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The Challenges Faced by Teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

As the incidence of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) continues to rise, it has become increasingly important to understand the challenges faced by teenagers on the spectrum. 
 
Navigating adolescence is a daunting task for all teens, but those with ASD face unique hurdles that can affect their emotional, social, and academic development. This article will delve into the multifaceted challenges that ASD teenagers encounter today.

 1. Social Interaction Difficulties

One of the most profound challenges faced by teenagers with ASD is social interaction. Social cues, body language, and the nuances of peer communication can be perplexing for these individuals. Many teenagers with ASD may struggle to initiate conversations, read social signals, or maintain friendships. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Adolescents are often keenly aware of their differences compared to their peers, which can exacerbate feelings of exclusion.

Moreover, social expectations during the teenage years become more complex, often involving nuances in relationships, dating, and group dynamics. For a teenager with ASD, understanding and navigating these evolving social landscapes can be particularly overwhelming, leading to social anxiety or withdrawal.

 2. Bullying and Peer Victimization

Teenagers with ASD are particularly vulnerable to bullying. Their differences in communication and behavior can sometimes make them targets for bullies, leading to increased rates of victimization. This bullying can take various forms, including verbal abuse, social exclusion, and physical intimidation.

Victims of bullying often face significant mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. The impact of bullying can deter teenagers with ASD from engaging in social settings or school activities, further isolating them and negatively affecting their self-esteem and mental well-being.

 3. Academic Challenges

Academic performance can also be a significant challenge for teenagers with ASD. Many students with ASD have average to above-average intelligence, yet they may struggle with executive functioning skills, organization, and time management. The school environment can be chaotic and overwhelming, leading to difficulties in focusing and processing information.

Additionally, standard educational practices do not always account for the specific needs of students with ASD. Some may require tailored teaching methods or accommodations that are not readily provided. The lack of understanding and support from educators can hinder academic success and lead to frustration and disengagement from school.

 4. Co-Occurring Mental Health Issues

The prevalence of mental health issues is notably higher among teenagers with ASD compared to their neurotypical peers. Common co-occurring conditions include anxiety disorders, depression, and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). The pressures of adolescence, coupled with the intrinsic challenges of ASD, can lead to increased vulnerability to mental health issues.

Support systems, including counseling and therapy, are essential for helping these individuals cope with their feelings and experiences. However, access to mental health services can be limited, particularly in areas lacking specialized professionals familiar with ASD.

 5. Transitioning to Adulthood

As teenagers with ASD approach adulthood, they face significant challenges related to transitioning into independent living, vocational training, and post-secondary education. The transition process can be chaotic and daunting, requiring guidance and planning. Many teenagers with ASD may not receive adequate vocational training that matches their skills and interests, making the shift to the workforce difficult.

Furthermore, the lack of community programs for individuals with ASD can leave many teenagers without the necessary support to navigate adulthood successfully. This transition period can often be fraught with anxiety, uncertainty, and a fear of the unknown.

 6. Family Dynamics and Support

The challenges faced by teenagers with ASD also extend to their families. Parents and siblings may struggle to provide the emotional and practical support required by the teenager. Families often experience stress and anxiety regarding their child's future, leading to a complicated family dynamic.

Siblings may feel isolated, as they often bear the burden of understanding and accommodating their brother or sister's needs. Effective family communication and support networks are crucial for helping both teenagers with ASD and their families navigate these challenges.

 7. Lack of Awareness and Understanding

Despite increasing awareness of ASD, misconceptions and stereotypes persist. Teens with ASD may find themselves battling stereotypes that paint them as socially inept or overly reliant on routines. Such stereotypes can hinder their ability to form relationships and be accepted by their peers, as understanding of their unique abilities and perspectives may be lacking.

Educational institutions, workplaces, and communities must work toward greater inclusivity and understanding to create environments where teenagers with ASD can thrive. Increasing awareness can help foster acceptance and encourage neurotypical peers to engage positively with their ASD counterparts.

In summary, the challenges faced by teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder are numerous and complex, impacting various aspects of their lives. By understanding these challenges, society can take meaningful steps to support teenagers with ASD, ensuring they navigate adolescence with greater confidence, acceptance, and opportunities for success. Community resources, supportive educational environments, and a greater awareness of ASD can make a significant difference in the lives of these teens, allowing them to embrace their individuality and potential.

 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

---------------------------------------------------------------

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

--------------------------------------------------------------

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

------------------------------------------------------------

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
------------------------------------------------------------
 
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...

By

Suicidal Ideation in Autistic Teenagers: Understanding the Complex Challenges and Essential Support Strategies


Suicidal ideation among adolescents has emerged as a pressing public health issue, and when it comes to autistic teenagers, the gravity of the situation intensifies. Research has shown that neurodiverse individuals face distinct challenges that can significantly increase their susceptibility to mental health struggles, including suicidal thoughts and actions. For families, educators, and mental health professionals, understanding these contributing factors is vital to providing the necessary support for autistic youth.


#### The Alarming Rates of Suicidal Ideation in Autistic Adolescents


Evidence reveals that autistic teenagers are at a notably elevated risk for suicidal ideation compared to their neurotypical counterparts. A range of studies indicates that between 30% to 50% of autistic adolescents may wrestle with thoughts of suicide, highlighting an urgent need for mental health resources tailored specifically to their unique experiences. This statistic is particularly alarming, suggesting that the struggles they face can lead to profound feelings of hopelessness and despair.


#### Factors Contributing to Suicidal Thoughts


1. **Social Isolation and Bullying**: Many autistic teenagers find themselves on the periphery of social groups, which can spark feelings of loneliness and exclusion. The social misunderstandings that often accompany autism can make it challenging for these teenagers to form meaningful connections. Additionally, any experiences of bullying—whether verbal, physical, or cyberbullying—profoundly intensify the emotional distress, often leading to a deep-seated sense of helplessness.


2. **Comorbid Mental Health Conditions**: A significant number of autistic individuals experience co-occurring mental health disorders, such as anxiety, depression, and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). These additional challenges can complicate their experiences and escalate suicidal thoughts, particularly when their mental health needs go unrecognized or untreated.


