ASD and ADD

My soon to be 12 year old has ADHD. But now we are suspecting ASD. We wonder if it could be one or the other - or both. Is this possible? How can we tell the difference? He and I butt heads because he will not stay on task for chores unless I stand over him, and even then can't seem to get it together. He gets angry if asked/told he needs to do chores. And no, none of them are that hard, and he will admit that after a long painful, drawn out affair. 
 
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Anonymous said…
Hi - I am really delighted to find this. cool job!
April 11, 2011 at 8:37 PM
Truf said…
Yes, we have the same issues here with my 8 year old, and I hope someone comes up with a suggestion. Anything, even changing his clothes, becomes an ordeal - and don't get me started on homework! He can spend 10 minutes staring at a sock after being told to put his socks on.
January 18, 2012 at 4:07 PM
Anonymous said…
Same with homework for my 9 year old daughter. Sometimes she does them without any issue (rarely!) and I try to remind her of those times when she's having a fit about doing them...
January 19, 2012 at 8:20 AM
Anonymous said…
Yes, we had the same problem. I tried giving one instruction at a time for chores. "Just pick up trash" etc, that helped a little. But we also got some meds for the ADD to help at school, and it's helped at home, too
January 19, 2012 at 8:21 AM
Anonymous said…
I dont even ask my son to do anything except what concerns him and even then i get omg i wish i didnt have any teet or omg i wish i could stink forver---or i wish i was bald etc..
January 19, 2012 at 8:21 AM
Anonymous said…
I think you have to give the control over to him. With (at first) BIG incentives for him completing a task (and make the task short, and doable). I would write down the task, and break it in steps if you need to. Give him a time frame it needs to be done. With a highly motivating reward when it is completed. Make sure he understands what your expectations are, and then give him freedom to succeed or not on his own. If he completes the task, reward immediately with praise and whatever the "reward" is. Brag about it on the phone with friends and to anyone who is around. Mention how proud you are in his earshot. If he fails to do or complete, in a matter of fact way say, something like, "too bad you didn't finish making your bed. You could have had that _________ you've been wanting. We'll try again tomorrow." And leave it. Do not argue or entertain negotiations. I also let my son pick chores he'd rather do. He would rather empty the dish washer or vacuum, and he hates feeding the dog (smell). So I try to give him chores that he'd "rather" do. (Though cleaning up his belongings are not optional). Hope this helps some.
January 19, 2012 at 8:21 AM
Anonymous said…
My son is 13 and has aspergers and we have the same frustrations, but I was advised to help him with the chores and yes work with him on a daily basis. Sometimes its not feasable so guess what the chore doesn't get done... I have to pick our battles everyday.. Keep the faith
23 hours ago · Like · 2
January 19, 2012 at 8:21 AM
Anonymous said…
We had this problem with chores, homework and everything else. Until, on the advice of a therapist, we have typed up an expectation list that we keep on the fridge. List each chore/requirement, with every day of the week written, like a calendar. Example: homework without a problem. Make your bed. Put your dishes in the sink. No backtalk. No Yelling. Put your toys away. Etc. For each infraction, remove a privilege of your choice. And for every day of compliance, give a reward that they will like. (like extended time on the computer, etc.) For every 3 days, make the reward bigger. Now, because this is clearly written out in black and white for all to see, there is no getting around it. You MUST stick to the list, despite tears, begging, or anything else! If they get a check for something wrong, just say "Tomorrow's another day." After a couple of weeks, my son has been an ANGEL! This works!
January 19, 2012 at 8:21 AM
Anonymous said…
Oh, as time moves on, and he's got one chore down well (like making his bed) then still require him to do that (with less or no reward) and add something else with the motivating reward). Reward systems generally work for most ASD kids, as long as they are continuously tweaked.
January 19, 2012 at 8:22 AM
Anonymous said…
Can you use a visual chart? Out each responsibility on a new card and have him move them to the 'DONE' pile as he completes them. Give him a reward or some kind of positive reinforcement after he has completed all of his tasks? I know when I speak to mine -- instructions go in one ear and out the other....
January 19, 2012 at 8:22 AM
Anonymous said…
Sounds very familiar.....chores school work homework just not interested. That also can be part of the teenage stage as well it is very hard to distinguish between the two. Can be very hard work have tried rewards point system towards rewards run out of ideas.
January 19, 2012 at 8:22 AM
Anonymous said…
i have the same thing when ever i ask my 12 year old to do anything at times, some days he is really good an does things without us asking him , like brings me a cuppa an breakfast in bed at weekends, but thats only because he wants something lol
January 19, 2012 at 8:22 AM
Anonymous said…
my son has Aspergers and ADHD and its a constant battle to do small chores and homework. He gets overwhelmed so i try breaking his work into smaller segments and that does help but I still have to be there to help him stay on task.
January 19, 2012 at 8:22 AM
Anonymous said…
have you tried testing it out to see if it really is an attention issue or if he just doesn't want to do chores? here's an example, Billy, i need to you to 1. take out the garbage, 2. put the clean dishes away and 3. eat that bag of m&ms in the freezer.
January 19, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Anonymous said…
My 11 yr old son is responsible for dishes, garbage, and his bedroom. We even have a to do list on the fridge. If u were outside listening you would think I was ripping out his fingernails when I ask him to do dishes!!
January 19, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Anonymous said…
I have a 15yr old with aspergers and adhd and she flatly refuses to do anything houseworky. Can't even get her to bath herself - she is rotten :( she will not even sort her laundry between lights and darks - final straw was shutting her in her room until it was sorted and she kicked the door down :\ she is only newly diagnosed tho so i'm clueless with who to handle this at the mo - i'm searching for answers!
January 19, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Anonymous said…
Asperger's is so new to me but what I have learned in the last week is that when giving instruction to my 14 years old son is to show him how to do the chore. Our problem lies with not understanding HOW to do what has been asked of him. I've learned that it may take 'showing him how' to complete the task at least 2-3 times before he gets it. This may or mY not work for all children but it's worth a try. Once the task is completed, provide high praise and a reward....something he really enjoys like ice cream.
21 hours ago · Like
January 19, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Anonymous said…
Same issue and my daughter is 16! I've found that if I give her one chore at a time and explain how it should be done, she does it. She still fusses, but I think that's just being a teenager :-)
January 19, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Anonymous said…
My 10 yr old has Aspergers and ADHD. We use a system that isn't rewarding exactly but removing rewards ( like Video games) if we ask him to do a chore and he won't. I think it's more effective for him if we say, if you don't do X then you won't do X instead of saying you can have X if you do X. The meaning is different.
@ Gina, shutting her in her room is bound to have a negative affect. There are lots of resources on Asperger Disorder.
January 19, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Anonymous said…
I got my son to cooperate by teaching him that if he doesn't cooperate with us, we don't have to cooperate with him. I stopped doing his laundry, doing his dishes, explained to him he was too young (at the time) to cook on the stove and told him he'd have to eat sandwiches until he was old enough to learn to cook but then I didn't have to teach him or do grocery shopping because I don't have to do chores if he doesn't!!! That got his attention. :) I then explained to him that no one likes to do chores but we do them because we care about the people we live with and we respect ourselves, otherwise we'd live in a pig sty and we'd eat in dirty dishes, smell bad from wearing dirty clothes, etc. That got through to him. Now he grumbles about not liking them, but he does his chores. The most important is to add that Christmas and b-day shopping is also a chore and so is baking a birthday cake, planning a b-day party... you get the idea...

