HELP FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ASPERGER'S & HIGH-FUNCTIONING AUTISM

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Aspergers Children & Behavioral Problems at School

Question

I have a 7 year old son who has yet to be diagnosed but, it is looking as if he has aspergers. He is having major behavioural problems at school which include hitting other children, staff etc. He is an only child and although there are some behaviour issues at home, the main problem is when he is in a group situation like school. Has anyone else had this experience and if so what did you do?

Answer

First of all, you should have him tested by a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrists (ask for a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation) to determine if he, in fact, has Aspergers (high-functioning autism).

There are all sorts of reasons why Aspergers kids misbehave in school. By the time an Aspergers student is reacting with violence, it's too late to institute a quick fix. Here are five ways to start dealing with problems or potential problems early, when there is still time to work with teachers and administrators to make school a tolerable place for your youngster.

1. Be realistic about your Aspergers youngster's abilities—Pushing and motivating and holding high expectations can drive some kids to be all they can be, but it can drive others straight into anxiety and depression. Would you want to work at a job, day in and day out, where you always had to be at the top of your abilities, handling things you weren't quite on top of and hoping things turn out alright? Kids can't quit, and they have very little recourse in terms of demanding better working conditions, but they can find all sorts of ways to act out their anger and despair. Be honest and compassionate when considering what sort of classroom your youngster will learn best in and what sorts of supports he or she will require. Academics are important, and it's not wrong to make them your biggest concern, but emotional support and feelings of mastery are important, too.

2. Be respectful of authority yourself—We all know how important it is to fight for our kids and be strong, effective advocates. That struggle may lead us to conclude that some teachers and some administrators are not worthy of our respect, and their judgment is subject to doubt. But be very, very careful how you communicate that to your youngster. You may think the message you're giving is that grown-ups can be wrong, and you will always stick up for him, and she should value herself even when others criticize. The message your youngster receives, though, may be that it's okay to be disrespectful to teachers, the rules don't apply to her, and you will clean up every mess he makes. That's an attitude that's sure to cause major problems at school, and beyond -- if you teach a kid to question authority, sooner or later he's going to question yours.

3. Listen when your Aspergers youngster talks—I suggest that kids don't answer the question "How was school?" because they know moms and dads only want to hear good news. Moms and dads should reconnect with what it really feels like to be in school -- the uncomfortable desks, the stuffy classrooms, the disengaged teachers, the work that is either too easy or too hard. Think about what it really feels like to be your youngster at school. Ask questions about feelings, and really listen to what he or she says. Don't be quick with a pep talk and a pat on the back. Having someone to listen, without judging, can help defuse some of the frustration that might later erupt in dangerous behavior. And if you listen closely, you may be able to figure out other ways to lessen your youngster's emotional burden.

4. Request an FBA—If the school is sending home complaints about your youngster's behavior -- and expecting you to do something about it -- put the ball back in their court by requesting a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA). This will force school personnel to really think about your youngster's behavior, not just react to it. An FBA examines what comes before bad behavior and what the consequences are for it; what possible function the behavior could serve for the youngster; and what sorts of things could be setting him or her off. If a youngster finds classwork too hard or a classroom too oppressive, for example, getting sent to the hallway or the principal or home could become a reward, not a punishment. Conducting an FBA and writing a behavior plan based on it is probably the best way to head off discipline problems. If teachers and administrators refuse to go along with it, you might need to do a little behavior analysis on them.

5. Volunteer at your Aspergers youngster's school—Being a presence at your youngster's school -- whether you volunteer at the library or help in the lunchroom, serve as class parent or staff special events -- pays numerous dividends. It gets you known by the administration in a non-adversarial context. It lets your youngster know that school is important to you and a place you want to be. It gives you an opportunity to observe what goes on in that building, from the conduct of the students to the morale of the teachers. If you can't spare the time to volunteer during the school day, attend every Home and School Association meeting you can, and be sure to show up for Back to School nights and teacher conferences. When school personnel get to know you as an involved and interested parent, they're more likely to be your ally when problems come up.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Tantrums and Meltdowns at Home and School


COMMENTS:

504 plan at school and lots lots lots of educating the staff and teachers how he functions.
Anonymous said...   Aggression can be a symptom of many things, so please don't hyperfocus on getting an AS diagnosis especially when the symptomology could point to another health condition altogether (ie. severe social anxiety disorder).
Anonymous said...   Extremely small amount of info. to be suggestive of asd. There would be many many other signs previous.
Anonymous said...   From what you have shared this doesn't sound like asd. What makes you believe it is?
Anonymous said...   I have learned that it is the fear and overwhelming sensation of being in a group that creates the outbursts. My son has a very supportive school and 2 years later is a happy amazing child. When he had outbursts instead of removing him from the class they removed everyone else so that he could feel safe while calming down. They went above and beyond to make him feel safe. I am forever grateful, because prior to this school he used to launch at teachers, spit run away etc. we had a few days at this school where he wasn't able to handle it and walked out. So talk to your school about some strategies, believe that it is from a place of fear and pain as sometimes too much noise is very painful for them. Best of luck xx
Anonymous said...   It is very possible they do. If communication is impaired they often times will act out. My son is very verbal but at the same time has trouble processing info to be able to express how he really feels and what's bothering him.
Anonymous said...   It sounds a lot like my son. High functioning autism and ADHD. my son would go into melt down at school from over stimulation. Even at 6 and 7 he knew he needed to leave the class to calm himself but teachers wouldn't let him. Then things would escalate.
Anonymous said...   My child was 7 when he was diagnosed with Aspergers. When he had meltdowns, he would hit. It sounds like when he's in this group, he's having social anxiety. My son also has a sensory disorder, which he could have?
Anonymous said...   My grandy is 8 yrs he wont go to school at all watch the english program on utube my violent child great advice on the 3 episodes
Anonymous said...  I'm going through the exact same thing. My son is 7 too. I have an appointment with an autism center and I just signed papers to have him psych tested at school. I bought him a weighted vest. It helps. He also has a dark space in his classroom to use if needed.
Anonymous said...  Speak to the school .im in the same position as you .waiting for a decision but my son is showing signs of aspergers .he doesnt like being in group settings .the school and SENCO.have put things in place for my son like if he finds things like the clasroom gets too crowded he can leave the classroom and he stays with a teacher at playtime /lunchtime .my sons school has been very helpful as they dont want my son to get upset or any child to be in danger .my advice is to ask for a meeting with the school and voice your concerns .you will find they will support you the best they can .good luck .i totally understand what you are going through x

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8 comments:

Trish Brice said...

very useful for me. my seven year old son is hardly in school because of his behaviour. The suggestions here have helped me to reflect on ways i can help my son and how i must watch what i say in front of my son, especially when at my wits end with the school! thnks. Trish Brice

Anonymous said...

As a teacher who is doing her best to make school rewarding for my 13 year old asperger boy, I am disappointed that there doesn't seem to be any positive response to teachers who try everything to make inclusion work while not causing other students to lose out on learning time.

My asperger boy has become increasing violent this year. Tripping students, shoving has evolved to threatening a teacher, trying to stab a teacher with a pencil, to punching another student in the face.

It is a balancing act of maintaining an environment he can handle and coping with daners to myself and the other students.

For striking another student in the face, he recieved one day out of school, but is making that up on Saturday. That was his only punishment. For attempting to stab me, he got no discipling because he was unsuccessful.

I don't mean to be negative. His parents are some of the best I have ever dealt with and I will continue to work hard if for no other reason than helping them, but what about the safety of the other students?

Anonymous said...

My daughter currently receives 450 min. of resource time. 150 for language arts and 300 for math. She has been bringing home a lot of D's and F's. The teacher has said that she can correct the papers and bring them back for a higher grade.

Here's my issue. She is to correct them at home. So, I am to allow her to correct them at home. To me, this is wrong because she is supposed to receive help with math and language arts work. If she doesn't still understand what is asked of her to do, she won't be able to raise her grade. And it would be up to me to help her here at home. When she is supposed to have "help" at school.

Just wondering how you would handle this. She is in 5th-grade and are doing a team-taught system now instead of being pulled for resource.

Anonymous said...

What they won't think of to get out of actually remediating....ugh.

I would probably request she be put back into resource, assuming then (and having it stipulated in writing) that she would get the 1-1 support that she is needing. The reason you ask is obviously (to us anyway,lol) that this is not working. You just have to repeat that phrase constantly at the meeting. They set up a model of something and so everyone does it - whether it works for them or not. Well, it will take a bit of pushing to get her into something outside of the model they have going. But you have to work at it since she is just going to keep going along, failing, if left where she is. Sending her home with the work for you to deal with is so lazy and wrong. She SHOULD be getting help with what she is not getting at school. You can support at home, but not actually teach the concepts. That shows how it isn't working.

