The Rage Cycle in Aspergers: Group Discussion

I am reading about the rage cycle with Aspergers or High Functioning Autistic kids. One of my son's problems is his meltdowns and tantrums.

The cycle is supposed to have three parts:

1) Rumbling (like warnings of thunder)
2) Rage (the storm)
3) Recovery (the calm after the storm. Sometimes if handled poorly it can merely be the eye of the storm).

Various suggestions were made regarding interventions during the rumbling stage.

My son's camp therapist has not been successful at preventing blow ups. As a matter of fact, a good day seems to be followed by a seriously bad day.

Does anyone have any experience working with this?

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Oh, I know these tantrums very well. They're very hard to get under control.

I don't know what methods my mother used on me. Or better I don't know what method worked. I know what she tried. She tried to bring me in my room and let me stay there until I calmed down. But too much damage was done that way, because when in rage, I ripped down curtains, kicked furniture and walls, destroyed toys and handicrafts of mine. I was always horrified by what I had done when the fit was over, but at the time of rage I could only hardly help doing it.

She tried to hold me, but it made me only more furious and I tried everything to struggle free. If she had held on, we had both been hurt seriously.

She tried to talk to me and to distract me, but that was next to useless. I wasn't able to listen and the mere sound of the voice added to my rage.

Basically she always secured my little sister from me (because, sad as it is, if she'd come in my way I'd have hurt her) and then waited it out. That is what worked best.

Also she became a real master in watching out for possible triggers. That didn't help the fact that it came to such meltdowns, because the energy and frustration inside me was there and needed to come out sooner or later, but it (sometimes) helped to avoid the tantrums to happen in unpleasant moments.

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My son (he is moderately autistic and not aspergers) would have tremendous tantrums, they made me feel helpless because I never knew what caused them. He would do things like throw his dinner across the room, start screaming and tearing off his clothes while he was getting ready for school. I was told just to wait them out. Then I could get him to redress, or clean his dinner off the floor. Luckily he has fewer of these outbursts.

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Piper, my son will get upset when he feels an injustice has been done or as if he is being blocked from doing something he wants to do in an unreasonable way. Afterwards, he feels sorry that he reacted so strongly.

I have found that it if I try to explain the reasons for my requests before he goes into a rage, then if it is logical to him, he will comply without the rage. For example, I tried to explain the reason one washes one's hands after using the bathroom. He still needs to be reminded but does it.

My son has done some damage from his rages, including kicking a door off its hinges when he was 5! At this point, I simply try to keep the house clean. Our furnishing is very simple. I've delayed my desire to have a beautiful interior lest he (now the dogs!) ruined it.

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Getting upset over injustices sounds very familiar to me. Also being kept away from doing something of my interest was a big trigger for me.

I remember that the worst tantrum I ever had, was over a happy-meal toy my little sister had gotten while I had been at a school camp. I was already much stressed from two days away from home and that toy, and the injustice that my sister had gotten one and I had not (A MAJOR injustice to me), was the trigger to the worst tantrum I and my Mother can remember.
Also if others insisted that I did things different than I wanted to, upset me very much.

It's interesting, because logic reasoning helped preventing tantrums with me, too. It's still the same today. Once I understand something I'm fine with it and can handle it very good.

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Thanks for letting me know that!

I can really sympathize with you about that toy. After being at camp where you had to cope with all of those people, not getting the toy seemed like "the last straw" or the event that caused the tantrum after all of that tension had built up.

It is hard to realize that people are very illogical creatures sometimes and to realize that it doesn't even bother many of them to be so illogical! They accept things that seem to be wrong and don't even give it a second thought. And they think that the person that is trying to correct them is trying to make trouble.

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theses rage cycles sound like seizures. Are they? That kind of anger is not normal. It doesn’t sound like it happens on purpose. Parents should know that it could be a seizure. You might have that checked out. I know the rages you are talking about though medication can help too.

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That's a really good analogy. But I think actual seizures are due to an irregular type of brain wave activity. I'm not so sure that these rages can be tracked on an EEG. My son's EEG was normal, but they do say that children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) can develop seizures in adolescence.

I think that these can be prevented more so than seizures, but I can be wrong.

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My EEG did never show any irregularities, either.

