ASD Children and Their "Resistance to Change"

"I need some methods for helping my autistic son to accept that things change from time to time, for example, accepting the new baby that's due in August, moving to a new apartment (we need 3 bedrooms now), and other changes that seem to disrupt his comfort zone."

One very common problem for young people with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) is difficulty adjusting to new situations.

While all of these children love new material things (e.g., toys, games, digital devices, etc.), most of them have difficulty adjusting to a new environment, new homes, different teachers at school, or any other major changes in their daily routines. Even new clothes or changes in their favorite food or drink can cause frustration and emotional outbursts.

Children on the autism spectrum need a steady routine and a familiar, consistent environment because it helps them to stay organized and to know what to expect or how to act. So, they rigidly stick to old habits, and their rigidity often results in obsessive and/or compulsive thoughts and behaviors.



While there are many reasons AS and HFA children resist change, most of these reasons have a common source: FEAR. These fears are often related to loss associated with the change. All change involves loss at some level, and this can be difficult to contemplate.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Some typical reasons for resistance to change include the following:

• Resistance can stem from perceptions of the change that AS and HFA children hold (e.g., kids who feel they will be worse off at the end of the change are unlikely to cooperate).
• Change gets these “special needs” children out of their comfort zone. When we talk about a comfort zone, we are really referring to routine. Kids on the autism spectrum love routine, because it helps them feel safe and secure. So there is bound to be resistance whenever change requires them to do things differently. Whether it's new rules, new seating arrangement in the classroom, new academic subject matter (e.g., moving from addition to multiplication in math class), or a new baby in the home, changes to routines are very uncomfortable. 
• Don't mistake compliance for acceptance. Children who are overwhelmed by continuous change may resign themselves to it and go along with the flow. You may have them in body, but you do not have their hearts. Thus, motivation to cooperate is low. 
• When these children do not trust in their ability to cope with change, resistance often results. This may be related to their experience of change in the past. They had to make a change back in the day that was very distressing, so today they view ALL change as distressing.
• Misunderstanding about the need for change may result in resistance. If the child does not understand the reason why things need to be done differently, you can expect resistance – especially if he or she strongly believes the current way of doing things works just fine. 
• Not being consulted often results in resistance. If these children are allowed to be part of the change process, there is less resistance. They get the sense that they are being heard and that their feelings count.

Some examples of “uncomfortable” change kids must face include the following:

• A friend moving away
• A new baby in the family
• A parent taking a new job or losing a job
• Abandoning bad habits or picking-up good habits
• Adopting a different routine or schedule
• Attending a new school 
• Different financial circumstances
• Hospital stay
• Illness
• Meeting new people
• Moving to a new of house
• New teacher or new friends
• Parent making new childcare arrangements
• Recent death in the family
• Separation or divorce of parents
• Visiting a new place with new settings

There are a number of symptoms that AS and HFA children exhibit that are signs of an adverse reaction to change. These may include:

• Active attempts to disrupt or undermine the change process
• Aggression 
• Anger
• Anxious, clingy behavior
• Attention-seeking
• Become withdrawn
• Complain of headaches, stomach pains, or over-sensitive to minor scrapes
• Have a tough time concentrating at school
• Insensitive and disagreeable behavior
• Lose interest in things that earlier interested them
• Loss of appetite
• Not listening
• Not responding
• Portraying themselves as innocent victims of unreasonable expectations
• School refusal
• Seems disinterested
• Sleep problems
• Tantrums
• Unusual flare-ups of emotion

Of course, each of these does not necessarily mean that these children are opposing change. They might be indicators, but could just as easily be indicators of other issues in their life. Real resistance usually occurs after their uncertainties and questions regarding change have not been adequately answered.

Kids with AS and HFA often develop rigid thinking. They want a particular thing done at a particular time, in a particular order, and in a particular way. This is because they often feel a loss of control over important aspects of their lives. What is normal and routine for “typical” children can be difficult and frustrating for AS and HFA children.

Imagine having your body respond clumsily when you’re trying to play, or being dragged from place to place by your mother or father and not having the cognitive ability to understand why. By holding tightly to what they can predict, these kids find a little bit of comfort in their otherwise chaotic world.

A youngster who is totally inflexible to change is going to have a lot of difficulty coping with reality. Life is random, full of last minute mishaps, misunderstandings, schedule changes, etc. The sooner you can acclimate your AS or HFA child to change, the better.

"Structure-Dependent" Thinking in Kids with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism 

 ==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Here are some strategies for dealing with a rigid-thinking youngster:

1. Let your AS or HFA youngster know of some changes in life you have undergone – and how you managed them. Your examples are a way of helping him cope with change in the future. Relate to his situation. Tell stories about when you have had to weather the storms of change. Also, you can talk about what you might have done differently – something that could have facilitated a better outcome. Alternatively, you can talk about the changes within the other family members and how they changed with circumstances.

2. Always demonstrate love and appreciation when your child “tries” to accept a new situation with courage – even if he is unsuccessful. In other words, be sure to reward effort with acknowledgment and praise, regardless of whether or not the desired outcome occurred.

3. Create behavior incentives using something that is the same each time (e.g., tokens, tickets, stickers, etc.). Let the sameness of the identical token be the familiar thing during the unfamiliar situation. You can also use marbles dropped into a jar (the smooth texture and “clicks” when they drop is satisfying to most kids). For example, explain to your youngster, “When we leave the park today, if you don’t cry, you’ll get a marble to put in the jar when we get home.” Let her cash in the marbles for a reward at the end of the day.

4. Don’t unintentionally reward your youngster for acting-out due to an unwanted routine change. Uncontrolled anger warrants a predictable, swift consequence. Losing a particular privilege may be the best consequence for AS and HFA children. Be firm. Don’t underestimate your youngster’s ability to manipulate you. Even severely autistic kids can be master manipulators.

5. Focus on just a few areas where flexibility is needed most. For example, if your youngster is constantly distressed when you’re out running errands, this is the place to start. If he is upset over having a babysitter, start there. If he won’t leave the grandparents’ house without a tantrum, focus on that issue.

6. While helping your “special needs” child to deal with change, be prepared to weather the storm. There will be sadness, tears and tantrums – followed by parental guilt. It’s all part of the process. Remain calm, and accept you youngster for who and what she is.

