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Recently Diagnosed Children with High Functioning Autism: Parents’ Step-by-Step Intervention Plan

Your child has recently been diagnosed with high functioning autism (also called Asperger’s). You are relieved to know that there is a name for the odd twists and turns your child’s life has taken, yet you are also very concerned about how he or she is going to cope with this life-long disorder.

Since you are new to this whole thing, you’re not sure where to start or how to best assist you child. That’s why we have created this step-by-step intervention plan below, to give you a concrete place to begin in helping your son or daughter to have the best possible outcome.

Parents’ Step-by-Step Intervention Plan for Recently Diagnosed Children:

1. Take Care of Yourself-- The first step in helping your child has to be about YOU taking care of YOU. Many moms and dads of kids with high functioning autism and Asperger’s feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and sometimes defeated. They talk about difficulties in their marriage and other relationships. While there is no quick fix for resolving negative emotions, you can take measures to care for yourself so your youngster's disorder does not get in the way of your physical or mental health. The following may seem obvious, but is exceedingly critical to your long-term success in helping your child (this is why we put it first, because you will not be able to be the parent you need to be if you are sick - mentally and physically):
  • Eat a balanced diet and stay at a normal weight. Staying fit and healthy is essential to your physical and mental health.
  • Exercise regularly. Keep up with the physical activities you enjoy.
  • Plan time for a break away from your youngster. Find others (e.g., trusted family members and friends) who can help relieve you from these duties as needed. These breaks can help families communicate in a less stressful manner and can allow moms and dads to focus on their relationships with their other kids. 
  • Review your calendar weekly. In the midst of the many appointments your youngster may have with therapists or other health care professionals, write in "appointments" for yourself and your relationships.
  • Schedule regular dates with your spouse, other kids in the family, and close friends.
  • Seek help if you or your spouse are feeling chronically overwhelmed or depressed, or the stress of caring for your youngster is affecting your marriage.
  • Watch for signs of anger, resentment, or opposition from other kids in the family. Your physician can help you find a qualified therapist to help you figure out the best ways to cope as a family.



2. Find a Support Network-- Parenting a youngster on the autism spectrum is taxing – it affects every part of your being. Making sure your youngster gets the help he or she needs can also pose a challenge, depending on whether quality support services are available in your area. Also, you are likely to have ongoing concerns about your youngster's prognosis and long-term well-being. Thus, you need to find strong social support for yourself and your youngster. Gathering your support network involves knowing ahead of time whom you can call for different types of support, even for emergencies, for example:
  • a friend you enjoy being with and who helps you survive disappointments and shares your victories
  • a neighbor or close friend who will help you out in a pinch
  • your youngster's physician, educators, therapists, or other caregivers you can ask for advice on major decisions regarding his or her treatment
  • a close friend or family member who is a confidant and whom you trust with your most personal feelings and concerns

In addition, plan outings with other parents who have kids with high functioning autism and Asperger’s. There are many parents who share your concerns and daily challenges. Talking openly with these parents can give you new insight and better ways of coping. Local and national groups can help connect families and provide much-needed sources of information. Ask your physician for referrals. Also, join online chat groups for moms and dads of kids with high functioning autism. The more you know about this disorder and the stronger your support network, the more empowered you will be to live confidently, knowing that your youngster can get the help he or she really needs.

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

3. Evaluate Your Youngster's Need for Medication-- While there is no medication for high functioning autism, there are drugs for specific symptoms these children may display:
  • Kids with high functioning autism who have anxiety, depression, or OCD behaviors can often be treated with anti-depressants.
  • Medicines may take a youngster with high functioning autism to a functional level at which they can benefit from other treatments. 
  • Short attention spans can sometimes be improved with stimulant drugs that are used to treat autistic children who also have ADD or ADHD.
  • Some drugs may help prevent self-injury and other behaviors that are causing difficulty. 
  • The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests targeting the main problem behaviors when considering medicines. 
  • The FDA approved Risperdal in 2006 for the treatment of irritability in kids and teens with high functioning autism.
  • Some doctors may advise going off a medicine temporarily in order to identify whether it is having a positive or negative effect on your youngster.

4. Learn All You Can About High Functioning Autism-- Try to become an expert on this disorder. Here's how to start:
  • Become familiar with public policies so you can be your youngster's advocate in gaining the best education and care possible.
  • Communicate with other professionals and moms and dads and learn from those who've crossed this bridge before you as they share insights into common concerns.
  • Make sure that plans (e.g., 504 or IEP) are in place for your youngster to receive therapies at school.
  • Read all you can on high functioning autism so you understand the symptoms and behaviors and the differences in medications or alternative therapies.
  • Talk to your physician about the best treatments and goals for educational services so you and your youngster can take advantage of all available resources.




5. Educate Yourself About Treatment Options-- Experts agree that a youngster with high functioning autism should receive treatment as soon after diagnosis as possible. There is no cure for this disorder, but early intervention using skills training and behavior modification strategies can yield awesome results. Skills training and behavior modification helps with impaired social interaction, communication problems, and repetitive behaviors. Also, these methods can boost the youngster's chances of being productive at school and participating in normal activities. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends the following approaches for helping a youngster with high functioning autism improve overall function and reach his or her potential:
  • Behavioral training and management uses positive reinforcement, self-help, and social skills training to improve behavior and communication. Many types of treatments have been developed, including Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA), Treatment and Education of Autistic and Related Communication Handicapped Kids (TEACCH), and sensory integration.
  • Occupational and physical therapy can help improve any deficiencies in coordination, muscle tone, and motor skills. Occupational therapy may also help a youngster with high functioning autism to learn to process information from the senses (i.e., sight, sound, hearing, touch, and smell) in more manageable ways. It can also help in performing normal activities of daily living.
  • Specialized therapies include speech, occupational, and physical therapy. These therapies are important components of managing high functioning autism and should all be included in various aspects of your youngster's treatment program.
  • Speech therapy can help your youngster improve language and social skills to communicate more effectively.

6. Look Into Necessary Dietary Changes-- Diet changes are based on the idea that food allergies cause symptoms of high functioning autism. Also, an insufficiency of a specific vitamin or mineral may cause some autistic symptoms. If you decide to try a specialized diet for a given period of time, be sure you talk to your doctor. Your youngster's nutritional status must be assessed and carefully measured. 

One diet that some moms and dads have found helpful is a gluten-free, casein-free (GFCF) diet. Gluten is a casein-like substance found in wheat, oats, rye, and barley. Casein is the principal protein in dairy products. The theory of the GFCF diet is that these proteins result in an overproduction of opiates in the brain, contributing to social awkwardness and thwarting brain maturation in kids on the autism spectrum. Since gluten and milk are found in a lot of foods, following a gluten-free, casein-free diet is extremely difficult. Also, one supplement some moms and dads feel is helpful for their youngster with high functioning autism is vitamin B-6, which is taken with a magnesium supplement.

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

7. Consider Behavioral Training-- Behavioral training teaches children with high functioning autism how to communicate appropriately. This kind of training may reduce behavior problems and improve adaptation skills. Both behavioral training and behavioral management use positive reinforcement to improve behavior. These therapies also use social skills training to improve communication. The specific program should be chosen according to your youngster's needs. Consistent use of these behavioral interventions produces the best results. The youngster's functional abilities, behavior, and daily environment should be thoroughly assessed before behavioral training and management begins. Moms and dads, other family members, and educators should all be trained in these techniques, if possible.

Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is uniformly recommended by experts. The goal of behavior therapy programs is to reinforce desirable behaviors and decrease undesirable ones. For example, the youngster is taught to perform tasks in a series of simple steps and is given a predictable schedule. The behavioral therapy is then continued at home. Often times, both behavioral therapy and occupational therapy are given at the same time.