Another thing that sets them apart from seizures is that the rages are not impossible to control. It's next to impossible to do that as a child (at least it was for me, because I tried very hard to sometimes and it just never worked), but getting older I got more control about them.
At the moment I can control them so much that I can stay pretty calm when I feel overwhelmed with something. I do still get upset, but I have learned to verbalize my anger and my feelings, I don't destroy things anymore, and apart from crying, which I usually can't help, I'm fine. Screaming helps a lot to. Really loud screaming. Instead of kicking things I learned to scream. It has the same effect, only it doesn't cause damage.

Also I've learned that some things aren't worth being upset about. Some really stupid things happen, people do things "wrong" very often, don't understand my point of view and many things are very frustrating still, but my tolerance for them has increased throughout the years. My feelings over those things don't overwhelm me nearly as much as they used to do anymore.

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Rowena's hurt all of us pretty badly at one point or another. Even Keven hasn't come through unscathed. Rowena is exceptionally strong and someone Kevin ended up with a broken wrist in the process.

I had a lot of problems with such things when I was younger. Now, I have it a lot more under control, though sometimes that control is a very fragile thing. Kevin's getting good at recognizing such times and avoiding me. (For me, that's the best way to deal with it, because that's basically what my parents did... tossed me into the bedroom and ignored it) Not the best solution, but now, because of that, it's what I'm used to.

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My natural mother would ridicule me knowing full well that she was making a bad situation worse. I was glad when she outgrew her slapping sprees.

I have no idea why or how anybody could possibly think slapping does any good at all. I think it is cruel, painful and very humiliating.

No child WANTS to vent like this, but slapped, ridiculed and pushed past a certain point with few outlets...you finally outgrow it.

Another thing I found upsetting was when she'd sing the praises of Other People's Children.

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My oldest uncle had an explosive temper his entire life (luckily, I was spared that side of him). When he was a boy, his paternal grandfather used to whip him for it. I seriously doubt that did him a damn bit of good. (This uncle died the summer of 2002).

I don't believe in whipping.

He was always "highly charged" and when I visited him in fairly recent years, he said that when he was upset he "had something wrong with his nervous system." The man was more highly charged than I EVER was! (I don't know if he had synesthesia). He had a myriad of interests, raised a family and successfully ran his own business until age 86 in the summer of 2000. My oldest uncle was deeply involved in whatever he was doing. He, like my youngest and favorite uncle was gifted.

I don't know if he would be considered on the spectrum or not and I never thought about it until now. It's just that now that I know more about it, I wonder in retrospect if he might have had Aspergers tendencies as well.

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I've learned that trying to talk to someone in a rage is pointless. Only infuriates them further. Any type of physical restraint also seems to make it worse. Loud noises or bright lights also seem to exacerbate the situation.

One young autistic boy I knew would run into the class coatroom when he was very upset. He'd throw himself on the floor and sob and kick his feet. There was no window and the closet was dark. After a few minutes, he'd be calmer. At that point, he'd usually ask that I rub the back of his neck. He found that calming.

I later realized that whenever he was anxious or stressed, he'd want me to apply pressure to the back of his neck, below the hairline. I once read something that said the neural bundling at that point of the body was very influenced by physical manipulation. Perhaps this little boy realized something scientists are only starting to study. Pressure on this spot helped him not lose control. However, once he had lost control, touching him did not help - it made things worse.

My Aspergers Child

Aspergers Children & Aggressive Behavior

Hi, my teenage son is very aggressive and lacks any type of impulse control. He cannot be left alone with his siblings. Does anyone have any recommendations? I know he does not want to do these things, because when we talk about it he says he loves his sister, etc, but he hurts her all the time. My poor daughter has to put up with his aggressions on a daily basis. I can't watch him every second he's awake. I also can't put either child in a protective bubble or send my son to his room and leave him there all day. I really don't know what to do with him and I'm not a big advocate of drug therapy.

He's starting to internalize his behavior and now said to me this morning that he's a bad boy even though no one tells him that, not us, or his teacher. I worry about his self-esteem as he grows older. We praise him when he's good, but he gets a ton of negative feedback. “Don't do this… don't do that, etc… you need to go to your room for hitting your sister"… I constantly feel like I have to micromanage him. But he knows he's in time out/ or his room a lot and I do that so he can calm down or to protect his siblings. Any advice would be helpful.

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Adolescents with Aspergers are often not found to be physically aggressive unless they feel threatened in some manner. For some kids with Aspergers, aggression may become quite common when reaching adolescence and this may be clearly influenced by the parenting styles of the youngster's mother and father.