7. Change itself can come quickly or slowly, but adjusting to the new state of affairs takes time. Make sure you give your youngster – and yourself – the luxury of having time to adjust. Try not to expect too much too soon. Some changes are easy to adjust to, others aren’t. Some AS and HFA children adapt quickly to change, some don’t. As the parent, simply keep doing what you are doing and know that most changes eventually leave everyone in better places than where they began.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

8. Attempt to see things from your child’s point of view. Ask her how she perceives a particular change. A child who airs her misgivings about unwanted changes is more likely to cope better. Talk about the details of what will happen, where she will be, and what she will have to do. Doing so repeatedly helps your child feel prepared.

9. Encourage your AS or HFA youngster to explore and engage in new activities and interests. In this way, you help her cope with change that will come later in life. When she goes through various new experiences, it provides a fundamental base that strengthens her emotional muscles. It helps her feel good about herself and develops self-confidence.

10. Kids on the autism spectrum love to follow a routine. Anything away from that worries them. They feel best when they are able to predict things. They feel safe when they know what is on the agenda for the day or what they have to do next. They want to know how other people are likely to behave or react, and what will happen from day to day. So, if you and your youngster are undergoing a significant period of change, try to keep most of his routine the same.

11. Turn the change into an adventure. For example, turn “Are you ready to start a new school year” into “Wow, just think. You’ll get to see all your classmates again.” Since any change can seem frightening to children, the language you use can turn the change into a fun adventure. Changing the tone to one of excitement can make a world of difference in your child’s attitude.

12. Prepare your AS or HFA youngster for what may happen – and be honest. Voice your plans in a reassuring tone. Explain to him in concrete terms where you will be going, or what may happen along the way, so that he is prepared well before and ready for the change. Also, answer your child’s questions, and tell him the truth (i.e., don’t sugar-coat the situation) so that trust develops. Many tantrums can be avoided, because you keep reminding him throughout the day of what’s going to happen so he is ready for change.

13. Read articles and books about the change in question. Almost any change that your child is going through has been written about (e.g., potty training, new siblings, moving to a new neighborhood, etc.). Go to the library and get as many books as you can on the topic and read together. Reading helps open the lines of communication to talk about the difficulties of the change.

14. Help create sameness by repeating a similar comfort phrase (e.g., “Sometimes we have to change our plans, and we will be O.K. when that happens”). Use this exact phrase (or something similar) every time flexibility is needed. This helps to bring a sense of control and predictability during chaos. Your youngster will remember that you said that the last time a change was needed – and everything eventually turned out just fine.

15. Many kids on the spectrum have difficulty with the concept of time. But, you can provide your child with simple strategies to measure time (e.g., use an alarm clock or kitchen timer for task transitions, clean up times, or evening rituals). Let your child place a calendar centrally, and help her keep track of important dates (e.g., birthdays, holidays, vacations, the first day of school, etc.). Signal your child verbally or set countdowns for when she must leave an activity that she is enjoying (e.g., “I’m going to turn off the computer 10 minutes because we are getting close to lunch time”).

If you want your AS or HFA child to accept change, you must first understand why he may resist. By anticipating his likely reaction to a change in routine, you can make intelligent decisions about how to introduce the change.

Change involves strong feelings. Think about a recent change that you have had at home or work. How did you feel in that situation? Excited, motivated, happy, energized and optimistic? Or worried, angry, depressed, sad and anxious? Maybe your emotions were both positive and negative. But the odds are that you felt something very strongly. If you still remember that change, it's probably because there was a feeling attached to it. For “special needs” children, the initial response to change is often negative. Young people who have difficulty with change seem to unconsciously scan a new situation for anything that is not to their benefit – then they resist and complain. This negative focus often blocks their awareness of any positive aspects related to the change in question.

Change also involves loss (e.g., when moving to a new town, your child loses one set of friends, but hopefully gains a new set of friends). If you want your child to accept change, you need to invest time in planning and communication. All too often, well-meaning parents just throw a change out there and expect their child to say, “Oh, I have to change my routine now? Well, O.K.” To get your child to accept change, the first step is to understand what – from her perspective – she feels that she is losing. If you can first empathize with her feelings, then begin to compensate for her loss, you have taken a big first step towards getting her into acceptance.

In summary: 

• AS and HFA children need to feel that those who have power (e.g., parents, teachers, etc.) care about their concerns and will listen to them.
• When possible, give your child options (e.g., “We have to change this or that. Which one are you the most comfortable with?”). The more choices your child has, the more he feels in control. Some of the energy that previously went into resisting change will then be diverted to accepting it.
• “Special needs” children are more likely to adjust to change when they feel that they have the skills, knowledge and abilities to succeed. The faster parents and teachers can help these kids move through the learning curve, the faster they will accept the change. 
• The AS or HFA child is more likely to accept change if she has some input into how it will be implemented. When possible, ask for her opinions or suggestions about any aspect where input may actually be used. However, never ask for input that you don't plan to consider. That will only make matters worse.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Anger-Control for Kids and Teens on the Autism Spectrum

"I desperately need ideas on how to deal with an autistic child (high functioning) who is often agitated and angered. We rarely know what will trigger him, as it seems to vary widely from situation to situation - and from day to day."

All children experience anger. But, young people with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA), in particular, have difficulty channeling their strong emotions into acceptable outlets.

Anger is a response to a real or perceived loss or stress. It results when an individual’s body, property, self-esteem, or values are threatened. Anger is often a reaction to feeling frustrated, hurt, misunderstood, or rejected. If your youngster does not learn how to release his or her anger appropriately, it can fester and explode in inappropriate ways, or be internalized and damage his or her sense of self-worth.

As a mother or father, dealing with an angry youngster is inevitable. Many of us have heard our own pre-parenting voice whisper to us, saying something like, “That will never be my child acting-out like that” (famous last words). Anger is learned, but so is composure!

As parents, we hope our kids learn to:

• communicate angry feelings in a positive way
• express anger nonviolently
• learn how to avoid being a victim of someone else's angry actions
• learn how to control angry impulses
• learn how to problem solve
• learn how to remove themselves from a violent or angry situation 
• learn self-calming techniques
• recognize angry feelings in themselves and others

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Below are several crucial techniques to help teach your AS or HFA youngster calmer, more constructive ways to express anger:

1. Acknowledge strong emotions, helping your youngster control herself and save face (e.g., say, "It must be hard to get a low score after you tried so hard").

2. Be sure to VALUE what your youngster is experiencing. For example, if he is hurt and crying, never say, "Stop crying." Instead, validate your youngster's experience by saying something like, "I’m sure that hurts. That would make me cry too." This makes an ally out of you, rather than a target for free-floating anger. As an ally, your youngster learns to trust you, realizing you are there for him no matter what. If your youngster can trust you, he can learn to trust himself and the outer world.

