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Oppositional Defiant Behavior in Children and Teens with Aspergers Syndrome

The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fourth Edition (DSM IV), defines oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) as a recurrent pattern of negativistic, defiant, disobedient, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that persists for at least 6 months. Behaviors included in the definition include the following:

• actively defying requests
• arguing with adults
• being touchy, easily annoyed or angered, resentful, spiteful, or vindictive.
• blaming others for one's own mistakes or misbehavior
• deliberately annoying other people
• losing one's temper
• refusing to follow rules

OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER is usually diagnosed when an Aspergers youngster has a persistent or consistent pattern of disobedience and hostility toward parents, teachers, or other adults. The primary behavioral difficulty is the consistent pattern of refusing to follow commands or requests by adults. Aspergers kids with OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER are often easily annoyed; they repeatedly lose their temper, argue with adults, refuse to comply with rules and directions, and blame others for their mistakes. Stubbornness and testing limits are common, even in early childhood.

The criteria for OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER are met only when the problem behaviors occur more frequently in the Aspergers youngster than in other Aspergers kids of the same age and developmental level. These behaviors cause significant difficulties with family and friends, and the oppositional behaviors are the same both at home and in school. Sometimes, OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER may be a precursor of a conduct disorder. OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER is not diagnosed if the problematic behaviors occur exclusively with a mood or psychotic disorder.

Prevalence and Comorbidity—

The base prevalence rates for oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) range from 1-16%, but most surveys estimate it to be 6-10% in surveys of nonclinical, non-referred samples of parents' reports. In more stringent population samples, rates are lower when impairment criteria are stricter and when the information is obtained from both parents and teachers, rather than from moms and dads only. Before puberty, the condition is more common in boys; after puberty, it is almost exclusively identified in boys, and whether the criteria are applicable to girls has been discussed. The disorder usually manifests by age 8 years. OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER and other conduct problems are the single greatest reasons for referrals to outpatient and inpatient mental health settings for kids, accounting for at least half of all referrals.

Diagnosis is complicated by relatively high rates of comorbid, disruptive, behavior disorders. Some symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and conduct disorder overlap. Researchers have postulated that, in some kids, OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER may be the developmental precursor of conduct disorder. Comorbidity of OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER with ADHD has been reported to occur in 50-65% of affected kids.

In some Aspergers kids, OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER commonly occurs in conjunction with anxiety disorders and depressive disorders. Cross-sectional surveys have revealed the comorbidity of OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER with an affective disorder in about 35% of cases, with rates of comorbidity increasing with patient age. High rates of comorbidity are also found among ODDs, learning disorders, and academic difficulties. Given these findings, kids with significant oppositional and defiant behaviors often require multidisciplinary assessment and may need components of mental health care, case management, and educational intervention to improve.

Risk Factors and Etiology—

The best available data indicate that no single cause or main effect results in oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). Most experts believe that biological factors are important in OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER and that familial clustering of certain disruptive disorders, including OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER and ADHD, substance abuse, and mood disorders, occurs.

Studies of the genetics of OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER have produced mixed results. Under-arousal to stimulation has been consistently found in persistently aggressive and delinquent youth and in those with OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER. Exogenous factors such as prenatal exposure to toxins, alcohol, and poor nutrition all seem to have effects, but findings are inconsistent. Studies have implicated abnormalities in the prefrontal cortex; altered neurotransmitter function in the serotonergic, noradrenergic, and dopaminergic systems; and low cortisol and elevated testosterone levels.

Clinical Course—

In Aspergers toddlers, temperamental factors, such as irritability, impulsivity, and intensity of reactions to negative stimuli, may contribute to the development of a pattern of oppositional and defiant behaviors in later childhood. Family instability, including economic stress, parental mental illness, harshly punitive behaviors, inconsistent parenting practices, multiple moves, and divorce, may also contribute to the development of oppositional and defiant behaviors.

The interactions of an Aspergers youngster who has a difficult temperament and irritable behavior with moms and dads who are harsh, punitive, and inconsistent usually lead to a coercive, negative cycle of behavior in the family. In this pattern, the youngster's defiant behavior tends to intensify the parents' harsh reactions. The moms and dads respond to misbehavior with threats of punishment that are inconsistently applied. When the parent punishes the youngster, the youngster learns to respond to threats. When the parent fails to punish the youngster, the youngster learns that he or she does not have to comply. Research indicates that these patterns are established early, in the youngster's preschool years; left untreated, pattern development accelerates, and patterns worsen.

Developmentally, the presenting problems change with the Aspergers youngster's age. For example, younger kids are more likely to engage in oppositional and defiant behavior, whereas older kids are more likely to engage in more covert behavior such as stealing.

By the time they are school aged, Aspergers kids with patterns of oppositional behavior tend to express their defiance with teachers and other adults and exhibit aggression toward their peers. As kids with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) progress in school, they experience increasing peer rejection due to their poor social skills and aggression. These kids may be more likely to misinterpret their peers' behavior as hostile, and they lack the skills to solve social conflicts. In problem situations, kids with OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER are more likely to resort to aggressive physical actions rather than verbal responses. Kids with OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER and poor social skills often do not recognize their role in peer conflicts; they blame their peers (e.g., "He made me hit him.") and usually fail to take responsibility for their own actions.

The following 3 classes of behavior are hallmarks of both oppositional and conduct problems:

1. emotional overreaction to life events, no matter how small
2. failure to take responsibility for one's own actions
3. noncompliance with commands

When behavioral difficulties are present beginning in the preschool period, teachers and families may overlook significant deficiencies in the youngster's learning and academic performance. When many Aspergers kids with behavioral problems and academic problems are placed in the same classroom, the risk for continued behavioral and academic problems increases. OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER behavior may escalate and result in serious antisocial actions that, when sufficiently frequent and severe, become criteria to change the diagnosis to conduct disorder. Milder forms of OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER in some kids spontaneously remit over time. More severe forms of OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER, in which many symptoms are present in the toddler years and continually worsen after the youngster is aged 5 years, may evolve into conduct disorder in older kids and adolescents.