In fact, one of the key factors in determining an Aspergers youngster's tendency to develop aggression later in life may involve the presence of a maternally sensitive woman who can balance the discipline and aggression in life.

In many of today's families, it is not uncommon to find either a mother or father is absent from the youngster's life. Because a youngster's mental health is often greatly influenced by the presence of maternal nurturing and the balance of a father's discipline, when either of these are absent in the life of an Aspergers youngster, aggression usually develops.

If you are the parent of an Aspergers youngster, it is important to provide this balance to your child rearing efforts. If you are a single mother, and your child's father is not present, you can expect your youngster's aggression will undoubtedly be present as you provide the maternal sensitivity your youngster needs while also attempting to be the disciplinarian. Because Asperger's kids have trouble differentiating social cues, and are confused by discipline when expressed by their mother, the authoritarian type of parenting is often met with aggression. For this reason, having a male role model who can provide that discipline while you provide the maternal sensitivity will go a long way in your youngster's long term development.

Conversely, if you are a father who is raising an Aspergers child alone, you will want to be sure that you find ways to be sensitive and nurturing to your youngster's needs. Because fathers are more likely to be the authoritarian, a woman's sensitivity will be important in your youngster's mental health. Often, this role can be filled by a woman who is an aunt or even a grandmother and does not necessarily mean that a step-mother or step-parent is necessary.

Aspergers is a developmental disorder that affects many adolescents by resulting in abnormal social development. For parents of Aspergers kids, offsetting the risk for development of aggression is most likely achieved by first identifying your parenting style - as either disciplinarian or nurturing - and then finding someone who can fulfill the role as the opposite parenting style. Trying to manage both the motherly role and the fatherly role will ultimately lead to confusion in your youngster and this can only further exacerbate the Aspergers complications into adulthood.

My Aspergers Child

Aspergers and OCD

Question

My son has Aspergers and OCD and he will have hand tremors that he is not aware of. I am trying a more holistic approach but this is not covered by insurance. I wish I knew which ones were beneficial and which ones are not beneficial.

Answer

Traditional treatment for obsessive-compulsive disorder involves a combination of medication and behavioral therapy techniques. The traditional medicines used in this process are SSRI’s, or serotonin selective reuptake inhibitors.

Many parents do not want to treat their children suffering from OCD with these traditional methods, but turn to holistic methods of treatment. Because holistic therapies are designed to treat the whole person, not just the symptoms of a disease or disorder, holistic approaches appeal to many people. Holistic therapies can be added to traditional medical approaches, or can be tried by themselves.

Holistic practices often take into consideration lifestyle factors and address physical aspects of treatment, nutritional aspects, environmental, and social and spiritual elements. In seeking alternative treatments, take into consideration your beliefs and practices.

Holistic therapies for OCD are designed to relieve mental anguish. Many people find yoga and meditation to be effective in calming the mind and the body and strengthening the connection between the two. Aromatherapy can help a person reach a more peaceful and harmonious place. Hypnotherapy and acupuncture have also been found to be successful in treating various disorders. Behavioral therapies are often effective in conjunction with some of these alternative treatments.

In her book, “Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder,” Tamar E. Chansky has created a step-by-step program designed to help parents work with children to free them from the cycle of OCD. This program was created with the goal of helping the child take back control of his life using these techniques. The techniques are designed to work with children who are either on or off medication. This method can be very effective in helping a child break free of this debilitating disorder.

It is difficult to say which holistic methods will work best with your child. Speak with your child’s physician and gain his help in creating a treatment plan for you child. Also solicit advice from trusted holistic practitioners who can suggest a holistic course of treatment.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

It is a constant struggle to get her to pay attention or to even look at me...

My 10 year old daughter has been diagnosed with Aspergers. It is a constant struggle to get her to pay attention or to even look at me. She seems in a world of her own sometimes. Any suggestions?

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Adults who are diagnosed with Aspergers have suggested that it is easier for them to make eye contact if they don’t have to listen. Some describe situations where having to make eye contact causes breaks in their concentration. So clearly there are some problems for individuals with Aspergers if they have to do more than one task like this at the same time (i.e. eye contact and listening).

It is also difficult for a youngster with Aspergers to understand what a person is communicating through eye contact. Others actually describe the experience of having to make eye contact as frightening.

It is important to recognize that Aspergers is a neurological disorder (caused by a medical problem with the brain) and the youngster is not choosing to behave this way. In fact it may well be a way of the youngster coping with their environment.

