Aspergers Children and "Low Frustration Tolerance"

I was just wondering...My daughter who is 9 (diagnosed as asd, as our doctor doesn’t like to put them into one category...but says if she did my child would be Aspergers!) doesn't have aggressive meltdowns...it’s more a crying depressive meltdown. Like I just had to ask her to tidy her room, and was explaining that if she picked up her things she wouldn’t have to tidy it this much. While I was telling her (I never shout or swear, i promise) she was crying, whilst putting things away, getting frustrated with drawers and things. I then came back after doing other things in the house, and found her just lying on the floor of her room with her comfort blanket. She is now watching a film in her room, took off her clothes and is in bed with one of the blinds shut. I asked her what was wrong…But she never seems to know how she is feeling, and just says she is ill. She said I had told her to do too many things. (Plus we had just been to the super market half an hour before) does this sound like a meltdown of some sort? She is never aggressive...just emotionally unbalanced, cries easy, often seems depressed. I hope someone can help. I am worried I might be handling things wrong!

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It may seem like they over-react to the small things that happen, but it is a fact that Aspergers kids have little emotional control and get frustrated easily. That's where they need your help and the help of others qualified in the area of emotions.

Ask yourself these questions re: your Aspergers child's frustration—

• Does she throw things and hurt people?
• Does she withdraw to someplace she feels safe?
• Does she yell and cry?
• How does your youngster show her frustration?
• What do you do when she gets frustrated?
• Do you give her time alone to try to deal with it?
• Do you take it personally, or do you jump in to soothe her when she is on the brink of crying?
• Is it best to talk about the issue or let it go?

Moms & dads don't want to spend a lot of time discussing the case of the missing toothbrush (for example) and how the youngster should have handled it when there may be more pressing issues in the household to discuss.

Kids with Aspergers have a low toleration for frustration. It is understandable that the frustration comes from a lack of understanding of their feelings. They are unable to identify and express what they are feeling, so they lump all the 'bad' feelings together. The parents see the overflow of 'bad' feelings come out at once. It's important that we don't take them personally even when they seem as though they are directed at us. Aspergers kids want to tell what is on their mind, and most of the time they don't know how to say it properly or they misinterpreted their thoughts altogether.

So what can moms & dads do to help these youngsters with these frustrations?

If the youngster is exhibiting threatening behavior and seems unable to control it, then getting them to work with a professional is the best approach if they don't already have one. Many times, a therapist can provide techniques or methods for the youngster to deal with their feelings. Also, a therapist can provide a parent with valuable insight and tools for helping the youngster deal with their feelings. There are also medications that a doctor can prescribe to help calm these outbursts and let the youngster think it through.

A youngster who is obviously frustrated but not particularly threatening or violent still needs help and parents can provide that through on the fly discussions. An older kid can be reasoned with on what triggered the outburst and how they can deal with it the next time. It's important that these discussions be held calmly and rationally. If the youngster feels accused or threatened themselves, then they will not be receptive to what the parents have to say and it may help to have a therapist facilitate these types of conversations.

The bottom line is if your youngster appears to have a low tolerance for frustration and it is happening more frequently, then they need help understanding what it happening to them. This kind of help can come from a number of places and the most important player is the parent. Don't take it personally, rather understand they are literally brimming over with 'bad' emotions and don't realize what they are doing.

My Aspergers Child