8. Educate Other Family Members-- Many mothers of children with high functioning autism talk about feeling isolated. Once the youngster is diagnosed, mothers often find that family members stop asking about the youngster, or the youngster is left out of birthday parties or other family gatherings.

Sometimes spouses and siblings admit to feeling stressed, lonely, and even angry because all attention is focused on the youngster with high functioning autism. While these feelings are natural, you can help your family members cope by educating them about high functioning autism and your youngster's specific needs.

Training family members about high functioning autism and how to effectively manage the symptoms has been shown to reduce family stress and improve the functioning of the youngster with high functioning autism. Some families will need more outside assistance than others, depending on their resiliency, established support systems, and financial situation.

In conclusion, be assured that this journey will be both demanding and rewarding. Raising a youngster with high functioning autism is the ultimate parenting challenge. But with the necessary support and ongoing training, you and your family can learn how to cope and work as a team. Parents of a child with high functioning autism talk about having very close relationships with him or her as they organize his or her therapy, hire specialists, purchase supplies, and act as his or her advocate to receive the best treatment. The biggest payoff comes from a unique bond you can have with your youngster and the joy you receive with every developmental accomplishment.




COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said…  My son (14) was on meds for 5 years and just last year I had him evaluated by an innovative health doctor and had a full blood work up done and he had some major deficiencies and was placed on high potency natural supplements and is completely off meds. I'm not saying it will work for everyone but he's been so much better. I had a therapist say something like this to me and I'll leave you with this... If your daughters kidneys were not working properly would you give her medicine to help their function? If the brain chemistry isn't working properly maybe it needs something to function better. And since I've done both... Maybe it's something we are just lacking that can correct that chemistry. Hope this helps.
•    Anonymous said… A heavy metals detox! Which you can do at home. That's a HUGE one
•    Anonymous said… did you notice an increase in inattention with the Zoloft? I did with my daughter and stopped it
•    Anonymous said… Great idea to take time for yourself, and spend time with spouse and other children but in reality it doesn't happen.
•    Anonymous said… Has anyone had success not putting their aspie with anxiety on meds? My daughter's (13) drs suggest meds for her and I'm not convinced. I'm very reticent on messing with her brain chemistry.
•    Anonymous said… I understand sometimes it is very necessary but how can you be sure the is a chemical issue without tests? I have many friends who work is the child phsycology field who see the negative parts of medicine that out scares me. How long before you can see a difference with just therapy alone? My girl has made an improvment with therapy. She finally tried something new. She had me sign her up for a cheerleadeing class. She doesn't talk or look at them but she makes it in the door. That is a big deal for her
•    Anonymous said… I was bullied into medicating my son from the school... After taking these meds for a period of time , he developed turettes .. I took him off them and eventually it subsided .. Sometimes your better knowing what your dealing with .
•    Anonymous said… I would say no a child phycologist will help them much better.. medication just masks the problem but doesn't really deal with it properly and so many side effects or health problems from them down the line..I would definitely try more natural ways..diet screen time sleep etc it all really helps.
•    Anonymous said… Medical cannabis oil, folks! That paired with therapy is what's life saving. As long as everyone votes the cure into office, its the cure to SOOO MANY things. Very much including autism. And something I learned... Is YOU need to provide all these services, if they aren't available to you for whatever reason. Do your research folks. :) YOU can help your child. YOU can be therapy for your child. The diet has A LOT to do with their behavior and anxiety.  You are able to spend time with your spouse and other children. You just have to be smart with your time. And seriously, diet adjusted, great therapy, and not allowing the autism to be an excuse...you can live a normal life... Well, close to it. But what's really normal?
•    Anonymous said… My son just diagnosed last April - just starting therapy August 30 ~ I have a comment for both comments - first one about asd results- yes they did take Asperger diagnosis away here as well and now grade by numbers 1-3 - 3 being more severe- I came out and ask what he is considered- she said - yes hfa/ Asperger - on one category he was rated at a 1 other category 2- they gave me a copy of Dsm-5 - so maybe that will help- then you can go look up your test results to see how he was scored- a lot of good speakers are out there- I have learned so much but still so much to learn-next question about meds- I wonder same thing- I've fought so hard not to give anything but my sweet boy says things daily against hisself - 😰- there's not one day now especially now that school is back in that he doesn't put hisself down or even threats to hisself-I'm feeling like lately I'm doing more harm than good- the first 2 days of school he just wanted to come home- he was sent to nurse to talk to nurses- pretty much we made the decision to make him stay- not even knowing if that was really what I should do- then finally he's been staying- so I ask him to night - you are happy now right? He says no- im really not happy- I just miss my home- and you and I still just don't want to be with those kids all day- so in his heart he's no better- he's just suppressing- and being forced into that situation- I just don't know what to do anymore- I'm so upset tonight- just feel broke - - maybe I'm hurting him so much more by not getting him on medication to help this anxiety and depression- he's just not being helped right now- 😓
•    Anonymous said… My son takes zoloft and it works great
•    Anonymous said… My son was diagnosed last September and the specialist told me they only diagnose now with ASD. None specific, I was annoyed as o need to know they name to find the right strategies.
•    Anonymous said… My sons school kept throwing it out there that meds would be helpful. (He's 8) I said no. Even his Dr's have said no so far. The school just doesn't want to deal with him. I won't put him on anything until it's absolutely needed.
•    Anonymous said… Struggling to find these services.
•    Anonymous said… That's v frustrating for you. I don't like labels generally but they can be helpful. The blanket term of ASD has been used since DSM 5 (2013). The latest changes to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual was most dramatic with regard to ASD. You might try asking your doctors what the diagnosis used to be called eg "Before DSM 5, would this have been Aspergers" for example. ! Try googling the subject and see what comes up - if you acquaint yourself with some of the terminology and commentary it will help you feel more equipped and better able to undretsand whatthe doctors are saying. Hope this is helpful.All the best.
•    Anonymous said… The diet has nothing to do with a food allergy besides that is poison for the body period! Heavy metals detox followed up with a gluten and casien free diet. High in B vitamins, Vitamin C, and Magnesium. Huge behavioral changes. Huge anxiety relief.
•    Anonymous said… Very useful post. We're recently diagnosed too and I have so much to learn, it's overwhelming!
•    Anonymous said… Don't medicate them full stop I know 1st hand what medication does to your mind and body and it's not a good thing giving it to your child is ignorant and lazy.

Post your comment below…
By

Parenting Teenagers with Aspergers and HFA

Here Are Some Quick Tips for Parents of Teenagers with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Keep Doing The Things That Work—

• Be patient. Remember that kids and adolescents with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) are relatively immature, socially and emotionally, compared to neurotypical kids of the same chronological age. Imagine sending a 10 year old off to high school (even if she has a chronological age of 14), or putting a 14 year old boy behind the wheel of car (even if he has a chronological age of 18)—or sending that 14 year old off to college or the army. We need to adjust our expectations for adolescents with ASD—and make sure they still have appropriate supports. Don’t pull the “ramp” out from under the “wheelchair”!

• Go with the flow of your child’s nature. Simplify schedules and routines, streamline possessions and furnishings. If your adolescent only likes plain T shirts without collars or buttons, buy plain T shirts. If your kid likes familiar foods, or has a favorite restaurant, indulge her.

• Have realistic, modest goals for what the adolescent or the family can accomplish in a give time period. You may need to postpone some plans for career goals, trips, culture or recreation.

• Kids still need structure, down time, soothing activities, and preparation for transitions.

