How to deal with my son’s frustrations...

Question--

I would like ideas on how to deal with my son’s frustrations. He will either dig his heels in and refuse to do what he is supposed to do, or he shuts down and then we have a time away so he can get himself together to discuss the problem. It seems he works himself up over things that are not that big a deal.

Answer--

People with Aspergers overreact to crowds, confusing situations, sensory stimuli, and situations in which they are asked to do things they don’t want to do. Situations or problems that seem minor to most of us are a “big deal” to those with Asperger’s because they don’t know how to handle them. Removing your son from a stressful situation and giving him time to calm down is an excellent idea. Then if he is willing to discuss the problem, you may be able to help him learn how to handle a similar situation in the future. His frustration and stubbornness are due to the anxiety he feels and his inability to handle situations; he can’t help those feelings.

Generally, there are two therapeutic approaches to working with the anxiety disorders seen in Asperger’s Syndrome children. The first is cognitive psychology, which is an approach that focuses on the client’s mental processes, such as problem solving, memory, and language. A cognitive psychologist will want to know how your son perceives and solves his problems.

A cognitive psychologist will be able to help your son figure out exactly what triggers his anger. The psychologist will help him change the negative environment that fuels his anger and develop various age-appropriate techniques for coping with anxiety.

The psychologist’s recommendations might be simple, like lowering lights and sound levels, or it could be more complex, and therapy might become long term. In addition to cognitive psychology, medication may be recommended for your son. A psychiatrist can prescribe medications that will help reduce your son’s frustrations and reduce his anxieties. Please note that antidepressants like Zoloft and Prozac have been prescribed for Asperger’s children, but they have also been known to cause serious problems. Ask the psychiatrist to explain all of the behavioral changes and discuss the possible side effects of any medication that is prescribed.

The second approach for helping your son and one of the most frequently recommended interventions for children with Asperger’s Syndrome is for you, as a parent, to make his life structured and consistent. If he has chores to do around the house, they can be done on a certain day and at a specified time. You didn’t state your son’s age, but, assuming that he is (or will be) in school, he can leave for school at the same time every day, and he be expected to return home at a certain time every day, also.

Structure can be built into his life for recreational activities, in addition to his school obligations and household chores. If he enjoys video games, a time can be set aside that is predictable for the both of you. He can complete school homework and chores while looking forward to the recreational time that he knows will occur at the same time every day.

Your son is becoming easily frustrated over things that he perceives as too challenging. You can provide a “wraparound” treatment for him by surrounding him with a psychologist that he can talk to, medication he can use to reduce anxiety, and a predictable home environment each day.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed With Aspergers Syndrome.