3. **Communication Barriers**: Communication difficulties can be a hallmark of autism. Teenagers may struggle to articulate their feelings, needs, or distress, resulting in frustration and a sense of being misunderstood. This inability to convey their thoughts can lead them to feel trapped in their emotional experiences, making it harder to seek help.


4. **Life Transitions and Developmental Changes**: The teenage years are a time of significant change for all adolescents, but for autistic teens, transitions such as moving from middle to high school or facing the challenges of approaching adulthood can be particularly daunting. Navigating new social environments and expectations can exacerbate feelings of anxiety, fear, or inadequacy.


5. **Societal Pressures and Expectations**: Autistic teenagers often grapple with immense pressure to conform to societal norms, which can lead to chronic stress. The ongoing struggle between their authentic selves and the need to fit in with their peers can produce feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and despair.


#### Recognizing the Signs of Suicidal Ideation


Identifying the signs of suicidal ideation is critical for timely intervention. Those who interact with autistic teens—parents, educators, and peers—should remain vigilant for the following indications:


- **Drastic Changes in Mood**: A noticeable shift in emotional state, such as increased sadness or irritability, can signal distress.

- **Social Withdrawal**: Autistic teenagers may begin to isolate themselves from friends and family, expressing a lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities.

- **Expressions of Hopelessness**: Statements that convey feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or despair are serious red flags that require immediate attention.

- **Altered Eating or Sleeping Patterns**: Sudden changes in a teen’s appetite or sleep habits can be indicators of emotional turmoil.

- **Increased Agitation**: Heightened irritability or restlessness might point to underlying emotional struggles.

- **Conversations About Pain or Existence**: Comments that reflect a desire to escape from suffering, or direct references to wanting to harm oneself, warrant urgent action.


#### Strategies for Providing Support and Resources


Creating a nurturing and supportive environment is crucial for preventing suicidal ideation in autistic teenagers. Here are several effective strategies to consider:


1. **Fostering Open Communication**: Encourage honest discussions around mental health and emotional well-being. Families should establish a safe space where teenagers feel comfortable sharing their feelings without fear of repercussions or judgment.


2. **Educational Initiatives**: Raising awareness about autism and its associated mental health challenges among parents, educators, and peers is essential. Promoting understanding within schools and communities can help combat bullying and foster an environment of acceptance.


3. **Connecting with Professionals**: Engaging mental health professionals who specialize in autism can provide tailored support and strategies. Therapeutic interventions, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or supportive counseling, can empower teenagers with coping mechanisms and emotional tools.


4. **Implementing Social Skills Training**: Programs that focus on enhancing social skills can provide autistic teenagers with essential tools to navigate social situations more effectively, thereby building confidence and reducing feelings of isolation.


5. **Ensuring Crisis Resources**: It is vital to make crisis resources readily available to teenagers and their families. Providing contact information for mental health hotlines, local counseling services, or school-based mental health resources can offer immediate support in times of crisis.


Suicidal ideation among autistic teenagers presents a complex and multifaceted challenge that requires thoughtful and informed responses. By recognizing the unique difficulties these individuals face and fostering a compassionate and understanding environment, we can work to mitigate the risks associated with suicidal thoughts. Ongoing awareness, effective education, and accessible mental health resources are crucial in ensuring that autistic adolescents receive the support they need to navigate their emotional landscapes and thrive in their lives.



 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

---------------------------------------------------------------

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

--------------------------------------------------------------

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

------------------------------------------------------------

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
------------------------------------------------------------
 
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...
By

The Struggles of Adolescence: Help for Young People on the Autism Spectrum

“My 18 y.o. with Asperger syndrome (high functioning) is on my last nerve. He has been on in-school detention all week. Now he’s getting into trouble there too and is about to receive an out-of-school suspension. He simply doesn’t care anymore, and honestly, I think he is trying to get kicked out of school. He comes home and goes straight to his room for the rest of the evening to play online gaming (he will come out occasionally to eat a snack, but won’t eat dinner with the rest of us). He’s rude and hateful to me and his younger brother. I am at my wits end. No idea where I went wrong with this child. He has no friends to speak of, seems depressed and moody all time, and has even said he wished he wasn’t alive. I really have doubts that he will make it in the adult world at this point. He has already said he will not go to college or trade school. And he has never had an interest in working a part-time job so far. Please help!”

First of all, there is much more going on here than simple rebellion or defiance. Your son’s misbehavior is a symptom of some underlying factor(s). For example, many teens spend the entire school day under duress from peer-rejection, teasing and bullying. So, when they return home, some will take their frustration out on a “soft target” (in your case, his younger brother perhaps) as a way to discharge negative emotions. Also, some teens on the autism spectrum would love nothing more than to get kicked out of school due to (a) the mismatch between their educator’s teaching style and their individual learning style (most autistic teens learn visually), or (b) an unfriendly classroom environment that bombards and overloads their senses (most autistic teens have sensory sensitivities, such as sensitivity to excess noise, crowded hallways, smells from the cafeteria, and so on). Thus, the root cause(s) of the “misbehavior” needs to be uncovered before behavioral change can happen.



Adolescence is the most difficult time for teenagers with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger’s (AS). Young people on the spectrum typically become more isolated socially during a period when they crave friendships and acceptance more than ever. In the harsh world of middle and high school, they often face rejection, isolation and bullying. Meanwhile, school becomes more demanding in a period when they have to compete for college placements. So, who wouldn’t be acting-out under these circumstances?

Most autistic teenagers struggle with social skills, communication, and a limited diet. The causes of these struggles (e.g., social, communication and behavioral problems, sensory issues, etc.) can create the desire for isolation. They can easily drop into a lonely state of depression and/or anxiety, making the original problems much worse. Thus, helping the teen to boost his self-esteem and level of confidence is paramount.
 