3. Create a “ways to relax” poster. There are dozens of ways to help AS and HFA kids calm down when they first start to get bent out of shape. Unfortunately, most of these young people have never been given the opportunity to think of those other possibilities. Thus, they keep getting into trouble because the only behavior they know is inappropriate ways to express their frustration. So, talk with your youngster about more acceptable "replacement behaviors.” Make a big poster listing them (e.g., draw pictures, hit a pillow, listen to music, run a lap, shoot baskets, sing a song, talk to someone, think of a peaceful place, walk away, etc.). Once your youngster chooses her replacement behavior, encourage her to use the same strategy each time she starts to get upset.

4. Encourage your youngster to accept responsibility for his anger and to gain control by asking himself the following questions: Did I do or say anything to create the problem? If so, how can I make things better? How can I keep this issue from happening again?

5. Facilitate communication and problem solving with your AS or HFA youngster by asking questions (e.g., How can I help you? What can you do to help yourself? What do you need? Is your behavior helping you solve your problem?).

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
 

6. Help your youngster to understand her own emotions by putting her feelings into words (e.g., say, "It looks like it made you angry when they called you names").

7. Help your youngster to understand that anger is a natural emotion that everyone has. Say something like, "It's normal to feel angry. Everyone feels angry from time to time, but it is not O.K. to hurt others."

8. Involve your youngster in making a small list of “house rules” (e.g., we work out differences peacefully, we use self-control, we listen to others, we are kind to each other, etc.). Write them down and post them on the refrigerator. Make the rules clear, and follow through with meaningful consequences that are appropriate for the age of your youngster when the rules are ignored.

9. Listen, reflect and validate (without judgment) the feelings your youngster expresses. After listening, help him identify the true feeling underlying the anger (e.g., hurt, frustration, sadness, disappointment, fear, etc.). Say something like, "That hurt when your friend was mean to you," or “It was scary to have those boys bully you.”

10. Many children on the autism spectrum act-out because they simply don’t know how to express their anger any other way. Kicking, screaming, swearing, hitting or throwing things may be the only way they know how to express their emotions. To help your youngster express her frustrations appropriately, create an “emotion words” poster together (e.g., "Let’s think of all the words we could use that tell others we’re really frustrated"). Then list her ideas (e.g., angry, mad, annoyed, furious, irritated, etc.). Write them on a chart, hang it up, and practice using them often. When your youngster is upset, use the words so she can apply them to real life (e.g., "Looks like you’re really frustrated. Want to talk about it?" …or "You seem really annoyed. Do you need to walk it off?"). Then keep adding new feeling words to the list whenever new ones come up in those "teachable moments" throughout the day.


How can children with High-Functioning Autism cope with anger and depression?

11. Resist taking your youngster’s angry outbursts personally. Always deal with him in a calm, objective way.

12. Sometimes a child’s anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in his life. Not all anger is misplaced. Occasionally it's a healthy, natural response to the difficulties that the AS or HFA child faces. There is a common belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to parents’ frustration to find out that this isn't always the case with their “special needs” child. The best attitude to bring to such a circumstance, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle the problem as painlessly as possible.

13. Stop any aggressive behaviors. Say something like, "I can't let you hurt each other," or "I can't let you hurt me." Then remove your youngster as gently as possible.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

14. Teach your AS or HFA youngster to take a time-out from the difficult situation and have some “alone-time” for a few minutes. During the time-out, your youngster can rethink the situation, calm down, and determine what to do next. The length of the time-out is determined by the intensity of the emotion. A youngster who is simply frustrated may just need to take a deep breath. The youngster who is infuriated probably needs to leave the room and settle down. After your youngster has calmed down, it’s time to decide on a more appropriate response to the situation. There are at least 3 positive choices: talk about it, get help, or slow down. Simplifying the choices makes the decision process easier. Even AS and HFA kids can learn to respond constructively to frustration when they know there are just a few choices.  These choices are skills to be learned. Take time to teach your youngster these skills, and practice them as responses to mad feelings.

15. Try a "time-in" rather than a "time-out." As the mother or father, you are your youngster's main guide in life. She relies on you to be there with her through her difficult emotional experiences, whatever that may be. Thus, no time-out and no isolation may be the best option on occasion. Instead, try a "time-in." Sit with your youngster and incorporate other methods mentioned in this article (e.g., work on breathing with her, ask her questions about her feelings, etc.). The important thing is to be fully present with your child to help her through her emotions. Remember, you are teaching her social skills to be in relationships with others, rather than acting out alone. When some boys and girls are isolated, they often ruminate and feel guilty for their behavior. This only serves to create low self-esteem, which often cycles back to creating behavioral problems.

16. Use feeling words to help your AS or HFA youngster understand the emotions of others (e.g., Robbie is sitting alone and looks very sad; he may be lonely," or "When Michael tripped, he looked embarrassed").

17. Use role-playing, puppets, or videos to teach social skills (e.g., how to treat each other, how to work out disagreements, etc.).

18. When your child becomes frustrated, use those incidents as "on-the-spot lessons" to help him learn to calm himself down (rather than always relying on you to calm him down). Let me rephrase this (because this is an important technique): Every time your child acts-out due to low-frustration tolerance, ALWAYS use that moment as a teaching moment. For example, explain to your youngster that we all have little signs that warn us when we’re getting frustrated. We should listen to these signs, because they can help us stay out of trouble. Next, help your youngster recognize what specific warning signs he may have that tells him he is starting to get angry (e.g., I talk louder, my cheeks get hot, I clench my fists, my heart starts pounding, my mouth gets dry, I breathe faster, etc.).

Once your youngster is aware of his unique warning signs, start pointing them out to him whenever he first starts to get upset (e.g., “It looks like you’re starting to get frustrated" …or "Your cheeks are getting red. Do you feel yourself starting to get upset?"). The more you help your AS or HFA child to recognize the signs when his anger is first triggered, the better he will be able to calm himself down. It’s also the time when anger-control techniques are most effective. Anger escalates very quickly, and waiting until your youngster is already in "melt-down" to try to get him back into control is usually too late.

19. Simple relaxation tools can help your child calm down. For example:

• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience from either your memory or your imagination.
• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase (“relax” or “take it easy”). Repeat it to yourself.
• Breathe deeply from your diaphragm (breathing from your chest won't relax you, so picture your breath coming up from your belly).