Treatment—

Given the high probability that oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) occurs alongside attention disorders, learning disorders, and conduct disturbances, an evaluation for these disorders is indicated for comprehensive treatment. Pharmacologic treatment (e.g., stimulant medication) for ADHD may be beneficial once this is diagnosed. Aspergers kids with oppositional behavior in the school setting should undergo necessary screening testing in school to evaluate for possible learning disabilities. With the multifaceted nature of associated problems in OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER, comprehensive treatment may include medication, parenting and family therapy, and consultation with the school staff. If kids with OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER are found to have ADHD as well, appropriate treatment of ADHD may help them to restore their focus and attention and decrease their impulsivity; such treatment may enable their social and behavioral interventions to be more effective.

Parent management training (PMT) is recommended for families of Aspergers kids with OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER because it has been demonstrated to affect negative interactions that repeatedly occur between the kids and their moms and dads. PMT consists of procedures in which parents are trained to change their own behaviors and thereby alter their youngster's problem behavior in the home. PMT is based on 35 years of well-developed research showing that oppositional and defiant patterns arise from maladaptive parent-child interactions that start in early childhood.

These patterns develop when moms and dads inadvertently reinforce disruptive and deviant behaviors in a youngster by giving those behaviors a significant amount of negative attention. At the same time, the parents, who are often exhausted by the struggle to obtain compliance with simple requests, usually fail to provide positive attention; often, the moms and dads have infrequent positive interactions with their kids. The pattern of negative interactions evolves quickly as the result of repeated, ineffective, emotionally expressed commands and comments; ineffective harsh punishments; and insufficient attention and modeling of appropriate behaviors.

PMT alters the pattern by encouraging the parent to pay attention to prosocial behavior and to use effective, brief, non-aversive punishments. Treatment is conducted primarily with the moms and dads; the therapist demonstrates specific procedures to modify parental interactions with their youngster. Moms and dads are first trained to simply have periods of positive play interaction with their youngster. They then receive further training to identify the youngster's positive behaviors and to reinforce these behaviors. At that point, parents are trained in the use of brief negative consequences for misbehavior. Treatment sessions provide the moms and dads with opportunities to practice and refine the techniques.

Follow-up studies of operational PMT techniques in which moms and dads successfully modified their behavior showed continued improvements for years after the treatment was finished. Treatment effects have been stronger with younger kids, especially in those with less severe problems. Recent research suggests that less severe problems, rather than a younger patient age, is predictive of treatment success. Approximately 65% of families show significant clinical benefit from well-designed parent management programs.

Regardless of the Aspergers youngster's age, intervention early in the developing pattern of oppositional behavior is likely to be more effective than waiting for the youngster to grow out of it. These kids can benefit from group treatment. The process of modeling behaviors and reactions within group settings creates a real-life adaptation process. In younger kids, combined treatment in which moms and dads attend a PMT group while the kids go to a social skills group has consistently resulted in the best outcome. The efficacy of group treatment of adolescents with oppositional behaviors has been debated. Group therapy for adolescents with OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER is most beneficial when it is structured and focused on developing the skills of listening, empathy, and effective problem solving.

Obstacles to Treatment—

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and other conduct problems, can be intractable. Despite advances in treatment, many Aspergers kids continue to have long-term negative sequelae. PMT requires parental cooperation and effort for success. Existing psychiatric conditions in the moms and dads can be a major obstacle to effective treatment. Depression in a parent, particularly the mother, can prevent successful intervention with the youngster and become worse if the youngster's behavior is out of control. Substance abuse and other more severe psychiatric conditions can adversely affect parenting skills, and these conditions are particularly problematic for the moms and dads of a youngster with OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER.

In situations in which the moms and dads lack the resources to effectively manage their Aspergers youngster, services can be obtained through schools or county mental health agencies. Many states have effective "wrap around" services, which include a full-day school program and home-based therapy services to maintain progress in the home setting. Thus, effective treatment can include resources from several agencies, and coordination is critical. If county mental health or school special education services are involved, one person is usually designated to coordinate services in those systems.


My Aspergers Child: Parent Management Training (PMT) for Parents with Defiant Aspergers Children


Keywords—
• Aspergers and ADHD
• Aspergers and antisocial actions
• Aspergers and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder
• Aspergers and conduct disorder
• Aspergers and defiant behavior
• Aspergers and defiant disorder
• Aspergers and disruptive behavior
• Aspergers and harshly punitive behaviors
• Aspergers and hostile behavior
• Aspergers and impulsivity
• Aspergers and irritability
• Aspergers and learning disorders
• Aspergers and maladaptive parent-child interactions
• Aspergers and noncompliance with commands
• Aspergers and ODD
• Aspergers and oppositional defiant disorder
• Aspergers and overreaction to life events
• Aspergers and parent management training
• Aspergers and peer rejection
• Aspergers and stubbornness
• Aspergers defiant disorder
• Aspergers negativistic behavior
By

Abnormal Grieving in Children on the Autism Spectrum

“I have a 10-year old son Michael who has high functioning autism. His father passed away a couple months ago. Michael coped with this remarkably well initially. He didn’t seem terribly upset, and didn’t even cry at the memorial service. But about 3 weeks ago, we went together as a family to put some additional flowers on his father’s grave.  Later that day, I found him sobbing intensely in the closet in his bedroom. Currently, he is having a lot of behavior problems at school and is risking suspension. The school is considering transferring him to a special education class for students with various disabilities. Today, he refused to go to school. He hardly leaves the house. He prefers to stay in his room playing video games, and will not even eat meals with us. I told him that I would like for us to see a counselor for therapy, but he says he will not go! So my question is how do I get Michael to cope with the loss of his father?”


Children with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger’s have difficulty with empathy. This is largely due to the fact that the connection between their rational brain and their emotional brain is not fluid. They tend to get stuck on one side or the other. In other words, they are "Spock-like" (Star Trek reference) or excessively emotional. They have a huge disconnect between thinking and feeling, or cognitive empathy and emotional empathy.