So what can parents do to help their “special needs” adolescent? Below are some crucial tips for helping HFA and AS teens survive - and thrive - during the rough teenage years:

1. With or without an autism spectrum disorder, most teenagers become less willing to take a parent’s word or advice. Therefore, try to hook your teen up with other trustworthy adults. If you want him to learn or try to do something outside of his comfort zone (e.g., something other than playing video games all day), then arrange for the suggestion or information to come from a trusted adult other than you. Look for other good mentors (e.g., an uncle, scout or youth group leader, peer mentor, “Big Brother,” social skills group leader, coach or martial arts teacher, etc.).

2. Teenagers on the autism spectrum need developmentally-appropriate structure, but it requires sensitivity on your part to figure out what is needed when. Watch your teen, not the calendar. Try to get inside his head. Also, be prepared to run out of patience. Create your own back-up plan for when this happens (e.g., YOU take a time-out).

3. View “misbehavior” as a signal of needs. Everything your teen does tells you something about what he needs.

4. There are going to be occasions when negative consequences become necessary (e.g., grounding, taking away privileges, etc.), but they should always be immediate, definite, and relevant. Teens with autism tend not to perceive cause-and-effect and are likely to have short memories, so prolonged consequences not only lose their impact, but also their effectiveness.

5. The “transition plan” (which needs to be part of your teen’s IEP) should address the skills that your teen needs to acquire while in high school, in order to be prepared for the kind of independent life he wants to lead after graduation. Many high schools are unfamiliar with transition planning. The more you know as a mom or dad, the more you will be able to ensure that a solid transition plan is written and carried out.

6. Although most teenagers with HFA/AS are more child-like than their “typical” peers, be prepared to tolerate and/or ignore considerable distancing, hostility, or acting-out – knowing that it won’t last forever. At the same time, set some firm limits, and keep a close eye on your teen’s anxiety level and depression.

7. List the behaviors that you feel are most deserving of attention. This is an important step, because some behaviors may need intervention or therapy in order to be eliminated rather than simple disciplinary tactics. Odd self-soothing behaviors are common in autistic teens with sensory processing issues, and they can be easily replaced with more appropriate ones.

8. Teach laundry and other self-care/home-care skills by small steps over time. Also, try to get your teenager to take an elective at school (e.g., cooking, personal finance, etc.).

9. Special interests may change, but whatever the current one is, it remains an important source of motivation, pleasure, relaxation, and reassurance for your teenager.

10. Some teenagers on the spectrum adjust to high school with appropriate supports and accommodations. However, others just can’t handle a large, impersonal academic setting that exists in high school. You may need to hire an advocate to negotiate with the school system to pay for an alternative school placement, tuition, and transportation.
 

11. Seek out social skills groups designed especially for teenagers with autism. Participating in such a group and being accepted by group leaders and peers is probably the most powerful way to alleviate your teenager’s potential despair at not fitting-in socially and not having any friends. The positive social experiences and new skills he learns will be assets for the rest of his life.

12. Schedule regular monthly educational team meetings to monitor your teenager’s progress, to ensure that the IEP is being faithfully carried out, and to modify it if necessary. Because teenagers on the spectrum can be so volatile or fragile, and because so many important things must be accomplished in 4 short years of high school, these meetings are crucial. If your child is doing very well, the team can agree to skip a month, but be sure to reconvene to plan the transition to the following year.

13. Reading body language and understanding sweeping generalizations can be quite frustrating for autistic teens. Thus, they usually benefit from systematic social training in which they are given the chance to role play, study body cues and language, and practice interpreting new signals that may not have been evident in early childhood.

14. Not all teenagers on the spectrum are ready for a residential college experience right after high school. To decide, use the evidence of how your teen did at sleep-away camp or similar samplings of independence, and look carefully at executive function skills (e.g., organizational skills). As an alternative, community colleges offer a lot of flexibility (e.g., easy admission, low cost, remedial courses if necessary, the option of a light course load, the security of living at home, etc.). Some college disability offices are more successful than others at providing effective, individualized support. However, if your teenager is living at home, you may be able more easily to sense trouble, step in with help, or secure supports he needs to succeed.

15. Make sure thorough neuropsychological re-evaluations are performed every 3 years. This information and documentation may be critical in (a) securing appropriate services, (b) alternative school placements, (c) a good transition plan, (d) choosing an appropriate college or other post-secondary program, and (e) proving eligibility for services and benefits as a grown-up.

16. Look for volunteer activities or part time jobs at the high school or in the community. Be persistent in asking the school to provide help in the areas of career assessment, job readiness skills, and internships or volunteer opportunities. They probably have such services for learning disabled teenagers, but may not realize your high-functioning autistic teen needs that help, too. They may also not know how to adapt existing programs to meet his needs.

17. Look for opportunities for a sheltered, successful overnight stay away from home with no parent (e.g., long weekend visits to relatives, a week or two of a carefully chosen sleep-away camp, taking a course on a college campus, etc.).

18. Instill the essential habit of a daily shower and clean clothes. Peers, teachers, and future potential employers are very put-off by poor hygiene. If possible, put your teenager’s clothes on a well-organized shelf in the bathroom near the clothes hamper.

19. In adolescence, communication becomes complicated as teenagers invent words, signs, and body language to discreetly talk with a friend. For a youngster with HFA/AS who has been struggling just to understand common social cues, this change can be frustrating and incredibly difficult to understand. The best scenario is when language is "concrete and definite." Teenage conversations that use shortened terms or lingo are going to be very difficult for a young person on the spectrum.

20. Impersonal, written communication is easier for the HFA/AS teenager to absorb (e.g., lists of routines and rules, notes, charts, calendars, etc.).
 

21. If your teenager seems like a good candidate for college, take him to visit colleges during the spring vacation weeks of the junior year of high school, or during the summers before junior and senior year. Visits reveal a lot about what environment your teenager will prefer. Also, purchase a large college guide to browse.

22. If you have not yet made a will and set up a special needs trust, do it now. Ask your lawyer about powers of attorney or other documents you may need once your teenager is no longer a minor. Few moms and dads assume guardianship of a young adult 18 or older, but it may be necessary and appropriate in some situations.