• Communication: Establish verbal codes or gestures to convey that one or both parties need a time out: a chance to cool down before continuing a difficult discussion at a later time. Impersonal, written communication is easier for the adolescent to absorb: lists of routines and rules, notes, charts, or calendars. E-mail may become a new option. In so far as you can, keep your cool—they can’t handle our upset feelings. Walk away if you need to. Side by side conversations (walking, in the car) may be more comfortable for the adolescent than talking face to face. Tell your adolescent just what s/he needs to know, one message at a time, concisely.

• A regular bed time at a reasonable hour is more important than ever, if you can put/keep it in place. Regular routines of all kinds—familiar foods, rituals, vacations—are reassuring when the adolescent’s body, biochemistry, and social scene are changing so fast.

• Discipline & responsibility: A simple, low key, consistent approach is more important than ever, as adolescents become taller and stronger—not that physical restraint was ever very useful with our kids. Pick your battles. Set and enforce only your bottom line rules and expectations—matters of safety and respect. Write them down. Make sure both moms and dads/all involved adults agree on the rules. Give choices when possible, but not too many. Engage your adolescent in problem-solving; what does s/he think would work?

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

• Make sure thorough neuropsych re-evaluations are performed every three years. This information and documentation may be critical in securing appropriate services, alternative school placements, a good transition plan; choosing an appropriate college or other post secondary program; proving eligibility for services and benefits as an adult.

• Special interests may change, but whatever the current one is, it remains an important font of motivation, pleasure, relaxation, and reassurance for the adolescent.

Possible Shifts and Changes—

• Yes, adolescents do continue to grow and develop. You may get some nice surprises along the way, as you see the adolescent take an unexpected giant step toward maturity. I think of it as their neurons maturing on the vine! Maybe it’s just that they figure some things out, and get used to the feel of their new body chemistry.

• With or without ASD, most adolescents become less willing to take a parent’s word or advice; so we need to hook them up with other trustworthy adults. If you want your adolescent to learn or try or do something, arrange for the suggestion or information to come from a trusted adult other than a parent. E.g.: Handpick your adolescent’s guidance counselor. Look for other good mentors: Uncle? Scout or youth group leader? Psychologist, social worker, peer mentor, “Big Brother,” social skills group leader? Weight room coach or martial arts teacher?

• Boys may need to spend increased amounts of time with their fathers, and/or other male role models, as they undertake to become men. If Dad has taken a back seat, let him know his son really needs his attention now. If you are a single mother, look especially hard for male mentors at your son’s school or in the wider community.

• ASD can intensify parent/adolescent dynamics—which are challenging enough! The “job description” of a teenager is to pull away from moms and dads toward more independence; for our kids, the process can be extra messy—not least because they may be even less ready for independence than other adolescents. Although some adolescents with ASD are more docile and child-like, be prepared to tolerate/ignore considerable distancing, surliness, or acting out, knowing that it won’t last forever. At the same time, set some firm limits, and keep a close eye on the child/adolescent’s welfare.

Hygiene—

Instill the essential habit of a daily shower and clean clothes: peers, teachers, and future potential employers are very put off by poor hygiene. If possible, put your adolescent’s clothes on a well-organized shelf in the bathroom, near the clothes hamper.

Adolescents’ Mental Health—

• Adolescents with ASD are less prepared than neurotypical adolescents for the new challenges of sexuality and romance. Some are oblivious; others want a girl or boy friend, but are clueless about how to form and maintain a relationship. Boys especially may be at risk for accusations of harassment, and girls especially at risk for becoming victims. Teach appropriate rules, or see that another adult does. Look for supervised activities in which boys and girls can socialize safely together, supervised by a staff person who know ASD and can coach appropriate social skills.

• Seek out activity-based, practical social skills groups designed especially for adolescents. Participating in such a group, being accepted by group leaders and peers, is probably the most powerful way to allay an adolescent’s potential despair at not fitting in socially and not having any friends. The positive social experiences and new skills they learn will be assets for the rest of their lives.

• Even for a previously well-adjusted youngster, multiple stressors during the adolescent years may bring on anxiety and even depression. Stressors seem to include increased academic/abstract thinking and social demands at school, peer pressure, increased social awareness, and fears of the future. Highly anxious adolescents who do not get help may be at risk for hospitalizations, school failure, acting out (including alcohol and substance abuse), or even suicide attempts.

• Don’t panic, however—there are interventions you can provide. Appropriate school placement and staff training, exercise (martial arts, yoga), and/or appropriate therapy with a carefully chosen professional, may help control the level of anxiety. Meds may need to be introduced or adjusted.

Moms and Dads’ Mental Health—

• Kids with ASD can be difficult to parent and to love even when they are young. Often, our kids neither accept nor express love or other positive feelings in ways a neurotypical parent expects or finds most comfortable. Kids’ behavior can be trying or embarrassing for us. Adding adolescence to the mix can make this dilemma even more painful.

• If both moms and dads can largely agree about an adolescent’s diagnosis, treatment, and rules, it will save a lot of family wear and tear. To get your partner on the same page, attend ASD  conferences or classes together. When you hear the same information, you can discuss it and decide what will work best for your adolescent and in your family. As you learn more about the disorder, you may also come to better appreciate each other’s contributions to your youngster’s welfare. Attend team meetings at the school together, or alternate which parent attends. Seeing your youngster’s therapist together (possibly without the child), or seeing a couples or family therapist, may help you weather a tough time together.

• Build and use any support networks you can: extended family, close friends, church/synagogue groups, and understanding school staff. At MYASPERGERSCHILD.COM parent support groups, you will find other wonderful moms and dads who will appreciate how hard you are working for your adolescent, and share their strategies, resources, and spirit. If you don’t have a good network, consider individual or family therapy for a little support during a stormy, demanding life passage. When you have a demanding adolescent, it’s good to be reminded once a week that your needs and feelings are valid and important, too!

• “Spray yourself with Guilt-Away!” Forgive yourself for being an imperfect parent, and for not loving your youngster “enough.” Forgive yourself for sometimes losing your temper, yelling, or handling a tense situation awkwardly. Forgive yourself for getting your adolescent diagnosed “late”—there are still plenty of years in which to help your youngster. Forgive yourself for not arranging play dates, or sports, or tutoring, the way other moms and dads may be doing. We each offer our youngster our own unique talents, interests, and qualities, as people and as moms and dads. We each do the best we can to gather the information, insights, resources, and services that will help our kids live and grow through adolescence. And—willingly or of necessity—we each end up making significant sacrifices for our kids. In the hardest years my mantra was: “The best I can do has got to be good enough—because it’s the best I can do!” It is a hard job; we are all heroic moms and dads (as a kind friend of mine once said to me).

• A regular bed time for the adolescent gives you time you can count on each evening for yourself and/or your partner. If you can build in regular respite—such as a night your adolescent spends with a grandparent once a month—go for it, and plan ahead for some relaxation, fun, or culture. (Divorced moms and dads may be able to count on a little time alone or with friends as long as they set up and adhere faithfully to a regular visitation schedule.)

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Disclosure and Self-Advocacy—

• Encourage your adolescent to carry a wallet disclosure card to show if stopped by a police officer or other first responder. A lot of adolescents with ASD like to walk at night to unwind, and police may view their behavior as suspicious. You may want to introduce your adolescent to your local police community relations officer, and explain a little about ASD. Refer the police to MYASPERGERSCHILD.COM if they have questions.

• If you have not talked to your adolescent about ASD, you or someone else should do so—to the extent that the adolescent is ready to hear it. It’s tricky for adolescents—they so much want to be “normal” and strong and successful. A diagnosis can seem threatening or even totally unacceptable. In truth, however, the adults with ASD who do best are those who know themselves well—both their own strengths, which point them toward finding their niche in the world, and their own blind spots: where they need to learn new skills or seek out specific kinds of help.