20. Help your youngster understand that she can “choose” how to react when she feels angry. Teach her self-control and positive ways to cope with negative impulses. Here are some choices she can make:

• Calm self by breathing deeply
• Count slowly
• Draw or play with clay
• Exercise, walk or run
• Find a quiet place or sit alone
• Hug someone, a pet or a stuffed animal 
• Look at books or read
• Play music or sing
• Problem solve
• Rest or take a shower
• Stop and think
• Tell someone how you feel
• Tense body and then relax 
• Write about feelings

By following the techniques listed above, parents can help strengthen their relationship with their AS and HFA kids and give them the tools they need to cope effectively with frustration and anger.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Affective Education: How to Teach Children on the Autism Spectrum About Emotions

Most children with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) lack emotional intelligence to one degree or another. Emotional intelligence is the ability to (a) identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups; (b) harness emotions to facilitate various cognitive activities (e.g., thinking and problem solving); (c) detect and decipher emotions in faces, pictures, voices, and cultural artifacts, including the ability to identify one's own emotions; (d) comprehend emotion language; and (e) appreciate complicated relationships among different emotions.

Emotional intelligence consists of four attributes:

1. Social awareness: Understanding the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, picking up on emotional cues, feeling comfortable socially, and recognizing the power dynamics in a group.
2. Self-management: Being able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, managing emotions in healthy ways, taking initiative, following through on commitments, and adapting to changing circumstances.
3. Self-awareness: Recognizing one’s emotions and how they affect one’s thoughts and behavior, knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses, and having self-confidence.
4. Relationship management: Knowing how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

Affective education is basically teaching children with Asperger’s and HFA why they have emotions, their use and misuse, and the identification of different levels of expression. Some of the skills obtained through this form of education include (but are not limited to) the ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges, resolve conflicts positively and with confidence, recognize and manage one’s emotions, quickly reduce stress, and connect with others through nonverbal communication.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

When parents or teachers begin the process of teaching the Asperger’s or HFA child about emotions, it’s best to explore one emotion at a time as a theme for a project. A useful starting point is happiness or pleasure. A scrapbook can be created that illustrates the emotion. This can include pictures of people expressing the different degrees of happiness or pleasure – and can be extended to pictures of objects and situations that have a personal association with the feeling (e.g., a photograph of a rare lizard for a child with a special interest in reptiles).

Another important component to affective education includes helping the child to identify the relevant cues that indicate a particular level of emotion in facial expression, tone of voice, body language, and context. The face is described as an information center for emotions. The typical errors experienced by children on the autism spectrum include not identifying which cues are relevant or redundant, and misinterpreting cues. Parents and teachers can use a range of games and resources to “spot the message” and explain the multiple meanings (e.g., a furrowed brow can mean anger or bewilderment, or may be a sign of aging skin; a loud voice does not automatically mean that a person is angry, etc.).

Once the key elements that indicate a particular emotion have been identified, it is important to measure the degree of intensity. Parents and teachers can create an “emotion thermometer” and use a range of activities to define the level of expression (e.g., use a selection of pictures of faces, and place each picture at the appropriate point on the “thermometer.”

But, keep in mind that some children on the autism spectrum can use extreme statements such as “I am going to kill myself” to express a level of emotion that would be more moderately expressed by a “typical” child. Therefore, you may need to increase your Asperger’s or HFA child’s vocabulary of emotional expression to ensure precision and accuracy.

Affective education can also include activities to detect specific degrees of emotion in others and in oneself using internal physiological cues, cognitive cues, and behavior. Both the parent and child can create a list of the child’s physiological, cognitive, and behavioral cues that indicate his increase in emotional arousal. The degree of expression can be measured using the “emotion thermometer.” One of the aspects of affective education is to help the child perceive his “early warning signals” that indicate emotional arousal that may need cognitive control.

When a particular emotion and the levels of expression are understood, the next component of affective education is to use the same procedures for a contrasting emotion (e.g., after exploring happiness, the next topic explored would be sadness; feeling relaxed would be explored before a project on feeling anxious, etc.). The child is encouraged to understand that certain thoughts or emotions are “antidotes” to other feelings (e.g., some activities associated with feeling happy may be used to counteract feeling sad).

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Other activities to be considered in affective education are the creation of a photograph album that includes pictures of the child and family members expressing particular emotions, or video recordings of the child expressing her feelings in real-life situations. This can be particularly valuable to demonstrate the child’s behavior when expressing anger.

Lastly, it’s important to incorporate the child’s special interest in this educational process. For example, one teacher worked with an Asperger’s student whose special interest was the weather, so the teacher suggested that the student’s emotions be expressed as a weather report. A poster was created with a picture of a calm sunny day on the right side (representing happiness) and a picture of a tornado on the left side (representing rage). Various other pictures of weather patterns were place in between these two extremes to illustrate other more moderate emotions often experienced by the student.

In a nutshell, through the use of affective education, children with Asperger’s and HFA can begin the process of developing emotional intelligence. In an ideal world, the child will develop the following skills in the end:

• Taking responsibility for his own emotions and happiness
• Showing respect by respecting other people's feelings
• Paying attention to non-verbal communication (e.g., watch faces, listen to tone of voice, take note of body language)
• Looking for the humor or life lesson in a negative situation
• Listening twice as much as she speaks
• Learning to relax when his emotions are running high
• Getting up and moving when she is feeling down
• Examining his feelings rather than the actions or motives of others
• Developing constructive coping skills for specific moods
• Being honest with himself or herself
• Avoiding people who don't respect his feelings 
• Acknowledging her negative feelings, looking for their source, and coming up with a way to solve the underlying problem

==> Click here for more information on teaching social skills and emotion management...

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

NOTE: Below is a list of common emotions that can be incorporated into an affective education program. Each program should be tailored to the child’s specific needs.

•    Affection
•    Anger
•    Angst
•    Anguish
•    Annoyance
•    Anxiety
•    Apathy
•    Arousal
•    Awe
•    Boredom
•    Confidence
•    Contempt
•    Contentment
•    Courage
•    Curiosity
•    Depression
•    Desire
•    Despair
•    Disappointment
•    Disgust
•    Distrust
•    Dread
•    Ecstasy
•    Embarrassment
•    Envy
•    Euphoria
•    Excitement
•    Fear
•    Frustration
•    Gratitude
•    Grief
•    Guilt
•    Happiness
•    Hatred
•    Hope
•    Horror
•    Hostility
•    Hurt
•    Hysteria
•    Indifference
•    Interest
•    Jealousy
•    Joy
•    Loathing
•    Loneliness
•    Love
•    Lust
•    Outrage
•    Panic
•    Passion
•    Pity
•    Pleasure
•    Pride
•    Rage
•    Regret
•    Relief
•    Remorse
•    Sadness
•    Satisfaction
•    Self-confidence
•    Shame
•    Shock
•    Shyness
•    Sorrow
•    Suffering
•    Surprise
•    Trust
•    Wonder
•    Worry
•    Zeal
•    Zest

The Telltale Signs of ASD Level 1 [High-Functioning Autism]: A Comprehensive Checklist

Below you will find the majority of symptoms associated with High-Functioning Autism (HFA), also referred to as Asperger’s. The HFA child will not usually have all of these traits.