I know... I'm a mean, tough mom lol (I actually hate it but it's necessary sometimes) and no I didn't stop doing the chores for very long. He got the point pretty quickly. Works on neuro-typical kids too btw... those who have that sense of entitlement... oh and when he completes a chore I make sure I give him what he likes the most, a hug. So give some reward for chores completed.
January 19, 2012 at 8:24 AM
Anonymous said…
my 15 yr old is the same way, drives us crazy, @ Gina it is a struggle for me too, just try to be patient and teach them the importance of doing things in a educational, logical way instead of "because I said so", wont always work but worth a shot
January 19, 2012 at 8:24 AM
Anonymous said…
‎9 y/o son with ADHD and Aspergers here. We don't do a lot of chores, but the ones he does are broken down into small pieces. Not "clean your room" but "pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper" followed by a reward, then "pick up the legos and put them in the bin" followed by a reward. That pretty much takes up all day Sunday. :)
January 19, 2012 at 8:24 AM
Anonymous said…
Wow! Some great ideas here. Our son would go ballistic if the door was shut so he'd do a chore. The chore wouldn't get done & we'd have a meltdown & trauma to deal with.

With our 9-year old son who has Asperger's, ADHD and a mood disorder, we have a system that works for him. Constant praise so well MOST of the time. We demonstrate over & over & remind & praise. Yes it's aggravating, but he gets rewards for doing things & thrives with praise. Keep trying, be patient & love.
January 19, 2012 at 8:24 AM
Anonymous said…
yes basically with nearly all tasks.hes very defiant with lots of everyday tasks...Its very difficult to get him to do basic tasks and emotionally exhaustingfor me at times.. suggestions would be greatly appreciated, hes nearly 12yrs
4 hours ago · Like
January 19, 2012 at 8:24 AM
Anonymous said…
My son is 9 & even after being shown how to do it & told to do it, though he is happy to help, he gets distracted with in seconds & forgets what he is doing! Then when you remind him you get the dreaded blank stare!
January 19, 2012 at 8:24 AM
Anonymous said…
These are a lot of good suggestions, but what I really need is for my 11 y-o son to wash the dishes and do things that are awful to him , since he has sensory issues as well. !! He will Need to learn these things in the future anyway!! Any suggestions greatly appreciated.
July 2, 2012 at 12:06 AM
Midwestern Mom said…
My son has ADHD/Asperger's also. I have tried charts/rewards, they don't work very well for us. Giving advance notice of the chore (like a day in advance) and reminding him that morning that he is expected to do a certain chore that night helps. My son is in 3rd grade and I still have to sit with him THE ENTIRE TIME he is doing homework. If I step away, even for a minute, something will distract him and next thing I know, he has wandered off. Giving small step verbal commands, also helps--put on your sock, go get your shoes, put books on shelf, etc. and then watching to redirect him if he gets distracted.
May 23, 2013 at 11:28 AM
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