• Adolescents need to learn when to ask for help, from whom, and how. It’s very helpful to have someone such as a trusted guidance counselor whose door is always open, and who can coach the adolescent in problem solving.

School—

• If you can afford it, you may prefer to pay private school tuition rather than paying a lawyer to negotiate with a financially strapped or resistant school system. However, a private school may not be the best choice. Some families move to a community with a better high school.

• Residential schools may be worth considering for some. The right fit can build tremendous confidence for the adolescent, give the moms and dads a break, and prepare everyone for the independence of the post high school years.

• Schedule regular monthly educational team meetings to monitor your adolescent’s progress, to ensure that the IEP is being faithfully carried out, and to modify it if necessary. Because adolescents can be so volatile or fragile, and because so many important things must be accomplished in four short years of high school, these meetings are critical. If an adolescent is doing very well, the team can agree to skip a month—but be sure to reconvene to plan the transition to the following year.

• See the MYASPERGERSCHILD.COM school list in the adolescent information packet. There are no easy answers to finding the mix of conditions where our kids can survive or even thrive; pick the best possible realistic choice, and help your adolescent adjust. Call MYASPERGERSCHILD.COM if you would like to discuss options. Some families hire educational placement services.

• Some adolescents adjust o.k. to middle/high school with appropriate supports and accommodations. Others, however, just cannot handle a large, impersonal high school. You may need to hire an advocate or lawyer to negotiate with your school system to pay for an alternative school placement, tuition, and transportation.

Transition Planning—

• Chapter 688 in Massachusetts mandates a transition from services delivered under the aegis of the Department of Education (DOE), through graduation or age 22, to services delivered by another state agency, such as the Massachusetts Rehabilitation Commission. Involve your state Rehabilitation Commission in the planning process, since they may be the sole or key provider of post-h.s. services for most adults with ASD.

• Consider delaying graduation in order to ensure that transition services are actually provided under DOE. It may be hard to convince an academically gifted, college bound student to accept this route. However, it may be very helpful for students who will need a lot of help with independent living skills and employment issues. Services need not be delivered within high school walls. Community college courses, adaptive driving lessons, and employment internships are just a few alternatives to consider.

• If you have not yet made a will and set up a special needs trust, do it now. Ask the lawyer about powers of attorney or other documents you may need once your adolescent is no longer a minor. Few moms and dads assume guardianship of a young adult 18 or older, but it may be necessary and appropriate in some situations.

• Social skills are more essential to employment success than high IQ or a record of academic achievement. Make sure the IEP provides for social skill learning/social pragmatic language. For example, a good overarching goal is: “Bobby will learn the social skills appropriate to a 9th grader.”

• The transition plan (part of the IEP) should address the skills a teenager needs while in high school, in order to be prepared for the kind of independent life s/he wants to lead after graduation. Many high schools are unfamiliar with transition planning, however—especially for college bound students. The more you know as a parent, the more you may be able to ensure that a solid transition plan is written and carried out.

• What kind of living situation, employment, and transportation fit your adolescent’s picture of his/her future at age 18 or 25? Once the goals are set, where can the adolescent learn the necessary skills? Consider academic courses, electives, extracurricular activities, and additional services within and outside the high school (e.g. community college, adaptive driving school).

• You want input and ownership from the adolescent as far as is possible, but moms and dads can and should have input. You may need to have team meetings when the adolescent is absent, so you can speak frankly about your concerns, without fear that the adolescent may feel you lack respect for or faith in her/him.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Steps Toward Independence—

• An activity the adolescent can walk to is great. Learning to use public transportation is also great. Consider buying a T pass, or rolls of quarters.

• Look for opportunities—e.g. in the summer—for a sheltered, successful overnight stay away from home with no parent. Examples: long weekend visits to relatives, a week or two of a carefully chosen sleep-away camp, taking a course on a college campus. MYASPERGERSCHILD.COM has a summer and recreation resource list.

• Look for volunteer activities or part time jobs at the high school or in the community. Be persistent in asking the school to provide help in the areas of career assessment, job readiness skills, and internships or volunteer opportunities. They probably have such services for intellectually challenged adolescents—but may not realize our kids need that help, too. They may also not know how to adapt existing programs to meet our kids’ needs.

• Teach laundry and other self-care/home care skills by small steps over time. Try to get the adolescent to take an elective such as cooking or personal finance at the high school.

College—

• Because your college student is no longer a minor, many colleges generally will not communicate openly with moms and dads, nor disclose the student’s disability without the student’s permission. Some colleges will allow the student to sign a blanket waiver to release information to moms and dads, but many will only allow limited waivers or none. The burden is on the student to disclose, to ask for help, and to let moms and dads know about problems—things that are hard for our kids.

• If your adolescent seems like a good candidate for college, take him or her to visit colleges during the spring vacation weeks of the junior year of high school, or during the summers before junior and senior year. Visits reveal a lot about what environment the adolescent will prefer. Purchase a large college guide to browse (e.g. Fiske). Also look at Colleges that Change Lives by Loren Pope: Clark University, Hampshire College, and Marlboro are New England colleges in this book.

• Not all adolescents are ready for a residential college experience right after high school. To decide, use the evidence of how the adolescent did at sleep-away camp or similar samplings of independence, and look carefully at executive function skills (organizational skills). As an alternative, community colleges offer a lot of flexibility: easy admission, low cost, remedial courses if necessary, the option of a light course load, and the security of living at home. Some college disability offices are more successful than others at providing effective, individualized support. However, if the adolescent is living at home, you may be able more easily to sense trouble, step in with help, or secure supports your young adult needs to succeed.




 ==> More parenting strategies for helping your teenager with Asperger's or HFA can be found here...


==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
By

Strengths-Focused Parenting: Empowering Kids on the Autism Spectrum

Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for people to focus (consciously or unconsciously) on the weaknesses of a youngster with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism (HFA). This is a frequent occurrence for the youngster with poor social and communication skills, odd mannerisms, and learning disabilities. This is especially true of  kids with unacceptable behavior related to their disorder.

Kids with Aspergers and HFA already feel they are different. It is up to us to teach all kids that “different” is not “bad,” and that each of us has special strengths. We can help that process along by showcasing each youngster's special strengths and interests.

How to employ “strengths-focused” parenting:

1. When choosing the right school for your youngster, visit several schools (if possible) and look for signs of success. Meet teachers and staff, visit classrooms, and talk with the students to find out if this is the right school for your youngster's challenges. Discover whether the school's attitude about helping “special needs” kids learn matches yours.

2. Be creative in looking for solutions to your youngster's needs. Supplement school learning with dynamic resources, hands-on learning, and field trips to interesting places.



3. Be success-minded. With hard work, proper resources, and solid teamwork between moms and dads and teachers who care, most kids on the autism spectrum can succeed.

4. Become involved in your youngster's school, even if you only attend parent-teacher conferences to discuss his progress. Even the smallest effort during parent-teacher communication can send a positive message to your youngster's teacher and to your youngster, helping to promote positive self-esteem.

5. Don’t be afraid to seek out help. We are fortunate to live in a society where there are organizations, clinics and private practitioners that provide beneficial services for “special needs” kids. Early intervention can make a great deal of difference in helping a youngster and setting the stage for future success. Professionals say that in early years, there is a “window” of time to help a youngster with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism. This is true, but it is important to know that help, even later on can make a big difference in your youngster’s skill, behavior and emotional development.

6. No matter the diagnosis, when we help kids focus on their positive qualities, they are happier, feel better about themselves, and become more successful overall. All kids thrive with positive feedback, unconditional love and encouragement. Kids with Aspergers and HFA especially need positive responses and interactions with moms and dads, because it is often one of the most motivating factors. When kids with different abilities feel encouraged and motivated, they are more likely to take on new challenges and learn new skills.