23. If you have not talked to your teenager about his disorder, you or someone else should do so (to the extent that he is ready to hear it). It’s tricky for teenagers on the spectrum – they so much want to be “normal” and strong and successful. A diagnosis can seem threatening or even totally unacceptable. In truth, however, adults on the spectrum who do best are those who know themselves well – both their own strengths (which point them toward finding their niche in the world) and their own blind spots (where they need to learn new skills or seek out specific kinds of help).

24. If both parents can agree about their HFA or AS teenager’s diagnosis, treatment, and rules, it will save a lot of family wear and tear. To get your spouse on the same page, attend autism conferences or classes together. When you hear the same information, you can discuss it and decide what will work best for your teenager and in your family. As you learn more about autism spectrum disorders, you may also come to better appreciate each other’s contributions to your youngster’s welfare. Attend team meetings at the school together, or alternate which parent attends. Also, seeing your teen’s therapist together (possibly without the youngster), or seeing a couples or family therapist may help you weather a tough time together.

25. Have realistic, modest goals for what your teenager or the family can accomplish in a given time period. You may need to postpone some plans for career goals, for example.

26. Go with the flow of your youngster’s nature. Simplify schedules and routines, streamline possessions and furnishings. If your teenager only likes plain T shirts without collars or buttons, buy plain T shirts. If he likes familiar foods, or has a favorite restaurant, indulge him.

27. Multiple stressors during adolescence often bring on anxiety and even depression in teens on the spectrum. Stressors may include increased academic/abstract thinking and social demands at school, peer pressure, increased social awareness, and fears of the future. Anxious teenagers who do not get help may be at risk for school failure, acting-out, alcohol and drug abuse, and even suicide attempts.

28. Consider delaying graduation in order to ensure that transition services are actually provided under DOE. It may be hard to convince an academically gifted, college bound student to accept this route. However, it may be very helpful for autistic students who will need a lot of help with independent living skills and employment issues. Services need not be delivered within high school walls. Community college courses, adaptive driving lessons, and employment internships are just a few alternatives to consider.

29. Build and use any support networks you can (e.g., extended family, close friends, church/synagogue groups, an understanding school staff, etc.). If you don’t have a good network, consider individual or family therapy for a little support during a stormy, demanding life passage. When you have a demanding teenager, it’s good to be reminded once a week that your needs and feelings are valid and important, too!

30. Remember that teenagers with HFA/AS are relatively immature - both socially and emotionally - compared to “typical” teens of the same chronological age. Adjust your expectations for your teen, and make sure he has appropriate supports. 
 

31. Teenagers with HFA/AS are less prepared than “typical” teens for the new challenges of sexuality and romance. Many teens on the spectrum want a girl or boy friend, but are clueless about how to form and maintain a relationship. Autistic males may be at risk for accusations of harassment, and autistic females may be at risk for becoming victims. Teach appropriate rules. Look for supervised activities in which boys and girls can socialize safely together, supervised by a staff person who can coach appropriate social skills.

32. For a teenager with HFA/AS, friendships can be a struggle. Your youngster may not understand social cues, and may not know how to be someone's friend. He may feel the typical feelings of a first crush, but be uncertain on how to act on it. Social training can help these young people to understand social cues, slang, and meet other teens who feel similarly about how to deal with new friends. In these social trainings, teenagers can be taught how to listen, and how listening and reacting appropriately can lead to stronger bonds. Also, you should try to explicitly explain what the act of flirting is (e.g., by pointing it out on a TV show or movie).

33. A regular bed time at a reasonable hour is more important than ever. Regular routines of all kinds (e.g., familiar foods, rituals, vacations, etc.) are reassuring when the autistic teenager’s body, biochemistry, and social scene are changing so fast. Keeping your teen’s routines constant will improve his outlook. He will know what to expect at any given time, lessening the stress he feels.

34. Using your teenager’s special interests - both at home and at school - can generate positive responses in many situations. For instance, a 14-year-old's love of trains can be used to encourage eating at home. Train-themed dinnerware - or even themed foods - can be used to entice the reluctant eater.

In conclusion, young people with HFA and AS bring their special flavor to adolescence. Some will not avoid interacting with others. They are eager to communicate (though often in a clumsy, in-your-face way). The level of their insight into their social skills deficits will then become the determining factor of their social success. If they are unaware of their shortcomings in gauging the social atmosphere and reading social cues, they may inadvertently come across as rude, insulting or boring. They may miss subtle criticism and sarcasm. As they develop better insight, they will become more motivated to learn, which had not come naturally and intuitively.

In the social development of HFA and AS teens who show some interest in peer interactions, social anxiety and resultant avoidance play an important role. Some of these young people get very nervous just with the thought of approaching others and may choose to avoid it at all costs. Their avoidance may appear as if they are not interested in others. It is important to differentiate this since anxiety can be treated much more easily than genuine lack of interest.

Regardless of the individual developmental route, most teens on the spectrum start realizing that they are not quite like others at some point during their adolescence. Once the teenager realizes that he has significant difficulties in conducting social relationships compared to his peers, he needs deal with this loss, just like dealing with any other loss. Understanding the thoughts, feelings and behavior of a teen on the spectrum is the necessary first step in helping him out and being there for him. 

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens
 
By

The Challenges of Adolescence for Young People on the Autism Spectrum

The years from 12 to 18 are the most difficult time for teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder - Level 1 (ASD). These young people typically become more socially isolated during a period when they crave friendships and inclusion more than ever. In the cruel world of middle and high school, they often face rejection, isolation and bullying.

Meanwhile, school becomes more demanding in a period when they have to compete for college placements. In addition, issues of sexuality and a desire for independence from parents create even more problems.



In the teenage world where everyone feels insecure, adolescents that appear different are voted off the island. ASD teenagers often have odd mannerisms. For example, one adolescent talks in a loud un-modulated voice, avoids eye contact, interrupts others, violates their physical space, and steers the conversation to his favorite odd topic. Another appears willful, selfish and aloof, mostly because he is unable to share his thoughts and feelings with others.

