Helping an Aspergers Child Transition to a New School

Question

We live in Ireland and my son who is 6 goes to a Gaelscoil (a school that teaches through the Irish Language). We speak mainly English at home. I was recently told that Jude's (my son) Irish is not up to standard and has been suggested that perhaps we should look into sending him to an English speaking school. My problem is that Jude is very happy in this school and I feel that such a major change to him would be very upsetting to him and also Jude knows the Irish but in his mind he doesn't speak Irish only English. Do you have any tips to either get my boy to use the Irish that he has in school or to make the transition to a new school easier for him? I would be grateful for any pointers you have.

Answer

Re: Irish is not up to standard…

Please watch the video entitled Aspergers Students: Tips for Teachers for tips on helping your son get up to speed with his Irish.

Re: Making the transition to a new school…

Here are some tips that can help your Aspergers son transition to a new school:

1. As his first day at the new school approaches, begin talking with your son about the upcoming changes. What are his expectations? Reassure him that other kids feel the same way when they change schools.

2. Ask the new school to assign a ‘buddy’ to assist your son during the first few days or weeks. This is something your son will benefit from – so talk with the guidance counselor and get it set-up.

3. Be patient. Expect your son to have a hard first six weeks or so (although he may adapt, make friends easily, and adjust fairly quickly).

4. Be prepared for very stormy weather for the first few days. You might find your son is withdrawn, more sensitive, not doing as well in school, being uncooperative, having tantrums or meltdowns, etc. This will pass as he settles in.

5. Be sure to introduce yourself to your son's teachers and share necessary contact information as well as information about Aspergers. Keep the lines of communication open throughout the year. This will send the message to your son that you and the teacher are a team and are willing to work out any kind of challenge that comes along.

6. Before his first day at the new school, find out what supplies are required. Most schools provide supply lists for each grade level. Stock up on necessary items.

7. Knowledge is the best tool to reduce anxiety, and if you can uncover the basis for your son’s concerns, you will be better prepared to address them. Whether your son is worried about making new friends, losing touch with old ones, or simply finding his locker on the first day of school, odds are you can help.

8. Each day, engage your son in conversations about the school day, activities, new friends, and upcoming school events. Talking about new situations can help him work through anxieties and fears. Keep the lines of communication open.

9. Find out what your son is interested in and encourage involvement in one or two activities. Present the idea of extracurricular activities, clubs, or sports. Being involved in activities outside of the regular school schedule will help him meet more friends and feel connected to the new school.

10. Future friends are everywhere you look – find them! Sign your son up for nearby summer camps and classes, play at the school playground, and visit the local library. He may need help meeting these new friends – and he’ll feel less nervous starting a new school if he sees some familiar faces in the classroom.

11. Get involved with the school. If you’re able to volunteer in the classroom, you’ll get to know the teacher and your son’s classmates firsthand. Networking with other mothers/fathers can be a great way to meet other children, too.

12. Get your son to bed on time that first day. Begin the school sleep schedule a week or two before the first day so he will be used to it by the time school starts.

13. Help your son get into the habit of laying out what to wear before he gets to bed at night. This makes getting ready in the morning go quick and easy.

14. Include your son in the transitioning process. Attend the school orientation together and arrange for a tour. He may appreciate the opportunity to follow his schedule before his actual first day of school (e.g., walking from the bus stop …to his locker …to each class …back to his locker …then back to the bus stop). Also, be sure to point out the bathrooms, cafeteria and auditorium. Knowing where things are should alleviate some of your son’s fears.

15. Provide a healthy breakfast for your son that first morning. Make sure he is up and ready in time to sit down and eat a good breakfast, instead of grabbing something and running out the door.

16. Remind your son about other "firsts" he has experienced in his life and how well he handled them. For example, has your son ever started a new camp? Does your son remember his first day of kindergarten? Find opportunities to talk about successes he has experienced and the advantages of taking that first step (e.g., meeting a new friend or learning a new skill). This will build confidence and remind him that taking risks can pay off.

17. Seek the positive. Request the school handbook and scour the school’s website for fun facts, photographs, and lists of interesting classes, extracurricular activities and sports.

18. Stick to your routine. If rapid changes have left your son reeling, knowing what’s expected at home can provide a soothing anchor.

19. Make sure your son learns more about changing schools. Read a book on the topic or visit your local library and get reading!

20. If your son is still struggling and complaining after six months, that should be a cause for concern. In that case, talk to your son’s teacher and the school counselor, but remind yourself that the odds are he’ll adjust just fine – sooner or later.  

Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

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Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.

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Dealing with Aggressive Aspergers Teens: 10 Tips for Parents

Have you experienced an out-of-control yelling match with your Aspergers (high functioning autism) teen? While parenting these teens, moms and dads often find themselves in a power struggle. Teen "Aspies" try all sorts of things to get what they want, and sometimes this involves yelling and cussing-out their parents. The techniques that follow should help parents deal with aggressive Aspergers teens:

1. Avoid Excessive Negative Attention— It's a mistake to pay more attention to what the Aspergers youngster is doing wrong (e.g., his failures, mistakes, misbehaviors, etc.) than to what he is doing right (e.g., his successes, achievements, good behaviors, etc.). When you go to bed at night, review the day you have had with your Aspie. Have you spent as much time during the day looking at his appropriate behaviors as you have looking at his inappropriate actions?

You should avoid using punishment as a primary method of control. Instead, substitute positive consequences, which place the emphasis on good behavior rather than on bad behavior. Eliminate verbal punishment (e.g., hollering, putting down the teenager, name-calling, excessive criticism), and use reward as a disciplinary tactic. Emphasize successes, accomplishments, achievements, and good behaviors. Pay more attention to normal good behavior and be positive. Constant nagging of an Aspergers adolescent will certainly result in a buildup of anger, resentment, and aggressive behaviors.

2. Avoid Excessive Restrictions— Some Aspergers kids who are overprotected, excessively restricted, and generally not allowed to be like other youngsters their age may develop resentment and anger. They want to do things that others do, but are prevented from doing so. Sometimes you have to look at your adolescent's peer group in order to decide what is and is not appropriate – and what is too much restriction.

3. Avoid Random Discipline— Moms and dads often discipline after the fact. This is “random discipline.” They set a rule and wait for the teenager to break it before they decide upon a consequence. To Aspergers adolescents, the concept of fairness is extremely important. If they are disciplined in this fashion, they may frequently feel unjustly treated. In addition, random discipline often makes adolescents feel that others are responsible for what has happened to them and anger is apt to develop. You should spell out the rules and consequences for your youngster's behavior at the same time. The most important part of this process is not the rule, but the consequence. Put the responsibility for what happens to the youngster squarely on his or her shoulders.

4. Do Not Let the Behavior Get Out of Control— Once a youngster is actively involved in an aggressive behavior or shouting match, it is difficult to deal with the behavior. Rather than wait till the behavior occurs to handle it, sometimes it is possible, and better, to try to prevent it from happening or to catch it early and not let it get out of control. In some adolescents, the aggressive behavior develops gradually and may involve several steps. Some initial behaviors appear and then intensify.

For example, an adolescent's brother may call him stupid. Some verbal exchanges follow, then a pushing and shoving match begins, and finally a full-blown fight erupts. Rather than wait to react when the fight starts, it would be better to try to catch the behavior early, and intervene before the situation gets out of hand. Target the name-calling or verbal arguing and try to stop that, rather than wait to zero in on the fighting.

5. Don't Get into a Power Struggle—You tell your Aspie to clean his room and he refuses. Then you threaten, "You had better clean it, or you're not going out on Saturday." He replies, "You can't make me clean it and I'm going out on Saturday, anyway." Then you say something, he says something, you both begin to shout, and a full-blown power struggle has developed. This is a good way to generate anger in your youngster. When possible, avoid battles and power struggles, which only lead to a buildup of anger. At times, it may be better to have the youngster experience the consequence of his behavior rather than to win the battle and get him to do what you want. If you try to win each fight, you may battle the youngster throughout adolescence, and will probably end up losing the war.

6. Encourage Appropriate Communication— The most effective way to deal with anger and rebellious behavior is to have adolescents appropriately communicate their feelings of disapproval and resentment. Encourage them to express and explain negative feelings, sources of anger, and their opinions—that is, what angers them, what we do that they do not like, what they disapprove of. If an Aspergers adolescent expresses emotions appropriately, in a normal tone of voice, she should not be viewed as rude or disrespectful. This is an appropriate expression of anger, and the youngster should not be reprimanded or punished. In other words, allow adolescents to complain, disagree, or disapprove, provided they are not sarcastic, flippant, or nasty.

Remember, though, that allowing a youngster to shout, swear, or be fresh does not teach effective communication of emotions. If the adolescent is complaining about excessive restrictions, punishments, or other things that she does not like, listen. Try to understand her feelings. If the complaints are realistic, see if something can be worked out and resolved, or if a compromise can be achieved.

7. Look for Ways to Compromise— In many situations with Aspie teens, you should try to treat them the way you would one of your friends or another adult. Rather than get into a battle to see who is going to win, it may be better to create a situation where a compromise is reached.

8. Provide Appropriate Models— Kids learn a great deal from modeling their parents' behavior. The way we handle our conflicts and problems is apt to be imitated by our kids. If I handle my anger by hollering, throwing things, or hitting, there is a good possibility that my kids will handle their conflicts in a similar fashion. The old saying "Don't do as I do; do as I say" is a very ineffective way of dealing with behavior. Therefore, if you see aggressive or rebellious behaviors in your adolescent, look at yourself, your spouse, or an older sibling to see if one of you is modeling these behaviors. If so, the behavior must stop before we can expect to change the teenager's conduct. If there is a significant amount of arguing in the home, or if parents demonstrate disrespect for one another, it is likely that the adolescent will adopt similar behavior patterns. If you scream at your youngster, he is likely to scream back.

Moms and dads who use physical punishment with the young youngster, as a primary method of dealing with his or her behavior, forget one important thing: kids grow and usually get as big as or bigger than them. A young child disciplined through physical punishment will probably end up as a teenager who gets into physical battles with his parents. Moms and dads must look at themselves to be sure they are not models of the behavior they are trying to eliminate in the youngster. Serving as an appropriate model is a good way to teach kids how to deal with and express anger.

9. Stabilize the Environment— Aspergers adolescents who experience environmental change—especially divorce, separation, or remarriage—may develop underlying anger. The anger and resentment that result from the changes may be expressed in other ways. Try to identify the changes, stabilize the environment, and get him to express his feelings through more appropriate methods. If the teenager has questions regarding a divorce or remarriage, discuss them with him.

10. Try Not to React to Passive-Aggressive Behavior— Some of the opposition, stubbornness, resistance, and other passive-aggressive maneuvers of Aspergers adolescents are designed to express anger and/or to get a reaction from the parents. Ignoring this behavior is often an effective way to reduce it. Some ways of dealing with this passive-aggressive behavior will result in the development of more anger, while others will help deflate the anger balloon. For example, if you ask your Aspie to do something – and he is doing it, although complaining the whole time, ignore his complaints since he is doing what you asked.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

What is the best therapy for a child with Aspergers?

Question

What is the best therapy for a child with Aspergers?

Answer

Actually, there is no “best” therapy for Aspergers (High Functioning Autism). However, there are various standard courses of treatment. Each treatment modality addresses a different set of issues. When a youngster is first diagnosed with Aspergers, he may be referred for therapy. Aspergers, as you know, is not a condition that can be cured. It is a neuro-developmental condition that is treated with an individualized treatment plan that may include different therapies and medications. Here are some of the most common treatment options:

1. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is used to treat the emotional side of Aspergers (e.g., anxiety, depression, obsessions, etc.). This therapy helps form the connections between feelings, emotions, and behavior.

2. Occupational therapy is basically used to teach independence. Grasp, handwriting, social skills, and play skills are often included. This therapy may help your youngster learn to tie his shoes of zip his jacket.

3. Physical therapy addresses the physical awkwardness that sometimes comes with Aspergers. Awkward gait and lack of balance are common complaints. This therapy may help your youngster learn to kick a ball, walk up and down stairs, and ride a bicycle.

4. Sensory integration therapy may be included by the occupational therapist. Some occupational therapists are trained in sensory therapies and some are not. This therapy helps get your youngster’s sensory systems in synch.

5. Social skills training is a therapy that teaches kids with Aspergers how to relate to others, making and keeping friends, how to recognize social cues and gestures, and other details such as personal space and understanding slang.

6. Speech/language therapy covers speech articulation as well as pragmatics, or fluency. Language therapy covers social communication, and in some cases, social skills. Speech/language therapy will help your youngster learn to communicate verbally or nonverbally, if necessary, with the use of picture exchange and/or sign language.

7. Young kids are often treated with ABA therapy. Applied Behavioral Analysis is a form of therapy used to teach young kids basic skills in many different areas (e.g., can be used to teach young kids to make eye contact, to play with toys, and to identify shapes and colors).

Moms and dads need to fully support and participate in their youngster’s therapy. Aspergers therapies can be successfully performed by parents in the home with the proper support and training.  

Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

____________________

Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.

____________________