7. A diagnosis is often useful. It can help your son or daughter get the services that he/she needs, the best educational programs, and the correct insurance coverage. It can also help moms and dads and people around the youngster to better understand his/her way of interacting and processing information in the world. Beyond these factors, though, it is important to look past a youngster’s diagnosis and focus on the person. Highlight the child's personal strengths. When these kids know that you see them for who they are beyond their disorder, challenges that come with any diagnosis don’t seem as overwhelming – and strengths can flourish.

8. Moms and dads of kids with Aspergers and HFA are some of the most dedicated, resilient and awe-inspiring parents out there. Parenting a child on the spectrum often takes 3 times the time and energy as a neurotypical son or daughter, and the parents that manage this extra load the best take time to take care of themselves. If you give, give, give and don’t leave any time for yourself, you begin to run on empty. When your personal energy is tapped-out, you have to work harder and might feel depressed, resentful, or irritable towards your child. Although it may seem selfish at first, it is important to do things that bring you joy outside of parenting. You then have more positive energy and deeper well of internal happiness and love to give back to your youngster. When you take care of yourself, you are really taking care of your child too, because you are giving him the best in you.

9. Use your youngster’s interests to build other strengths. Help her channel this energy into deepening her learning skills in other areas. For example, if a youngster’s interest is in trains, use this topic to study other subjects. For example:
  • to develop social skills, pretend you are two trains learning how to share
  • in spelling and writing, use words and stories that involve train activities
  • in art, create pictures of trains
  • for math, count trains

By building on the youngster’s chosen interest, he will be more excited to learn new skills. By accepting your youngster’s interest, he feels more supported by you.

10. Have you child learn as much as he can about famous people who have Aspergers and Autism.

11. One mom tried the following:  "I play a made up version of scruples for my boys called "What should you if..." to new social rules. I recently started adding a new game called "I am special because..." we take turns naming why someone else is special or different and have to guess who we are describing. The boys love it and it's funny, heartwarming, and incredibly touching sometimes to hear their descriptions. I always tell my guys (both on the spectrum) if everyone was "perfect" and all thought the same we would all be bored all the time. I love it when they tell their friends the same thing."

By

Tips for Reducing Stress Related to Parenting Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"My (high functioning autistic) child is one of the most wonderful blessings of my life – yet at times, stress may cause me to wonder if he is at the root of my most intense times of irritability and anxiety. I don't like thinking like this. Any tips on how I can reduce my stress while at the same time, care for my son's special needs.?"

Let’s be honest. Caring for a child on the autism spectrum can be tiring. On bad days, we as parents can feel trapped by the constant responsibility. The additional stress of caring for a child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger's (AS) can, at times, make a parent feel angry, anxious, or just plain "stressed out." These tensions are a normal, inevitable part of the family, and parents need to learn ways to cope so that they don't feel overwhelmed by them.

To see if you are experiencing toxic amounts of parental stress, answer the following questions:
  1. Are you often irritable?
  2. Are you suffering from lack of sleep?
  3. Are you worried about your child’s future?
  4. Are you worried about your family’s finances?
  5. Do you avoid of social interaction outside the home as much as possible?
  6. Do you choose the self-serve lane at the supermarket and the ATM at the bank because doing things by yourself is just easier?
  7. Do you ever find yourself so rushed and distracted that it’s “just annoying” when a cashier or neighbor tries to make chitchat with you about the weather?
  8. Do you ever get so caught up in one subject (e.g., IEP worries or your frustration with your child’s school) that you catch yourself repeating the same complaints to anyone who will listen?
  9. Do you find yourself snapping at your child for interrupting you, then feeling guilty afterwards?
  10. Do you have a disregard for personal appearance and social niceties?
  11. Do you keep meaning to pick up the phone and call a friend, but find yourself too busy or distracted?
  12. Do you scan each room you enter for things that might trigger a meltdown in your youngster, (e.g., unusual smells or loud noises)? …and do you find yourself doing so even when he isn’t with you? …for that matter, after avoiding those things for so long, do you find that they now irritate you, too?
  13. Have the cute hairdos and perky outfits been replaced by ponytails and sweats?
  14. Have you ever had the thought, “I don’t like my child”?
  15. Have you found yourself getting annoyed when your spouse tunes you out or tries to change the subject?

If you answered “yes” to several of these questions, you too may be suffering from parental stress associated with parenting a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.
 

Stress becomes a problem when you feel overwhelmed by the things that happen to you. You may feel "stressed out" when it seems there is too much to deal with all at once, and you are not sure how to handle it all. When you feel stressed, you usually have some physical symptoms. You can feel tired, get headaches, stomach upsets or backaches, clench your jaw or grind your teeth, develop skin rashes, have recurring colds or flu, have muscle spasms or nervous twitches, or have problems sleeping. Mental signs of stress include feeling pressured, having difficulty concentrating, being forgetful and having trouble making decisions. Emotional signs include feeling angry, frustrated, tense, anxious, or more aggressive than usual.

The stress of parenting a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder does not have to damage the bond you have with your child. In fact, if you take the necessary steps to reduce stress in your life, it can actually strengthen the closeness of your relationship with your youngster.

20 Tips for Reducing Stress Related to Parenting Children on the Spectrum

1. As a mother or father, it’s a necessity to take care of yourself so that you have the energy and motivation to be a good parent.

2. Avoid fatigue. Go to bed earlier and take short naps when you can.

3. Coping with the stress of parenting an HFA or AS child starts with understanding what makes you feel stressed, learning to recognize the symptoms of too much stress, and learning some new ways of handling life's problems. You may not always be able to tell exactly what is causing your emotional tension, but it is important to remind yourself that it is not your youngster's fault.

4. Develop good relationships. Family relationships are built over time with loving care and concern for other people's feelings. Talk over family problems in a warm, relaxed atmosphere. Focus on solutions rather than finding blame. If you are too busy or upset to listen well at a certain time, say so. Then agree on a better time, and make sure to do it. Laugh together, be appreciative of each other, and give compliments often. It may be very hard to schedule time to spend with your family, doing things that you all enjoy, but it is the best time you will ever invest. Moms and dads and kids need time to spend one-to-one. Whether yours is a one or two-parent family, each parent should try to find a little time to spend alone with each youngster. You could read a bedtime story, play a game, or go for a walk together.

5. Have a realistic attitude. Most moms and dads have high expectations of how things should be. We all want a perfect family, and we all worry about how our children will turn out. But, wanting “the ideal family” can get in the way of enjoying the one you have. 
 

6. If you don’t already belong to a group for parents of HFA and AS kids, you’re missing out on great social and emotional support. But, also remember that you had interests before you became a harried mom. Whether it’s decorating or reading murder mysteries, we all need some sort of pleasant diversion, and friendly folks to share it with. If you’re able to join a local support group and club, great! But if not, there is a plethora of online discussion groups about just about any interest you can imagine.

7. If you feel guilty about the idea of trying to plan time and activities apart from your youngster– don’t! How can we teach our "special needs" children that socialization is important, healthy, and worthwhile, if we hardly ever take time for it ourselves? So pick up the phone and plan time for some fun with a friend. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your youngster.

8. If you're feeling pressured, tense or drawn out at the end of a busy day, say so. Tell your kids calmly that you will be happy to give them some attention soon but first you need a short "quiet time" so that you can relax.

9. Keep in mind that your child experiences stress, too – at any age. So when you work on methods to reduce your own stress, try to incorporate stress relieving techniques that both you and your youngster can use to reduce stress. Of course, the stress relieving activities that you choose for you and your child to share will depend on your child’s age.