Isolated and alone, many ASD teenagers are too anxious to initiate social contact. Many are stiff and rule-oriented, which is a deadly trait in any teenage popularity contest. Friendship and all its nuances of reciprocity can be exhausting, even though the teen wants it more than anything else.

These adolescents are not privy to street knowledge of sex and dating behaviors that other adolescents pick up naturally. This leaves them clueless about sex. Boys can become obsessed with Internet pornography and masturbation. They can be overly forward with a girl who is merely being kind, and then later face charges of stalking her. The ASD S female may have a fully developed body, but no understanding of flirtation and non-verbal sexual cues, making her susceptible to harassment and even date rape.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Many autistic teenagers, with their average to above average IQs, can sail through grammar school, but hit academic problems in middle and high school. They now have to deal with four to six teachers, instead of just one. The likelihood that at least one teacher will be indifferent - or even hostile - toward making special accommodations is certain. The “special needs” student now has to face a series of classroom environments with different classmates, odors, distractions, noise levels, and sets of expectations.

These teens, with their distractibility and difficulty organizing materials, face similar academic problems as students with Attention Deficit Disorder. For example, a high school term paper or a science fair project becomes impossible to manage because no one has taught the “special needs” teen how to break it up into a series of small steps. Even though the academic stress on the adolescent can be overwhelming, school administrators may be reluctant to enroll him in special education at this late point in his educational career.

Teenagers on the spectrum typically do not care about adolescent fads and clothing styles (concerns that obsess everyone else in their peer group). They may neglect their hygiene and wear the same haircut for years. Boys forget to shave. Girls don't comb their hair or follow fashion. Some remain stuck in a grammar school clothes and hobbies (e.g., unicorns and Legos) instead of moving into adolescent concerns like Facebook and dating. Boys on the autism spectrum often have no motor coordination. This leaves them out of high school sports, typically an essential area of male bonding and friendship.

The teenage years are more emotional for everyone. Yet the hormonal changes of adolescence, coupled with the problems associated with autism, can mean that the adolescent becomes emotionally overwhelmed. Childish tantrums reappear. Boys may act up by physically attacking a teacher or peer. They may experience “meltdowns” at home after another day filled with harassment, bullying, pressure to conform, and rejection. Suicide and drug addiction become real concerns, as the adolescent now has access to a car, drugs and alcohol. The teenage years can overwhelm not only the “special needs” adolescent, but also his or her parents.

Pain, loneliness and despair can lead to problems with drugs, sex and alcohol. In their overwhelming need to fit in and make friends, some ASD teenagers fall into the wrong high school crowds. Adolescents who abuse substances will use the autistic teen’s naivety to get him to buy or carry drugs and liquor for their group. If cornered by a police officer, the autistic teen usually does not have the skills to answer the officer’s questions appropriately. For example, if the officer says, “Do you know how fast you were driving?” the teen may reply bluntly, “Yes,” and thus appears to be a smart-aleck.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Here are a few things that parents can do to help their teen through the tough teenage years:

Most of the jobs that a teenager would be able to get (e.g., movie usher, fast food worker, store clerk, grocery sacker, etc.) involve interaction with the public. This means they are not always a good fit for an adolescent with ASD. However, some of these “special needs” teens can find work in their field of special interest, or in jobs that have little interpersonal interaction. Thus, parents should help their teen to find work that it is alignment with these special concerns.

When your child was little, you could arrange play dates for her. Now as an adolescent, you may have to teach her how to initiate contact with others. For example, you could teach her how to leave phone messages and arrange details of social contacts (e.g., transportation), and encourage her to join high school clubs (e.g., chess or drama). Also, many adolescents with ASD are enjoying each other's company through Internet chat rooms, forums and message boards. On a side note, it isn’t necessary to tell your child’s peers that she has an autism spectrum disorder – let her do that herself if she wants to.

You absolutely have to teach your adolescent about sex. You will not be able to “talk around” the issue. Be specific and detailed about safe sex, and teach your adolescent to tell you about inappropriate touching by others. Your child may need remedial “sex education.” For example, a girl needs to understand she is too old to sit on laps or give hugs to strangers. A boy may have to learn to close toilet stall doors or masturbate only in private.

In the school setting, if the pressure on your child to conform is too great, or if she faces constant harassment and rejection, or if the principal and teaching staff do not cooperate with you as the parent, it may be time to find another school. The adolescent years are a time when many moms and dads decide it is in their child’s best interest to enter special education or a therapeutic boarding school. In a boarding school, professionals will guide your child academically and socially on a 24-hour basis. They do not allow boys to isolate themselves with video games – everyone has to participate in social activities. Also, counseling staff helps with college placements.

If you decide to work within a public school system, you may have to hire a lawyer to get needed services. Your child should have an Individual Education Plan (IEP) and accommodations for the learning disabled. This may mean placement in small classes, using tutors, and providing special arrangements for gym and lunchtime. Your child should receive extra time for college-board examinations. Also, teach your child to find a “safe place” at school where he can share emotions with a trusted adult. The safe place may be the office of the school nurse, guidance counselor, or psychologist.

If your adolescent is college-bound, you have to prepare her for the experience. You can plan a trip to the campus, show her where to buy books, where the health services are, and so on. Also, teach her how to handle everyday problems (e.g., “Where do you buy deodorant?” … “What if you oversleep and miss a class?” … etc.).

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

As you prepare your adolescent for the workforce, keep in mind that people with ASD often do not understand “office politics.” They have problems with the basics (e.g., handling criticism, controlling emotions, showing up on time, working with the public, etc.). This does not mean they can’t hold down a job. Once they master certain aspects of employment, autistic teenagers are often able to work at high levels as accountants, research scientists, computer programmers, just to name a few.

Alcohol and drugs often react adversely with a child’s prescriptions (if he or she is on any), so you should teach your child about these dangers. Since most ASD teenagers are very rule-oriented, try emphasizing that drugs and alcohol are illegal.

