My Aspergers Child: Grandparents Raising Aspergers Grandchildren

23.4.10

Grandparents Raising Aspergers Grandchildren

Question

Are there many other grandparents like me helping to raise kids with Aspergers? And what qualities do you think we bring to this task?

Answer

There are many grandparents, aunts, uncles and other family members who are involved in helping to raise kids with Aspergers. The degree to which relatives are involved in the care of the kids can vary greatly, but grandparents often have a special place in kid’s hearts.

Grandparents bring a unique set of skills to the raising of their grandkids. Many grandparents have the ability to spend a great deal of time with their grandkids because they are retired or have cut back on their work schedule. This gift of time is typically accompanied by patience. Parents are often harried, rushing from here to there to get things accomplished according to the schedule. Grandparents often don’t have those pressures. This gift of time and patience can be especially important to a youngster with Aspergers. Grandparents can often ease the chaos of transition periods for a youngster with Aspergers. Grandparents are often more patient when explaining something or encouraging a youngster to try a new experience.

Grandparents often have reached a place in their lives where they care less about what other people’s perceptions of them are. This can be a special gift when raising a youngster with Aspergers. Grandparents tend to be more accepting and less embarrassed by public outbursts or tantrums, or even behaviors that might strike others as odd.

Grandparents often have more time to try to develop new and different ways to relate to a youngster with Aspergers. They are often less discouraged when a strategy meets with failure and tend to look at the big picture, rather than the small detail.

Grandparents can be a gift not only to the kids with Aspergers but also to their moms and dads. They can function as trusted caregivers for their kids, as well as being a sounding board for concerns or fears or frustrations the parents may have. Sometimes, simply being there for the parents and offering support can be very important.

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3 comments:

Diana said...: Are there any other grandparents out there that are raising an Asperger grandchild?? My husband and I were "gifted" as I call it my husbands 12 yr old grandson who was dx with Aspergers, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and ADHD. Its like a ball of fire all at once!!
We are in our 50's, been married for almost 6 years. I have a son who is almost 30 and he has a daughter 32. This child is his daughters who never raised the child as my husbands parents did. We received custody through the Social Service Department. Needless to say this past year has been a very trying and stressful time for all of us.
Our grandson has been doing pretty good through all of this with some exceptions. We have had him therapy with a behavior specialist for this entire time working on meds, social skills and much more.
I am an educated woman with a background in Social Work...I should know how to handle issues with him. However, I dont!!! I am lost, confused, anxious, angry, stressed, unsure of self confidence, scared and well I am sure I could come up with more.
I have attended support groups in our area which are wonderful if I were 20-30 yrs old and gave birth to this child. They dont seem to understand or have the same issues I am having. They want to play and go out to dinner with all of the children! Now dont get me wrong,,I love going out to dinner...but my patience is not that great to spend a dinner with 10 other Asperger kids at once!
Please do understand that I love our grandson!! I search daily for things for him to do. We have started Special Olympics with him so he can get involved with sports as well as learn to work on his social skills.
I feel very blessed that we have this great opportunity to raise him!! However, I am feeling very overwhelmed the past few months. I feel as if I have bitten off more than I can chew. When talking to my friends..I always hear.."You are so lucky to be able to raise him", "What a great job you are doing with him" and on and on. That is nice to hear...but there are days when I just want to scream!! I want to run around the house and rip my hair out!!!
I am just wanting to know if I am the only grandma that feels like this? If so, maybe I need to be put away!! I am feeling very overwhelmed as I said before. I am looking for others that feel like this, maybe we can chat, blog, yell and scream together!! So, please if you are a grandparent or other person caring for a child with Aspergers...chime on in!!!! Let me know if its time to call the men in the white coats for myself!!!; April 7, 2011 6:54 AM
Anonymous said...: You are NOT the only grandma. I have been partially raising our 6 yr old grandson since he turned 3. I love him dearly but sometimes get so frustrated I could just scream. Take heart, you are not alone. Just do the best you can and know you are an amazing person.; July 23, 2011 8:11 AM
Anonymous said...: Diana, your are not alone, My husband and I have been raising our grandson who is 7 most of his life. He has Aspergers and is also ADHD and it is a roller coaster. one thing that is hard is to keep your cool. When the child is upset or angery we need to stay calm talk to your grandson is a soft voice and let him no you care and that everything will be ok, talk him through his issues most of all we need the Lords help; January 31, 2012 8:46 AM

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But...

Don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

If your child suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome, expect him to experience both minor and major meltdowns over incidents that are part of daily life. He may have a major meltdown over a very small incident, or may experience a minor meltdown over something that is major. There is no way of telling how he is going to react about certain situations. However, there are many ways to help your child learn to control his emotions.

Click here for the full article...

Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing a child with a neurological disorder. Violent rages, self-injury, isolation-seeking tendencies and communication problems that arise due to auditory and sensory issues are just some of the behaviors that parents of teens with Aspergers will have to learn to control.

Parents need to come up with a consistent disciplinary plan ahead of time, and then present a united front and continually review their strategies for potential changes and improvements as the Aspergers teen develops and matures.

Click here to read the full article…

Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

Although they may vary slightly from person to person, children with Aspergers tend to have similar symptoms, the main ones being:

=> A need to know when everything is happening in order not to feel completely overwhelmed
=> A rigid insistence on routine (where any change can cause an emotional and physiological meltdown)
=> Difficulties with social functioning, particularly in the rough and tumble of a school environment
=> Obsessive interests, with a focus on one subject to the exclusion of all others
=> Sensory issues, where they are oversensitive to bright light, loud sounds and unpleasant smells
=> Social isolation and struggles to make friends due to a lack of empathy, and an inability to pick up on or understand social graces and cues (such as stopping talking and allowing others to speak)

Click here to read the full article…

Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships.

People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

A person with Aspergers may have trouble understanding the emotions of their partner, and the subtle messages that are sent by facial expression, eye contact and body language are often missed. Because of this, a person with Aspergers might be seen as egotistical, selfish or uncaring.

These are unfair labels, because the affected individuals are neurologically unable to understand other people's emotional states, and they are usually shocked, upset and remorseful when told their actions were hurtful or inappropriate!

Click here to read the full article…

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