10. Learn some ways of unwinding to manage the tension. Simple daily stretching exercises help relieve muscle tension. Vigorous walking, aerobics or sports are excellent ways for some people to unwind and work off tension; others find deep-breathing exercises are a fast, easy and effective way to control physical and mental tension.

11. Look for community programs for moms and dads and kids. They offer activities that are fun, other moms and dads to talk with, and some even have babysitting.

12. Look for parenting courses in your community. 
 

13. Make a play date. The great thing about play dates for moms is that you don’t have to referee them – you just have to find time for them! Sit down with your calendar, get on the phone, and schedule time to spend with friends, at least every couple of weeks. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. Go together for manicures or a trip to Target, followed by lattés, while Dad watches the kids. But make sure you schedule in play dates with Dad occasionally, too. If you can’t find a sitter, trade off watching the kids with another couple who has a youngster on the spectrum – most, I’ve found, are happy to make such a deal.

14. Make quality time for yourself, and reserve time each week for your own activities.

15. Most of us live hectic lives, and working through lunch can easily become habit. Make a commitment to yourself that at least three days a week you’re going to operate as a social human being. Go over to the food court with your coworkers, or brown bag it and catch up on the gossip in the lunchroom. You need interaction with grown-ups who are interested in topics that you are interested in. So after the dishwasher is loaded, put everybody down to nap or stick in a DVD for 20 minutes, and pick up the phone and call your best friend or sister, and give yourself a dose a grown-up time.

16. Practice time management. Set aside time to spend with the kids, time for yourself, and time for your spouse and/or friends. Learn to say "no" to requests that interfere with these important times. Cut down on outside activities that cause the family to feel rushed.

17. Take a break from looking after the kids. Help keep stress from building up. Ask for help from friends or relatives to take care of the kids for a while. Exchange babysitting services with a neighbor, or hire a teenager, even for a short time once a week to get some time for yourself.

18. Take care of your health with a good diet and regular exercise. Moms and dads need a lot of energy to look after kids.

19. Talk to someone. Sharing your worries is a great stress reducer!

20. We all have reactions to life's events which are based on our own personal histories. For the most part, we never completely understand the deep-down causes of all our feelings. What we must realize is that our feelings of stress come from inside ourselves and that we can learn to keep our stress reactions under control.

If you are considering getting some additional support or information to help you cope with the stress of parenting, there are many different resources available, including books and video tapes on stress management, parenting courses and workshops, professional counseling and self-help groups.
 

By

Helping Your “Neurotypical” Children Cope with a Sibling on the Autism Spectrum

Parenting a youngster with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) places some unexpected burdens on moms and dads – as well as siblings. The time involved in meeting the needs of a family member on the autism spectrum may leave the parent with little time for the other kids. As a result, there may be consistent tension in the household.

Many siblings of an AS or HFA child experience the following stressors:
  • Angry that no one pays attention to them (in their opinion)
  • Being the target of aggressive behaviors from the autistic child
  • Concern over their role in care-taking
  • Concern regarding their parents’ anxiety
  • Embarrassment around peers
  • Frustration over not being able to engage or get a response from their AS or HFA sibling
  • Guilty for negative feelings they have toward their brother/sister
  • Guilty for not having the same problems as their sibling
  • Jealousy regarding the amount of time and attention their mom and dad spend with their sibling
  • Not knowing how to handle situations in which their sibling is teased or bullied by others
  • Pressure to be or do what their brother/sister can’t
  • Resentful of having to explain, support, or take care of their sibling
  • Resentful that they are unable to do things or go places because of their brother/sister
  • Trying to make up for the deficits of their sibling
  • Worried about their brother/sister



Due to the nature of AS and HFA, it is difficult for brothers and sisters to form a satisfying relationship with the sibling who has the disorder. For instance, the siblings’ attempts to play with their autistic brother may (a) be rejected by his ignoring them, (b) fail because of his lack of play skills, or (c) end suddenly because his meltdowns are scary. What child would keep trying to form a friendship with someone who seemed upset to one degree or another every time he was approached? It’s not surprising that siblings become discouraged by the reactions they encounter from their autistic sibling.

There are special demands placed on the siblings of an AS or HFA child. Thus, it is crucial that they learn to manage these demands. It’s also crucial that parents (a) educate their “neurotypical” (i.e., non-autistic) children about autism spectrum disorders, (b) work at improving interactions among all the kids in the family, and (c) ensure brothers and sisters grow up feeling they have benefited from the love, time and attention they all need.

Fortunately, your non-autistic kids can be taught simple skills that will help them to engage their AS or HFA sibling in playful interactions. These skills include things such as praising good play, making sure they have their autistic sibling’s attention, and giving simple instructions.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Below are some suggestions regarding ways parents can help their “neurotypical” kids in the family cope gracefully and effectively with the experience of having a sibling on the autism spectrum:

1. Even though it is important for your AS or HFA youngster to feel like a fully integrated member of the family, it is equally as important that your other kids have “special time” too. Thus, as much as possible, try to find some regular, separate time for the other kids. It could be as simple as one evening a week, a Sunday morning, or even a 10 minutes at bedtime each night.

Making sure that each and every child has the exact amount of “parent-time” is not necessary – or even important. What is important, though, is the opportunity for each child to feel special and to feel an overall atmosphere of equity in the home. If the “special needs” youngster experiences serious behavior-management problems, most parents will have neither the endurance nor the time to give all the kids exactly the same amount of attention. This is understandable and something that simply comes with the territory.

2. If the AS or HFA child is particularly aggressive or disruptive, the emotions of the “neurotypical” children may become so severe or upsetting that they will need professional counseling to help them cope. Also, meeting and talking with other kids going through the same thing can be very helpful (even if it's just online).

3. Research supports the idea that siblings of an AS or HFA child need to understand what autism is all about. Parents need to educate their “neurotypical” children about the disorder early – and do it often! From early childhood, these siblings need explanations that help them understand the behaviors that are of concern to them. And, the information provided needs to be adjusted to the siblings’ age and understanding.

For instance, very young kids may be concerned about the odd behaviors of the AS or HFA child that scare them (e.g., meltdowns, aggression, etc.). An older youngster may have concerns about how to explain autism to his or her peers. For teenagers, these concerns may shift to the long-range needs of their “special needs” sibling and the role they will play in future care. Every age has its needs, and the parent’s task is to listen carefully to the immediate concerns of the non-autistic children.




4. Some degree of sibling rivalry is to be expected in all families, whether or not autism is factored in to the equation. But, sometimes the rivalry crosses the line into abuse (e.g., one of the children acts out abuse in play, acts out sexually in inappropriate ways, has changes in behavior/sleep patterns/eating habits, has nightmares, always avoids his or her sibling, one child is always the aggressor while the other is always the victim, or the conflict between siblings is increasing over time). If there is a chance the sibling relationship has become abusive, parents should seek professional help.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

5. Try to have a mixture of family activities where all members participate, and individual activities where one child is the focus of your attention. In addition to one-on-one time, it’s also good to have some events when one youngster in the family has the focus of everyone’s attention (e.g., birthdays, graduations, etc.).

Siblings may become frustrated and angry if they have to do everything with their AS or HFA sister/brother. In fact, there may be times when it may not be fair to insist that they be included. For instance, if the AS or HFA child can’t sit still for a school play, then it may be better if she or he stays home while your “neurotypical” youngster performs.