Most teenagers on the spectrum can learn to drive, but their process may take longer because of their poor motor coordination. Once they learn a set of rules, they are likely to follow them to the letter (a trait that helps in driving). However, they may have trouble dealing with unexpected situations on the road. Thus, have your child carry a cell phone and give him a printed card that explains autism. Then teach him to give the card to a police officer and phone you in a crisis.

Because of their sensitivity to textures, ASD teenagers often wear the same clothes day in and day out. This is unacceptable in middle or high school. One idea that has worked for some moms and dads is to find an adolescent of the same age and sex as yours, and then enlist that person to help you choose clothes that will enable your child to blend in with other adolescents. Also, insist that your teen practices good hygiene every day.




In conclusion, parents of an adolescent with ASD face many problems that other parents don’t. The autistic teen is emotionally more immature than his “typical” peers. He may be indifferent - or even hostile - to his parents’ concerns. Like all teenagers, the autistic teen is harder to control and less likely to listen to his mom or dad.

He may be tired of his parents “nagging” him to look people in their eyes, brush his teeth, wake up in time for school, and so on. Also, he may hate school with a passion because he is dealing with social ostracism or academic failure. However, by implementing some of the suggestions listed above, parents can help their “special needs” teen to weather the storm of adolescence, and prepare him or her for the challenges of adulthood.

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
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Parenting Teens with Aspergers

Adolescence is full of challenges – especially if a teenager has to deal additionally with the Aspergers condition.

The change is fast, everywhere, and hard to keep up with: The body changes in response to increasing levels of sex hormones; the thinking process changes as the youngster is able to think more broadly and in an abstract way; the social life changes as new people and peers come into scope. Yet the youngster needs to deal with every single one of these changes, all at the same time! With their willingness to help, that’s where the parents come in, who have "been there", with the life experience, maturity and resources. So, how can parents help? Recognizing the complex and sometimes conflicting needs of an adolescent would be a good point to start.

Teenagers yearn to develop a unique and independent identity, separate from their moms and dads. Yes, they love their parents, but they don’t simply want to follow their footsteps. They challenge their parents in any way they can. They disobey their rules; criticize their "old fashioned" values; they discard their suggestions. Experienced moms and dads know that sometimes they have to be very "political" approaching their adolescent kids, if they are going to get their point across. On the other hand, teenagers give a lot of credit to their peers. They yearn to belong to a peer group which would define and support their identity. They may attempt to do things very much out of character just to gain the approval and acceptance of their peers. They tend to hide their weaknesses and exaggerate their strengths. Of course, what teenagers consider as "weakness" or "strength" may sometimes shock their parents.

Young people with Aspergers (high-functioning autism) bring their special flavor to the adolescence, essentially determined by the levels of three ingredients: interest, avoidance and insight.

Level of interest—

Since all forms of Aspergers has an impact on social development by definition, most teenagers with moderate to severe Aspergers will show little or no interest in others. They may seem to be totally unaware of their peers’ presence or they may appear indifferent when peers try to interact. As Aspergers gets less severe, the level of interest in peers usually increases. For these young people, the quality of social interactions mostly depends on the levels of avoidance and insight.

Level of avoidance—

In the social development of teenagers who show some interest in peer interactions, social anxiety and resultant avoidance play an important role. Some young people get very nervous just with the thought of approaching others and may choose to avoid it at all costs. Their avoidance may appear as if they are not interested in others. It is important to differentiate this since anxiety can be treated much more easily than genuine lack of interest.

Anxiety: A Fifteen year-old adolescent with Aspergers was brought by his mother to seek help with his high level of social anxiety. He was refusing to go to school, where he lately had been labeled as "tardy". Their home was in walking distance of school and he would leave home late in the morning to avoid his peers riding or walking to school. He would not go to the school cafeteria to avoid waiting in line. He would avoid classes in which students had to study in groups. Most of his anxiety could be eliminated over a few weeks by the trial of an anti-anxiety medication which he tolerated well and he was able to function better in school.

Most frequently, interaction with peers will create more anxiety than interaction with younger or older people: Younger kids are safer to approach since they would be more likely to accept the dominance of an adolescent with Aspergers and less likely to be critical. Older teenagers and adults are safer because they will be more likely to understand and tolerate. Moms and dads therefore commonly observe that their kids with Aspergers prefer to interact with younger kids or adults over their peers.

For teenagers with Aspergers who show interest in peers and do not avoid contact, the quality of social interactions will depend on the level of insight.

Level of insight—

Yet some teenagers with Aspergers will not avoid interacting with others; younger, older or similar age. Rather, they are eager to communicate, though, often in a clumsy, in-your-face way. The level of their insight into their social disability will then become the determining factor of their social success. If they are unaware of their shortcomings in gauging the social atmosphere and reading social cues, they may inadvertently come across as rude, insulting or boring. They may miss subtle criticism, sarcasm or tease. As they develop better insight, they become more motivated to learn which had not come naturally and intuitively. They also have a better chance to work through a sense of loss, common to all disabilities.

Coping with the Loss of Normalcy—

Regardless of the individual developmental route, most kids with Aspergers start realizing that they are not quite like others at some point during their adolescence. A few factors seem to facilitate the process:
  • higher IQ
  • higher level insight into difficulties in social interaction
  • higher level of interest in others

Once the adolescent realizes that he has significant difficulties in conducting social relationships compared to his peers, he needs deal with this loss, just like dealing with another loss. Understanding the thoughts, feelings and behavior of an adolescent with Aspergers is the necessary first step in helping him out and being there for him. Considering this coping process in a few stages may make the caregivers’ job easier:
  • Acceptance
  • Adaptation
  • Anger
  • Denial
  • Depression

Most commonly, the adolescent will not go through these stages one after another, but rather display a larger or smaller aspect of each at any given time. This is a painful process for not only the adolescent but for others who care for him as well. Moms and dads may find themselves compelled to forget the whole thing and act as if nothing is happening. Well, we are all tempted to avoid pain and denial is an excellent pain killer. The good news is, as much as the denial is contagious, the courage and strength, too, and seeing his parents dealing with the pain calmly and matter-of-factly will encourage the adolescent talk about his anger and frustration. This will in turn help the adolescent get closer to the acceptance and adaptation:
  • You don’t have to bring it up, but when he does, give them a good listening ear and be patient.
  • Don’t try to change the subject, unless your youngster does so.
  • Don’t try to minimize his difficulties, but also don’t let him exaggerate, providing gentle reality testing.
  • Offer the option of counseling, since sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger; however, try not to push the idea directly even if you feel that your youngster clearly needs professional help.

