HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders

Search This Site

How to Help Children on the Autism Spectrum to Feel Competent

“Any ideas on how to help our high-functioning son improve his self-esteem and start to feel more capable of doing certain things. He’s a very sensitive boy that doesn’t seem to have much faith in his abilities… for example, won’t turn in homework because he’s afraid he’ll get an ‘F’… won’t even attempt to ride his bicycle (it just collects dust in the garage)… refuses to attend Sunday School because ‘nobody likes’ him (prefers sitting with us during regular service) …just to name a few.”

A young person with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) often feels powerless and inadequate. He tends to be a passive learner and needs to be totally involved in activities to make him an active learner. You can encourage hands-on activities (e.g., cleaning, cooking, shopping, and running errands, etc.) to show your “special needs” child that he is competent and can make things happen. These learning activities have the added benefit of resulting in visible, tangible products that are valued by the entire family.

As parents of kids on the autism spectrum, we must be aware of doing too much for our kids, because it has the opposite effect of empowerment and self-reliance. The opposite would be disenfranchisement and dependency. In order to help your son feel more capable, (a) utilize a concept called “active engagement,” (b) foster the development of curiosity, and (b) model the idea that obstacles are actually “learning opportunities.”



The effects of active engagement (e.g., giving your child a special chore to do - that only he does - in which he’s considered the “expert” with that chore) are in fact neurological. Research shows that the sights and sounds of enriched environments cause dendrites to form neural pathways that are called “magic trees of the mind.” The data reveal that a curious mind, stimulated to further inquiry, makes the central cortex thicker, activating the brain to further enhance learning (Smith, 1995).

Moms and dads can foster curiosity in their AS or HFA youngster and lay the framework for thinking and questioning. When the child’s mind is questioning everything, his body is active, his hands are into things, and he is helped to achieve the highest cognitive development possible.

Parents work with their youngster to develop critical thinking skills (a) when the family plays games like chess, checkers, or Clue; (b) when a mystery story has been read and the child guesses who did it; (c) when the family watches a TV show, and the child is asked what the big message was; and (d) when they have her look at photos or drawings and piece together what could be going on.

In addition, programs such as HyperStudio allows the child to draw, photograph, speak, and scan objects from the Internet – and to make worthwhile multimedia presentations that simultaneously use and develop many skills.

You can also empower your child with AS or HFA to view difficulties as challenges and to know that she has a lot going for her and a team behind her. When parents can adopt a “problem-solving mode” rather than always providing the answers, it helps their child feel competent (e.g., “Let’s figure out where we can find the information we need instead of doling out the right answer much of the time.” “What can we do about this?” “What options do we have?” …etc.).

Parenting kids with AS and HFA requires a lot of problem-solving. In addition, parents need to help turn their youngster into an outstanding problem-solver as well. Learning when to ask for help and who to ask, grappling with adversity, and figuring out strategies that work for him are critical life-skills that the youngster must learn – and will help him feel competent.

More ways to help your AS or HFA child to feel competent:

•  Another great way to instill feelings of competency in your child is to encourage her to take on tasks she shows interest in, and then make sure she follows through to completion. It doesn’t matter what the interest is. It can be anything from beating levels in video games to Karate. The point is for your child to stick with what she starts so she feels that sense of achievement in the end.

•  Don’t over-praise your child. Over-praising does more harm than good. Feeling competent comes from feeling loved and secure. Being competent means becoming good at things, and that takes time and effort. You can’t praise your child into competency. We you over-praise, you are lowering the bar. If you keep telling your youngster that he is already doing a great job, you’re saying he no longer needs to push himself. But feelings of competency come from doing, from trying and failing – and trying again.

•  Allow your youngster to take healthy risks. You may have to force yourself to stand back and allow her to make mistakes rather than charging in to rescue. To build competency in the world, your child will need to take chances, make choices, and take responsibility for those choices.

•  Lastly, allow your child to make her own choices. When she makes her own age-appropriate choices, she will feel more confident. Children as young as 2 can start considering the consequences of their decisions.

Feeling competent refers to a global affirmation of self. When an AS or HFA child feels competent, he is able to embrace ALL facets of himself – not just the positive parts. He accepts himself unconditionally. He can recognize his weaknesses and limitations, but this awareness in no way interferes with his ability to fully accept himself – and to feel empowered and self-reliant in other areas of his life.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

No comments:

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

Click here to read the full article…

Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

Click here to read the full article…

Online Parent Coaching for Parents of Asperger's Children

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing: obsessive routines; problems coping in social situations; intense tantrums and meltdowns; over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights; preoccupation with one subject of interest; and being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes.

Click here to read the full article...

Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Parents, teachers, and the general public have a lot of misconceptions of Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism. Many myths abound, and the lack of knowledge is both disturbing and harmful to kids and teens who struggle with the disorder.

Click here to read the full article...

Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here
to read the full article...

Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and HFA

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...

My Aspergers Child - Syndicated Content