6.    Consider purchasing some books on the topic. Here are a few:
  • Brothers and Sisters: A Special Part of Exceptional Families, by Thomas Powell and Peggy Gallagher.
  • Offspring and Parents, by Diane Marsh, Rex Dickens and E. Fuller Torrey. 
  • It Isn't Fair! Edited by Stanley D. Klein and Maxwell J. Schleifer
  • Living with a Brother or Sister with Special Needs: A Book for Siblings, by Donald Meyer and Patricia Vadasy.
  • Siblings Without Rivalry, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

7.    Talk to your physician if you see any of these warning signs in your “neurotypical” children as they try to cope with a sibling on the autism spectrum:
  • withdrawal (e.g., hibernating in their bedroom)
  • talk of hurting themselves
  • poor self-esteem
  • poor concentration
  • physical symptoms (e.g., headaches or stomachaches)
  • perfectionism
  • loss of interest in activities
  • hopelessness
  • frequent crying or worrying
  • difficulty separating from parents
  • changes in eating or sleeping (e.g., too much or too little)

Research indicates that the majority of “neurotypical” kids cope well with their experience of having an AS or HFA sibling. However, that doesn’t mean that they do not encounter particular difficulties in learning how to deal with him or her. While having a sibling on the spectrum is a challenge to the siblings, it is certainly not an insurmountable obstacle. Most “neurotypical” kids handle the challenge effectively, and many of them respond with humor, grace, and love far beyond their years.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook
By

Aspergers Adults with Avoidant Personality: Self-Help Strategies

Adult "Aspies" (i.e., people with Aspergers or high-functioning autism) with Avoidant Personality experience a long-standing feeling of inadequacy due to the lack of social skills that result from mind-blindness. This influences the Aspie to be socially inhibited.

Because of these feelings of inadequacy and inhibition, these individuals will often seek to avoid work, school, or any activities that involve socializing or interacting with others (e.g., many young Aspergers adults with Avoidant Personality are still living with their parents and playing video games rather than working, going to college, getting married, etc.).

The major problems associated with the Avoidant Personality style occur in social and occupational functioning. The low self-esteem is associated with restricted interpersonal contacts. These Aspies may become relatively isolated and usually do not have a large social support network that can help them weather crises. They desire affection and acceptance and may fantasize about idealized relationships with others, but may not have the social skills to find and keep friends. The avoidant behaviors can also adversely affect occupational functioning because these Aspies try to avoid the types of social situations that may be important for meeting the basic demands of the job or for advancement.

Avoidant Personality is characterized by a long-standing pattern of feelings of inadequacy and social inhibition. It typically manifests itself by early childhood and includes a majority of the following symptoms:
  • Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact
  • Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations
  • Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities
  • Is often unwilling to get involved with people
  • Shows restraint within intimate relationships
  • Views self as socially inept

Most adult Aspies with Avoidant Personality don't seek treatment until the condition starts to significantly interfere or otherwise impact his/her life. This most often happens when a person's coping resources are stretched too thin to deal with stress or other life events.

The treatment of choice is psychotherapy. While individual therapy is usually the preferred modality, group therapy can be useful if the Aspie can agree to attend enough sessions. Because of the basic components of this condition, though, it is often difficult to have the individual attend group therapy early on in the therapeutic process. It is a modality to consider as the Aspie approaches termination of individual treatment, if additional therapy seems necessary and beneficial to him/her.

Avoidant Personality: Self-Help Strategies—
  1. Actively seek out and join supportive social environments.
  2. Challenge negative, unhelpful thoughts that trigger and fuel social anxiety, replacing them with more balanced views.
  3. Challenge social anxiety one step at a time. While it may seem impossible to overcome a feared social situation, you can do it by taking it one small step at a time. The key is to start with a situation that you can handle and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations, building your confidence and coping skills as you move up the “anxiety ladder” (e.g., if socializing with strangers makes you anxious, you might start by accompanying an outgoing friend to a party, and once you’re comfortable with that step, you might try introducing yourself to one new person, and so on).
  4. Group therapy for social anxiety is a good idea. It uses acting, videotaping and observing, mock interviews, and other exercises to work on situations that make you anxious in the real world. As you practice and prepare for situations you’re afraid of, you will become more and more comfortable and confident in your social abilities, and your anxiety will lessen.
  5. Know that avoidance leads to more problems. While avoiding social situations may help you feel better in the short term, it prevents you from becoming more comfortable in social situations and learning how to cope. In fact, the more you avoid certain social situations, the easier it is to become even more unsociable. Avoidance may also prevent you from doing things you’d like to do or reaching certain goals.
  6. Learn how to control the physical symptoms of anxiety through relaxation techniques and breathing exercises.
  7. Take a social skills class or an assertiveness training class. These classes are often offered at local adult education centers or community colleges.
  8. Use cognitive-behavioral techniques for social anxiety, including role-playing and social skills training.
  9. Volunteer doing something you enjoy, such as walking dogs in a shelter, or stuffing envelopes for a campaign — anything that will give you an activity to focus on while you are also engaging with a small number of like-minded people.
  10. Work on your communication skills. Good relationships depend on clear, emotionally-intelligent communication. If you find that you have trouble connecting to others, learning the basic skills of emotional intelligence can help.

==> Relationship Skills for Couples Affected by Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism


COMMENTS:

RE: "Why are you posting info about adults on the spectrum on this site? I thought this site was about children on the spectrum."
•    Mark Hutten, M.A. said… Because many of the parents of Aspergers children here in our support group have Aspergers (high functioning) themselves. When these parents come to terms with their own disorder, they become better at parenting their 'special needs' kids. Make sense?
 
•    Anonymous said... Also, kids with asperger's grow up to become adults with it. Some people have children standing on the threshold of adulthood and need info too.

•    Anonymous said... As a parent of a 20 year old, only diagnosed age 18, I still need help with my son, whether he is classed as a child or an adult. There is very little information/support out there as it is for parents like me with a young man floundering on the edges of society where he is expected to be able to live by himself, but struggles to do that. He is still my child, whether he is 20 or 10. Symptoms remain constant, coping mechanisms may need a bit of adjusting given his age, but I can still learn lots from how the parents of young children with Aspergers.

•    Anonymous said... Children on the spectrum will become adults on the spectrum. I love hearing from adults on the spectrum, helps me know what to expect in the future.

•    Anonymous said... I agree. Many parents dont realize they are on the spectrum as well. All of the posts are helpful & eye opening!

•    Anonymous said... I agree. My son has Aspergers he 12 1/2. I have now come 2 terms that I may have. So I have a Apt to have myself tested. 2 better myself for my son.

•    Anonymous said... I am a parent of a misdiagnoses Aspie for 20 years. I value the posts because we just had to figure things out as we went. Finally a little bit if information sure helps!

•    Anonymous said... I am a parent to two ASD children but since they have been diagnosed my husband has started noticing asd traits in me what steps should i be taking and how long can it take for myself to be tested any help would be of great value thanks in advance concerned mum

•    Anonymous said... I am one of that kind of parents. Aspergers myself, son with HFA. This is the most informative and helpful website I have found.

•    Anonymous said... I can relate to all the above comments. My son wasn't diagnosed until he was nearly 15. I found very little info on teens. So this info on adults is exceptionally helpful as this dx is life long and the struggles remain with them and us as parents forever.

•    Anonymous said... I like reading about trials we may face with my aspire growing up. I know each person is different, but I find it helpful for being as prepared as I can be for him.

•    Anonymous said... I will always be parenting a child with aspergers! Each individual with aspergers is different. hearing stories of all ages helps to prepare and think about my sons future (he is 14). if someone finds out they have aspergers at an older age, that does not necessarily mean they have the answers to parent their child perfectly.

•    Anonymous said... I'm in the same situation Deborah, waiting for my referral to be tested, my oldest son is the same age as yours 

•    Anonymous said... it was only after my children were dx that my hubby realized he is on spectrum too.and aspergers kids grow up,

•    Anonymous said... Makes perfect sense to me! 