You can create a conducive environment by:

1. Frequent breaks - Allow her to take frequent breaks, or break work into small blocks; she will be able to perform better.

2. Minimizing distractions - Minimize the distractions for your daughter, provide direction in simple one-two step directions and provide ample times and cues (verbal and/or visual) for completing the task.

3. Providing structure - Providing structure to her day and routines, where the same activities occur at the same time every day, will let her know what to expect.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

Non-Drug Treatments for Aspergers?

Some moms & dads introduce specific diets for their kids with Aspergers in an attempt to improve the condition or relieve uncomfortable physical symptoms. The most widely known diet for kids on the autistic spectrum is the Gluten/Casein free diet (GF/CF diet). In this diet all wheat and dairy products are removed.

Reported effects include the reduction of any existing gut/digestive problems, improved attention, eye-contact and general behavior. The diet has many devoted followers, but all evidence at this time is anecdotal and nothing has been proven.

However, if you decide to try the diet, it is important to do as much research as possible before you start and to consult your physician. You may find your physician is not supportive as this approach is not, as yet, widely accepted by the medical profession, although some physicians may be sympathetic.

Another diet followed is the Feingold Diet which eliminates all artificial colors, preservatives, flavors, etc. and encourages fresh, natural foods.

Vitamin supplements may be used, and fish oil supplements are cited as particularly beneficial, although this is still a matter of debate. It makes sense to feed any youngster a healthy, additive free diet, and thankfully the medical profession is now acknowledging the effects of diet on behavior.

As with any other diet you may introduce to a child with Aspergers, it is wise to consult your primary medical practitioner and to extensively research it via books, the web, and through talking with other children who have used the diet.

Do not remove whole food groups from your youngster’s diet or introduce large doses of vitamins and minerals without specific medical advice.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

I'm worried about how my Aspergers child will cope when he reaches adolescence...

Adolescence is a difficult age stage for both child and parents, and some of your youngster’s behavior will be due to the onset of adolescence and not Aspergers. However you are absolutely right in recognizing that youngsters with Aspergers need help that is tailored to their more specific needs.

Try reading up on books that deal with puberty and adolescence “Taking Care of Myself: A Hygiene, Puberty and Personal Curriculum for Young People with Autism” by Mary Wrobel and “Personal Hygiene: What's That Got to Do with me?” by Pat Crissey are both good choices for this subject.

It might also be worth reading “Aspergers Syndrome in the Adolescent Years” by Liane Holliday Willey and Luke Jackson. Hopefully these books will give you some coping strategies.

It will be important that your Aspergers teen eats a healthy diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables and that you try to avoid giving him food with too many additives and sugar.

Regular exercise would be a good idea as this has been proven to help with mood/depression etc. and is something you could do as a family.

Walking in the countryside would be good if this is possible, or if he would prefer, some sort of exercise class or a martial art like Taekwondo might be enjoyable.

There are several groups on the internet designed by young people with Aspergers specifically for them, these include www.aspiesforfreedom.com and www.aspergerinformation.net

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

Aspergers Children and "Low Frustration Tolerance"

I was just wondering...My daughter who is 9 (diagnosed as asd, as our doctor doesn’t like to put them into one category...but says if she did my child would be Aspergers!) doesn't have aggressive meltdowns...it’s more a crying depressive meltdown. Like I just had to ask her to tidy her room, and was explaining that if she picked up her things she wouldn’t have to tidy it this much. While I was telling her (I never shout or swear, i promise) she was crying, whilst putting things away, getting frustrated with drawers and things. I then came back after doing other things in the house, and found her just lying on the floor of her room with her comfort blanket. She is now watching a film in her room, took off her clothes and is in bed with one of the blinds shut. I asked her what was wrong…But she never seems to know how she is feeling, and just says she is ill. She said I had told her to do too many things. (Plus we had just been to the super market half an hour before) does this sound like a meltdown of some sort? She is never aggressive...just emotionally unbalanced, cries easy, often seems depressed. I hope someone can help. I am worried I might be handling things wrong!

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It may seem like they over-react to the small things that happen, but it is a fact that Aspergers kids have little emotional control and get frustrated easily. That's where they need your help and the help of others qualified in the area of emotions.