The cause is poorly working circuits in the brain. Your son's brain has limited neurological mechanisms in place to understand or empathize. Perhaps this is why he could be stoic for a time. True empathy is the ability to be aware of one’s own feelings and thoughts -- at the same time. And it means having the wherewithal to speak about this awareness.

My best guess is that after his father's death, he was very much in his rational brain. Evidently the visit to the grave site was the trigger that linked his rational side to his emotional side. Your son is likely to be stuck in the emotional side of his brain longer than a "typical" child might be. Thus, he may take longer than expected to progress through the grief cycle.



The phases of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And it’s not uncommon for children on the autism spectrum to remain stuck in one of these phases for an extended period of time. After all, they do suffer from a “developmental disorder,” which means that they are emotionally and socially immature compared to their same-age peers. Mind-blindness and Alexithymia also play a role in the disruption of the grief cycle.

Some of these children display little emotion at the time of the parent’s death, almost to the point of appearing indifferent. They may fantasize that the parent is still alive, or believe that the parent will come back to life someday. However, they eventually become distraught (perhaps months later) once they have passed through the denial phase.

Others accept the fact that the parent is deceased – knowing full well what death means – but begin to display anger-management problems almost immediately. These children “act-out” behaviorally in a variety of ways, both at home and school. They have an acute reaction to the parent’s death, and may experience frequent and lengthy meltdowns for weeks – and even months – after the death.

Then there are those who turn their anger inward in the form of depression. They may refuse to attend school, refuse to eat meals with the rest of the family, and generally hibernate in their bedrooms. They are extremely hard to console, and tend to grieve longer than is typical.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

As mentioned earlier, acceptance is the last phase of grief. Your son will get to that acceptance phase on his own time, which means the link from the emotional side to the rational side has had a connection. I believe that your son is stuck in the depression phase currently. And it wouldn't be surprising to see him bounce back and forth between depression and anger.

So, the emotional and behavioral issues that you are witnessing are, in my opinion, depression driven. Thus, it would be good to see the doctor and have your son assessed. He may need to be on an antidepressant for a short period of time.

Here are some additional things to consider:

After a death, many kids benefit from sharing their story. Telling their story is a healing experience. Therefore, one of the best ways you can help your son is to encourage him to talk about the experience and listen to his story. He could even write his story rather than speak it (e.g., he may want to tell what happened, where he was when he was told about the death, what it was like for him, etc.).

Especially now, your son needs continuity (i.e., normal activities at home and school), care (e.g., plenty of hugs and cuddles), and connection (i.e., to still feel connected to his father and you).

Talk to your son's teacher and other school staff about what has happened so that they are able to provide extra support.

Grief is a very lonely experience for all kids, but especially for those with an autism spectrum disorder. It’s important that your son continues to feel looked after and cared for. Ask other family members and friends to help you with this -- especially when your own grief is overwhelming!

When a parent dies, the entire family feels fractured and incomplete. It’s quite natural for your son to withdraw for a while. Give him time and space to grieve rather than insisting that he eat dinner with you.

Know that your son needs to have his fears and anxieties addressed. He needs to have respect for his own way of coping, reassurance that he is not to blame, and opportunities to remember his father. He also needs inclusion in rituals and anniversaries, adequate information about the death, and acknowledgement and acceptance of his feelings.
 

In addition, try some of the following strategies:
  • Talk about his dad (mention his name frequently).
  • Create an album of photographs and stories.
  • Create special rituals or remembrance activities.
  • Keep a journal of memories.
  • Link objects and special things (e.g., it's important that your son have some of the special objects that belonged to his father, such as items of clothing, jewelry, etc.).
  • Make a memory box and use this to store precious things that offer memories of his father.
  • Put together questions that build a portrait of his father (e.g., what was his favorite food, what was his favorite place, what was his favorite TV program, etc.). These questions can be asked and answered together as a family whenever the time seems right (i.e., when your son is actually in the mood to talk about his father).

Lastly, kids who are experiencing emotional problems due to the loss of a parent can really benefit from grief counseling. Below are some signs that your son may need professional help. Many of these signs are normal following the death of a mother or father, but indicate a problem if they are prolonged:
  • aggressive behavior and anger
  • eating disturbance (e.g., eating excessively or having no appetite)
  • marked social withdrawal (e.g., not wanting to socialize with family or friends)
  • persistent blame or guilt
  • persistent difficulty talking about the deceased parent
  • school difficulties (e.g., academic reversal, school refusal, inability to concentrate, behavioral problems)
  • self-destructive behavior (e.g., suicidal thoughts, talking about wanting to hurt themselves)
  • sleep difficulties
  • unexplained physical symptoms and discomfort (e.g., stomach aches, headaches)

Grief counseling provides kids the opportunity to talk about very difficult things in a safe and nonjudgmental environment. If all else fails, the seeking the assistance of a qualified grief counselor is highly recommended (preferably one who specializes in working with children on the autism spectrum).


 
 
COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said…  Do not be afraid of special education classes...Most are so smart and the teacher is well equipped to assist with these things! Best thing I ever did for my son.
•    Anonymous said… Get him a kitten or puppy....he needs to love...it worked well with my mom passing and my noeces were in serious grief (ages 5 and 6) at that time. It was quite the healer ....
•    Anonymous said… Here in NY , My aspie hasnt found an ounce of understanding in any of the 3 schools he has been in ...the damage they have done is unreal ...all i can say is ... be your childs advocate or get one and be LOUD and take no crud ! If i had it to do all over again ... things would be so different ...the school system would be asking ME how high should we jump !
•    Anonymous said… I have been through this with my two surviving children when their brother passed away suddenly in a car accident. My first advice is to protect your child at school. Make sure your gets a functional behavioral assessment to ensure he is protected. Put the request in writing and ask for a response within three days. Send the request by email or preferably certified mail. Moving classrooms sounds like school/administrativly focused rather than child focused. Everything I know about autism and grief in teens/children says maintain consistency. Is this school focused on your child's needs or on what is best for them from an administrative standpoint? My daughter became increasingly withdrawn to the point of refusing to go to school. Unfortunately for us, it became a very negative situation where the teachers and administrators just wanted a quick fix, such as medication - which she was already on. It was obvious they just "didn't want to deal with it". We wound up homeschooling this year and she is sooooo much happier. I feel in hindsight she needed that time to "heal" and to be in a protective, loving environment where stress is minimized. I know it might seem impossible if you are working and/or a single parent, but look into online programs, local home-school co-ops, etc. Seek out therapy together and tell him it's for "the family," that way he doesn't feel singled out. Have him earn video game time or maybe a new game or add-on for going. Big  🤗
•    Anonymous said… I'd watch his behaviour carefully. The massive cry may have helped, but if you're still seeing signs of stress in his play, it might be worth seeing a psych.
•    Anonymous said… My asd daughter was 5 when he first dad died she never spoke about him since. Went to grave few times and now older she tells me if she wants to go. I gave her photos and some of his things to keep. She is 16 now. I think she has just accepted it I remarried x hope you find the answer for your son sorry for ur loss
•    Anonymous said… There are grief counselors who can come to the home. Not sure if trained for special needs, but I will look for the link. I know also that play or art therapy with counseling if you can him there eventually can help.
•    Anonymous said… This explains so much! When our daughter passed (his little sister) my husband and I had to sit our son down and tell him. His exact words were "Meh, i wanted a brother anyway." Now this was prior to him being diagnosed and I was taken aback but did not for a second think he meant it ill intentioned just because I know my son. Now that he is diagnosed, my whole life is now filling in the missing pieces of the last 10 years. It's all coming together.
•    Anonymous said… When my mother died of cancer this past August, my son didn't cry or talk about it at all. Several months later, my daughter pointed out that he has been "meaner since Granny died". I started to talking to him about it and he just fell apart, crying hysterically! He has not cried or spoken about it since. Should I bring this up with him and make him talk about it?

Post your comment below…
 
 
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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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By

Clingy Behavior in Children with ASD [High-Functioning Autism]

"Any advice on how to deal with separation anxiety in a child with high functioning autism? Dropping him off at school is a nightmare!"

You used to leave your high-functioning autistic (HFA) child with loved ones or drop him off at school with a kiss on the cheek and a quick wave goodbye. Clingy behavior seemed to be a problem only for other children. But, now your goodbyes trigger tears or tantrums – or both.

If your youngster's clingy behavior seems intense or prolonged (especially if it interferes with school or other daily activities), you will want to address this situation sooner than later, because the longer it goes on, the worse it gets and the tougher it is to treat.


Each youngster handles stress differently, so the causes of clingy behavior will be different for each boy or girl. A parent's job is to play detective and figure out what's causing clingy behavior. Sometimes clinginess may be triggered by situations such as:
  • bullying
  • family stress 
  • new child care situation
  • new home
  • new school
  • new sibling

Keep in mind that the goal here is for your child to learn to cope with life without you, however long it takes. 

Here are a few parenting tips that help make goodbyes less stressful:

1. Ask your child if there is anything worrying him (e.g., bullying, illness, bereavement, etc.). Try to identify what might be causing the clinginess and describe his feelings so he begins to understand it. By describing his feelings and expressing your own feelings of wanting to be there for him, he will feel understood and be less likely to need your physical presence as reassurance.

2. Teach how to "talk to the fear." Help your youngster name the feeling (e.g., "I'm afraid"). Then, teach him how to talk back to the fear so he is in charge of the fear and not the other way around. The trick is to have him practice telling himself he'll be okay to build confidence (e.g., "Go away fear, leave me alone. Mom will come back.").
 

3. Kids on the autism spectrum (as with all kids) build self-confidence through mastering new tasks and contributing to their environment in a helpful way. Create tasks that your youngster can help you with at home (e.g., setting the table, cooking, cleaning up, etc.). The more confident a youngster feels in her abilities, the more secure she will feel in ANY environment.

4. When kids exhibit clingy behavior, it is generally viewed as a positive sign that they feel close and secure in the parent’s care and go to the parent for comfort when they are feeling distress. Responding to clingy behavior by ignoring or punishing it may make your youngster less likely to come to you when he is feeling afraid or vulnerable.

5. Some moms and dads find it easier to sneak out when their son or daughter has a hard time or throws a tantrum each time they leave. But, this will only increase your youngster’s anxiety and clinginess, because she will be afraid to engage in any activity too long for fear that you may sneak out and disappear at any moment.

6. Find people your child trusts (e.g., neighbor, relative, friend, etc.) who know your youngster's quirks, routines, likes and dislikes. Gradually stretch separation times, and slowly broaden your youngster's "inner security circle."

7. If you're leaving your youngster at home or in another familiar environment, give him a gentle goodbye – then go! Encourage your youngster's caregiver to distract him or engage him in a new activity right away. If you're leaving your youngster in a new environment, you might play with him for a few minutes to ease the transition. When you leave, remind him that you'll be back. Be specific about when you'll return (e.g., "after school").

8. Give your youngster something to look forward to. Discuss something fun that will happen while you're gone.

9. Make things more predictable for your youngster by making the schedule or routine as concrete as possible. Although you know your youngster’s schedule, she may not. HFA kids don’t have a clear sense of time, live mostly in the here and now, and have shorter memory spans. Using pictures to depict their weekly schedule (especially when it changes every 2 to 3 days), telling them what to expect next, and reminding them when you will be available to spend time with them (e.g., "Remember, our special snack time is after school") will help reduce anxiety by bringing a sense of orderliness and structure to their day.

10. Socializing with kids the same age can help these young people develop attachments to their peers and can build social skills necessary for interacting with people outside of the immediate family. Set up regular play dates with a friend of your youngster’s choice from school, or schedule a class or weekly trips to the park.




11. Keep the crying and tantrums in perspective. Your youngster's tears and anger are an attempt to keep you from leaving. When you're gone, the tears and anger aren't likely to last long (especially once your youngster is engaged in a new activity).
 

12. Studies reveal that kids whose mom or dad prepared them for a separation were able to leave the parent far easier and protested far less than those not prepared. So, for example, drive by the birthday party in advance, go meet the new teacher before the first school day, take an online tour of the school before the move, and so on.

13. Leave a special reminder. Offer a blanket, stuffed animal or other comforting object for your youngster to hold while you're gone.

14. Practice saying goodbye. Do some role-playing. Eventually your youngster will learn that he can count on you to return, just as you did in the role-play.

15. Create "goodbye" rituals. Create a special kiss, or provide a special pebble or key chain to put in his pants pocket, then explain that when he touches the item, it means you're thinking of him.

16. Praise your youngster for tasks or activities that she is able to do independently (e.g., household chores, playing nicely on her own or with friends, etc.). Praising your youngster for doing things independently sends the message that she is capable of doing things for herself and should feel confident without your close supervision and guidance.

17. Some kids on the spectrum feel a constant need for affection because they are not sure when or if the attention will be available. Schedule 5 to 10 minutes every day when you can provide your youngster with undivided attention (i.e., no computer, T.V., cell phones, etc.).

18. Use a consistent phrase when saying goodbye (e.g., “I’ll see you again shortly”). Be brief, don’t linger, and don’t overreact if your youngster gets upset after saying goodbye. Overreacting will only feed into his anxiety and make it worse, while lingering will increase the likelihood that he will continue to sulk or seek your attention to prolong your stay each time.

19. Occasionally, you may need to stay with your youngster during social activities. Play with her and her peers until she is comfortable playing on her own. Be available during play dates to teach and model social skills, respond to conflict, and monitor situations that may cause stress or anxiety.

20. Use social stories, drawings, and other creative approaches appropriate to your youngster’s age to explain what he is thinking and feeling when you leave him somewhere.

21. Parental anxiety feeds into your youngster’s anxiety, so curb your anxiety and watch how you react. Kids can catch our fears.

22. Time your departure carefully. Your youngster may be more likely to have a tantrum when you leave if she is tired, hungry or restless. When possible, leave when your youngster is fed and rested.

23. Recruit one of your child’s peers to support him (e.g., peer comes to your house and walks with your child to school).

24. Develop a plan for gradual separation whereby you gradually shorten the period of time you spend saying goodbye – and increase the amount of time apart.

25. Avoid over-protection and too much reassurance. Always rescuing or being overprotective robs your youngster of confidence. The key is to find the balance between pushing and protecting. 
 

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How do I balance out the needs of two children on the spectrum and two NT kids?

Question

How do I balance out the needs of two children on the spectrum and two NT kids?

Answer

Parenting is hard work. Unless you have a child with Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism, you just have no idea about the true demands this adds to everyday parenting. A second child on the spectrum does not always mean more of the same because every child is affected so differently. Balancing the needs of a large family is a full time job, even without Asperger’s Syndrome!

It is easy to feel overwhelmed and stretched too thin when you have so much on your parenting plate. Planning a strategy to help meet everyone’s needs is necessary. Don’t forget to take care of yourself so you’ll feel like taking care of everyone else.

Taking care of yourself:
  • Participate in support groups focused on the needs of Asperger’s families.
  • Find respite care when you need a break. Everyone deserves to get out and relax for an hour or so.
  • Do not ignore your hobbies. A mother with four kids is going to have to schedule time for hobbies, but it is important to do things you enjoy for relaxation and personal growth.
  • Keep in touch with your friends. You need this form of support. Your friends know you and know how to lift your spirits and keep you motivated.

Taking care of your kids:
  • Spend one-on-one time with each child. Focus a little time each week on each child. They all enjoy the special attention and it gives you a chance to teach each one something new or enjoy a favorite-shared activity.
  • Keep in touch with each child’s teacher. The children spend a big chunk of time at school. Knowing what is going on at school will help you be a more effective parent and advocate for your children.
  • Look for ways to make life fun and ‘normal’ for your family. “Top Ten Tips: A Survival Guide for Families with Children on the Autism Spectrum” by Teresa A. Cardon, M.A., CCC-SLP; foreword by Kristi Sakai is a book that lists practical tips for living with Asperger’s and how to blend all of your family into everyday life situations. Suggestions cover life at home, at school, and in the community.
  • Listen to each of your children. Sometimes moms of many can get so busy that they forget to stop and listen. A few minutes of listening to each child can clarify the causes of problem behavior or illuminate special moments.

Finding balance is a goal for which to aim. With a little investigation and preparation, you will find what works for each of your children and your family as a whole.


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Best Parenting Practices for Raising "Newly Diagnosed" Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"We recently learned that our son has High-Functioning Autism and are concerned about how to approach this new challenge.... his triggers, learning problems, treatments, added stress to our family, how to explain autism to him... etc."

Moms and dads can do a lot to help their kids with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome. But, it's important to make sure you get the support you need. When you're raising a youngster on the autism spectrum, taking care of yourself is not an act of selfishness—it's a necessity! Being emotionally strong allows you to be the best mother or father you can be to your “special needs” son or daughter.

If you've recently learned that your youngster has High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger’s (AS), you're probably wondering and worrying about what comes next. No parent is ever prepared to hear that a youngster is anything other than happy and healthy, and a formal diagnosis can be particularly scary. You may be unsure about how to best help your youngster. You might be confused by conflicting treatment advice. You may have been told that High-Functioning Autism is an incurable, lifelong condition, leaving you concerned that nothing you do will make a difference. These are all common responses.



While it is true that High-Functioning Autism is not something a child simply "out-grows," there are many treatments that can help these kids learn new skills and overcome a wide variety of developmental challenges. Assistance is available to meet your youngster's special needs. With the right treatment plan and a lot of love and support, your youngster will learn, grow and thrive.

Best tips for parents with newly diagnosed children on the autism spectrum:

1. Rather than focusing on how your HFA or AS youngster is different from other kids and what he is “missing,” practice acceptance. Enjoy your kid’s special quirks, celebrate small successes, and stop comparing him to others. Feeling unconditionally loved and accepted will help your youngster more than anything else.

2. Kids with High-Functioning Autism have a hard time adapting what they’ve learned in one setting (e.g., the therapist’s office or school) to others, including the home. Creating consistency in your youngster’s environment is the best way to reinforce learning. Find out what your youngster’s therapists are doing and continue their strategies at home. Explore the possibility of having therapy take place in more than one place in order to encourage your youngster to transfer what she has learned from one environment to another. Also, be consistent in the way you interact with your youngster and deal with challenging behaviors.


3. Become an expert on your youngster. Figure out what triggers his disruptive behaviors and what elicits a positive response. What does your HFA youngster find stressful? Calming? Uncomfortable? Enjoyable? If you understand what affects him, you’ll be better at troubleshooting problems and preventing situations that cause problems.

4. When it comes to treatment for High-Functioning Autism, there are a variety of therapies. Some focus on reducing problematic behaviors and building communication and social skills, while others deal with sensory integration problems, motor skills, emotional issues, and food sensitivities. With so many choices, it is extremely important to do your research, talk to treatment experts, and ask questions. But keep in mind that you don't have to choose just one type of therapy.

The goal of treatment should be to treat all of your youngster's symptoms and needs. This often requires a combined treatment approach that takes advantage of many different types of therapy. Common HFA treatments include speech-language therapy, play-based therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, nutritional therapy, and behavior therapy.

5. Secure a private spot in your home where your youngster can relax, feel secure, and be safe. This will involve organizing and setting boundaries in ways your youngster can understand. Visual cues can be helpful (e.g., colored tape marking areas that are off limits, labeling items in the house with pictures). You may also need to safety-proof the house, particularly if your youngster is prone to wild tantrums or other self-injurious behaviors.

6. Create a personalized treatment plan. And keep in mind that no matter what treatment plan is chosen, your involvement is vital to its success. You can help your youngster get the most out of treatment by working hand-in-hand with the treatment team and following through with the therapy at home. When putting together a treatment plan for your youngster, remember that there is no single treatment that will work for every child. Each boy or girl with High-Functioning Autism is unique, with different strengths and weaknesses.

Good questions to get answers to include: How does your youngster learn best (e.g., through seeing, listening, or doing)? What are your youngster’s strengths? What are your youngster’s weaknesses? What behaviors are causing the most problems? What does your youngster enjoy and how can those activities be used in treatment? And, what important skills is your youngster lacking? A good treatment plan will: (a) teach tasks as a series of simple steps; (b) provide regular reinforcement of behavior; (c) offer a predictable schedule; (d) involve the mother and father; (e) build on the youngster's interests; and (f) actively engage the youngster's attention in highly structured activities.

7. Think positive. It’s impossible to predict the course of High-Functioning Autism. Don’t jump to conclusions about what life is going to be like for your youngster. Like everyone else, children on the spectrum have an entire lifetime to grow and develop their abilities.


8. As the parent of a youngster with High-Functioning Autism, the best thing you can do is to start treatment right away. Seek help as soon as you suspect something’s wrong. Don't wait to see if your youngster will catch up later or outgrow the problem. Don't even wait for an official diagnosis. The earlier kids with on the autism spectrum get help, the greater their chance of treatment success. Early intervention is the most effective way to speed up your youngster's development and reduce related symptoms.





9. Every mother or father needs a break now and again. And for a parent coping with the added stress of High-Functioning Autism, this is especially true. In respite care, another caregiver takes over temporarily, giving you a break for a few hours, days, or even weeks. Look for respite care options in your area.

10. Figure out the need behind the tantrum. It’s only natural to feel upset when you are misunderstood or ignored, and it’s no different for kids with High-Functioning Autism. When an HFA boy or girl acts-out, it’s often because the parent is not picking up on the child’s nonverbal cues. Throwing a tantrum is his or her way of communicating frustration and getting the parent’s attention.

11. If stress, anxiety, or depression is getting to you, see a therapist of your own. Therapy is a safe place where you can talk honestly about everything you’re feeling. Marriage or family therapy can also help you work out problems that the challenges of life with an HFA youngster are causing in your marriage or with other family members.


12. Joining a support group is a great way to meet other parents dealing with the same challenges. Moms and dads can share information, get advice, and lean on each other for emotional support. Just being around others in the same boat and sharing their experience can go a long way toward reducing the isolation you may feel after receiving your youngster’s diagnosis.

13. Know your youngster’s rights. As the mother or father of an HFA youngster, you have a legal right to: (a) seek an outside evaluation for your youngster; (b) request an IEP meeting at any time if you feel your youngster’s needs are not being met; (c) invite anyone you want—from a relative to your youngster’s physician—to be on the IEP team; (d) free or low-cost legal representation if you can’t come to an agreement with the school; (e) disagree with the school system’s recommendations; and (f) be involved in developing your youngster’s IEP from start to finish.

14. Learn as much as you can about High-Functioning Autism. The more you know about it, the better equipped you’ll be to make informed decisions for your youngster. Educate yourself about the treatment options, ask questions, and participate in all treatment decisions.

15. A youngster coping with High-Functioning Autism is still a kid. For both you and your child, there needs to be more to life than therapy. Schedule playtime when your youngster is most alert and awake. Figure out ways to have fun together by thinking about things that make your youngster smile, laugh, and come out of his shell. He is likely to enjoy these activities most if they don’t seem therapeutic or educational. There are tremendous benefits that result from your enjoyment of your youngster’s company – and from his enjoyment of spending un-pressured time with you.  Play is an essential part of learning and shouldn’t feel like work.

16. Pay attention to your youngster’s sensory sensitivities. Many kids with High-Functioning Autism are hypersensitive to light, sound, touch, taste, and smell. Other HFA kids are “under-sensitive” to sensory stimuli. Figure out what sights, sounds, smells, movements, and tactile sensations trigger your kid’s disruptive behaviors – and what elicits a positive response. What does she find stressful? Calming? Uncomfortable? Enjoyable? If you understand what affects her, you’ll be better at troubleshooting problems and preventing situations that cause difficulties.

17. Positive reinforcement can go a long way with HFA kids, so make an effort to “catch your child doing something good.” Praise him when he acts appropriately or learns a new skill, being very specific about what behavior he is being praised for. Also look for other ways to reward him for good behavior (e.g., giving him a sticker, letting him play with a favorite game, etc.).

18. Kids with High-Functioning Autism tend to do best when they have a highly-structured schedule or routine. They need and crave consistency. Set up a schedule with regular times for meals, therapy, school, and bedtime. Try to keep disruptions to this routine to a minimum. If there is an unavoidable schedule change, prepare your youngster for it in advance.


More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

 ==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

 ==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
By

What to Do When You Think Your Child May Have an Autism Spectrum Disorder

"What are the first steps parents should begin to take when they believe their child may have autism?"

For many moms and dads, finding out that your youngster has ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), can be a mixed blessing. On one hand, a positive diagnosis gives rise to the prospect of management and greater certainty as to the factors at play in your youngster's life. On the other, most moms and dads are unprepared for the changes having a son or daughter with the disorder invariably brings.

We've compiled a list of the top 10 steps to take if you think your youngster may have an autism spectrum disorder, or if you've had your youngster diagnosed already:

1. Be honest with yourself. At times, rearing a son or daughter with HFA can cause you anger, sadness, anxiety, frustration and depression. Be open to understanding that you will, at times, feel all these feelings, and allow that authenticity to give rise to the possibility that you will take care of your own needs. In doing so, you can more effectively tend to the needs of others. Don't feel the need to explain or justify your actions to others. However you cope with the situation is exactly the way you are supposed to.

2. Contact community services and inquire as to whether you are eligible for some type of family benefit as a parent of a youngster on the autism spectrum. Your doctor should be able to advise you on this.

3. Contact your local Autism Association and ascertain what services are provided through the service. Make use of private and government resourced services.

4. Permit yourself to take stock of your situation from a place of positivity. With diagnosis comes some certainty, as you and your youngster are now dealing with a known quantity. There's nothing wrong with taking each day at a time, and understanding that you can now make a difference to your youngster's life, which you could not in the absence of a diagnosis. You're youngster has always had the disorder. The day your son or daughter receives a diagnosis is the first step in the right direction.

5. If your son or daughter is in school, contact the Principal and advise him or her of the diagnosis. Many schools are aware of – and, in fact, provide information on – autism. School counseling is designed to assist with the condition. In addition, ask your youngster's school whether they are aware of any parent workshops for autistic children.

If your child is older, home study and tutoring may be an option. It is important to be assertive in ensuring that your school can properly advocate for your youngster's needs, and ideally this can be achieved by working within the school protocols. There is no need for you to underestimate your youngster's potential, and certainly this attitude should be reflected in the educational institution. Involve yourself where possible in your youngster's educational and learning environments.

6. Invest in your own education. There is a vast quantity of information on autism spectrum disorders available, both online and in the form of medical literature. Sign up for information seminars, online e-courses, and if you are looking for immediately available information, give consideration to investing in an ebook written by an expert on autism spectrum disorders. Knowledge is power.

7. Involve your family in the process, and do your best to maintain objectivity. Kids on the spectrum have certain special needs; however, they are (for the most part) high-functioning children who can thrive with appropriate and measured care. Try and maintain a balance between focusing on providing that care, and being a spouse and parent to the rest of your family.

8. Make inquiries with your doctor for a referral to someone who has experience with autism spectrum disorders. Having professional assistance can make an enormous difference to how effectively you can help your youngster cope with the disorder. Permit those professionals you consult to guide you through the process and make the most of their advice.

9. Make inquiries within your local community as to the support groups available for those with HFA and for moms and dads of these children. Sharing your situation with others who are in a position to fully appreciate it can make an enormous difference.

10. Remember to smile. You have a special child. One day, he or she just might be the one looking after you.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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By

Tips for Single Mothers of Children on the Autism Spectrum

“Hello, I’m a single mother raising a 5 y.o. son with high functioning autism. My ex is also on the spectrum, he has the older diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. I get no parenting help or financial assistance from my ex. So I’m the only parent my son has basically. Any tips for single moms raising children on the autism spectrum? Thank you!”

When a mother is a single parent and there is a youngster with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) to care for, the challenges can make life feel like a true test of endurance, but it can be done. It does take more effort and organization, though. Single parenting a child with HFA can be extremely stressful – as well as rewarding. Finding solutions to most of the problems is the first step toward keeping you from feeling overwhelmed. Almost every problem has a solution. The real trick to success as a single parent is not losing yourself in the parenting process.



Tips for single moms with an HFA child:

1. First of all, know that you are not alone. Having an HFA youngster can feel very isolating. It’s easy to stay home and think that you are the only one dealing with that situation. Seek out support groups.

2. A single mom needs a social life as much as anyone else. In addition to caring for your son, you may be working full time, meeting the needs of your other kids, and taking care of the home, which leaves you little free time. Fatigue takes on a new meaning, and having social interaction outside the home is so far on the back-burner it is hard to remember what it was like to “have a life.” Nonetheless, it is important to carve-out some time in your schedule for fun social activities. The key is having fun interaction with other grown-ups.

3. Read everything you can about your son’s disorder. The Internet also offers a broad spectrum of information on nearly every type of disorder. Websites, chat rooms, and the like are tremendous sources of information about conditions, treatments, and medications that are up-to-the-minute.

4. Avoid being argumentative with your ex-husband over his lack of interest in being a co-parent. It won’t get you anywhere.

5. Be your son’s best advocate. Fight for the best information, treatment, doctors, and options that exist. Familiarize yourself with the law. Every mother raising a child on the autism spectrum has to be her own researcher.

6. When  stressed-out, single moms often find themselves less able to connect with their kids or focus at work, which may lead to acting-out behavior by the children, time-consuming mistakes at work, and other things that increase stress for the mother and her family. Therefore, taking a proactive stance on stress-management is quite important. Having several quick stress relievers on hand (e.g., breathing exercises), as well as long-term stress-management strategies in place (e.g., regular exercise, meditation) can relieve significant stress for single moms.

7. So much of being a mother takes an emotional and physical toll on you that you have to get out and do something for yourself on an ongoing basis. Try an activity that you never did before, or go back to something you gave up in your marriage (e.g., learn how to play a musical instrument). Put yourself out there. Try anything creative.

8. Remember that your son’s disorder is not your fault, nor is your spouse to blame. It does no good to look for someone to focus your anger on. Pointing your finger at your spouse or his medical or family history is not productive and can be extremely hurtful. Blame can only damage the relationship further.

9. Consider getting a pet. If you don’t have one, think of getting one. It takes the focus away and puts it on something else. Animals spread love around.




10. Enjoy your own company. It may have never occurred to you when you were married that you could actually enjoy your own company. You can do that. Also, don’t date too soon. You can fall in love too quickly. You can’t be a great mother unless you are a great person.

11. Find a support group. If you can’t find it in your community, you can find one online. You have to make a concerted effort to start to build your new family based on reciprocity and support. It can also help to start building self-esteem. You realize you are not the only one.

12. Remember that even if the relationship with your ex has no chance in the world of being civil, there needs to be a peaceful environment for your HFA son.

13. If you don't have anyone in your life that you can share your feelings with on a daily basis, work at developing friendships that are true give-and-take relationships. A local support group that includes single moms might be helpful. Some support groups have a network of mothers who are on “phone duty” that you can call at any time when you need to talk or vent your emotions.

14. After a divorce, ex in-laws can become a problem for you. A direct approach to the grandparents may not be welcome. If you find yourself in this situation, begin by bringing the matter to the attention of your ex, who may be willing to intervene on your behalf. If your ex refuses to support you in this matter, limit your interaction with the grandparents as much as possible. While they have every right to see their grandson, you can and should limit your own time with them for your own sanity.

15. Kids with HFA may seem to be unaware of the environment around them, but they usually are much more in tune with the emotions of others than it appears. If the mom and dad are arguing or fighting, the youngster is apt to act-out with defiant behaviors. The grown-ups in the situation, by keeping their own tempers in check, can prevent this. Remember that although your relationship may be over, the relationship both of you have with your son is not.

==> Special Offer for Single Parents of Kids on the Autism Spectrum 

16. Know that ALL your feelings are normal. Be sad. Be mad. It’s only natural.

17. Move your bedroom to a different room in your house. Make the old one a study or a play room. Redecorate to reflect your individual tastes and make the house more of your home.

18. Next time you're feeling particularly done in, declare a day off from: worrying, saying the right thing, planning ahead, multitasking, making phone calls, making appointments, knowing it all, holding it in, handling details, exercising, solving problems, serving as case manager, caring what other people think, being Supermom, being behavior cop, doing research, fighting battles, filling out forms, etc.

19. Your HFA son may push your buttons, but giving big reactions to bad behavior may send the wrong message. Showing that you can control your feelings and avoid meltdowns yourself models appropriate behavior for your son, and leaves you feeling better, too.

20. Lastly, pray for guidance and assistance from your Higher Power!

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... Federal tax credits
•    Anonymous said... First of all - well done. Be proud of yourself for getting you both this far. Just recognise you're not superhuman. You will need help and support - you both will. Xxxx
•    Anonymous said... Have support somewhere. Friends, family, church, local support groups- whatever is available & works- use it.
•    Anonymous said... I can relate to you. It's a very difficult road especially when working and caring for other children as well. Stay away from people who are negative or judgemental, they will only bring you down. So many people are ignorant and misinformed about HFA and being a single mum can bring extra judgements. Look for support of other mums in similar situations who can understand and relate to you. Hopefully you have got a close friend or other family member who can offer you some respite, even for an hour or so to grab a coffee when things are really tough. Dr Tony Attwood, Sue Larkey, ASPECT, great websites that offer information, tip sheets, workshops etc. I find that reading a lot about HFA helps to validate and reassure me about what I am doing especially when people are questioning me. Depending on where you live you can apply for some financial assistance for your HFA child, talk to your child's paediatrician about what you're entitled to. Good luck, keep up the great work and remember you are not alone
•    Anonymous said... Invest in an advocate or education lawyer to help you with advocating for your child at school. Even if the school/teachers have a good relationship w you this is important! You will never know how much it could have helped your child - I am a special ed teacher and a single parent of a kiddo on the spectrum and this is one thing I would have done from the start if I'd know better. Another thing I would have done was find a community that supports me - like a church or group or club. And the best thing you will ever do is to seek balance - keep time for laughing and fun. Enjoy your time - he's growing up and he'll never be this age again
•    Anonymous said... Oh, and don't expect people with two parent households to get it - don't look for sympathy - there's none out there - just carry on doing a wonderful job and the greatness you put into your parenting will be your reward.
•    Anonymous said... Right here with you. I'm a mom of three, with one HFA. It's rough but we are managing. I agree with the above comments. Surround yourself with happy, supportive people. The are programs out there, it just might take a few tries to find the right one.
•    Anonymous said... Routine, routine, routine!! I am a single mum of 3 with 15 yr old dtr diagnosed 12 mths ago. She refuses to let her father have any involvement in her life due to various reasons. She is very high maintainence with depression & anxiety to go with it literally living in my pocket 24/7. I find by maintaining a reasonably rigid routine she copes better with daily life giving me the chance to get stuff done & look after my other 2 who are 13 & 9. I look for her triggers & try catch it before she melts down completely. She has a pet rabbit that I give her before crisis point, pop her into her room with it where she cuddles it til she settles a little (rabbit doesn't seem to mind to much either lol). It is very hard, isolating work but worth the love from your child. I find that for me routine is the best way for us both to manage - hope it helps. Good luck xo
•    Anonymous said... tip for the day: you are not alone
•    Anonymous said… It is a hard job to be a single parent. After 2 failed brief marriages I am single mother again with a 14 year old son. He is battling depression and having issues with communication/ socialization despite being in a mainstream private school for 9 years. Every day is a challenge. In my spare time I enjoy doing absolutely nothing, except watching tv. I'd like to join a support group. Any suggestions online?
•    Anonymous said… I’m a single parent with a child with HFA and other children as well. I think the most important thing is to learn to accept that your life looks different than your peers’. You can’t do all they do, your kids can’t just “roll with it” or stay out late so that you can do more family/ social events. When I accepted that our lives were just different, it took a lot of pressure off both myself and my kid to look “normal.”

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The Distinction Between Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Children diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) often communicate their internal experiences and emotional states in ways that may di...