How do I get my husband and in-laws to acknowledge the diagnosis and help care for the child?
Answer
Sometimes Asperger’s Syndrome is hard to see if you do not live with it every day. And sometimes people are simply in denial. Either way, the truth must come out. Acknowledging the presence of Asperger’s Syndrome will lead to the best possible support and treatment available for the child. Family support is practically necessary. Yes, you can survive handling everything on your own. However, life will be much more pleasant for the whole family when everyone is working together to care for the child.
Some people will choose to stand on the outside; you cannot do much about that. Nevertheless, you can equip them with facts and information so they can make a choice regarding the position they plan to take. Here are some ideas.
* Perhaps your family needs to hear the truth from a professional. Official paperwork containing your child’s diagnosis is available from your physician, neurologist, and/or psychologist. You can request copies of any Early Intervention assessments, private therapy evaluations, and school system evaluations. Explain to the family that these people are professionals who see Asperger’s Syndrome every day. You might also mention that the assessments and evaluations rely on much more than your input, taking the attention off any possibility that you are ‘making this up’.
* Most of your child’s therapists will offer parent training sessions regularly. These sessions allow you to ask questions about your child’s programs and his progress, while also educating you on his new goals and coaching you on how to meet these goals. Invite your family members to attend the parent training. They can ask questions that will help them understand your child’s Asperger’s.
* Contact your local Autism support groups. Without family support, it is dire that you find encouragement elsewhere. Tell your family about community events or group meetings so they have a chance to be informed and involved.
* Network with other families living with Asperger‘s. Listening to the stories of families who are ahead of you in the journey can give you and your family insight into the condition.
* Find books, videos, and other media sources that you can share with your family members. “Voices From the Spectrum: Parents, Grandparents, Siblings, People with Autism, and Professionals Share Their Wisdom” by Cindy N. Ariel and Robert A Naseef is a great example of one such resource. This is a book of powerful essays written by family members and people on the Autism spectrum about their life experiences.
Find the support you need to help yourself and your child and try not to worry about your family. Encourage their participation always, but concentrate on your child’s needs, the significant issue at hand.
The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete
Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed
With Aspergers Syndrome.
7 comments:
Sharing these blogs with my family through facebook and email has really helped them understand aspergers. It hurts to have family members believe that you are a bad parent because they see poor social skills in your child. Remember not to take comments personal. You know your child best and are doing what you can so you are a great parent.
Tracy Fusco I think the acknowledgment is there, the trouble is, most people do not know the true difficulties and how it effects every day life Every day is a struggle and every day brings new challenges. People who are not with your child day in and day out may think it is not a big deal and is easy... it is NOT. Also, that Aspies cannot be disciplined and treated the same as average children to get results.
4 hours ago · Like · 3 people
Deborah Clark From my personal experience, my son's Aspergers was not as apparent in the home setting in isolation from his peers. Once I saw him at school and noticed the stark difference between him and the other kids and how he did or did not interact with them it was much more obvious. Family members don't always get to see that, so it can be harder to make believers out of them.
50 minutes ago · Like
Deborah Clark
My sister, who also has a degree in education, babysat my son along with his same aged cousin when they were both 2. She also taught a couple days per week at a Mother's Day Out day care setting. She noticed that my son was very different and often kept him with her because some of the other teachers were less able to handle him. Though my son is good at heart, his bad social judgement often resulted in issues at school each year. It was very frustrating! So when an insightful teacher recommended testing for him in 4th grade, resulting in the diagnosis, we finally had an explanation that made perfect sense to all of us! And I felt better about the future because his teachers could now better understand him instead of writing him off at just "passive aggressive" or simply "difficult." I think if people realize that a diagnosis can yeild better understanding and teacher training gives teachers tools for better working with kids, then family can feel better about the child's prognosis and outcome.
41 minutes ago · Like
Stephanie Moore I use to think if I heard one more time "don't you think he'll grow out of it" I'd scream. I've realized over the years that sometimes you just need to let people know that it's rough and you need some support. By being willing to speak openly about some of the issues we face, I believe you can raise awareness and help other to understand.
about a minute ago · Like
Theresa Van Poucke-Shanahan My family are so old school....they say unbelievable things such as, there is nothing wrong with him that a good beating wouldn't cure, you are just spoiling him, put your foot down and the worst one....you are not a good parent. Their negativity has turned me against them.
17 hours ago · Like
Well, I grew up in the stone ages before anybody knew anything about Aspergers. During my son's evaluation process, I realized that I fit the diagnositic criteria for Aspergers as well. But my parents and teachers were clueless about what my deal was. I can attest that my Aspergers traits have caused a great degree of pain and confusion in my life. As a child, though nobody discussed these issues with me, I noticed that I was different. I struggled with handwriting and wondered why I had so much more trouble with it than the other kids. I could read just fine, but when I read aloud in class, I struggled terribly because I could not coorinate those different areas of my brain like the other kids. I never understood why the other kids didn't want to play with me....and it hurt....deeply!!! My son on the other hand has had a tremendous amount of help with social skills and handwriting. He understands that he is highly intelligent in some areas and needs to work harder in others...and that he is a wonderful person with much to offer. He is SO MUCH BETTER OFF because we understand what is going on with him and HE GETS HELP APPROPRIATE TO HIS DIAGNOSIS!!! He has confidence and self-esteem far beyond what I had at his age and he is much better off! Theresa, I pray that your family can grow to understand that one size does not fit all when it comes to dealing with handling behavior of children. Aspergers children do need discipline ( like any child. BUT it is important to understand the intend of behavior and how well that particular child manages it. For example, now that I understand Aspergers better, I know that I have to make sure my son really is hearing me when I ask him to do a chore. If he is absorbed by visual stimuli, he can be oblivious to auditory input. Before he gets in trouble for not doing something, I have to ensure that he really did understand what I was asking of him. So a diagnosis can be crucial in discovering better ways to handle a child.
Theresa Van Poucke-Shanahan
Hi Deborah...Brian does have a diagnosis of Aspergers. He just turned 8....we got the diagnosis when he was 6. It has been a difficult road but I focus on my son strong points. My child amazes me everyday. I am so proud of him. We do continue to work on areas that are very difficult for him.....but continue we do. I see so much potential in Brian, it is there, but anger, behavior and anxiety are every present. We have strategies and sometimes it works, but we keep moving ahead. Brian will start grade 3 and I am very impressed with the team that will be working with him. I am hoping and praying for the best. Regarding the comments I made about my family, it hurts, they know he has Aspergers but the don't believe me. My mother states "those doctors don't know what they are talking about" So...I give up when it comes to them, but I am continually advocating for Brian and will never stop. I feel truly sad for your ordeal growing up. I truly feel your pain. Take Care and be well.
3 hours ago · Like
I really liked the article, and the very cool blog
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