I understand the position you are in and have done it a million times, it feels like! The school has a specific way of doing things and you will walk in and ask for something different because "the way it's always done" or "The way we do it here" is not working for your dd. Stick with it, push and make it change for her. They CAN provide what she needs, they just may say otherwise unless you make it happen. My kids have had everything from 1-1 tutoring during school hours to providing a different text book for the material because they weren't learning with the new-fangled way it was being taught. You just have to keep focusing on what it is she needs to succeed and push for that.

And one more thing - this idea that she can correct it at home does not change the fact that she faces failure every single day. Nobody will even consider that part of the equation! Seeing a D or F daily is NOT a good thing and just reinforces to her mind that she is stupid. She has to be taught where she is currently at and move forward from there to gain confidence and improve. So if she needs a complete 1-1 pull out from Math to start actually learning, then that's what it takes. You have to think, "How can she learn the material?" and request that, no matter what model they have set up for everyone else. Keep their focus on the fact that this is not working. And when they say, "But she can correct them..." ugh, try not to smack anyone. lol. But do let them know that this is not learning anything but failure. I sometimes have no faith in the system. ugh......

Anonymous said...

Hi my son is 12 and is also in 6th grade. He has been diagnosed w/ aspergers,adhd, aniexty,and depression. He has had a IEP since kindergarden. In order for him to get help we had to have the his councelers/doctors write a letter stating what his diagnoses was. Just keep fighting with the school don't give up. I used to get phone calls every week from my sons school. He has gotten many inschool suspentions and was suspended twice. Things have gotten a little better since he gets more help and is with a teacher who specializes with kids who have aspergers or autism. So don't give up it can get better.

Anonymous said...

I will never give up fighting for my son!! The school has everything. All the evaluations. Everything they have asked for I have given them. They just don't want to "deal" with him. And he is the sweetest child u could ever meet. Not a mean bone in his body, so its not like he poses any threat to anyone. I had to take him home Thursday because he said "I have a diabolical plan" they asked if that was a threat n my son completely surprised said no. His diabolical plan. To skip the prom and after the marriage years become a famous actor--maybe be the next johnny depp. That "terrified" the other kids n class. So it wasn't a punishment, yet I had to bring him home from school. Am I the only one confused at this?

Anonymous said...

Come to Saint Augustine, Florida!!! The schools are A+++ rated and my son's school is AWESOME in regards to his ADHD, PDD and Aspergers. They are incredibly caring and kind and put him on an IEP and 504 plan when I asked. I would never live in a school district that treated my son the way yours is. Best of luck to you! keep fighting for your son! This is his "shot" and it's up to you to give him the best chance. I moved from Kansas and they were a lot like are describing, very non-understanding and uncompassionate toward my son's situation. His previous teacher there actually told me one day, "You need to do something about your son. He is unteachable." Really???!?!?!?!?!?

Anonymous said...

I have his guidance counselor on tape saying socially he's hopeless. Yet the school doesn't have a problem with it. I also had the principal tell me when he got held down at recess n hit in the junk that he brings it on himself because he annoys the kids in class. Let me tell u she did not like what I had to say.

My child has been rejected by his peers, ridiculed and bullied !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually. Thus, the best treatment for Aspergers children and teens is, without a doubt, “social skills training.”

Click here to read the full article…

How to Prevent Meltdowns in Aspergers Children

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

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Parenting Defiant Aspergers Teens

Although Aspergers is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager with Aspergers are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the Aspergers teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

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Aspergers Children “Block-Out” Their Emotions

Parenting children with Aspergers and HFA can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

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Older Teens and Young Adult Children With Aspergers Still Living At Home

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with Aspergers face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

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Living with an Aspergers Spouse/Partner

Research reveals that the divorce rate for people with Aspergers is around 80%. Why so high!? The answer may be found in how the symptoms of Aspergers affect intimate relationships. People with Aspergers often find it difficult to understand others and express themselves. They may seem to lose interest in people over time, appear aloof, and are often mistaken as self-centered, vain individuals.

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Online Parent Coaching for Parents of Asperger's Children

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing: obsessive routines; problems coping in social situations; intense tantrums and meltdowns; over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights; preoccupation with one subject of interest; and being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes. The hardest part is you feel like you’ll never actually get to know your child and how he/she views the world.

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