Sometimes you have to be very political trying to sell an idea to a teenager. The mere fact that the idea is coming from his parents may make him refuse it. Let the idea come from a family friend, teacher, or a neighbor he trusts. Give him time to think about it. He may come back to the suggestion when he feels he is ready.

Consider trying an antidepressant medication if he doesn’t seem to be able to move on. Look for the following common symptoms of clinical depression. If five or more of these are present week after week, put your foot down:
  • Appearing sad for most of the time
  • Becoming irritable and angry with the drop of a hat so that family members start walking on egg shells
  • Blaming himself unfairly for anything that goes wrong
  • Complaining that he is tired all the time and wanting to take naps during the day
  • Eating less or more than usual
  • Losing interest in activities he usually enjoys
  • Making remarks like he hates life, he hates you, nobody loves him, or wishing he was dead
  • Not being able to fall asleep, waking up in the middle of the night and having difficulty falling back to sleep
  • Putting himself down, saying he is stupid
  • Withdrawing himself from the rest of the family, refusing to participate in group activities

Clinical depression is a serious condition which carries a significant risk for self-harming behavior. If you suspect that he may have clinical depression, set up an appointment with a child and adolescent psychiatrist as soon as possible and do not put this as an option. He does not have a veto power on this decision.

Anger, Denial and Depression A young teenager was referred from a clinical study of depression in kids and teenagers to maintain his antidepressant medication. My clinical evaluation revealed Aspergers in addition to his ongoing depression. The diagnosis of Aspergers made very much sense to the moms and dads who had wondered for years what was wrong with their son who, among other things, had difficulty relating to his peers, despite being very bright and able to communicate with adults in a quite sophisticated manner. Since he had responded only partially to the study medication we tried him on another antidepressant. Even though his mother thought that he was happier, more motivated and energetic, he was not able to recognize any improvement.

During his most recent follow-up he was very angry with me and announced that he didn’t think that he had Asperger’s, he wanted to stop his medication and wished everybody leaved him alone. My suggestion for counseling was discarded, too. His mother and I firmly insisted that he continues to take his medication. We didn’t push the diagnosis or the counseling idea. I recommended his mother that if he does not feel like coming next time, she comes by herself so that we can strategize how to continue his treatment.

Most teenagers with Aspergers excel in one or two subjects. They tend to accumulate a lot of information on the subject and love to talk about it over and over. Unfortunately, after one point family members end up losing interest and start getting bored to death. Rather than avoiding the subject, try finding out new ways to engage the young person in the subject. Structure the topic in a different way. Find a way to challenge him. Be creative and let sky be the limit! Your interest will make your youngster feel better about himself, realizing his mastery on the subject will boost his self-esteem.

Many teenagers with Aspergers resolve their sense of loss by turning the issue upside down: Rather than clinging to depression and despair, they find their identity in Aspergers. They get in touch with other youth with Aspergers. They take on themselves educating their peers about Aspergers at school. They set up web sites, chat rooms and even write books about it. They gather support for a better understanding and treatment of Aspergers. Encouraging your youngster, providing him means to this end and removing the obstacles in front of him may turn out to be the best antidepressant treatment ever. All this may seem remote and you may not know where to start.

Consider the following tips:
  • Attend support groups for parents and make acquaintances.
  • Get in touch with the organizations like the Autism Society of America or Asperger Syndrome Coalition of the U.S. and contact their local chapters.
  • If it doesn’t work right away, don’t get discouraged and keep trying, always letting your youngster make the first move in showing interest.
  • Invite your new acquaintances to your house and encourage them to bring their kids.
  • Leave brochures, leaflets and other information about teen groups around to catch the attention of your teenager.

Acknowledging Sexuality—

In contrast with their rather slow social development and maturation, teenagers with Aspergers develop physiologically and sexually at the same pace as their peers. As their sons and daughters with Aspergers grow older and display sexualized behavior, many moms and dads find themselves worrying that their:
  • youngster will be taken advantage of
  • youngster will contract sexually transmitted diseases
  • youngster will not have the opportunity of enjoying sexual relationships
  • youngster’s behavior will be misunderstood
  • daughter will get pregnant or their son will impregnate someone else’s daughter

While some moms and dads get concerned that their kids show no interest in sexual matters, others have to deal with behaviors like:
  • masturbating in public
  • staring at others inappropriately
  • stripping in public
  • talking about inappropriate subjects
  • touching others inappropriately
  • touching their private parts in public

Talking about sex, especially the sexuality of our kids makes us feel uncomfortable. Even though we all wish that our kids have safe and fulfilling sexual lives, we hope the issue just gets resolved by itself, or at least somebody else takes the responsibility of resolving it. We may find ourselves lost trying to imagine our kids, who have significant problems carrying a simple conversation, building relationships that may lead to healthy sexuality. We may find it comforting to believe that our kids don’t have sexual needs and feelings, and avoid bringing up the subject in any shape or form. We may feel uneasy about sex education, believing that ignorance will prevent sexual activity.

How can we make sure that our kids with Aspergers express sexuality in socially acceptable and legally permissible ways, avoiding harm to themselves and others?

The key is making your mind that you will address the issue, rather than avoid it. Set up a time with your youngster to talk about sexuality, rather than making a few comments about it when the issue is hot, right after an incident, when everybody feels quite emotional about what just has happened. Ask direct questions about what your youngster knows about sex. Ask about his desires and worries. Tell him what you think should be his first step. After inquiring and talking about the normal behavior, set realistic but firm limits about inappropriate behavior. Seeing your level of comfort around the issue, your youngster will get the message that it is OK to have sexual feelings and it is OK to talk about them. Getting this message alone will bring the tension around sexuality a few notches down. If this approach fails, please do not be shy about asking for help.