We will look at the following categories: sensory sensitivities, cognitive issues, motor clumsiness, narrow range of interests, insistence on set routines, impairments in language, and difficulty with reciprocal social interactions.

Sensory Sensitivity Checklist—

1. Difficulty in visual areas:

• Avoids eye contact
• Displays discomfort/anxiety when looking at certain pictures (e.g., the child feels as if the visual experience is closing in on him)
• Engages in intense staring
• Stands too close to objects or people

2. Difficulty in auditory areas:

• Covers ears when certain sounds are made
• Displays an inability to focus when surrounded by multiple sounds (e.g., shopping mall, airport, party)
• Displays extreme fear when unexpected noises occur
• Fearful of the sounds particular objects make (e.g., vacuum, blender)
• Purposely withdraws to avoid noises

3. Difficulty in olfactory areas:

• Can recognize smells before others
• Displays a strong olfactory memory
• Finds some smells so overpowering or unpleasant that he becomes nauseated
• Needs to smell foods before eating them
• Needs to smell materials before using them

4. Difficulty in tactile areas:

• Complains of a small amount of wetness (e.g., from the water fountain, a small spill)
• Complains of clothing feeling like sandpaper
• Displays anxiety when touched unexpectedly
• Does not respond to temperature appropriately
• Difficulty accepting new clothing (including for change of seasons)
• Difficulty using particular materials (e.g., glue, paint, clay)
• Difficulty when touched by others, even lightly (especially shoulders and head)
• Difficulty with clothing seams or tags
• Overreacts to pain
• Under-reacts to pain

5. Difficulty in gustatory areas:

• Can’t allow foods to touch each other on the plate
• Displays unusual chewing and swallowing behaviors
• Easily activated gag/vomit reflex
• Rigidity issues tied in with limited food preferences (e.g., this is the food he always has, it is always this brand, and it is always prepared and presented in this way)
• Makes limited food choices
• Must eat each individual food in its entirety before the next
• Needs to touch foods before eating them
• Will only tolerate foods of a particular texture or color

6. Engages in self-stimulatory behaviors (e.g., rocking, hand movements, facial grimaces)

7. Is oversensitive to environmental stimulation (e.g., changes in light, sound, smell, location of objects)

8. Is under-sensitive to environmental stimulation (e.g., changes in light, sound, smell, location of objects)

 ==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Cognitive Issues Checklist—

1. Mind-blindness:

• Displays a lack of empathy for others and their emotions (e.g., takes another person’s belongings)
• Displays difficulty with inferential thinking and problem solving (e.g., completing a multi-step task that is novel)
• Impaired reading comprehension; word recognition is more advanced (e.g., difficulty understanding characters in stories, why they do or do not do something)
• Is unaware he can say something that will hurt someone's feelings or that an apology would make the person "feel better" (e.g., tells another person their story is boring)
• Is unaware that others have intentions or viewpoints different from his own; when engaging in off-topic conversation, does not realize the listener is having great difficulty following the conversation
• Is unaware that others have thoughts, beliefs, and desires that influence their behavior
• Prefers factual reading materials rather than fiction
• Views the world in black and white (e.g., admits to breaking a rule even when there is no chance of getting caught)

2. Lack of cognitive flexibility

A. Distractable and has difficulty sustaining attention:

• Engages in competing behaviors (e.g., vocalizations, noises, plays with an object, sits incorrectly, looks in wrong direction)
• Difficulty when novel material is presented without visual support
• Difficulty with direction following
• Difficulty with organizational skills (e.g., What do I need to do, and how do I go about implementing it?)
• Difficulty with sequencing (e.g., What is the order used to complete a particular task?)
• Difficulty with task completion
• Difficulty with task initiation

B. Poor impulse control, displays difficulty monitoring own behavior, and is not aware of the consequences of his behavior:

• Displays a strong need for perfection, wants to complete activities/assignments perfectly (e.g., his standards are very high and noncompliance may stem from avoidance of a task he feels he can't complete perfectly)
• Displays rigidity in thoughts and actions
• Engages in repetitive/stereotypical behaviors
• Difficulty incorporating new information with previously acquired information (i.e., information processing, concept formation, analyzing/ synthesizing information), is unable to generalize learning from one situation to another, may behave quite differently in different settings and with different individuals
• Difficulty with transitions
• Shows a strong desire to control the environment

C. Inflexible thinking, not learning from past mistakes (note: this is why consequences often appear ineffective)

D. Can only focus on one way to solve a problem, though this solution may be ineffective:

• Continues to engage in an ineffective behavior rather than thinking of alternatives
• Does not ask a peer or adult for needed materials
• Does not ask for help with a problem
• Is able to name all the presidents, but not sure what a president does
• Is unable to focus on group goals when he is a member of the group

3. Impaired imaginative play:

• Attempts to control all aspects of the play activity; any attempts by others to vary the play are met with firm resistance
• Engages in play that, although it may seem imaginary in nature, is often a retelling of a favorite movie/TV show/book (note: this maintains rigidity in thoughts, language, and actions)
• Focuses on special interests such that he dominates play and activity choices
• Follows a predetermined script in play
• Uses limited play themes and/or toys
• Uses toys in an unusual manner

4. Visual learning strength

A. Benefits from schedules, signs, cue cards:

• Uses visual information as a “backup” (e.g., I have something to look at when I forget), especially when new information is presented
• Uses visual information as a prompt
• Uses visual information to help focus attention (e.g., I know what to look at)
• Uses visual information to make concepts more concrete
• Uses visual information to provide external organization and structure, replacing the child’s lack of internal structure (e.g., I know how it is done, I know the sequence)

B. Has specific strengths in cognitive areas:

• Displays average or above average intellectual ability
• Displays average or above average receptive and expressive language skills
• Displays high moral standard (e.g., does not know how to lie)
• Displays strong letter recognition skills
• Displays strong number recognition skills
• Displays strong oral reading skills, though expression and comprehension are limited
• Displays strong spelling skills
• Displays strong word recognition skills
• Excellent rote memory
• Has an extensive fund of factual information

