is doing a good job while imparting the importance of letting my wife and I know when he cannot understand even the smallest of details. It is a work in progress that I pray that I get better so my son has all of the understanding and resources he needs to succeed in life
•    Anonymous said... it definitely takes some getting used to! people have no idea what it's like to be a mum to an aspie! The thing to remember is that you dont control them any more than any parents control thier kids! In fact aspie kids often have better manners because once they learn a rule, it sticks and they dont do things like showing off and all that. I find that I'm my own biggest critic. I think that we have or should have the same expectations for behavior but have a completely different way of getting there. That's how I've always tried to view it. I just keep plugging away at teaching social thinking and how to interact with others. I guess I'm sort of old school about manners and decorum and that's been part of the game all along. I do however think no one can understand what a hard and sometimes seemingly insurmountable thing it is until they are in the same boat we are.
•    Anonymous said... My son is 17 and we still struggle with this. It has gotten a lot better but it is something to work on continuously
•    Anonymous said... My son old constantly hits and squeezes babies in an effort to either get them to cry or to stop crying. The other day he hit a five month old in the head with a really heavy ball to get it to stop crying, however that wasn't even the baby that was crying; the sound was coming from pretty far away. I've tried explaining a million times that all babies don't cry all the time, that they don't all say, "goo goo ga ga" specifically, etc. Once mine latches on to a "rule" he can't let it go. Anybody ever had this? What did you do?
•    Anonymous said... firstly, curtail any more baby exposure before someone gets badly hurt. ( if you can, not always easy). Then get embarked on the lifetime of teaching you have to face up to. There are no quick fixes. every minute of every day needs to be an example and a teaching experience. I would recoomend strongly to see a professional who provides social thinking and therapy of that nature. It's too much for just one mom!!! Dont give up, you'd be surprised what they can learn.
•    Anonymous said... This is my 10 year old, so difficult as those that don't understand Aspergers are quick to judge you as a bad parent, who is unable to control your child xx
•    Anonymous said... My daughter is 17 now ..still has her way of thinking but amazes me everyday.. was a very hard time for her growing up and me as a parent. . Now I m going threw the same with my 6 year old son... I see the long road ahead yet again but a beautiful light ... it's a rough n tough world out there already... all us parents can hope for is any child asd or not to be happy and take lil steps to be proud of who they are.... ahhh emotional mommy over here.. good luck to all!!
•    Anonymous said... There way or the highway! No change of mind! Hard work
•    Anonymous said... They really do have their own way of thinking
•    Anonymous said... We can video our son doing something to help show what he did and he still says he didn't do it because n his mind he was doing some thing else
•    Anonymous said... We try to see his differences as gifts as everyone should. Just because someone can't walk doesn't mean they can't contribute in society. Same with all children with these difference. Even if it's just teaching someone else tolerance and compassion 
•    Anonymous said... Yes.... This is my life. One day at a time.

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