•    Anonymous said... Makes total sense! It was only through the process of our son being dxd my husband finally accepted the bleeding obvious about himself, and now our daughter is being assessed I realise I'm probably an aspie too.

•    Anonymous said... My 14 yr old has just been diagnosed so I'm looking for infor that helps for someone that's not a child but not yet an adult - finding it good here

•    Anonymous said... My Aspie son is now 17, soon to become "an adult", ha, that is hardly a statement. We need all the advise that we can for children as well as adults. Just cause the person gets older doesn't mean the disorder disappears, in some cases it intensifies. As a community we must teach and support one another to over come the obstacles aspies have and can be so challenging for the world to understand and understand them without prejudice. This is about everyone! God bless us all and have a good day!

•    Anonymous said... My husband did not know that he had it till our son was diagnosed and he realised that what I was reading out to him was all about him. It makes it easier for me to parent the both of them. Also when my son has meltdowns or things change he hears me speak with my son and he learns what to say next time. My husband accepts that it is what it is and that they get each other.

•    Anonymous said... My son is days away from turning 13 and we are in the process of receiving a dx... Any and all support and info is helpful...

•    Anonymous said... My son was not diagnosed till he was 3 months away from being 18yrs old. Every support group, source of information was a necessity to us so that we could get the support he needed as well as understanding what is aspergers and what is just teenage stuff.

•    Anonymous said... One day your children will be adults better for you to know now it's easy to live day by day because its easy but teenage year a big handful 

•    Anonymous said... our children become adults which my son turn 19 couple days ago I became his legal guardian when he turn 18 and now my daughter turning 16 soon. So I can see talking about adults either parents themselves or families who children are reaching adulthood my son still in school he could of graduated last year but he is staying until he is 21 and he is in the 18-21 yr work program so working on those important vocational skills this summer he did 2 paid work trials he enjoy that as well. The older he became the more progress he has made in his life. His younger years were very hard on everyone but now he is doing so well. Now hoping my daughter will make it down the same path but right now she is down the wrong path I believe girls especially the teenage years are so much harder than with a boy. She was the easy one when she was younger but now I never know what she going to throw at us. having 2 on the spectrum at different levels both are verbal just not the same

•    Anonymous said... So true, my sons aunt & uncle have it.

•    Anonymous said... Surely, whoever asked the original was the parent of a very young child and just wasn't thinking it through. If the read these comments, they will quickly realize understand.

•    My 12 1/2 year old son was dx with Autism at 3 and will be an adult before too long. Like many others commenting, I now have no doubt that I am on the spectrum and possibly my husband. At 43, I don't see the benefit of seeking a dx for me. (Especially considering the cost involved since we only have private health insurance.)

•    Anonymous said... Thank you, yes indeed, its helpful and encouraging. I'm not alone. Although, I'm not HFA, my boys 24 and 19 are. We still don't know yet where/how or which genes came from. Their dad(I'm divorced)was abusive, so we parted years ago, when boys were 5 and still pregnant with younger one. It has been a long hard struggle, but thanking God, each day for my boys, I would do it all over again. They've struggled and sometimes still with anxiety. And they've been through a period of depression during high sch. They've been through a lot. Now younger one in 2nd year in college, older one rebalancing himself, he just recently restarted therapy and meds. Charactics of HFA are there, but they do love humor. And even a lil bit of sports. We live in a small town. We are native Americans, so healthcare wasn't all that great for my boys. Seems not enough good therapist here, but yes indeed, we are getting there. God provides. I do want my boys to attend church with me, but I've tried asking before,they do believe God exists and they probably know the Holy Bible better than I do.lol so now I attend church for the three of us. Any suggestions? And dating is/was hard. So its like a the back burner.lol any suggestions? I just wanna share with anyone who cares to listen....only God will carry you and family through the fire. Its just as simple as that. Im praying for all parents and kiddos here. I appreciate all your comments/suggestions.very helpful indeed. May God bless y'all and never give up on your children, no matter what. Have a great day!

•    Anonymous said... The other factor to consider if that as a parent of an almost 18 year old with Aspergers, (as well a other dx) I will not stop being his parent because he turns18. There is limited support and resources for teens and adults, compared to the younger kids...just as when he was younger there was little information compared to now. I'm always having to work for new ideas for motivation, his self care, advocacy and so much more. Its appreciated having as many resources as possible when trying to guide my son to his independence whole allowing him to remain himself.

•    Anonymous said... The points made is so true, one kids grow up, and some adults shpuld b tested too, they may not b aware they have it,,, special guidance is needed 

•    Anonymous said... We were just clinically "quirky" back then.
 
 *   Anonymous said... It's kind of funny to think that even if someone had noticed something was off about me when I was a kid, there was no way I could have been diagnosed correctly. I was born in 1977, so at the time, Asperger's hadn't been recognized officially as a condition and wasn't included in the diagnostic manuals until 1995 (when I graduated high school incidentally). The issue of adults with Asperger's is a relatively new thing, which probably explains why it is so difficult to find trained counselors to help out adults instead of kids. I tend to think the adults have unique problems that children with Asperger's don't, primarily depression for years of feeling "off", and improperly learned communication habits. Years ago, someone with Asperger's was just considered strange. If they entered into a relationship, as long as they were male, then the standoffishness and silence was considered part of "being a man". Times have changed, though, and communication has become a huge part of our society. EVERY job these days requires good communication skills, and there is almost no way you are going to enter a relationship and get away with be standoffish. Hopefully, as time progresses, treatment options to help aspies deal with these issues will improve. In the mean time, sites like this one are a fantastic way for aspies to talk to each other and help find ways to deal with the day to day issues of being part of a different world. It's also a great way to practice communicating.

•    Anonymous said… I have to be dragged into doing everything and the more important it is the harder it seems to be to get me to do it. I can know it's important and still can't seem to do it, I even get in a right stress with myself for being so crap.

•    Anonymous said… I wasted so much time with this and worrying about inadvertently offending others or worrying about people thinking that I'm one narrow archetype or another; one overly serious and literal - or alternately a creative eccentric. The more I was aware of how different it was, the more concerned and slightly avoidant I became. I used to only do groceries late at night when the shopper count drops dramatically. Now I realize though that the desire to fit with what I 'thought' was the norm took energy away from other pursuits. This maladaptive over-processing ironically leads to more self surrounding than would happen if we instead dedicated ourselves to our "hyper focussed" pursuits. At least our interests, if they could lead to niche careers, would ultimately bestow more success, achievement and the confidence of identity that then begets more social, cultural and capital exposure.

•    Anonymous said… Sounds like me. I always thought this was normal for I never really wanted to connect to people anyway.

•    Anonymous said… that's pretty much me. I find tho, once I get going it's ok, but most of the time I don't go out anywhere and I try not to run into my roomate if I can help it. I shouldn't even have a roomate to begin with and it keeps me from getting to a place of processing b4 I can go out. It sux.  
 
*   This may sound familiar, but this totally sounds like me. I've gotten counselling for supposed Asperger's starting with one-on-one and slowly integrating into group sessions. A lot of those self-help tips I've heard before, either from my counsellor or people around me like my parents ("join a group you enjoy, put yourself out there, get more comfortable with socializing"). It's tough and there's some reluctance on my part but I am trying to cope. I'm going to get tested tomorrow to see if I have Asperger's/HFA/ASD, AvPD, social anxiety disorder, or a mix of those. hopefully, it will bring some relief to have an official diagnosis so I can get more outside help, to help me fight this battle.

*   Actually we avoid people and interpersonal situations because we feel SUPERIOR to the stupid normies that we are forced to coexist with. We don't speak: "STUPID" A world ruled by Aspis would be a perfect peaceful Utopia. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. 

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