 ==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Motor Clumsiness Checklist—

A. Difficulties with gross motor skills

1. An awkward gait when walking or running
2. Difficulty coordinating different extremities, motor planning (shoe tying, bike riding)
3. Difficulty when throwing or catching a ball (appears afraid of the ball)
4. Difficulty with motor imitation skills
5. Difficulty with rhythm copying
6. Difficulty with skipping
7. Poor balance

B. Difficulties with fine motor skills

1. Has an unusual pencil/pen grasp
2. Difficulty applying sufficient pressure when writing, drawing, or coloring
3. Difficulty with handwriting/cutting/coloring skills
4. Difficulty with independently seeing sequential steps to complete finished product
5. Frustration if writing samples are not perfectly identical to the presented model
6. Rushes through fine motor tasks

Narrow Range of Interests/Insistence on Set Routines Checklist—

A. Rules are very important as the world is seen as black or white

1. Has a set routine for how activities are to be done
2. Difficulty with any changes in the established routine
3. Has rules for most activities, which must be followed (this can be extended to all involved)
4. Takes perfectionism to an extreme — one wrong answer is not tolerable, and the child must do things perfectly

B. Few interests, but those present are unusual and treated as obsessions

1. Has developed narrow and specific interests; the interests tend to be atypical (note: this gives a feeling of competence and order; involvement with the area of special interest becomes all-consuming)
2. Patterns, routines, and rituals are evident and interfere with daily functioning (note: this is driven by the child’s anxiety; the world is confusing for her; she is unsure what to do and how to do it; if she can impose structure, she begins to have a feeling of control)
3. Displays rigid behavior:

• Arranges toys/objects/furniture in a specific way
• Can't extend the allotted time for an activity; activities must start and end at the times specified
• Carries a specific object
• Colors with so much pressure the crayons break (e.g., in order to cover all the white)
• Erases over and over to make the letters just right
• Feels need to complete projects in one sitting, has difficulty with projects completed over time
• Narrow clothing preferences
• Narrow food preferences
• Has unusual fears
• Insists on the parent driving a specific route
• Is unable to accept environmental changes (e.g., must always go to the same restaurant, same vacation spot)
• Is unable to change the way she has been taught to complete a task
• Needs to be first in line, first selected, etc.
• Only sits in one specific chair or one specific location
• Plays games or completes activities in a repetitive manner or makes own rules for them
• Selects play choices/interests not commonly shared by others (e.g., electricity, weather, advanced computer skills, scores of various sporting events) but not interested in the actual play (note: this could also be true for music, movies, and books)

C. Failure to follow rules and routines results in behavioral difficulties, which can include:

1. Anxiety
2. Emotional responses out of proportion to the situation, emotional responses that are more intense and tend to be negative (e.g., glass half-empty)
3. Inability to prevent or lessen extreme behavioral reactions, inability to use coping or calming techniques
4. Increase in perseverative/obsessive/rigid/ritualistic behaviors or preoccupation with area of special interest, engaging in nonsense talk
5. Non-compliant behaviors
6. Tantrums/meltdowns (e.g., crying, aggression, property destruction, screaming)

Impairments in Language Checklist—

A. Impairment in the pragmatic use of language

1. Uses conversation to convey facts and information about special interests, rather than to convey thoughts, emotions, or feelings
2. Uses language scripts or verbal rituals in conversation, often described as “nonsense talk” by others (scripts may be made up or taken from movies/books/TV). At times, the scripts are subtle and may be difficult to detect
3. Difficulty initiating, maintaining, and ending conversations with others:

• Does not inquire about others when conversing
• Does not make conversations reciprocal (i.e., has great difficulty with the back-and-forth aspect), attempts to control the language exchange, may leave a conversation before it is concluded
• Focuses conversations on one narrow topic, with too many details given, or moves from one seemingly unrelated topic to the next
• Knows how to make a greeting, but has no idea how to continue the conversation; the next comment may be one that is totally irrelevant
• Once a discussion begins, it is as if there is no “stop” button; must complete a predetermined dialogue

4. Unsure how to ask for help, make requests, or make comments:

• Engages in obsessive questioning or talking in one area, lacks interest in the topics of others
• Fails to inquire regarding others
• Difficulty maintaining the conversation topic
• Interrupts others
• Makes comments that may embarrass others

B. Impairment in the semantic use of language

1. Displays difficulty understanding not only individual words, but conversations
2. Displays difficulty with problem solving
3. Displays difficulty analyzing and synthesizing information presented:

• Creates jokes that make no sense
• Creates own words, using them with great pleasure in social situations
• Does not ask for the meaning of an unknown word
• Has a large vocabulary consisting mainly of nouns and verbs
• Difficulty discriminating between fact and fantasy
• Interprets known words on a literal level (i.e., concrete thinking)
• Is unable to make or understand jokes/teasing
• Uses words in a peculiar manner

C. Impairment in prosody

1. Rarely varies the pitch, stress, rhythm, or melody of his speech. Does not realize this can convey meaning
2. Has a voice pattern that is often described as robotic or as the “little professor”; in children, the rhythm of speech is more adult-like than child-like
3. Displays difficulty with volume control (i.e., too loud or too soft)
4. Uses the voice of a movie or cartoon character conversationally and is unaware that this is inappropriate
5. Difficulty understanding the meaning conveyed by others when they vary their pitch, rhythm, or tone

D. Impairment in the processing of language

1. When processing language (which requires multiple channels working together), has difficulty regulating just one channel, difficulty discriminating between relevant and irrelevant information
2. Has difficulty shifting from one channel to another; processing is slow and easily interrupted by any environmental stimulation (i.e., seen as difficulty with topic maintenance). This will appear as distractibility or inattentiveness. (Note: When looking at focusing issues, it is very difficult to determine the motivator. It could be attributed to one or a few of the following reasons: lack of interest, fantasy involvement, anxiety, or processing difficulty.)
3. Displays a delay when answering questions
4. Displays difficulty sustaining attention and is easily distracted (e.g., one might be discussing plants and the HFA child will ask a question about another country; something said may have triggered this connection or the individual may still be in an earlier conversation)
5. Displays difficulty as language moves from a literal to a more abstract level (generalization difficulties found in the HFA population are, in part, due to these processing difficulties)

 ==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Difficulty with Reciprocal Social Interactions Checklist—

A. Inability and/or a lack of desire to interact with peers

1. Displays an inability to interact because she does not know how to interact. She wants to interact with others, but does not know what to do:

• Compromises interactions by rigidity, inability to shift attention or “go with the flow,” being rule bound, needs to control the play/activity (play may “look” imaginative but is most likely repetitive — e.g., action figures are always used in the same way, songs are played in the same order, Lego pieces are always put together in the same way)
• Displays a limited awareness of current fashion, slang, topics, activities, and accessories (does not seem interested in what peers view as popular or the most current craze, unless it happens to match a special interest)
• Displays a limited awareness of the emotions of others and/or how to respond to them (does not ask for help from others, does not know how to respond when help is given, does not know how to respond to compliments, does not realize the importance of apologizing, does not realize something she says or does can hurt the feelings of another, does not differentiate internal thoughts from external thoughts, does not respond to the emotions another is displaying)
• Displays narrow play and activity choices (best observed during unstructured play/leisure activities: look for rigidity/patterns/repetitive choices, inability to accept novelty)
• Engages in unusual behaviors or activities (selects play or activity choices of a younger child, seems unaware of the unwritten social rules among peers, acts like an imaginary character, uses an unusual voice — any behaviors that call attention to the child or are viewed as unusual by peers)
• Initiates play interaction by taking a toy or starting to engage in an ongoing activity without gaining verbal agreement from the other players, will ignore a negative response from others when asking to join in, will abruptly leave a play interaction
• Is unable to select activities that are of interest to others (unaware or unconcerned that others do not share the same interest or level of interest, unable to compromise)
• Lacks an understanding of game playing — unable to share, unable to follow the rules of turn taking, unable to follow game-playing rules (even those that may appear quite obvious), is rigid in game playing (may want to control the game or those playing and/or create her own set of rules), always needs to be first, unable to make appropriate comments while playing, and has difficulty with winning/losing
• Lacks conversational language for a social purpose, does not know what to say — this could be no conversation, monopolizing the conversation, lack of ability to initiate conversation, obsessive conversation in one area, conversation not on topic or conversation that is not of interest to others
• Lacks the ability to understand, attend to, maintain, or repair a conversational flow or exchange — this causes miscommunication and inappropriate responses (unable to use the back-and-forth aspect of communication)
• Observes or stays on the periphery of a group rather than joining in

2. Prefers structured over non-structured activities

3. Displays a lack of desire to interact:

• Does not care about her inability to interact with others because she has no interest in doing so. She prefers solitary activities and does not have the need to interact with others, or she is socially indifferent and can take it or leave it with regard to interacting with others
• Is rule bound/rigid and spends all free time completely consumed by areas of special interest. Her activities are so rule bound, it would be almost impossible for a peer to join in correctly. When asked about preferred friends, the child is unable to name any or names those who are really not friends (family members, teachers)
• Sits apart from others, avoids situations where involvement with others is expected (playgrounds, birthday parties, being outside in general), and selects activities that are best completed alone (e.g., computer games, Game Boy, books, viewing TV/videos, collecting, keeping lists)

B. Lack of appreciation of social cues

1. Lacks awareness if someone appears bored, upset, angry, scared, and so forth. Therefore, she does not comment in a socially appropriate manner or respond by modifying the interaction
2. Lacks awareness of the facial expressions and body language of others, so these conversational cues are missed. He is also unable to use gestures or facial expressions to convey meaning when conversing. You will see fleeting, averted, or a lack of eye contact. He will fail to gain another person's attention before conversing with her. He may stand too far away from or too close to the person he is conversing with. His body posture may appear unusual
3. When questioned regarding what could be learned from another person's facial expression, says, “Nothing.” Faces do not provide him with information. Unable to read these “messages,” he is unable to respond to them
4. Has difficulty with feelings of empathy for others. Interactions with others remain on one level, with one message:

• Fails to assist someone with an obvious need for help (not holding a door for someone carrying many items or assisting someone who falls or drops their belongings)
• Ignores an individual’s appearance of sadness, anger, boredom, etc.
• Talks on and on about a special interest while unaware that the other person is no longer paying attention, talks to someone who is obviously engaged in another activity, talks to someone who isn’t even there

C. Socially and emotionally inappropriate behaviors

1. Laughs at something that is sad, asks questions that are too personal
2. Makes rude comments (tells someone they are fat, bald, old, have yellow teeth)
3. Engages in self-stimulatory or odd behaviors (rocking, tics, finger posturing, eye blinking, noises — humming/clicking/talking to self)
4. Is unaware of unspoken or “hidden” rules — may “tell” on peers, breaking the “code of silence” that exists. He will then be unaware why others are angry with him
5. Responds with anger when he feels others are not following the rules, will discipline others or reprimand them for their actions (acts like the teacher or parent with peers)
6. Touches, hugs, or kisses others without realizing that it is inappropriate

D. Limited or abnormal use of nonverbal communication

1. Averts eye contact, or keeps it fleeting or limited
2. Stares intensely at people or objects
3. Does not observe personal space (is too close or too far)
4. Does not use gestures/body language when communicating
5. Uses gestures/body language, but in an unusual manner
6. Does not appear to comprehend the gestures/body language of others
7. Uses facial expressions that do not match the emotion being expressed
8. Lacks facial expressions when communicating
9. Does not appear to comprehend the facial expressions of others
10. Displays abnormal gestures/facial expressions/body posture when communicating:

• Confronts another person without changing her face or voice
• Does not turn to face the person she is talking to
• Has tics or facial grimaces
• Looks to the left or right of the person she is talking to
• Smiles when someone shares sad news
• Stands too close or too far away from another person

More information can be found here: Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Moodiness and Depression in Teens with Asperger's and HFA

“How should I handle my teenage son’s emotional instability? Specifically, how can I tell the difference between 'normal' moodiness that occurs in adolescence and depression? My son seems to have significantly more ‘downs’ than ‘ups’. He’s usually very grouchy and pretty much stays to himself. Is this typical for teens with level 1 autism? Should I be concerned? What can I do to help?”

Moodiness and depression are common among teens in general. And young people with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) are at even greater risk for these comorbid conditions. Teens on the autism spectrum have a “developmental disorder,” which means that their emotional age is significantly younger than their chronological age.

For example, the teenager may be 16-years-old, but still have the social skills of a 9-year-old. This dilemma causes problems for the teen due to the fact that he or she experiences great difficulty in relating to same-age peers, which in turn may result in rejection from the peer group – and this contributes largely to the AS or HFA teen’s lack of self-esteem and depression.