Ask yourself these questions re: your Aspergers child's frustration—

• Does she throw things and hurt people?
• Does she withdraw to someplace she feels safe?
• Does she yell and cry?
• How does your youngster show her frustration?
• What do you do when she gets frustrated?
• Do you give her time alone to try to deal with it?
• Do you take it personally, or do you jump in to soothe her when she is on the brink of crying?
• Is it best to talk about the issue or let it go?

Moms & dads don't want to spend a lot of time discussing the case of the missing toothbrush (for example) and how the youngster should have handled it when there may be more pressing issues in the household to discuss.

Kids with Aspergers have a low toleration for frustration. It is understandable that the frustration comes from a lack of understanding of their feelings. They are unable to identify and express what they are feeling, so they lump all the 'bad' feelings together. The parents see the overflow of 'bad' feelings come out at once. It's important that we don't take them personally even when they seem as though they are directed at us. Aspergers kids want to tell what is on their mind, and most of the time they don't know how to say it properly or they misinterpreted their thoughts altogether.

So what can moms & dads do to help these youngsters with these frustrations?

If the youngster is exhibiting threatening behavior and seems unable to control it, then getting them to work with a professional is the best approach if they don't already have one. Many times, a therapist can provide techniques or methods for the youngster to deal with their feelings. Also, a therapist can provide a parent with valuable insight and tools for helping the youngster deal with their feelings. There are also medications that a doctor can prescribe to help calm these outbursts and let the youngster think it through.

A youngster who is obviously frustrated but not particularly threatening or violent still needs help and parents can provide that through on the fly discussions. An older kid can be reasoned with on what triggered the outburst and how they can deal with it the next time. It's important that these discussions be held calmly and rationally. If the youngster feels accused or threatened themselves, then they will not be receptive to what the parents have to say and it may help to have a therapist facilitate these types of conversations.

The bottom line is if your youngster appears to have a low tolerance for frustration and it is happening more frequently, then they need help understanding what it happening to them. This kind of help can come from a number of places and the most important player is the parent. Don't take it personally, rather understand they are literally brimming over with 'bad' emotions and don't realize what they are doing.

My Aspergers Child

How can I bottle break my son without causing extra stress on him?

My son Jacob has aspergers disorder. He turned 3 years old may 27th and still is in diapers and takes a bottle. How can I bottle break my son without causing extra stress on him?

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In general, Aspergers kids can try a cup at 6 months and be weaned off the bottle around 12 to 18 months. It does vary from child to child, and it is up to the mother to decide when to encourage the change from bottle to cup. The things to look out for are when the baby can sit up for themselves; obviously drinking from a cup is going to be near impossible when baby is still lying on his back. Also, your baby should be taking bottle feeds at regular times. You should also be noticing that your Aspergers child starts to show a real interest in the food of others.

Aspergers kids being bottle fed are more likely to suffer from tooth decay. So, it is important to not allow your him to carry on bottle feeding longer than is necessary, but don't force the issue - remember, weaning your Aspergers child of bottle feeding is a gradual process. As your youngster develops, the nutrients he requires change. He will not get these nutrients from bottle feeding alone whereas he will get more than he needs from solids. Finally, Aspergers kids who delay the transition from formula to solids may have difficulty developing appropriate feeding skills.

How do you wean your Aspergers child off the bottle?

• At age 8 to 10 months, substitute a 'sippy' cup for a bottle at one feeding during the day. Choose a feeding when the Aspergers child usually drinks just a little, rather than a major mealtime. Use this same feeding time to use the cup every day for a week. Remember, routine is key.

• Be patient. Help your Aspergers child to hold the cup and tip a small amount of liquid into the child's mouth.

• Consistency is key to successful weaning. Be sure to give the Aspergers child the cup at the designated feeding time and don't switch back to the bottle at this feeding.

• Gradually introduce the cup at another feeding, slowly decreasing the number of bottles the Aspergers child receives.

• Some Aspergers kids may need to suck as a way for them to control their behavior. This sets their mood to accomplish certain tasks such as sleeping, concentrating and running. Some Aspergers kids may continue to suck on a pacifier or bottles of plain water for the first few years.

• Wean your Aspergers child during a relatively stress-free time. It is not a good idea to start when a new sibling has just arrived or when the family is moving to a new house.

What can you do to make weaning easier?

• Be a positive role model and drink from a cup with your Aspergers child.
• Buy cups with handles, spouted lids or baby cups with straws to make drinking easier.
• Offer other comforts such as a soft blanket or stuffed animal or play soothing music.
• Spend extra time cuddling with your Aspergers child during the weaning process.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.

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