Other moms and dads with adolescent kids would be a good starting point. Your youngster’s school may also be able to help. Finally, you may inquire about professional help which should provide an individualized sexuality assessment and sex education based on individual needs, while utilizing behavioral modification techniques to discourage inappropriate sexual behavior and promote appropriate sexual behavior.


==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
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Problems Experienced by Teens with Aspergers and HFA

Adolescents that have Aspergers (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) often experience difficulty in several areas, one of which is socialization.  

Some AS and HFA adolescents are very social, though sometimes they may interact in inappropriate ways. Their peers may not understand their methods of communication and avoid them whenever possible. These very social adolescents often do not understand the word "tact". They blurt out statements that are offensive, believing them to be funny. They may act in an embarrassing manner to gain attention, and they may be uncomfortably blunt in their opinions about people or subjects.

On the other end of the spectrum are those adolescents who avoid socialization with others. They would rather sit alone, and they may be quite standoffish to the point of appearing rude as well. These adolescents may be extremely smart in specific areas, such as writing, math, or some form of the arts. Their extreme intelligence may make them act superior to those who are less accomplished in these areas, and this can create tension and destroy relationships. These adolescents may actually crave the friendship and peer interaction that the rest of their classmates have, but they don't know how to go about getting it.

Symptoms of the disorder that occur during the teen years:

Most symptoms persist through the teenage years. And although teenagers with AS and HFA can begin to learn those social skills they lack, communication often remains difficult. They will probably continue to have difficulty "reading" others' behavior.

Your "special needs" teenager (like other teenagers) will want friends, but may feel shy or intimidated when approaching other teenagers. He may feel "different" from others. Although most teenagers place emphasis on being and looking "cool," teenagers on the autism spectrum may find it frustrating and emotionally draining to try to fit in. They may be immature for their age and be naive and too trusting, which can lead to teasing and bullying. All of these difficulties can cause these teens become withdrawn and socially isolated and to have depression or anxiety.

But some teenagers on the spectrum are able to make and keep a few close friends through the school years. Some of the classic autistic traits may also work to the benefit of your teenager. These young people are typically uninterested in following social norms, fads, or conventional thinking, allowing creative thinking and the pursuit of original interests and goals. Their preference for rules and honesty may lead them to excel in the classroom and as citizens.

Coping Methods for AS and HFA Adolescents--

There are several coping methods that should be considered:

• Social Networking: There are many social networking sites available on the Internet for adolescents with AS and HFA. A social networking site can be a great coping method. Many of these sites offer support groups where adolescents can interact with others who also have an autism spectrum disorder. There are drawbacks to these sites, however. Adolescents sometimes become so dependent on their virtual friends that they become obsessed with their time on the computer and refuse to interact with those around them. Risks could also include encounters with cyber-bullies and pedophiles, so parents should monitor their youngster's Internet activities carefully.

• SPELL: The Structure-Positive-Empathy-Low Arousal-Links method focuses more on intervention methods to help adolescents with AS and HFA cope. Structure emphasizes order in an adolescent's world. Using positive reinforcement build's an adolescent's self-esteem, enabling him to cope more easily with changes in his daily schedule and with social encounters as well. Those who come in contact with an AS or HFA adolescent must be educated in order to gain empathy for his or her situation. Low arousal refers to controlling the environment around the adolescent as much as possible by limiting undue noise and confusion and using relaxation methods, such as massage and music to calm him. The word "links" refers to the connection between all of those involved in the youngster's life.

• TEACCH: The Treatment and Education of Autistic and Related Communication Handicapped Kids/Adults focuses on the visual aspects of communication. This is particularly important for those who have little or no verbal skills. One of the simplest methods associated with this plan is to show photos or pictures of whatever behavior or activity is expected while verbalizing that expectation as well. This method can help calm an adolescent with Aspergers and help him cope with any confusion he might be encountering.

Should an adolescent with AS or HFA try to be "normal?"

How do you let your child be who they are while still protecting them so they don't emerge traumatized? I feel what is most important is not to let your child feel ashamed of who they are. If they've got a spark to them, they've got things they're interested in, don't kill it by making them conform. Most people lose that spark naturally when they get older; there's no reason to do it prematurely. Don't take away one of best things your teen has going for herself: her passion for living life, even if it's living life on her own terms. If she wants to fit in, she'll ask you how to fit. It'll come, but let it be when she's ready for it rather than force her into a cookie cutter existence.

Some AS and HFA teens go through middle school so excited about their passions that they barely notice they're the odd ones out, or if they notice, they don't care (probably not a lot, but some). Others are unfortunately bullied quite a bit. There are a few things you can do to try to either prevent this from happening or minimize the effects if it does. First, use her talents and passions to find her a niche in the school where she can succeed. The drama club is a natural place. Many quirky children find refuge in drama clubs; and if she can succeed in school plays, then she has one place where she belongs and can be accorded respect.

If there's a particular subject she's interested in, see if she can start a club and find other children interested in the same thing. Or find if you can a group outside of school interested in that kind of thing. Buffer her so if she does encounter some rejection she will already belong to and have found success in enough other activities that it won't really matter so much. Perhaps you could encourage her to take interest in a particular teacher, especially in a subject she enjoys, so she could have an ally at the school. Teachers were always invaluable support people to me when I was in school.

If she does encounter problems, try to find ways around some of the biggest trouble spots. For example, she could eat lunch in a classroom instead of the lunchroom if the lunchroom is problematic. If bullying does occur, hopefully you can work with her and the school to minimize the amount of places that it occurs. Keep reminding her of how great she is, and let her cry to you if she needs to.

But the most important thing you can do, it seems, is continue to let her be who she is because it's not worth losing yourself for a bunch of junior high children, and give her outlets where she can succeed so she's not as bothered by the junior high children. Also, if she's into it and they're available, a support group for autistic teens may be valuable.

==> My Aspergers Teen: Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and HFA Teens
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