In addition, cognitive control systems lag behind emotional development making it hard for AS and HFA teens to cope with their emotions. Furthermore, beyond the biological factors, a lot of other changes are occurring during adolescence (e.g., experiencing first loves and breakups, butting heads with parents, start of high school, etc.). No wonder some teens on the spectrum struggle through this time in their life.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Unfortunately, other complicating factors are at play during the teenage years:

Difficulty with transitions— Largely due to the uneasy transition toward adulthood, most teens on the spectrum experience an increase in anxiety. It is during this time that they are dangling between the dependency of childhood and the responsibilities of adulthood. It can feel intimidating to prepare to leave high school, head off to college, or into the job market. All these factors induce more mood swings and anxiety in AS and HFA teens.

Peer-rejection— Many teens on the spectrum are deliberately excluded from social relationships among their age group. As a result, they often choose to isolate themselves, which makes a bad problem worse. A teenager who feels rejected often spends too much time playing video games and on social networking sites, thus losing touch with peers even more. Teens who are ostracized by their peers also tend to underachieve academically.

Poor social skills— Most young people with AS and HFA experience social skills deficits. As a result, interactions with peers become very unpleasant. The more they “fail” in connecting with peers, the more they isolate. They want to “fit-in” and be accepted, but simply haven’t figured out the social politics needed to find and keep friends.

Low self-esteem— Peer-group rejection results in a decline in their self-image, a state of despair, behavioral difficulties, loneliness and seclusion.

So as a parent, how do you know when to wait out the moods – and when to worry? The truth is that it's difficult to know, because every teenager is different. Rapid physiological changes are occurring during adolescence. Therefore, a degree of vacillation between "ups" and "downs" can be expected. However, there is big difference between teenage mood swings and genuine depression. The major symptoms of depression may include:

• changes in appetite
• episodes of moping and crying
• fatigue
• loss of enthusiasm or interest in favorite activities
• headaches
• insomnia
• irritability
• mood swings that seem out of proportion to the circumstances
• negative self-concept
• outbursts of anger 
• painful thoughts that manifest themselves in relentless introspection
• persistent anxiety
• persistent sadness
• poor school performance
• sense of hopelessness
• withdrawal and isolation

If an AS or HFA teenager is suffering from depression, parents can expect to see the following symptoms unfold in three successive stages:

1. Inability to concentrate, withdrawal from friends, impulsive acts, and declining academic performance
2. Acts of aggression, rapid mood swings, loss of friends, mild rebellion, and sudden changes in personality
3. Overt rebellion, extreme fatigue, giving away prized possessions, expressions of hopelessness, and suicidal threats or gestures

Other common symptoms of depression in adolescents include: eating or sleeping too much, feeling extremely sensitive, feeling misunderstood, feeling negative and worthless, poor attendance at school, self-harm, and using recreational drugs or alcohol.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Symptoms caused by depression can vary from child to child. To discover the type of depression your AS or HFA teenager has, your physician may add one or more “specifiers.” A specifier simply means that your teen has depression with specific features, for example:

• Seasonal pattern: depression related to changes in seasons and reduced exposure to sunlight
• Mixed features: simultaneous depression and mania, which includes elevated self-esteem, talking too much, and increased energy
• Melancholic features: severe depression with lack of response to something that used to bring pleasure and associated with early morning awakening, major changes in appetite, feelings of guilt, agitation or sluggishness, and worsened mood in the morning 
• Catatonia: depression that includes motor activity that involves either uncontrollable and purposeless movement or fixed and inflexible posture
• Atypical features: depression that includes the ability to temporarily be cheered by happy events, increased appetite, sensitivity to rejection, a heavy feeling in the arms or legs, and excessive need for sleep
• Anxious distress: depression with unusual restlessness or worry about possible events or loss of control

Treatment—

1. Psychotherapy: Different types of psychotherapy can be effective for depression in AS and HFA teens (e.g., cognitive behavioral therapy). Psychotherapy can help your teen:

• regain a sense of satisfaction and control in his or her life
• ease depression symptoms (e.g., hopelessness and anger)
• learn to set realistic goals for his or her life
• identify negative beliefs and behaviors and replace them with healthy, positive ones
• identify issues that contribute to his or her depression
• change behaviors that make depression worse
• find better ways to cope and solve problems
• explore relationships and experiences
• develop positive interactions with peers
• develop the ability to tolerate and accept distress using healthier behaviors
• adjust to a crisis or other current difficulty

2. Alternative Therapies: Therapies other than face-to-face office sessions are available and can be highly effective for teens on the autism spectrum (e.g., as a computer program, by online sessions, or using videos or workbooks). These can be guided by a therapist or be totally independent.

3. Social Skills Training: Teens on the autism spectrum experience depression largely due to their awkwardness in interpersonal relationships. Thus, social skills training is perhaps the best method for combating depression in these young people. A major goal of social skills training is teaching AS and HFA teens:

• how to understand verbal and nonverbal behaviors involved in social interactions
• how to make "small talk" in social settings
• the importance of good eye contact during a conversation
• how to "read" the many subtle cues contained in social interactions
• how to tell when someone wants to change the topic of conversation or shift to another activity
• how to interpret social signals so that they can determine how to act appropriately in the company of others in a variety of different situations

Social skills training assumes that when “special needs” teens improve their social skills and change selected behaviors, they will raise their self-esteem and increase the likelihood that others will respond favorably to them. The AS or HFA teen learns to change his or her social behavior patterns by practicing selected behaviors in individual or group therapy sessions.

4. Medication: Many types of antidepressants are available, including:

• Atypical antidepressants (Wellbutrin XL, Wellbutrin SR, Aplenzin, Forfivo XL, Remeron, Trintellix)
• Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (Parnate, Nardil, Marplan, Emsam)
• Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (Celexa, Prozac, Paxil, Pexeva, Zoloft, Viibryd)
• Serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (Cymbalta, Effexor XR, Pristiq, Khedezla, Fetzima)
• Tricyclic antidepressants (Tofranil, Pamelor, Surmontil, Norpramin, Vivactil)

Other medications can be added to an antidepressant to enhance antidepressant effects. Your physician may recommend combining two antidepressants or adding medications (e.g., mood stabilizers or antipsychotics). Anti-anxiety and stimulant medications can also be added for short-term use.

Other things that parents can do to combat moodiness and depression in their AS or HFA teenager include: encouraging physical activity; praising the youngster's skills; promoting participation in organized activities; reminding your youngster that you care by listening, showing interest in his or her problems, and respecting his or her feelings; and setting aside time each day to talk to your youngster (this step is crucial in preventing further isolation, withdrawal, and progressive depression).

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens