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How To Be Your Child's Greatest Advocate

There is a series of stages that parents go through when they learn that their child has High-Functioning Autism or Asperger's. Often there is an expected confusion when the youngster doesn’t seem to conform to “normal” childhood standards. When the diagnosis is made, a sense of grief can occur with the loss of the anticipated “typical child.”

Some moms and dads remain in that stage and can't see the positive aspects their child brings to the family and the world in general. Other parents are relieved to know that there is a name for the "difference" in their youngster and that this "disorder" has nothing to do with "bad parenting."

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11 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is difficult one my husband is an aspie too and we struggle at times .stay positive lots of support out there and on here too xxx

Anonymous said...

the same happened in my household. i told my s.o. to observe him intently, and pay attention to any obsessions he might have. I told him to keep track of everyhing he sees and do some research. It tpok him a while, but he eventually came to terms.

Anonymous said...

My son is given the same expectations as his siblings. He might have a different time frame to complete the task with check lists to help him complete them. but at 7 we got the same diagnosis and we determined then that it was the REASON he was acting the way he acted but that was not an EXCUSE for not doing..... fill in the blank. with structured guidlines and assistance with a TON of patience and he will make it through it. I also explained to my son I know you are different I know things are harder for you but it is NOT acceptable to react the way you do ( in certain situations) a large part of ASD is lack of social skills and not having the ability to react in what we see as a "normal" facet. Coaching answers and responses has helped. It's not perfect and every child is different but talking through it after he has had a melt down or did something social unacceptable we talk able what would be a better alternative response and we role play it out. Hope this helps!!

Anonymous said...

We learned to adapt. Before we knew he was Autistic his doc labeled him as "slow to change" He was a kid that needed closure to whatever he was doing before he could move on to something else. As soon as we learned to give him a count down to the changing of another task, his fustration of having to stop "playing" stopped. The older he gets the less problem he has with sudden change or change in routine, but routines and having time to finish things makes huge difference in his mood. Before being diagnosed aspergers he was diagnosed bi polar, the medication made a huge difference! He is up more than down and is more wanting to interact with other kids. We've learned to always talk to him with eye contact as sometimes these kids have trouble processing verbal communcation. He gets treated the same as his sister and brothers, the only difference is he may get a little more time to process what we are asking him to do or not do and we make sure he can tell us what he is in trouble for, so we know he's processed it. I consider myself lucky, a lot of kids with this have anger issues, my son is almost overly mellow and rarely gets into trouble.

Anonymous said...

Okay....Your husbamd needs to be educated about Aspergers...that's what where all of this comes from is ignorance 9pardon the expression) I had the EXACT same issue with my oon to be ex-husband that's how bad it became becaus ehe simply would NOT educate himself an we kept buttting heads for years...my son is 11 now..

Anonymous said...

My son's dad is the same. We're divorced though and he thinks it's my parenting style not ASD. His doctors have tried to help him be more educated and he still fights it. I think he is also on the spectrum. Just keep working for your son and he'll see the improvements and eventually understand.

Anonymous said...

B4 my 10 yr old son was diagnosed i too thought my son was stubborn and rebelious. I was also very relieved when i found out his final diagnos. The best thing i have done for my son and i is educate us both. I have read probably at least 12 books and done lots of internet reading as well. All aspies are different and different books provide different information. U have to experiment and find what works best for your family. Try to remember that this is a neurológical thing and your son cant help the way his brain works. With a lot of patience and work he can learn better behavior
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Anonymous said...

‎"Eating an Artichoke" by Echo R. Fling was a lifesaver when my son was first diagnosed...he was 8...he turns 18 next week. What a roller coaster ride! I wouldn't have changed any of it! We love our son!

Anonymous said...

You son misbehaves because he lacks understanding on what is the alternative behavior. Children on the spectrum mist be intentionally instructed on how to behave in varying social settings they do not learn by imitation or intuition. Punishment while immediately gratifying to parent may not provide the information to the child on replacement behavior and why. The gravest mistake made with autism is not providing the child with necessary information. The next biggest mistake is assuming that intelligence will compensate and they will acquire social skills on there own.

Invest in educating your spouse if you do not the behavior will get worst. Their behavior os a by-product of a different way of thinking. Whatever behavior modification works for typical children will not work with autism save yourself the time and teach how they learn.

Anonymous said...

Some parents find it extremely hard to accept any diagnosis of their child, education about the diagnosis is the only way and this can only be done if the person wants to learn about it. Not all of the behaviour can be blamed on the diagnosis as they are children and test the boundaries. Two disciplinary programs I have learnt about which can be used with children who have special needs are Magic 123 developed by Dr Thomas Phelan and The Nurtured Heart developed by Howard Glasser. It is important through to to educate these children which behaviours they should use instead of the bad behaviours too.

Anonymous said...

I'm a HFA mum raising a HFA 7 year old. He is the most amazing child and being autistic myself we have a unique bond. The biggest thing I found was to pick your battles. I step back from every situation and analyze it. Im getting really good at picking the difference between his autism behavior and his 7 year old behavior. I can't stress enough how important It is to educate yourself. Engross yourself in his world and understand what life is like from his point of view. Once you can tell the difference you can pick your battles. I used to get punished for not looking at people when I spoke to them, and I hated people interrupting me whilst I was thinking. So I give the same considerations to my son, I don't get frustrated when I have to say his name 12 times to get his attention. Maybe get hubby some books, or onto a blog written by someone with HFA or similar, it may help him understand and take a different stance.

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

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How to Prevent Meltdowns in Children on the Spectrum

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Teens on the Spectrum

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children with ASD Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

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to read the full article...

Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

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