“I'd like to ask you about a very big problem for our autistic son - his perfectionism! Can you give me some advice on what to do about this issue, because I believe it is a major contributing factor to his never-ending anxiety, especially when doing his homework?”
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5 comments:
My daughter was like this for years! Then we switched her to a charter school for learning disabilities. The teachers are all special educators and amazing! Perfectionism is gone!!!! Regular School was the problem
The article suggests finding a book or movie role model who fails and then succeeds. I have a five year old son who fits the article model. He has never been diagnosed with Aspergers, but from our observations he shows many of the traits. Would anyone have any movie or book suggestions for a child his age?
Thomas Edison
He failed many many times.
Michael Jordan failed making his high school basket ball team
Mickey Rooney has a quote " you always pass failure on the way to success"
Even Einstein got things wrong- he insisted one mathematician was wrong but eventually it was determined (after countless hours by Einstein) that tgat mathematician was correct!
I reccomend watching the new "cosmos" series on netflix! It shows many scientists who made mistakes, or were considered weird or wrong etc. My son totally enjoys the show!
I'm almost 57 and was diagnosed as having Aspergers. I am a perfectionist on morality. When I fall short of even small blunders,I punish myself greatly. Because I never had my issues addressed,when other people don't meet up with what I feel is the perfect moral/religious code,I cut them out of my life only to find out I hurt them to the extreme!I then view this as morally wrong on my end and start the self punishment again. My friends are really helping me see that perfectionism with self loathing when I miss the mark is destructive.Balace is key.I think a lot in black and white terms. Anyone on the spectrum needs to learn that there are grey areas of personal decision and areas of conscience. So, it is good to see examples of others who missed the mark and learned how they picked themselves back up to continue in their goals without self hatred.Bible examples of loyal Servants of God who missed the mark, but came back on the right tract again are my favourite ones to imitate. They help me to forgive myself and move forward and not expect ABSOLUTE perfection!!!
My daughter is a perfectionist to the point where it can impair her day to day. One day at a place where you pick and pick and paint your pottery (she chose a Penguin), she had a spiraling meltdown because her painting of the Penguin wasn't 'perfect'. After painting every color on the penguin in an angry way making it a really tragic looking penguin and after the ensuing drama and crying, we sat down for a follow up conversation about what had occurred. We talked about perfectionism and how it ruined a chance for a fun day of painting with friends. She was about 10 when this happened. Now at 22, she still keeps that Penguin around and we often refer to her moments of perfectionism with a simple phrase: Perfect Penguin? It's a funny little way she reminds herself that she can stop and rethink how to approach the task at hand.
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